thank you for the tears!

Here comes the water works... *Cries* DX

K, very strong story here. It's good, too, but you really need to use more than a spell checker. Please, until you have a better grasp on the written English language, use a grammar checker, too.

Few mistakes, but not bad. Oh, and that chunky paragraph? Perhaps break it down like this:

[Sakura smiled, "I'm sorry I managed to break through your genjutsu. Maybe you're not as good as you think," she laughed.

She let out a hiss at the pain that was created at her laugh.

"I finally see you," she said, looking straight into his-once more-black eyes.

She knew that she didn't have much time so she needed to say everything now. They need to understand why she did what she did.

"Naruto isn't the only one that you care about, is it, Sasuke-kun?" she asked, "You tried to make me hate you, so that all of this would be easier."]

I think you get my basic point. So just try and do something like that next time, and double check your words. You did quite a few words that had the same sound, but different meaning (forgot the name of them).

Like:
- Strait a narrow passage of water.
- Straight like, in your example "looked straight into his eyes" ya know?

- Thou text message form.
- Though correct form.

But they're some of the few. Ah, and also make sure that you don't accidently skip out words.

Also, be sure to check tense.

But other than that, I liked the story line.

- xxRed