And well with Tpthe one called "The Rescue" aswell.

Just saying I played two songs from Black Hawk Down which is titled "Tribal War" and "Mogadishu Night Battle" and it worked perfectly, though sometimes I had to rewind the songs so it fits the scene.

[2/2]

Others have already explained how Krystal could’ve been handled better, so I’ll try not to repeat things and focus on anything new I can add to that conversation. Personally, I was hoping for Scarlet to end up with Fox. If you *really* wanted to fuck your reader base over, you would’ve teased Krystal the entire time but still have Fox continuing his relationship with Scarlet instead. Awhile back you had a vote over who your readers wanted Fox to get shipped with, and it was an even tie between these two. I already explained why I voted for Scarlet back then, but here are my reasons again. Her entire life has been made up of one-night stands, so I feel that she needs to settle down with someone sometime so she can find happiness. Several times when she started to get closer to Fox she ended up dying in a fiery explosion. In fact, this is the one story you’ve written where Scarlet isn’t actually dead at the end! …and she still doesn’t end up with Fox. She’s lost her lovers to other women in every story so far – including this one now. I just wish she’d get a happy ending, and SF felt like the best time for it. It also would’ve been more believable for her to continue with her relationship with Fox than Fox suddenly doing a 180 and forgiving Krystal. I guess I just want to see Fox shipped with an OC for once, instead of it always being Krystal, and Scarlet’s the only female OC I’ve seen that I would realistically pair with him.

This is one of the ways I think the story turned out too similar to The Oasis and Parallax. In Oasis, Fox is in a love triangle with Scarlet and Krystal. Scarlet dies in a fiery explosion – twice – and Krystal becomes a sort of anti-hero before Fox defeats the monsters she’s created and gets paired with her at the end, even though he still kinda hates her and holds a grudge against her. In Parallax, Scarlet’s an AI whose crush Sabre is about to dump her for Krystal… again. White Krystal/Mira remembers being in love with Fox from some other reality, but in this universe Fox is still married to Fara and he treats Krystal like shit as usual. Now in Sierra Foxtrot, you once again have Fox pushing aside Scarlet for Krystal, who he still kinda has a grudge against. I was just hoping things would turn out differently this time around, since you’ve done this same sorta setup before. This is why I haven’t been as vocal about my complaints about Krystal. I didn’t really mind her disappearing for long segments of time, because it meant Scars had more of a chance with Fox.

But, like I said in a previous review, Scarlet would almost not be Scarlet anymore if she settled down with someone. She’s barely ever progressed beyond a one-night stand with anyone, and she can’t handle commitment. That’s beautiful in its own right, and really tragic, so I don’t really mind that she goes on this way, always searching but never realizing what she truly needs is right in front of her for the taking. I feel like that’s Scarlet.

Now, the twist where Christina Ortega was actually Krystal was really good. I appreciate all of the little clues and hints you placed, even if it was obvious and we didn’t figure it out ourselves! Some of them were smart, and I kick myself for not noticing them. I do wish Christina appeared several more times, because she could really reach the level of Slippy’s alter egos.

There were a couple of themes I would’ve liked explored more over the course of the story. Moving on was one of them, along with how far you’ll go to change yourself physically so you don’t have to change yourself mentally, artificial enhancements, and perhaps Corneria and East Fortuna being equally morally reprehensible, but I can take or leave that last one.

On a side note, I really appreciate the cover art; most people don’t put a lot of time into it, because not everyone’s an artist, but you went all out in the jokes you included and the rest of the presentation.

My personal highlight of this story has to be Rena. No surprise. I won’t repeat myself here, but my thoughts and glowing praise about her can be found in the self-indulgent spin-off piece I wrote. But I’m not joking when I say that she is my all-time favorite original character. Hands down, can’t stress that enough, and you made my day – perhaps even my year – when you surprised me and brought her back. Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!

A Quick Ranking of the Boss Battles:
1st Agatha – very serious with consequences, juggled many characters, hit Rena hard
2nd Rafa I – introduced Rena’s ridiculous fighting style, very over-the-top
3rd Fyvve – lots of smart references, great interplay with Rena, a true battle of the bands
4th Falco – nice dogfight, fun chemistry between Peppy and Falco during and at the end
5th Rafa II – physical and grounded, sad Krystal got KO’d early, the buildup in the previous chapter was the best part
6th Desmond – Slippy’s Pond persona, a bit boring, felt too much like first boss battle
7th Wolf – felt like the most bland and least creative

Overall, fantastic story. Everything I’ve criticized really doesn’t hold a candle to everything I liked about it. It was fun, it was hilarious, it was unconventional, it did the unexpected, it made me cry, and it gave me my favorite character of all time. You know, I was considering reading this story a second time (in preparation for my final thoughts and that Rena fic I looked back over it and realized how much stuff I missed or forgot about), but now that you’re considering a sequel, maybe I won’t have to! Thank you for writing this story for two years, and thanks for tolerating my input.

