Just finished reading this story, and all I can say is dang, that was a very interesting plot. And by interesting, I mean awesome. Really, this was a really cool story.
The writing, however, was ok. Grammar and spelling was decent, but it seemed like things were a little rushed. The conversations kinda lacked depth, they simply jumped from one important point to another. I would make the characters a little more,"alive" in the sequel.
I'll be curious to see how the rest of the jedi fit into this. Anakin's gone, so he will obviously be an opponent of Windu's new order. I would have expected Obi-Wan and Plo Koon to put up a fuss, if not openly oppose him, but if all the other council members, except Shaak Ti, agreed to go along with Mace's wishes...
If all the jedi masters are corrupted (to different extents, of course) That leaves it to the knights, the Padawans, and the younglings. Obviously, younglings are easily manipulated, as well as many Padawans. I will be enjoy seeing how the different jedi knights take sides, particularly Aayla Secura. She's one of my favorite jedi, and she doesn't seem to be the type to go along with this. But of course, neither would the real Obi-Wan, or Mace Windu, or Plo Koon...
All in all, great story :)

Lol damn Windu is Cray Cray yup

But then again he always was xD

Ahsoka, Anakin did nktweak betray u or the Order. The Jedi Order is not the same Order he joined 12 years earlier. And poor Shaakt TI. Although I HIGHLY DOUBT that that Davros could defeat her lol.

Now. This is a repeat and typo correction of my Chapter 9 revuew:

NOOOOOOO YOU MURDERED AHSOKA! Damn you! Windu and that *TRAITOR* Davros will PAY!

And please don't tell me that sweet Padmé is dead! What about Luke and Leia? Please tell me that she either escaped or had taken the day off.

And Grrr only the Chosen One Anakin Skywalker can kill Sideous

NOOO YOU MURDERED AHSOKA! Windu and the traitor Davros will pay!

And please don't tell me that sweet Padmé is dead!

And Grr, only the Chosen One can Sideous

Forgive me if this review's a bit shorter than the last, I think I used up any worthwhile critique about halfway through that one :p.

With how many perspectives we got a glimpse at in the last chapter, it was interesting how much more focused this one was. Definitely for the best, I think. The plot continues to thicken, and we get to spend a lot more time with Davros.

That, probably more than anything else that was introduced in the chapter, was what was most important to me. It's looking like he's going to be playing a critical role moving forward, and I think a chapter like this was necessary to really understand him as a character.

Speaking of, Windu's master plan was also well worth the time it took to understand. I love how you've been holding bits and pieces back up until this point - I had figured the gist of it beforehand, but "manipulating" the clones in the way that he is planning to... is pretty radical.

It did take me a moment to comprehend everything, but I think part of that was because it was tucked away in the passage about Battle Meditation. Like I mentioned earlier, the longer a paragraph is, the more often I find myself getting lost somewhere along the way. If it was spaced out a little more I think it could be more effective, and also be a little easier on the eyes :).

But the writing is as stellar as ever. I remember praising the increase in description, but this takes it to a whole another level. You make the world feel real, between mentions of cream pies and Alderaanian wine, there's a lot to like. The highlight was the paragraph about Davros getting on the turbolift, you jump between his internal thoughts and his surroundings very effectively. It gives us insight on a lot of things and illustrates where Palpatine and the Jedi both are financially - and it ties back to a foshing carpet of all things ;p.

Great job overall, Drew. This was a triumphant return for this story, and I'm as hyped as ever to see where it all goes :).

It's been far too long since I've read some Senate Dance. It's interesting how true that title rang for this chapter in particular, and the Senate itself wasn't even necessarily involved :p. There's a lot to dissect, a lot of characters and pieces in motion. It's only been five chapters, but the story's come far from the simple premise you introduced in Chapter One.

Those early chapters had me interested, but this really reaffirmed my hopes for where this story is going. I remember you mentioning how you said you took inspiration from Game of Thrones, and that runs true here in a couple of ways. The one that really stood out to me though was actually a smaller thing in the grand scheme of things

You took something as mundane sounding as the Jedi Council's inner-politics, and made it interesting. I remember a complaint from an earlier chapter that one passage in particular felt like info-dumping, but you did the opposite here. You still managed to give out a lot of information (that'll be useful in the future, perhaps?) but did so from Obi-Wan's perspective, and gave us insight on how important Jedi like Mace and Shaak Ti are to the Council, even a bit of blurb of how Yoda might not be as overseeing as one would think him to be. It's world building in a world that's already been built. And I love it.

At first it felt like a check-in with Obi-Wan, but I like how you expanded on things with Shaak Ti after the fact. The mentions of Sith and how she doesn't necessarily view Dooku as one was nice food for thought. Maybe I just like it when people wax poetic about corrupted councils, the Sith, and everything in between :p . There's also the mention of Ahsoka there at the end, and I'm eager to see where that leads.

Next we cut to Daniel. At first I was going to say I liked this part because it gives counterpoints in the Jedi and the Senate, but really, I think I like it because it shows us what they are when they're NOT being the "Jedi" and the "Senate". We see their struggles from all the events unfolding around, and because of them, and it makes them feel very much like real people.

