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can i please use this for my poetry anthology for class?

Yessssss. You took two of my favorite things, mashed them together, and made this! Now I can't get the song out of my head...

Hi LilyLuna,

This was a sweet tribute to Lily. I'm not familiar with "Mary, Did you Know," but I liked the general the rhythm and repetition of this poem. It's sad to think of all the amazing things Harry did that Lily never knew about...but maybe Lily had some inkling that her child was destined to be someone special. My favorite part was "The cunning will lie/the brave will fight/ the innocent will be freed/ the good will die." That part seemed especially like a prophecy.

Dear Lucy:

The rhyme scheme leaves something to be desired, don't you think?

Sincerely,
Qoheleth

I wanted to like it because this is one of my favorite songs (albeit a different version by someone else), but the butchered rhyming and rhythm kind of killed it for me, probably because I had the song playing in the back of my head as I was reading and it made everything more jarring. I don't think it's as enjoyable if you know the rhythm and are trying to compare it, because it honestly doesn't compare. I have a hard time tuning that out to just read it as is, but I think that people who don't have that issue won't have as much trouble with the piece.

The interlude/build-up portion ("The cunning will lie...etc.") worked better for me than the rest of it. I could make that fit a little better into the song's rhythm, except for that last line which doesn't fit with the rest of what you've written (I get the parallel to the song, but it fits a lot better there and disrupts the rhythm/flow here).

So... Some of the parallels were good, although I think it might've gotten a little too literal or forced at parts. The biggest obstacle here is just that I know the song, I guess. It would have been interesting to see if you could've stuck to the original rhythm and rhyming scheme, although I know that would have been a hell of a lot harder.

Hi there, here from Review Tag. As a Jewish graduate of Catholic schools, I am very familiar with the original song and recognized it from the title. There are definitely some parallels between Jesus and Harry, so I think this song is a good idea for an HP parody, although maybe the parallels go too far in some places. Harry was an important guy in the wizarding world, but he wasn't divine or considered divine like Jesus, so I don't think all the capital letters are needed. I'm not even Christian and I could see how this might be disrespectful.

Maybe it's because I'm so familiar with it, but the adaptation of the lyrics didn't really work for me. I think the most damaging thing is that you removed the rhymes. In the second verse, for example, the original lyrics are "give sight to a blind man / calm a storm with his hand," but here, it's "with Gryffindor's sword" and "an army of students." The non-rhyming made it feel less effective and very clunky to read to me, and Harry has had enough adventures/accomplishments that I think rhymes could've been found. ("Gryffindor's sword" and "the Dark Lord" spring to mind.) There are also some spots where the rhythm doesn't match, for example in "the face of the Chosen One," which has noticeably more syllables than "the face of God."

I've never heard the original...but I thought this was really cool. 'The child that you delivered will soon deliver us." Clever. :)

I liked this. I usually like poetry (in this case, song?) fics because they're very rare to find on ff, but this was particularly interesting because it was a parody of a song (hymn?). I like how you compared Harry to Jesus - I'm sure in the wizarding world, he IS Jesus. This was very enjoyable to read and I really liked how you've brought in a lot of canon references. Good job.

For some reason as soon as I started reading, I heard the pentatonix version of 'Mary did you know?' in the back of my mind. :D

I'm not familiar with the original song, but I like the feel of this. Like a victory song for the students, Harry, and everyone else. Though I doubt Harry will appreciate it much since he's one of those heroes that doesn't want fame; rather he just wants to be left alone.

This is so grave and chilling. I like that you could actually sing this along to the tune of 'Mary, Did You Know?'. It all flowed nicely and I'm not sure who is singing the song, but it feels like something wizarding society would create and sing in rejoice of Harry saving their world. Very akin to the Slytherin's 'Weasley Is Our King'. All in all this was lovely.

Hmm, I don't know the "Mary, Did you know" song so I can't really compare. The poem was nice. I noticed a gospel feel to it (and now, I'm wondering if the song you meant is indeed a gospel with 'Mary'). The thing is that I can actually see the Wizarding World singing as well as the grimace on Harry's face when he sees this! Because he always considered himself normal but when his heroics are mentioned like this, it becomes so... herculean, I would say. But it's a nice read. Thank you. :)

This poem is quite beautiful. I can't tell who is reciting it but I imagine that it's James oddly or even Harry. I love the imagery this provides as it is quite sad that Lily never got to see Harry grow up. Lovely.

-JadedEpiphany