-Elarix

[1/2]

So now it’s time for me to give my thoughts on the story overall. This should take awhile. Looking back on this fic as a whole is just as much for my benefit as it is for yours, I guess. I hope people learn stuff from reading and criticizing my stories, ‘cause it’s the same way I learn from other people’s stories.

I think when we criticize the ending it’s important not to forget where and how the story started. I’m sure when you started writing Sierra Foxtrot, you didn’t have much of the ending planned at all, or how you would get there. You started this story as a way to escape the rigid plot structure and detailed world-building of The Oasis and Parallax. I remember those stories tiring you out; they took a lot of effort. So you wanted to write a looser comedy with minimal plot, minimal structure, and minimal self-imposed restraints. It began as a practice in loose writing. It’s what you needed, or you might’ve lost interest in fanfiction. Heck, I remember a time when Oasis was going to be your last story! Until you got the idea to loosen up and write something off-the-wall. Certainly in the beginning, being this unstructured of a story without much of a goal in mind worked in its favor. There were so many great arcs throughout, and many of them felt off-the-cuff and I wasn’t bothered so much that I could never see the end in sight. Only the journey mattered then. It didn’t matter whether the arcs contributed to the plot or not.

But then I think you began to miss having an epic-scale plot working towards a climax, so you went back to the Oasis/IC-style of writing. Ya know, how normal complete stories are written, instead of long-running TV shows that aren’t supposed to end. The problem was you wanted to have your cake and eat it too. Being unstructured and having a plot are diametrically opposed. It was like 30 chapters in before we even learned of Rafa’s goals, so it was hard accepting that, “wow, this story actually does have a plot with central villains, too!” It felt too little too late. I’m not sure how far you got through the story before you decided on giving it an ending, but it was so late that it would be virtually impossible to pull off an amazing ending.

But that’s the thing with full-length stories. Even if you had structured the story from day one and cemented the ending in your head, things would have changed drastically along the way. That’s happened with each of my stories! There’s always a point where I realize, “Shit, I shoulda done this! Well, maybe it’s not too late to change directions.” Sure, it would’ve been better if I had that in mind all along, but ultimately it’s still better than *not* changing directions. I still love how you concluded the story and managed to carry several plotlines through it. Also, how everyone here writes fanfiction doesn’t compare to the real world in the slightest. We treat the first draft of each of our stories like the *final* draft. No going back. No rewriting it. Like, if we were working on stories IRL, they’d go through hundreds of drafts. Once you get to the end you realize things looking back on the story that maybe you didn’t see along the way. But none of us are ever really gonna do that. Ain’t nobody got time for that! This is fanfiction! This is a hobby! To new stories, ONWARDS!

You had a neat concept for this story. It's about Fox rebuilding the usual SF team with several new additions, recruiting canon and original characters alike, obtaining all the classic vehicles (minus the Blue Marine), and travelling about planet Lylat. You took a realistic, grounded approach to everything. Fox’s team felt much more like an actual mercenary unit than just a small group of ace pilots. The story’s steeped in global politics that mirror the real world’s. Not every scene has to have the team doing something fantastical or sci fi. Plenty of the story was just Fox and his team running business as usual at their base, which had a homely feel. You also nearly made this a Metal Gear crossover, with how much inspiration you took from that series. That also contributed to the realistic feel.

Some people compare the humor in Sierra Foxtrot to HP, but I beg to differ. The styles are totally different. The reason I laughed so much at the jokes in this story is the way you executed them. See, the humor was so unexpected. All your previous stories except for Beer Run were super serious. Depressing and tragic, even. You have a very serious, cold writing style, and it’s just verbose enough that I would think fart jokes were beneath you, but NOPE. The realistic tone of the story and your serious highbrow writing style made every joke ten times more unexpected and ten times more potent. That’s what always gets me whenever there’s a joke in SF! The humor is in that they feel out of place, and the majority of the time, not in a bad way.

Over time, I came to appreciate the slower scenes back at Foxfire Enterprise’s HQ more. You know, the transitional chapters that are mostly a time to regroup, recover, and prepare for the next arc? Those used to bore me, and I’d urge you to rush them along, but now I enjoy them a lot more. I was looking back at them recently, and I realized I really loved the characters and how they banter and play off each other.

But it’s not all just shits and giggles. You have a penchant for depressingly real moments too, and the majority of the time the change between comedy and serious moments never felt too abrupt or bipolar. There were plenty of moments that struck an emotional chord with me, and that’s great.

