What a fascinating piece of doomed romance amid the setting of a soon to be doomed world! Thank you for writing this!

Wew. Man, that was heavy. I probably should have read the tags before chapter 3. Then again, as you said, we all know how this story ends. This'll be a review of the story as a whole by the way, since at only four chapters, I just read 'em all straight. As such it'll be huge and yeah I'm saving a copy on my PC in case FF craps out, cause I have the distinct impression one of my giant reviews before got lost once.

I want to touch on the writing style since you mentioned it in the last A/N. Kind of what I think I'd call a "2nd person perspective" I guess, as a narration from the perspective of a character that was there but not the one that the story is currently following. To be honest I didn't actually quite notice exactly what was different until chapter two. And not until Ozpin says "I gripped my cane" (or whatever it was exactly he said in chapter 4) that I actually understood that he was the narrator. The fact he refers to himself in the 3rd person a few times discounted him as a narrator in my mind at the time. Honestly I liked the style, it was interesting, and it gave off that feeling that we were listening to someone tell us a story from their memory. Honestly really cool, though I have to say that those times the narrator refered to himself in the 3rd person did in fact distract a bit.

Okay now, yeah, this was heavier than I anticipated. Like this was tragic, sad, depressing almost. "Emotional" is an understatement, that was a roller-coaster. The final chapter really delivered the heartbreak and the grimness. No turning back. It sealed Raven's fate and it really hurt my chest to read it. As much as we all knew what happened in the end, I wanted a happy ending. You know me, the hopeless optimist. I like my happy lesbians too much.
And dear god chapter 2. The whole of the pregnancy arc. Man that was gross. Legitemately disturbing, I think is an accurate description. Shoulda taken the turkey baster Raven. I'm just saying, I coulda done without the graphic detail. At least, it felt graphic. I think it's a testament to your writing skill that I was able to feel physically sick from reading that arc. Good job? I dunno if I should say that, I don't want to encourage you write scenes like that again. I mean, yes, write good like that, but please don't make me read disturbing stuff ;-;

To return to happy lesbians, the few times Raven and Summer were happy together, that was precious. Like small oasises? in a vastly barren desert. They were happy. They had their whole lives together ahead of them. If they could turn back time, eh?

Raven was nailed too by the way. Like her behaviour, her emotions, reactions, it felt like her. It was accurate. I 100% believed that was Raven, brooding sister. Qrow and Tai were similarly nailed too. On the other end, I'll say Ozpin didn't quite feel like Ozpin. He felt like Ozpin's evil, manipulative twin brother, Ozpain. I am of the camp that believes Ozpin is a genuinely good person in canon, so this was kind of out of character. For the purpose of the story however, it worked. There needed to be a corrupt natural order for Raven to rebel against, and the rest of that setup was done great. Though Ozpin felt off, everyone else's reactions, and the events that leads to Yang's birth, Raven feeling caged, and her subsequent rebellion and banishment, it made sense, and it was believable. So much so that I might have trouble remembering that this isn't actually canon. It just works that well.

A small detail I noticed that's actually kind of insignificant in the grand scheme of this story is the mention of the "Whole moon" instead of a "full moon". Like, that seems like such a simple and obvious detail, but I think this is the first time I see someone mention it and it honestly felt pretty cool to read it. Of course that's what people would call it. That's cool.

Cute awards go to: Teen Amber, Summer, baby Yang, and fuck it, even Raven had one or two cute moments.

Having only recently finished reading Raven's Rules, I like to pretend that camp they used in chapter 3 is the same camp in which Mei and Li stay in R'sRs. I like to think Raven returned there to build her cabin. Please give me at least one ounce of happy ending in there.

The ending nearly made me cry. It was that kind of "comfortable hell" feeling. Like acceptance. This is terrible. Everything is terrible. But that's how it is. At least she talks to her brother. Man I want Raven to meet Yang and Ruby. Return and have a nice happy family relationship with them. It saddens me that it may never happen.

Now I think that's most of what I wanted to mention. Maybe I forgot something, who knows. Sorry this review is kinda back and forth and all over the place. As much as it was an emotional rollercoaster to read, this was a fantastic fic. One of your best, I'd wager. And underappreciated, judging by the favs. Keep up the good work there Elfen. Always a pleasure.

TCR

"Summer constantly reminded them, in jest, that Yang was the first golden haired Rose and the rest could kindly fuck off."
That is argueably the single greatest line I have ever read in a piece of fiction, Fan-written or otherwise. Props to you!

Ouch, that's pretty rough eh?

I have to admit, it broke my heart reading this. I knew it wouldn't end well considering but I still had to read it. It was good in that heart-wrenching sort of way but I think I will be needing to find some fluff to recover.

Thank you for writing.

I legit teared up at so many points of this story. Keep up the good work. I am looking forward to your next story.

great chapter , love the way this story is going, keep up the excellent work! Keep the good writing and hope for more update soon can't wait to read more:)

Bitch be cray

Holy buckets mate! This was painful but soooooo good. Great work! I am looking forward to the next chapter

Aaaaaaahhhh whhhyyyyy. Do you just not like happy endings or is it just me?

Real review though. I love this so muucch. The pain and the angst are bittersweet and the intimate scenes hold all this precious emotion and you captured it so well! Emotion is always a clincher when it comes to capturing my attention and a favorite from me~ Their dialogue flows so smoothly too. The interaction between Amber and Raven was amazing. The constant reminders of Amber being a young teenager with Raven as her chosen model might have been a little overkill though.

I especially like your metaphors. The comparison of the maidens to a weapon in a case and whom it is meant to protect was stunning. A great way to compare the whole situation with Ozpin. Raven's attitude toward him is interesting too. The way you write her as aspiring for this greater sense of freedom is really cool. Makes me wonder if she will really be like that in the show. One can hope.
Her love for Yang though... You know how to play on readers' heartstrings, don't you? A mother's love and the painful anxiety of how to raise a child always kills me.

My only concern is that it feels like the end of this chapter ended so abruptly with Summer's dialogue. There was a lead on to something, and then you dropped us off a cliff. The bottomless abyss of questions and discourse will keep me company until next time, I guess!

Awesome chapter; can't wait for the next one!

I'm not sure if incoherent crying is the reaction you were looking for but good job regardless and I love the parallels between this and Milton's Paradise Lost.

I hope there's more to this. If not, that's understandable because it's ended in a way that it could possibly continue if you're up for it. Thank you for your hard work.

I'm enjoying this fic quite a bit. It has a good story base. But it's hard to figure out who is saying what at times. None the less I'm eager for the chapters to come.

Well that was a depressing end to the chapter

For some reason this so totally can be cannon

another great chapter thanks :) keep up the awesome work