I was hesitant to read this, But now I look forward to any updates, you know 'hint 'hint'.

lol Wrex just gives zero fucks

Aw man, I really enjoyed this, knew a quick stop was coming, but it was still great while it lasted.

To guest-reviewer "Chooser" - I will leave your 'review' up, however, since I can't initiate 1-2-1 dialogue with guests as I can with reviewers who have accounts, I will simply ask that when you review a story, you at least attempt to make the review *about* the story. Your experience, regardless of how limited, may have told you that authors claiming 'real life' reasons for absence no longer have interest in writing their story, but some of us do have genuine reasons for absence. As well, at any one time, I have between two and six stories on the go - I wrote this particular story on the fly, so I have no notes for it and no pre-written chapters. Currently I'm publishing for a story that I *did* manage to save some pre-written chapters for, during my HD crash of 2014, so I choose to update that whilst I try to recover some of my other work. Hope you understand, and that if you choose to review again, it's more constructive. If you'd like to discuss author absences further, please feel free to sign in with an account so that I don't have to do this in public.

-TUS.

In my experience, when someone starts talking about "real life" and such getting in the way, it's because he or she has lost interest in actually writing the story. I note that the last time this was updated is September of 2014, so that's a lot of updates completely missed.

AN interesting concept, swapping out a Paragon for a Renegade, eh? It might explain a few changes in activity in-game.

The major problem I have is the lack of verisimilitude. You have Alenko's acceptance as being hard-won, but would he have really agreed so quickly? A five minute conversation can change his mind, alter his principles so easily, especially when Udina is the one trying to persuade?

As a potential error, what about the hundreds of contacts Shepard 1.0 has made over the years? When someone messages him a joke or invitation to an event he vowed to sponsor?

On the plus side, you have done a masterful job of setting the mood. Going for the third person POV on Anderson, then switching to Alenko was a good move, and I appreciate the clear delineation markings.

The dark lighting, the somber thoughts, that all adds up very well.

Wrex's comment makes me wonder if he will get along well with James Shepard ... I suspect yes. Garrus as well, possibly; although Garrus seems able to go either light or dark side quite easily. Even when light side, he's tended towards pragmatic solutions.

SpaG is great, no worries on that. Keep up the good work!

This story isn't really my sort of thing (I like happily ever after and goodguys! I know kinda immature, but I read to get away from depressing life, so it's kinda useless to read depressing stuff!)
Anyway that's not the point, I won't be reading this story (haven't even read this chapter). I did, however, read your summary and thought the premise was awesome!

Great stuff.

I'm really enjoying this, it's a nifty idea.

Keep at it.

I love this story. I demand more. Keep doing what your doing.

Ach your Shepard is so funny to read. This combination of being sarcastic is hiding very good that he is ruthless and a bit of xonophob.

Good stuff! Looking forward to the next update.

Holy Shit

Funniest thing today, i was going to write my Own Criminal Shepard story and i scroll down the page and see that you have already done it... That Means i don't have to write anymore!

I Adore this Work of Art and i cant wait to see more

Great concept, and I love how it is going so far. The image of Wrex calmly wiping blood off his armour with the furnishings while everyone else is looking disgusted with James was priceless. I guess Wrex didn't have long to get to know John, but I would think that if James should be worried about anyone it would probably be Wrex - unlike Garrus I can't imagine Wrex giving him a warning.

"prised it"
Prized. Prised is "pry," to pry something open.

"long time; that the system"
Full colon, not semi.

James's, Garrus's, Anoleis's, williams's

XO is a role, not his rank. He's executive officer of the ship, but he's not called XO off-ship, or in general.

"the Port's"
lowercase

ship names italicized

"The cavernous Port"
Capitals are for proper nouns. When you have the, a, an, those-any of that-you're not dealing with a proper noun. So, Port Hanshan, yes. The cavernous port would be lowercase, though.

" A shame, James thought, as he grabbed the person closest to him—Tali'Zorah, as it turned out—and pulled her out of the way of an incoming biotic blast, that he would have to kill her."
Sentence very clumsy. End of his thought unclear.

"gave me a weapon without an ammo block in it."
How?
How did he not check to see if it was loaded?!
It's one of the first things you check when you're handed a weapon. Safety, then whether it's loaded, then in the case of weapons like these, whether it's charged. No one who's military-trained should ever be able to forget. Even years after.

"birth; why "
long sentence is long. Recommend breaking here and starting a new one.

"smuggling Sand. "
lowercase

"You know why you don't get a weapon?"
This much expo seems very unlike Kaidan. He's military and he follows orders; he's unlikely to spil,l all this info which would make the mission more difficult.

italics for ship names.

"at: Get on the right side "
lowercase get; still part of the same sentence.

"feigned lack of interest."
POV swicth. James won't *know* it's feigned, but he can interpret. Is it a look he's going by, or does he just think it? Make clear.

"for man"
for a man.

"the Suns were kind enough "
No. No, prison guards in maximum security, run by a gang, are not kind enough to offer treats and special treatment.

"Whilst"
Hackett also more American. While, not whilst.

"James'"
James's. Singular possessive gets an S, even if it ends in S already. Strunk and White.

"Kaidan had a sneaking suspicion"
whose POV is this section supposed to be in? You're bouncing between characters.

"privately-chartered"
no hyphen when the word ends in "-ly." (I have no idea why, though. Just know it's the rule)

"it's a good job "
?

"from knowing"
cut from, you already put it before the em-dashes.

"Alenko – not"
What happened? You were using proper em-dashes with no spaces, then switched to this.

"she's got twenty years on me, "
She's over a hundred. She's got seventy years on Shepards. A fifty-year-old asari would be a child.

"Nobody need ever know they had existed in the first place."
If no one wants him knowing about certain parts of the mission, they likely wouldn't even be there in the first place. At the very least, someone would have gone in and scrubbed anything possibly related to the mission. Other people already know the files are there.

"She and he and mom"
Awkward.