Sometimes, however, there was an unhealthy push and pull between tragedy and comedy. Is this a cartoon? Or is it serious? Am I supposed to laugh at Rena mowing down civilians with her pizza wheels? Or be terrified and hate her for it? Because jokes like this shouldn't have repercussions. I’ll use The Last Jedi as an example. Most of Star Wars has characters doing stupid cartoony impossible things against all odds and somehow being rewarded for it. It’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with it. But Rian Johnson comes along and is all like, “No I need to subvert that!” So when Finn and Rose come up with some hairbrained scheme and go on a wild goose chase to find a codebreaker and sneak aboard the Star Destroyer, everyone in the audience is going, “this is Star Wars. It’s a cartoon. They’ll make it!” And then they fail miserably and end up getting all of the Resistance killed because of it. It’s like, all of Star Wars was operating on cartoony movie logic until this movie, so it feels unfair to be subverted and tricked like that. The logic isn’t consistent. So yeah, there were a couple times where the realism and the comedy came into conflict like that in SF.

You’ve made several improvements while writing this story, too. I went back to read Oasis like… 6 months or so ago, I forget, but I couldn’t get through the first chapter because it was so bogged down in details and minutia! So thick you could cut it with a knife. Kinda wonder how I made it through the first time… but anyway, over time through Sierra Foxtrot, I think you’ve made a lot of progress on toning it down. You don’t always get bogged down in needless details (which would especially kill the buzz of an action scene or ruin the timing of a joke), and you stopped writing these really long setup chapters and writing people suit up and pack their stuff and get in a car and drive through traffic and get on a plane and arrive at a hotel and divide up into rooms etc. By the end you cut down on that a lot.

And so all good things must come to an end.

I’ll start out with my review of the epilogue, then go into my thoughts on the story as a whole.

Rena’s pink and yellow 8-string is such a funny picture; I’m glad we got to see it again before the end. Revisiting all these little reminders of her makes me nostalgic for earlier chapters. They also paint a good picture of her; all of these things are who she is as a character.

I liked Fyvve's cargo ship still being there – that was cute. The whole chapter was filled with references to previous happenings in the story that made me feel bittersweet to have to say goodbye to it all.

And hey, Lilac didn’t get a bad ending! For me, that was the saddest moment in all of SF – even more so than Rena’s death, for all I protested – when Lilac chose to stay on the island for the rest of her life and marry some douchebag. I thought that was the end of her, so I’m joyously surprised that Fox and Krystal returned and saved her from that awful fate. Really made me happy.

And whaddya know, Krystal and Fox ended up together, sorta. I see them progressing with a full on relationship after this. Eh. I was rather worried that the turn-around would be too quick. Not that I can’t accept Krystal isn’t actually a villain, but that I think Fox would still have a grudge against her even if he knew she was right. The way it was written though… I think it works. At the end of the day, Fox can forgive her because she’s hot. Which is totally a Fox thing to do!

So that’s all of my boxes the epilogue checked, now onto the ones it didn’t.

I was hoping O’Donoghue’s “betrayal” would go somewhere, like Fox would make a public fuss about it and the Cornerian general public’s approval rating of their military would fall, but no dice. No follow up. It seemed like a last minute idea that you didn’t want to pursue any further. It added a bit of tension and extra drama to the finale, but the betrayal wasn’t really done justice. Was it meant to show that Corneria isn’t any different than East Fortuna? Because they weren’t completely screwing Fox over without reasons, and I actually kinda sympathized with Pepper. It just added some last minute conflict to the story and Fox was so tired and fed up that he let them get away with it. Was the point of it to have some flashy explosions and make their escape from Rafa’s base more action-packed? Because in that case, it would cause less problems and leave less loose ends if Pepper just told Fox straight up that they would nuke the base after a certain deadline.

Like Nail said, Morren and Brackett didn't go anywhere, either. There one chapter, dead the next. There was one cool line where Brackett worried about what Corneria would do with all of Andross's tech, so he and Morren destroyed it all while trying to escape with the backups. I think if you made more of that, it would've helped play up the angle that Corneria isn't 100% good some more.

And of course I’ve been complaining this whole time that you didn’t explore how characters view immortality and artificial enhancements. That still kinda stands. It’s a theme through most of your stories, really. I do appreciate how Krystal had that discussion with Fox about letting him drink the nectar from the Flowers of Life. I disagree with their worldview, though. It’s clear a hundred years of immortality has numbed Krystal, and Fox has been totally numbed over the span of this story, but that’s just them. There’s no one to slap them out of that depression. They’re both just weak pussies. Sure, many people will come out of harrowing events like that with hardened hearts to protect themselves, but not everyone works the same way. I know plenty of loving old people. For Fox and Krystal? Sure. Immortality isn’t the best thing. I think they *could* open up eventually and get out of their depression, softening their hearts and learning to be vulnerable, but even if they never do, others have done so before them.

