I love the way you redeemed Caspian's unkind comment about the girl who "squints and has spots." It was mean of him to say. What I am trying to say is that even though the comment itself was fairly harmless seeing as he only said it to a trusted confident, it reflects a certain shallowness. He could've just said she doesn't interest me, she's not my type - but instead he said basically I'm wouldn't be interested in her unless she was prettier.
But you redeemed Caspian's value. So I like him a little better.
Alright, now that I'm done saying that, I love your sweet love story. The only thing that concerns me is the continued reference to the snow line. I'm not sure that an island surrounded by the ocean and even closer to aslan's country than Narnia would be colder. I'm not sure it would have a snow line.
That's all for now.

This is more beautiful than I can say. Two broken souls finding Aslan and eachother.

It has bothered me in the book how they speak of this girl's freckles and squint. I'm glad you addressed her feelings over them here.

This was wonderful! It really drew me in. Thanks so much for writing!

Awwwww! This is so sweet. This last chapter in particular, where Nerienne realizes the truth, is particularly potent.

This is so beautiful and amazing! I love that you wrote out this so awkwardly perfect happy ending for the girl Caspian brushed off. And Aslan was so in character, and just...awesome! Wonderful writing!

Just read this in one go. I love your writing! And you brought Nerienne so vividly to life. I loved it!

I seriously love how you bring your stories back to Aslan. I could care less if Mavramorn and Nerienne remained alone (or rather, not-together) forever because of that beautiful, golden thread of grace that runs all throughout this chapter. Well done.

Ariel_of_Narnia

Beta-reader's note: Mel doesn't usually let me review her stories, but FFn's Author-reply-to-guest-review function is currently broken. So, cutting down lots of thought and number-crunching to review-size, this was our thinking about the two main characters' ages:
1- Practically all ages in Narnia are a little vague. That's how CSL wrote it, so they're a little vague here too.
2- Ages in Narnia are often a highly emotive area for both fanfic readers and writers!
3- Nerienne says Caspian is several years younger than herself. "Now" we are 4 years after PC where he's in his mid-to-late teens, so Caspian is "around 20" and Nerienne is "in her mid-20s."
4- Mavramorn is the same age as Lord Bern (and Miraz), ie "fit middle age," mid-to-late 40s. The fact that he's grey is what CSL wrote into VotDT. We can only presume it came from 20 years' exposure to sea air and unusually bright sunlight.
Finally - if anyone feels this is too big a gap - we recommend Peggy Fortescue's "There's Rosemary, There's Rue." Peggy and Sir John had a similar age gap (and may have provided some inspiration for Nerienne and Mavramorn!)

P.S. Mel says it's "not fair" for the beta to leave complimentary reviews - but I really enjoyed this story. ;)

This is just absolutely lovely. So beautifully done. So touching.

I'd love to see more of this couple.

Aslan was just perfect. Perfect.

And I laughed when she said, "But I tripped over you . . . and shouted." That's so sweet.

I'm so glad this girl has found love and truth. Wonderful.

I imagined briar roses, and knowing from my land-locked country what a pest that plant can be, they made perfect wild-growing sense to me. :D
And you made me cry here with the ending, which is about as much of a review I'm able to give you right now. It's beautiful.

Aww! I knew that was how it would end! Your description of Aslan is very beautiful, and how Nerienne and Mavramorn respond to him seems just right to me. Lovely ending!

Blessings,
Sophia

if you dont mind, could you like specify Mavramorn and Nerinne's ages. From this, I get the impression that Mavramorn is a real old man and Nerinne just a teenager
Peace

I want to faint with happiness; this was a truly beautiful story. I usually mention my favorite line from what I've read, but there were just too many here to do that. I feel like I could ramble on and on without actually saying anything :D
Aslan's appearance was superb.
Nerienne and Mavramorn are so perfect together. This story made me really really happy. It was perfect. Just beautiful. Bravo!

Wonderful!

I like the recognition that Caspian IX's reign was founded on oppression, as much as Miraz's, and the suggestion of conflicting emotions in at least one of the returned Lords - which has the benefit of startling Nerienne out of her relentless focus on herself.