Well, I just saw your post in the forum, and checked out your profile - good grief, you've written a LOT! :D I picked this story to read, because it was short - normally I love long stories, but I'm really trying not to get back into an LotR phase; if I do, it'll make writing Star Wars rather hard - and I'm lucky I did choose a short one, because your writing is VERY good. :) I did pick up on one typo: the first sentence seems to be missing the word 'more'. Other than that, though, this is an excellent story!

Tell me, do you have an account on Stories of Arda? The title 'Fortress on a Hill' seems very familiar.

Short but beautiful, and somehow full of meaning

Ay, please tell me you aren't gonna make me cry...

*starts reading*

Where did Wingfoot come from? Did you make up that name or did I miss it when I read the books?

*finishes reading*

Ok, thank you for the explanation about the name Wingfoot, I had forgotten it (and for a moment I forgot I did not read the books in english). The next time I reread those books I will tell you the spanish nickname.
And although I don't share the believe that Éomer could choose the time of his death, I respect your point of view and I enjoy reading a different opinion to my own.

Uf, it was a nice piece. If I must be honest, I don't enjoy farewells, they make me sad and teary. It's one of the reasons I don't read Wild Child, I dread reading the end. But still, I enjoyed this. It made me sad, I won't deny it, but I appreciated the talk between the two kings, friends who age at a different speed and friends that find peace, so that when the ends come they can go. They will rest in peace.

I would also like to say that I enjoyed Éomer's firm believe that they will meet Legolas again. His message to not to grieve.

And now I'm getting teary.

I think I need to point out that Eomer has NOT chosen his time of death. He has already said in the conversation that "he feels his strength is leaving him". It is more likely that he already knows that he is dying but, being both a realist and a very courageous man, is unafraid of death. Indeed, as far as he is concerned, he is simply joining his ancestors - as well as his beloved sister - in the Halls of Bema. He has been lucky enough to reach the grand age of 93 - a venerable age indeed in those violent, short-lived times - and is dying of old age. However, Eomer did NOT have the choice of when he died. That was only granted to Aragorn, as a direct descendant of Elros half-elven.

Beautiful conversation between two old friends in the twilight of their lives. And what a great legacy Eomer left; that his period on the throne was known as the golden age. That is quite an achievement for a young man who only inherited the throne because the Crown Prince was killed in battle, and would not have been trained in statesmanship.

A good life indeed.

It's pleasant to see a so calm and quiet fanfiction about the Lord of the Ring.
Morever, it's really beautiful.

Thank you and great job ! :D

This is a beautiful, poignant conversation.

93 is pretty awesome for a mortal :)
Éomer is such an interesting character, and his old age didn't change that at all.

I have a fondness for stories featuring Éomer and Aragorn, their friendship is one of the underdeveloped themes in LotR fanfiction. Or at least too underdeveloped for my taste, so it was nice to find a fresh story about them.

It was nice to see these two warriors aged, even if not at the same rate, and they had a nice little conversation, one that feels like one they could have had. I’m not sure about Éomer being able to lay down this life the way Aragorn did, though. By the Forth age, it was a gift lost even to the descendants of Númenor and something specific to Aragorn alone, both because of his heritage, but also, I suspect, because of his role in defeating Sauron. Of others, I think only the Ringbearers would have been given the same gift, after their time in Valinor. I can’t think of anything in Tolkien’s writing which would indicate otherwise (there are a couple of comments in his letters that indicate that Bilbo, Frodo and Sam would be able to die this way after they had time to heal in the Blessed Realm).

This does not mean that I think Éomer might not intend to «go with a willing heart» as you put it. Only that he would not have a choice as to when it happened, like Aragorn did.

There are a few nitpicks which made the writing a bit harder to follow for me than it should. One is at the very beginning where you write:

«Éomer resembled the King Théoden in his old age than ever before.»

This does not really make sense, and I think there might be some words missing, probably a «more» after «Théoden», giving: «Éomer resembled the King Théoden more in his old age than ever before.»