That about rounds up my thoughts on the epilogue. I think it was a fitting ending. Glad you thought Cerinia was a nice place to end it, since I arrived at the same conclusion in my Rena fic. It’s basically paradise, no? Now it’s time to review the entire–

WAIT WHAT’S THIS?! SHE’S BACK?! AAAAAAAAAAAAH

W A T

I'm sorry K.S... tactical nuke; inbound. I love writing these reviews.

It's no secret that Elarix's Hunting Party is my favourite story on the archive. With Sierra Foxtrot's closure, it solidifies its spot as a close second place. Like, the kind of second place that finishes the race a tenth or a hundredth of a second behind the first place winner. It might as well be first, but has its reasons for why it isn't. I'll use the space here to elaborate why.

Sierra Foxtrot was excellent. Without question, this story is amazing. As much criticism as it garners for reasons I'll delve into later, it's no mistake that this story was beyond as good as it was marketed as. It's sprawling length and seat-of-your-pants shakeups benefited an expansive plot and multifarious list of story arcs and mini-missions. Characters were compelling, dynamic, unique, and written to damn-near perfection in their environments. The conflicts were based in reality, complimented your dynamic characters, and showcased a wide range of emotions from side-splitting laughter to guttural screaming to "who left this bowl of onions on my desk?". We fell in love with your characters and felt the emotions they felt at times. We-er, at least some of us-poke fun for how """nonexistent""" the main plot was for a good 60% of the story, but with the style showcased and the type of story you were creating, you proved that it didn't necessarily matter in the end; so long as each character had their own arc come full circle.

It was also a silly daytime comedy as it was marketed. Skidd Marx was glorious. Rena became an instant star. Scarlet is as Scarlet as ever, solidifying her status as one of the best OCs on the archive. Hell, even Fox and co. were given reimaginative roles and personalities that play off of what we assume they are like in the cannon world. All of your characters that were relevant and important were treated like superstars until their services weren't needed. Even then, you gave them resolve and concluded their arcs as if every character was the main character, save a few that I'll name later. It all felt complete and meaningful.

With a story as grandiose as this one was, there were a few missteps that a lot of us have already made note of. Here's the shockwave of the nuke.

To put one of the main gripes simply, you felt the need to post a comprehensive summary document to your profile to make sense of the story. Me even saying that sounds ridiculous. I know you had 10 story arcs and over 50 chapters amounting to over 300K words, but a lot of people won't want to slog through yet another giant web page of words to refresh themselves on previous happenings, no matter how major or minor they are. My honest opinion is that a lot of this story could be cut off; some arcs were hilarious and eventful, but forgettable in the long run. There is a reason we tease you for remembering the main plot every so often. :)

Building off of that, some of your bigger plot points, like stealing the Arwing plans, finding Desmond the Moon Bear's laboratory, fighting Wolf's band of misfits... they all felt forgettable to some varying degree towards the end. In researching for this review, I just recently remembered that you actually had Wolf fight Fox early on. I guess that's part and parcel of a massive story such as this, but even still; they were damn near forgettable as more arcs started piling on.

Here we go; I know I've said this on the discord, but I'll explain it in full here. The way Krystal was written, while unique and interesting, left a lot to be desired considering her overall impact on the plot. She was introduced so solidly; the alias Cassandra and the virus website, capturing her, and then having her escape once the trust for her built up enough. All of that was fantastic. Then... silence. Very little mention or word of her for half the story, up until she reemerges as Christiana Ortega. ...uhhh...

Y'all poke fun at me for making wrestling references all the goddamn time, but here's the thing: wrestling helps me create characters and utilize them in the way that they are meant to be used and needed to be seen in the story. Wrestling has helped me create beloved characters that anyone can see the appeal in, save trial-and-error for a few. The appeal in that approach is as such: I can create a dynamic hero that is built up and utilized as a sort of irreplaceable megastar in the plot of a story, but if he or she isn't around for half of it, I know that "irreplaceable" characteristic will be lessened dramatically. I can create a lovable Sheila-esque character, but I know that if she acts like a spoiled, whiny brat, she won't get over with people reading the story. "Getting over" is essentially the way that a character gets his or her appeal (positive or positively-negative for villains) in the eyes of the viewers. Every creation, cannon or not, has to get over with the audience.
- Rena got over with her catchphrases, demeanor, weapon choices, and her interactions with Fox and co.
- Skidd got over with his hilarious dialogue and slap-stick humor spots.
- Scarlet got over with her overly exaggerated sexual appeal and Black Widow-esque talent.
- Lucas got over with the chill way he interacted with Rena.