It goes back to the whole Game of Thrones thing I mentioned earlier - you've established a large, diverse cast of characters here - some that we're familiar with from Canon, and others that we're being introduced to in this story - like Daniel. I can tell we're on the cusps of somebody's shocking death already :p.

Regardless, this section was great because it establishes a wider view of the situation. I feel equal parts sad and happy about what's happening to Daniel - nobody deserves to be treated this way while out with their family, but he already figured the risks he was doing putting himself in the situation he did, and he accepted them. You do a good job of connecting the dots and shuffling him along for his future meeting with Palpatine, as well.

Before we go on I should mention that it looks like the site ate the line break you placed here to break up Daniel and Davros' sections.

Learning more of Davros and his mysterious promotion was fun. Altogether, this scene was a bit of slow-mover. I think part of it ties in with my main (and only) complaint about the chapter - some of the paragraphs could've been broken down in smaller chunks. Perhaps it's just a style thing, but I prefer not to have too many large paragraphs clumped together. It's easy to write, but it gets easy to lose oneself while reading.

Outside of that though, this section did what it needed to do. I'm not sure if it was intentional or not, but it feels like this was meant to break down the pace of the chapter. In most cases I'd say a slower perspective change like this one is better served towards the beginning, but having it in the middle in this case serves as a good way to calm the reader down from Daniel's panicked/relatively danger-filled ending, and also so the tension-building sequence in the next section feels all the more alarming/unexpected (in a totally good way ;p).

Now onto my favorite section. Obviously, Anakin's a character readers would previously care about, but I'd say this section would work no matter who the character is. Being on the run/feeling lost with nowhere to seemingly go is a very relatable feeling, atleast for this reader. It's something you pull off very well, but more importantly is this vision/Force-talk-thing. Alderaan and Dooku, huh? That's enough to at least get me intrigued :p.

And even more intriguing is the kid we meet to end the chapter. He's seating there, playing chess (though Dejarik is always a good alternative :p), moving around characters and planets like it's no big deal.

This is probably going to sound weird, but that snippet at the end didn't sound like a character to me - that sounded like YOU. You as the writer, marveling at what's been created (and it's certainly something to marvel about :) ). Let the games begin, indeed.

Alright, Chapter one review from STAT.

This story is of a fine quality, so I'll go ahead and point out a few things that I love. First things first, I'm especially fond of the way you included a scene from TCW in the most ironic way (hilariously out of context, infact), and managed to work it in as a reasonable concern against the Jedi. I will also give you praise for managing to basically summarize concerns against the Jedi and portray them in a different light with one scene, because with the Prequel trilogy, it seemed too idiotic that people would had the jedi yesterday would start rooting for the Empire as of the next day over from when Order 66 was issued.

I also love how you included a holo-cam and news in a universe where it's never been too sure on such things actually existing, so props for managing to sneak that in and making the lore slightly bigger. Also, Cindy is a well-written child character (most kids in stuff like this are Prequel Anakin (bleeggggh), emotionless robots, or completely useless idiots, so kudos. I also have to like the fact that Daniel isn't evil and is a generally nice person (for now), and loves his daughter, which gives him character.

10/10, Five Trandoshans With A Slug Thrower out of five.

STAT

Nicely done, Salt. Keeping a reader - particularly one with as short an attention span as me - chugging along is a challenge you meet head-on with very solid results. Starting out with something that one might consider a little more mundane (Palpatine's morning routine) might scare some off, but the sense of urgency you create within the second paragraph kept me eager to see how things shook out. And shook out they did :p.
"defender of a FREE Republic"
Ohoho, shots fired. Ten points for Palpatine.

Moving forward, I can totally buy into Anakin doing something like this - I mean, technically he does in the Movies anyways :p. He's very conflicted and having the video be of him and Obi-Wan in particular just heightens that tension. So all around, it's very believable to see him doing something like. The only thing I'd like to have seen was more on the part of both Obi-Wan and Ahsoka in trying to stop him/convince him/change his mind on leaving. It's a small thing, but worth mentioning all the same.

One other thing was the way in some of Anakin and Palpatine's altered backstory/relationship was revealed. The changes themselves were compelling, but the way they were presented felt a tad bit overloading, I wouldn't call it "infodumping" but it does feel in strong contrast to the rest of the chapter, as it was mostly dialouge-based. Not a huge issue, but it would've been cool to see bits and pieces of this dropped in the earlier chapters so it's not so condensed. Again, not a huge issue.

Beyond those things though, I didn't have any issues. One thing I would like to do is praise the writing itself. Description has become a non-issue - you're painting really nice pictures of all the scenes, and it's cool to see. It also seems like there's been a slight shift in writing style. Before it felt like we were more getting an outside perspective, now it seems like we're much more seeing through the character's eyes,. I could be completely wrong - it has been a couple months since I last checked out the chapter - but that's how it feels. And - in this reviewer's opinion, atleast - it's been a great shift.