The sentence still don’t feel quite right that way, but at least it makes sense. A more full rewriting might improve it further.

I like that you describe him, and that his age has not yet dulled either strength or mind, but I think the way you describe him could be improved on. To me it reads more like a list than an image come to life, if that comparison is clear. Well, it is not an accurate comparison, because you don’t just list things, I just feel something is missing to really bring out the image.

Part of the problem, as I see it, is that the structure of the sentences are very similar: «He was..». «His hair…», «His hairline…», «His eyes…», «He was…»

This structure makes the description feel more monotone than it could be, and more like a list than a painting of an image with words. You have:

«He was still broad-shouldered, his back straight and stiff, the muscles still strong enough to wield his sword and carry his armour. His hair had turned white, and so was his trimmed beard. His hairline was higher. His eyes and mind were still sharp. He was dressed in slightly more finery than he used to when he was a young King.»

Consider instead:

«Broad-shouldered, back straight and stiff, still strong enough to wield sword and carry armour. Above the forehead, higher than before, the hair had turned white many winters ago. The same white coloured the beard — trimmed neatly after the manner of the Mark — and eyebrows but the eyes underneath were still sharp; Éomer’s mind has not dulled with the years.»

Not necessarily a good substitute, but it should show how it is possible to use different sentence structure.

I think, also, it could read better if you tie the description more to the comparison you made in the first line. As it stands, the description is not really tied to the comparison between Théoden and Éomer. If you insert something along the lines of «Like Théoden…» somewhere in the description, that would tie the first statement more to the description that follows.

Of course, an even longer description which draws on the image/memory of Théoden and his last days, rising from the shadows to lead his people in battle once more, might provide an even more vivid image, but all this depends, of course, on you intention with using the comparison.

Now, the statement of Éomer’s hands showing his true age, is very perceptive. I like it a lot. The description of the hands work well enough too, though the sentence might flow a bit better with the addition of a few more words. Consider: «white (and) wrinkled, the blue veins prominent, and with the hard calluses of a warrior.»

Of these suggestions, the first «and» is the one I am most uncertain of: it works well with just a comma there. The «the» in the second sentence I think helps a bit, but you could skip that as well without much problem. The last description — «hard calluses of a warrior» is the one I feel most problematic. To me the ending of that whole sentence feels abrupt and the rhythm feels off. Perhaps it is also that the calluses feels tacked on, something which does not follow the logic of the rest of the description. Perhaps a «but» connecting them would actually be better, because they seem to stand in contrast to the description of ageing. The calluses of a warrior does not denote age; they will be equally present on the hands of a warrior at the full strength of his manhood.

I was also be it confused in that paragraph as to who was speaking. It felt like you changed POV in the middle of it, beginning with Éomer ("Aye," Éomer said, looking down at his hands. His hands exposed his true age; white, wrinkled, blue veins prominent, hard calluses of a warrior.) then skipping to Aragorn ( Aragorn looked down at them.) The second quotation seemed at first to belong to Aragorn because of this ( "I am still strong. But I would leave this world a strong man ready to face death than a babbling dotard with a witless mind.») and it was only after a few rereadings that I realised that it was still Éomer speaking, and a shift back to his POV. (with «Aragorn inclined his head.») And then the very last line switched to Aragorn again (He too felt the same.).

I would suggest moving the references to Aragorn to a separate paragraph to make the whole thing clearer. That, or rewrite so that Aragorn’s actions are filtered through Éomer. Consider:

«Aye," Éomer said, looking down at his hands. His hands exposed his true age; white, wrinkled, blue veins prominent, hard calluses of a warrior. "I am still strong. But I would leave this world a strong man ready to face death than a babbling dotard with a witless mind."
Aragorn followed his gaze. At Éomer’s words, he inclined his head. He too felt the same.