In my eyes, Krystal had an explosive debut that got her over almost instantly, then was underutilized to the point where she was no longer over when she needed to be. Her introduction and her gimmick as Cassandra was a perfect pseudo-villian character to give to Krystal, and the way you wrote it made us feel like she was worth her weight in gold. It was such an innovative idea that we were interested in her development while you delivered more and more to her character as chapters rolled on. She was one of those characters that you wanted to see; obviously not every single chapter but enough to make her stay relevant, fresh, and worthwhile. However, she disappeared in her prime and was rarely mentioned for a few arcs. Simply put, her disappearance and the lack of emphasis put on why she wasn't relevant anymore made her fall down the card. Rena, Lucas, and Skidd stole her spotlight. Then when she came back, there wasn't much left of the character that got her over. She was seemingly forced into a role that she wasn't conditioned for, and was expected to preform just as well as Rena or Skidd did.

I apologize for ranting about Krystal this much, but for a character that was as pivotal and integral to the plot towards the end of the story, it didn't feel like she belonged in the spot she was in for the climax. There was little fanfare to get her over, yet she was pushed to the moon and treated as a superstar without a clear reason for the viewers to buy into.

The same can be said for Rafa. He was supposed to be the endgame boss; the orchestrator of the destabilizing Lylatian relations, and the guy who made Fox's life a living hell. His battle should have been the culmination to fifty chapters of building, tension, and hatred. His defeat at the end should have lifted the world's weight off of Atlas' shoulders. Yet, in my eyes, it fell a little short of the mark. We don't see much of Rafa throughout the story aside from a handful of moments and that fight with Rena. We don't see much of his intentions or his justification. Rafa... simply didn't get over.

And now, nuclear fallout.

Despite all this, Sierra Foxtrot was a masterful story. Again, I can't emphasize enough how great of a story this was. I just can't help but think what could have been had all of those pieces fallen into place the way they were meant to be.

Sheppard gives this story an 8.75/10

As an aside, I'd be happy to discuss parts of this review or the story itself if you want. Shoot me a PM and let me know.

For now, it's time to sign your name at the bottom of the best story you've ever written. Seeing as how I put so many comments in my review, I'm confident that your next installment can top this.

-Sheppard

That was a great sendoff for Rena, plus an overview of all the things she did across the course of the story. Ah, and this is a great final thing for Fox and Krystal to do. I wasn't even considering they might go take a vacation on Cerinia. Loved Krystal getting to meet her sister Lilac and parents again as well. Also, you left a way out for Lilac to have a happy future even though she's not leaving the island, which is awesome.

Heh, naturally though Fox and Krystal get together. Like no one saw that coming...
You were talking a lot about making a sequel so that little thing at the very bottom wasn't much of a surprise :)

I don't think I have a lot else to say about this chapter itself, other than it gave off a lot of warm fuzzies.

Also, while it was great you were posting chapters at a breakneck pace, these last few chapters feel rushed and the quality suffered because of it. The final battle with Rafa was too short and I feel it had more potential, Falco didn't get a dogfight until we asked you to put one in, I feel like Morren and Brackett were underutilized, same with O'Donoghue, and this epilogue feels a bit on the short side and I think more attention needs to be given to more characters, both the living and the dead. Everyone else besides Fox and Krystal gets only a brief nod at best and that's about it. Like why not talk more about the crazy things Slippy did across the story, for example? he had a pretty big part to play much earlier on in the missions.

I wouldn't have minded waiting a couple more weeks or a month between each chapter if the quality was improved. See, I was in a similar position with 10K Lives. I had the last couple chapters and finale written months ago, but I decided to add some extra things (like that James illusion and Marcus' birthday party), and I think the story was much better for it. I would have liked to see some more content and meat added to these last several chapters.

If Sierra Foxtrot was written so you could end it any time you wanted, that explains a lot. Like the episodic nature of the story, and how most of the arcs don't really build upon one another. I would have liked the story to feel more like it was building up to something in most of the arcs. That would have given the reader more incentive to remember things that happened earlier in the plot, and thus make the overall story more engaging. The closest thing to a buildup is Fox acquiring the Arwing and the Landmaster, plus occasional references to Rafa. I'm glad you made that summary, because this story really needed one.

Rafa...I think you've mentioned this but he doesn't get a lot of screen time in this story despite being the Big Bad. I think you needed to put him in front of the reader more often, and have him take a more active role in opposing the heroes. Hate to say it but I think I liked the Demiurge better as the villain in Oasis. And I think I liked Oasis' finale better.

The individual villains from some arcs were quite good though. And a lot of the arcs themselves were definitely quite funny, especially when Slippy got in on it with his alternate personas. Haha, and I think you've launched all kinds of memes and things over the course of writing this story too, and you've given us Rena and Lucas who are both awesome.

Krystal's arc was really great too once you revealed what was up with her and her backstory as well. I didn't see that coming honestly. Loved what you did with the Cerinian Islands. Hell, I loved what you did with making Lylat a planet period :) It was a really cool idea. It makes the setting that much more memorable in my head.