Here's hoping for more chapters like this. I'll get around to Chapter 5 later tonight probably.

I think the changes to Anakin's backstory are well made, they do not interfere with the story and might even said to be helping with its flow. We get to see Anakin's inner conflict, the theme of Jedi being on morally gray territory is once again emphasized through this conflict. Palpatine having second thoughts and feeling the need to reassure himself seems as if it foreshadows some nasty stuff. My only complaint is that Anakin leaving the Order might have been a little too abrupt, but Anakin is a whimsical character anyway so it doesn't matter all that much.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

At the end- was that Ventress?

One point to make, from the view of any whovian - never trust a man called Davros...

Very original (seriously - why are there next to no, 'Palpatine is not a sith' and 'everything is not just part of a major conspiracy' stories); and I can say I'm hooked from this first chapter...

cannot wait to read the rest...

Kunneg_Andris

Whoa, talk about an exciting chapter!

So almost immediately I started feeling suspicious at how the Jedi Council sent a Temple Guard to represent them here instead of one of their own members, but you touched on the issue pretty quickly as well. Side note, Palpatine's POV here was excellent; not the downright evil often expected from him, but a very shrewd mind and definitely not quite an objective stand on things. The way his POV colored this chapter really had a positive effect on things and painted the Jedi in just the right light.

The situation seemed to escalate a little quickly, what with the threats of removing financial support for the Jedi, but I'm sure Palpatine knows what he's doing here and naturally the Senate followed his lead.

I'm really looking forward to see how the Jedi will handle things. Despite the fact that they didn't give much attention to the Senate meeting, they certainly deem this to be a serious issue. I imagine it takes quite a substantial threat to call all the Jedi back to Coruscant. If only they had been this watchful in RotS xD

The short scene from McDellum POV was at first met with a bit of a "huh?" from me, but once I finished I felt it was a nice addition. It does a lot of damage-control to paint the senator in a somewhat more favorable light, at least not make him seem like the antagonist (which could be an easy reaction to have towards him, considering the Jedi are almost always painted as the good guys in everything). So even though McDellum isn't really a favorable character, and comes across kinda selfish, he isn't really a bad gut either. After all, it doesn't seem like he intended to really damage the Jedi here, only to make waves and get his own name out there a little more.

Really enjoyed this chapter and am excited to read more.

~Caleb

The time has come! I'm finally breaking into Senate Dance!

Before I start the review proper, I gotta mention that bundle of cuteness that heads up the chapter. I just love that you put a little Fosh in there (*v*)

Anywho, the first section makes for an excellent beginning. From what I know, the Senate turning against the Jedi and the many consequences of that make up the main drive of this story, so it was a good choice to introduce this plot in the very first scene. It also served quite nicely as a hook, and was short enough to be quite impactful.

The rest of the chapter, in my opinion, moves around a little too fast and could probably use some slowing down, or perhaps a rearrangement of scenes. The best alternative I can think of is to merge the news report with the following scene involving McDellum. Perhaps there would be a way to have it playing in the background during McDellum's scene, maybe even get a thought or two from him about it. Merging the two scenes like this would remove some the jumpiness and make for a single, longer, scene that could make for a nice cool down after the strong beginning.

That said, this was by no means a bad chapter and was quite a good start for the story, and manages to cover a lot in a rather small number of words. I'll definitely be sticking around for more.

~Caleb

Like your other reviewer noted, things continue to build - and I continue to LOVE it ;). Each chapter also seems to progressively be getting larger, not a trend you need to continue to follow by any means, but an encouraging one, there's a lot of moving pieces in play now, so it's easy to see how the word count can spike a bit.

That entire first section with Davros and Palpatine really made the chapter for me. There's temptation on both sides, and their differing ideologies go head to head for a moment. The insights into the war itself were awesome, that whole bit about how for every Skywalker who can manage his troops there's 900 who can't was very powerful. Good stuff there, would love to see more insight like that.

The next part does a good job of showing how Palpatine kind of has his hands in everything, though I suppose it's to be expected that he keeps in communication with the Clones. The General's reaction to the Jedi's decision got a chuckle out of me, I like how you give us some insight into how atleast one Clone feels about the situation.

Then we end with McDellum's part, brief, but to the point. This Marketh guy's got me intrigued, sounds like a cool dude, one who doesn't care much for time zone differences :p. I cant wait to see this "dirt" he's got.

No real complaints this time, I liked the more descriptive aim of this chapter, the way you contrasted Palpatine and the guard's uniforms was good stuff. Hope to see more of that, and more of everything else as well ;). Eager for the next chapter.

Nothing less from Mr. Salt, he is patiently building to the climax while delving into the inner thoughts of the major characters of the story. The unique perspective regarding the Jedi in this story is noteworthy, the Jedi or the light side isn't necessarily "good" at all. It reminded me of the First Jedi Purge period, where the galaxy viewed the Jedi and the Sith as one and the same. It indeed looks like things are about to turn out that way. As always, I am looking forward to the next chapter.