Just cutting the reference to Aragorn looking down, can work as well. Or a filtering through Éomer’s POV:

«Aye," Éomer said, looking down at his hands. He clenched them, feeling Aragorn’s eyes following his. His hands exposed his true age; white, wrinkled, blue veins prominent, hard calluses of a warrior. "I am still strong. But I would leave this world a strong man ready to face death than a babbling dotard with a witless mind."
Aragorn inclined his head. He too felt the same.

The only other place I was drawn out of the story, was at the mention of Arwen living for long years after Aragorn’s death, but that is more of a canon-issue than a writing issue. From how I understand «The Tale of Aragorn and Arwen», Arwen did not live all that long after Aragorn’s death: she leaves the City, goes to Lórien and lives there alone through the winter, and then dies before spring comes. Of course, Aragorn might well expect her to live longer, and since this is from his POV it does not really contradict canon (he can’t know), but it made me stop reading and go «that’s not what happened». One of the disadvatanges of fanfic: readers know far too much.

It might be that the POV is not very close, even if I would say it is Aragorn’s POV, and that made me read the sentence in a more authorial sense: as a statement of what would happen more than what Aragorn thought would happen. But it might equally just be my own knowledge clashing with the character’s.

The ending I liked very much. Those parting words seemed to carry far more meaning than the surface one, and that is something I like very much. It seemed to be more stories there between them than what is told — even considering LotR — and I find that the untold stories, hinted at in conversation or narrative but never told, are one of the things which bring the story-world alive. It is part of what makes a story interesting.

Oh dear, a beautiful peice! I was nearly crying by the end of it! I don't like reading fanfictions about character death- it just makes me feel sad and depressed. But I saw this on the C2 which everyone is talking about and decided to read.

Though guess what? There were no flaws! None! Well, except for the fact that beloved Eomer died (well, it implied it)... if there where any other mistakes, I didn't see them. So why it's up there is beyond me!

Do continue writing TolkienScribe! I'm certainly not the only one hopping for more Stories!
#DoItForFrodo

I thought eomer called theodred cousins. So wouldn't his mother be theodred' aunt, theoden's sister?

I quite liked the description of Eomer at the beginning - I've never really imagined him old before but with your writing I could actually see it. And the remark about them all not being as young as they once were - even Legolas - was quite poignant. Thank you for a short but lovely read. :)

Ara

Thanks, Tolkien Scribe!

There is no way that person even read your story before she put it on her C2. Your story doesn't have any Mary Sues or GDIME or poor writing. It's like you said in your review on the frodo thing- she is missing the point of FF. I support you!

I actually wrote a nice neutral PM to LadyJoselyn asking for some feedback. (I just wanted to see what she'd say). She messaged and said she'd get back to me. That makes me think she hasn't read it. *sigh*. Like you said, this is unacceptable. If you skim the list, there are some other pretty popular authors on there. Like Daw the Minstrel! I love daw's stories. This is just wrong.

Hey Tolkien Scribe! I am still a fan!

I just saw that LadyJoselyn added your story to her C2 "Trying Stories of Middle Earth." It's not okay to make a mean C2 that shames authors' stories! And NO WAY does your story belong on her list. I really think that she just clicked all the way down the page and put a ton of people's stories into her c2 without even reading them! Because if she had actually read yours, then she wouldn't have included it.

I am encouraging people to take a #NoBullying #DoItForFrodo pledge on a story that I just posted called 'Do It for Frodo.' I want our fandom to be an encouraging and positive place! Please make your voice known! I want to show LadyJoselyn that we're not okay with this sort of behavior. (she just joined the site like two weeks ago. I asked her nicely to take down her C2, but she responded in a not-so-nice manner, basically saying she's a published author (doubt it) and people need to suck it up and face the criticism.) It's not criticism if LadyJoselyn is not actually reading the stories. Just sayin'.

So please, take a stand with me and go leave a #nobullying review on 'Do it for Frodo'

I liked the quiet and peaceful tone and I found it moving. I disagree with you about the idea that Eomer would have been able to lay down his life at will; but there is plenty of space for different interpretations.