Also, unlike Oasis, where it was pretty much only Fox, Felix, Krystal, and Scarlet doing *everything*, you have a wide cast of characters doing all kinds of stuff in this story. Sure, that makes it hard to keep track of everybody, but I think I like stories better where every character gets at least a decent amount of stuff to do.

Good job making it this far KS. I'm jealous you made so much progress...since I probably have about as far to go in word count as SF...maybe.

I do wonder why Corneria didn't just open with the nuke. Rafa already made a public threat to nuke West Fortuna, so no other country would blame Corneria for executing a preemptive strike. And with Falco having taken the air defenses out, there was nothing to stop them from flying in unchecked.

Like Nail, I do hope the epilogue will give a proper sendoff to Fox's teammates that died along the way. Miyu was ultimately a coward, tho, so I don't really care about her getting any sympathy XD Otherwise, Fox's reflection on their deaths was awfully utilitarian.

The whole bomber thing doesn't sit right with me. Fox's explanation for why he didn't get Pepper's or Scarlet's calls is because there's a communication's shield at Rafa's base - but *only* around the tower. Is that common? Why is there a shield around just the tower? What's the point of it when you can just step outside? What if Rafa needed to make a call? I also think it's unprofessional of Fox to use his phone for communicating with teammates and contractors like Pepper. It should be forwarded to his radio headset whenever someone calls so he doesn't have to pull out his phone and answer in the middle of fighting Rafa, for instance. Idk, the whole thing just seemed convenient for this to happen.

Otherwise, I don't blame the PM and O'Donoghue for this. They needed a fallback plan (though it might've well been their main plan). I can accept that they would think Fox is dead, though maybe they should have called some of his teammates that *weren't* inside the tower? Just to make sure it's not only the leader is dead, and his crew is still going. But yeah, I don't blame them for dropping the bombs. But it is sketchy that they didn't tell Fox about their backup plan. Fox should complain big time about that. The Cornerian military shouldn't get away with it. I'd be disappointed if this whole thing was a red herring and didn't go anywhere. Maybe you're trying to draw some more comparisons between Corneria and East Fortuna? Everyone is evil type-thing?

Ha! So even Fox is getting artificial enhancements like Rafa and Krystal and Rena. You could pull something meaningful out of this!

On the bright side, is this the first story you've written where Scarlet *didn't* die in a fiery explosion?!

-Fox stared at (the) Cornerian skyline

I like the way you described Scarlet carrying Fox's weight as they did their best to hurry out of the building. You know though, if it wore her down as much as you describe, I wonder if she should have been suffering from the after effects more when they make it back to Corneria.

Also, for some reason I like the detail about the jeep falling out of the plane and then getting blasted away by the jet wash. You know, if they were just going to drop a nuke, I wonder why they didn't drop the nuke by itself. Also, considering Fox's B2-style plane earlier in the story, I was wondering if that may have actually been the same plane dropping the nuke... It would have been an interesting call back.

How did Slippy escape the helicopter and survive? Did one of the others pull him out and bring him back here?

I would have liked it if there were more focus on the sacrifices Rena, Miyu, and the others had to make in order to defeat Rafa. I hope this is given some attention in the epilogue. Because in this chapter, Fox only seems concerned about his fallen comrades as far as they'll impact his mercenary business, and not as actual people.

Ha, you did get me when you mentioned that Fox's plane was exploded by General O'Donoghue and then were like 'Psyche!' I actually was wondering if O'Donoghue was going to try pulling something like that so Fox and his friends would never get to tell their side of the story. Speaking of...is that the last we're going to hear of him or is this going to play into the epilogue at all? Cause I'd like some more closure on this bit.

So Dr. Reige is back... I'm wondering. Is the enhancement that he's going to do on Fox's leg relate to the Star Fox myth that the characters had robotic legs?

Kinda sad Krystal has to stay hidden in the plane while everyone else gets to bask in the glory of their success. And yeah... She's not sure what to do with her life anymore now that she's stopped Rafa like she wanted to. But I guess Fox is going to end up with Krystal after all, considering Scarlet's leaving the picture at the end of this chapter?

Well, I'm looking forward to the epilogue. Hope it wraps up everything on a good, final note.

Before I get into this chapter, there's something in my review of the last chapter I think I should have touched on. The epic fails of both Rafa's orbital cannons and his nuke were really damn funny. I loved the way you described the nuke failing to take off, then it detonating and only producing a really tiny mushroom cloud. I could see it in my head perfectly. Also I loved the touch about the pizza wheel. The problem was Rena dying shortly before then put a damper on things... So on my first reading I couldn't bring myself to laugh even though taken by itself it was a funny scene and I loved it.

