we all know the truth about the Agent... He's just Ada's imaginary friend

:v

Hi there, I'm glad that there are creators out there that are interested in one of the new side characters that left a good impression on me since I'm a huge HUNK fan. So with the Agent in mind, I do like on how you wish to explore a backstory to make a foundation toward his character. The emotional anchor that is his sister and the situation that changed for the worse that could lead into what is mentioned in the story description.

So let me list the negatives. I think you have great areas that you wish to have for the story. However there are sections of the chapter that could be explored more. In the way of providing exposition to the audience of what Aaron deals with, it could be adapted as the it is the side characters that lead Arron to explain himself on the situation he's involved in. Like explaining to friends that ask questions or how some older figures that that have some authority over him.

The story started off in a way that everything is too happy that something of course has to go wrong in order to have the conflict needed to justify the change Aaron has to deal with. Like what if that Sammy made the observation that Aaron doesn't visit the batting cages anymore since what happened to their parents. Did none of Aaron's friends offer help or what kind of input the grandparents have for the troubled teen? There could a be a moment where Aaron chose to spend his life in the military for how he could explain his emotions to another character rather than just explaining it to the audience.

Grammar wise, I think you have a good understanding of what you want to mention in the story. There are some hiccups here and there but nothing some editing can't fix. Also I think it's a rule in writing that whenever a character speaks in quotations that it would mean to start a new paragraph. Some paragraphs can appear to very large and can be straining several readers. Then again, I don't know the view of everyone else since I can never speak for a majority. If the dialogue came from the same character, it isn't much of an issue for me.

Don't be afraid to go in depth with the details. There is a strong difference between details and fluff. I think with what you have so far is the general idea of what you have for the story but at the same time, I respect the on the idea of what you have. I think some sections can be used to help shape the world you wish to write.

I know I may be very nit-picky and hinge off minor details but I believe it is minor details that help build great stories. Not as the simple stuff of expressing character quirks and emotional turmoil but there is greater depth that a character can offer.

There isn't much on Aaron so far besides how he cares for Sammy and wishes to learn self discovery when he joins the military. Nothing so far can be used to signify that Aaron can be a Gary Sue, so I do not have an issue there. I hope more of his character will be expanded upon later in the story.

Now let me explain what I like. I love how Aaron has a strong emotional tie of what life means to him at the moment with Sammy. I think that amount of effort it took from him to be the basic caretaker is a good anchor and foundation of his character. In a way, it makes him relatable. (I have 4 sisters and 3 of them are younger than I am.)

I think you have great story potential. The Agent is character in the Resident Evil Universe that I think a lot of writers miss out on the chance of working with to make their own stories in said universe. I hope what I mentioned can help you on further chapter. Have an excellent day and I look forward to what you can create.

-Will