I see you've added that ballistic shield you were talking about in Chapter 51 too. While we're on that subject, I notice in the very first part of this fight Fox finally tries shooting Rafa and naturally he just shrugs it off rather quickly. Heh, I hate to say this after you just changed Chapter 51, but I think it would have been pretty amusing if Fox actually *did* shoot Rafa in that last scene and he just smirked and kept walking towards that button to launch the nuke. Maybe even he keeps talking as Fox shoots him. Then again I think even Rafa wouldn't be able to do what you wanted him to do in the prior scene, even with his invulnerability, if Fox wouldn't stop shooting.

Anyway, onto this chapter.

This final battle feels too short to me, and I feel like it has more potential. When I finished reading it, basically it summed up in my head as "Fox and Rafa hit each other in the head over and over again. Fox wins by hitting Rafa in the head harder and then blowing him up with a grenade launcher." There isn't much depth or strategy to it. It reminds me of when I did that battle with the Aparoid Queen in Chapter 4 of 10,462 Lives. I just had Fox and the Queen trading shots over and over again until one of them lost, and I felt disappointed with my final product as a result.

Granted, both Fox and Rafa are running on pure rage right now, and that's probably why you wrote them fighting this way. However, I feel like there's a lot more you could have done with this scene:

- Krystal gets taken out early in the fight and her staff is barely used. I'm guessing you didn't feel like writing a 2 vs 1 fight scene? But I think Krystal could have brought a lot to the table in this fight. Remember she's got her own reasons for hating Rafa and wanting to take him down, just like Fox does. And I think it'd be more exciting if both Fox and Krystal together are just barely holding their own against Rafa. Plus it was a hard fought battle to take down Agatha and claim that staff, so I'm disappointed nobody got to really use the staff against Rafa. It'd be poetic justice too if Krystal killed Rafa with the staff, considering she got it as a direct result of Rafa trying to kill them earlier.

- Also, Elarix is right about how Rafa has some things in common with Krystal and Rena, considering all of them have taken that immortality potion but done different things with it. It would have been interesting to use this fight to draw comparisons between all of them and what they did with their new powers.

- You mentioned that Fox had feelings of sadness as he was killing Rafa, and even in the flashback Rafa seemed to feel sad right before he was about to betray his teammates. I'm disappointed you didn't focus on this a little bit more, since I think it was the most interesting part of the chapter. In fact, I think I would have liked to see the flashback be longer too, and really focus on what things used to be like before Rafa's betrayal. We never really got to see this during the story, considering the first chapter starts in the immediate aftermath of the betrayal. I would have been really interested in seeing more of that.

- This is a smaller thing, but I think you could have taken more advantage of Rafa's immortality to make the fight more interesting. Like really let him take some damage that would kill an ordinary person many times over, just to emphasize how unstoppable he is. Instead of Fox's gun getting knocked aside early in the fight, why not let him hang onto it and shoot Rafa some more? Only let it go down to a brutal hand to hand beatdown once all other options have been exhausted and both Rafa and Fox are on their last legs...kinda like Metal Gear Solid 4's final boss fight.

Now I know I ragged a lot on this fight, but I'm not saying it's *bad*. I just feel like there's a lot more you could have done with this part and I'd love to see one or more of these things show up in it.

Fox and Krystal have a little moment at the end where Krystal reflects on her past and everything Fox has done for her. I do think this is a good part, but it feels misplaced. Like it feels too early for this. Maybe it would have been better saved for an epilogue after the action dies down, not immediately after the final battle.

Aha, I totally called it on those bombers playing into the story. I'm guessing this is some kind of coverup? Like those shady guys in the prior chapters were counting on Fox and his friends dying in this bomber strike for some reason?

I like the line where Fox asks what kind of monster Rafa turned himself into, but I wish you made more of it. Fox turned down immortality when he had the chance, as if taking the moral high ground, but at the same time Rena did drink the nectar of the flowers of life. I feel there were a lot of comparisons to draw between Rena and Rafa, and even Krystal and Rafa, since she has longevity as well. Both girls let their tremendous power go to their heads and get the better of themselves. Rena only recently figured out how to use her power for good, while Krystal realized how big of a mistake starting a war was. I wish you touched more on both of their character arcs in comparison to Rafa’s. Feels like a missed opportunity for some added depth to the fight.

Not as flashy as some of the previous bossfights, but conversely it felt like the most grounded and visceral. It was great seeing the two beat the crap out of each other on a very physical level, no extra sci-fi bullshit attached. It really zoomed the focus into just these two former teammates. I do wish Krystal wasn’t unconscious the entire time—I REALLY wanted her to torch Rafa with the flamethrower and have a literal representation of what burning in the ninth circle of hell is like before Fox blew him apart with the grenade launcher, which was cool in and of itself. Though I guess the ninth circle is frozen over, but whatever. That was a rather obscure reference to betrayal! Satan’s gonna need a fourth mouth to chew on Rafa now. And a fifth for yOU BECAUSE YOU BETRAYED RENA

I feel that, because of the sprawling length of this story, making us readers hate Rafa for something he did 50 chapters ago is tough. I think you tried to rectify that by giving Fox a flashback to Fara, Rena, Rafa, and those other teammates Fox never bothered to name. They’ve been referenced since chapter 1 and they still don’t have names… Anyway, I think it was an important flashback to have, and proved to be a turning point in their fist fight.

I am equally excited and filled with dread for the aftermath, because I know it’s not gonna be a happy affair :(

So, the jokes up front... They don't detract from the chapter, but they don't add anything either. It's just pervy James being pervy James again, so it's not anything new or surprising. I just feel like you could have done something more interesting with this part, like showing a different side of James now that they're going into the final battle. Like maybe he gets serious, or he talks about something else besides sex for once.

But I did like the part where James talks to Krystal in his usual manner, and Krystal is understandably upset when he asks how Fox knows her. I bet that question really hurt her. I also like the guard pointing out later how Krystal betrayed all of them and turned her back on them. Good thinking showing that.

So Morren and Brackett are already dead... That's it? Gosh, that felt really unsatisfying. You could have left them out of this chapter and nothing would have changed. I know I said in my last review I wasn't expecting them to make it far, but I'm not happy about being right.

So Rena made the ultimate sacrifice huh? I wonder if it had something to do with her not feeling like living anymore after losing Lucas earlier in the story. That would make sense to me. Plus the fact that you mentioned she was starting to care a lot more about others ever since recent events with Lucas. In light of that, it's a good sendoff.

This final confrontation with Rafa really annoys me. Fox and Krystal have Rafa in their sights. He attempts to trigger the orbital firing sequence, then he fires the MOAN. The entire time Fox and Krystal just stand there and let him do these things. Why don't they just shoot him? Yes, it won't kill him, but Rafa is not immune to pain, as Chapter 24 shows.

Shooting Rafa would keep him from pressing any sinister-looking red buttons, and give Fox and Krystal time to stop his plans. I think if I were in Fox's shoes, I would skip the conversation, shoot Rafa in the head, take that grenade launcher while he's in agonizing pain, back away, and then blow him the #$%$ up along with the rest of the tower. Then Rena wouldn't have had to sacrifice herself to stop the missile launch, and they might even kill Rafa straight away. You implied earlier in the chapter that explosions might permanently kill Rafa in spite of his power, since that tank shell tore Agatha to pieces so she couldn't regenerate.

You know, that's another thing. If Rafa's immortal, why should he care if the grenades goes off too close to him? He'll recover...Fox and Krystal won't. It'd actually be quite savvy on his part to do such a thing. Heck, why didn't he shoot a couple more grenades through the hole he made before Fox and Krystal came into the room?

Long story short, I think you need to reconsider how you wrote this confrontation in the control tower. Both sides really need to be showing some more genre savviness.

Um, very epic chapter. The jokes you were worried about on Discord don’t ruin the mood at all, since they’re at the beginning, but at the same time they don’t do anything for me and fell flat. The scenes with Rafa were hilarious anyway (much better), and you kept a constant humorous tone throughout the chapter in a way that never encroached on the serious bits. Loved the AoM reference – I could sense it coming. My favorite scenes were the ominous tunnel entrance and the failed missile launch at the end.

But at the same time, a single grammar/spelling mistake ruined the entire chapter for me. It was a simple error, but it was so bad I just couldn’t enjoy anything that came after it.

- A second later, the missile's exhaust flame consumed her.

Should be:

- A second later, the missile’s exhaust flames roared through the tunnel, but not before Rena dove down a side exit and slammed the door behind her, thus avoiding a fiery demise.

Hope you fix this slip-up as soon as possible.

…

And I’m blocking you.

This is Nail again. Thanks for listening and updating the chapter. I wanted to review again as quickly as possible to show my appreciation.

The dogfight is short, but that's totally fine. It's still a more satisfying encounter between Shinji and Falco than the old version, and you develop the relationship between the two characters a little bit more here too. That makes it feel more personal and meaningful. I like the detail about the Arwing being meant for Shinji, and he's pissed it's Falco of all people flying it. This is definitely the best part of this fight. I loved what you did with Shinji's fighter being crippled and the two of them still trading barbs even when Falco's preparing to go in for the kill. Also, *now* Katt stealing that kill is actually funny XD

And like you said, dogfights tend to be lots of one guy chasing the other guy's tail, so again I understand why you kept it short. You'd want it to end quickly so we don't have to watch too much of that. Liked the detail on Falco getting some machine gun bullets on Shinji, then the final missile that cripples Shinji's fighter where he can't get away from it. Definitely brings back that butt-clenching feeling where you hear the lock on sound in GTA Online and you bank hard to get away from that incoming missile...