This is how it ended?! WWWWWHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY?!

Oh no! Please don't say Matt's dead! This story, I love it! I want to know what happens! You've chosen a perfect cliffhanger :-)

I didn't know that Ken would have indigo-hair. I like that Ken woke up, and grabbed a hold of his own hand trying to make the pain stop. It was very realistic when people wake up with a lot of pain. Well, I can say that because that was how it is when I am in a lot of pain. Like after sports (mainly track practices). Kari was very in canon with how she was with Ken as soon as she woke up. Since Ken and Kari shared the whole dark world thing, she would naturally know the things he had to deal with in the past the most. SO the two would relate the most in that field. But I have a feeling that this was going to be much, much worse than the dark world itself. It was nice to see that Ken had a sense that he needed to save Davis from the area that they were pushed into. SInce Davis saved him, and many times before in the adventures of season 2. SO Ken has a feeling of need to help out on saving him. Ken clenching his fists trying to hide his helplessness is very in canon to how I would imagine ken in this kind of situation, WHile some people would disagree with me, I can just see it like that. While Ken wanting to go in to save Davis in the place with them is nice attentions, it is still a bad move to make. I mean, his health comes first, and Ken needs to understand that. However, I can understand why he would want to save him as much, since Davis means a lot to him. Okay, as soon as I say this, Joe points that his health is more important. ANother reason you are one of my favorites, Joe. We share a lot in common. FOr a split second, I thought Kari was a guy, since Joe addressed her as a guy with Kari-Kun. So, Ken is coming with them after all? AT least Joe gives them some painkillers. I still have a feeling that these won't be of must use in the place they are going. In fact, it might as well be thrown away instantly. i got to say, I never had to deal with trying to get up, then fall right back down right away. That must be a obvious sign of how much pain going into this place would put him in. I have a feeling that T.K. worrying about Kari in her is a very good sign of friendship. Then again, as T.K. said, the bearer of light is easier to be affected by darkness than it is any other crests. EVen hope, which would also be bad against darkness. So T.K. saw a body in the distance, and he thought it was one of his friends. Which I can see since the digidestined are likely to be the only ones i here. It must be hard to see a dead body in general, even more so if it was one of his eleven best friends. i like that T.K. denys the fact that this is not a reality, but he knows that it is the truth. After seven eight, nine, or ten years of being in the digital world and other places, you would expect anything to happen. Well, I can assume that the person who dies was Matt. Which took a very dark turn. For experiencing one of his family members die, T.K. acted naturally well. I enjoyed reading and reviewing this. I can't wait until you update. But I will not be rushing you, since people deal with a lot in real life. So please, take your time Don't rush a story, that will affect the story in a very bad way.

I'm surprised nobodies said this before, but Tick-tock Tick-tonk is a very dark way of starting a story. Nice way to get us right into the mood set. The true start after that, about the purple whirlpool gets you wondering, who wants Ken? It's also very realistic that T.K. (english name) is so jumpy and wanting to help out right away. how two of his friends were taken away by this purple whirlpool, when it was just supposed to be Ken. That means that Davis and T.K. made up over the years. I liked how Yolei and Cody were having it the worst, however It was also interesting to hear that their digimon had sort of went away. As well as Tai and Izzy showing up when they heard the news. Then coming over right away. Then Kari having to keep her head in her arms, to avoid breaking down. With Yolei breaking down, I can't help but wonder, does she have romantic feelings for Davis or Ken? I also liked how T.K. couldn't try to help give everybody hope, but he felt he had to. Since he was the one who represented hope. It was also nice for T.K. to know that Davis would never give up, no matter what this case may be. How it showed after the final battle in season 2 (can't remember the english name). I would have never expected you on having Tai and Izzy being best friends, well, I should take that back. Since I sort of imply it in my story. I just never expected anybody else to try it out. We all know Davis is a reckless little kid, but still a very good person in the end. Which is something nice about this. How Kari seems to understand that. I was confused, who was 16 years old, Cody or Davis. Since it starts with Davis, then shows Codys point of view. I guess I will find out later on in the story. I liked how when Ken came out, T.K. admits that they might not be super close, but he still does care. that he also wants to see Davis safely home. then Tai calls Joe to bring the medical supplies over to help them out. Joe is honestly one of my favorites, despot most not liking him. It was nice to see Kari cry a lot, since she really has no emotion. Well, that's fault of the people who made the show, not yours. I can tell that you like Kari, since she has a big role in this story. it is scary when Yolei doesn't start talking like crazy. Well, at least we know when to stay down during serious business. then leaves to to T.K. and Kari to be the ones to do the saving with Davis, well, mainly. Despite them all coming. Well, wt least they won't force Ken to come until Joe shows up to give final words. Then we will see if he shall help out or not. I hope he doesn't come, so he could rest easy. Despite Davis being his best friend, after all. Nice ending to the chapter, then goes right into the next one like a contiouess narrative. In some ways, they also really trust what Joe has to say, since they are waiting for him to show up. Then give his input. Very nice chapter and start to story. I will read the next chapter in the next few days.

OMG! Your ending was so powerfully written. I got the goosebumps when he found his brother’s dead body. Aye, I’m totally loving this. The entire chapter, despite its grammar and punctuation errors, was well-written. I really liked it. Your characterization of Takeru was especially well-written and well thought-out. The emotions that you write for the characters are well-done and are felt intensely.

This was an awesome second chapter.

I love your characterization of Hikari. It’s so on-point. She’s a character that is most in-tuned to other’s emotions around her and seeing Ken as he is, I love her thought process and hoping that wherever he’d been taken not be as bad as the world of the dark ocean.

Ken’s emotional duress is well-felt and written. I think you did an awesome job with that. With someone who saves you still being in danger and also the person being his best friend, it’s logical and realistic that he’d react the way he’s reacting even knowing that its impulsive but wanting to save him being more felt than logic.

Takeru’s understanding of how Ken felt was also well-written though illogical and coming from a young teen’s perspective, believing that how Ken felt at the moment was more important than him healing up.. because in reality, Ken would actually slow them down and put them in more danger because they’d have an extra person to have to worry about especially since he has no Digimon with him to help.

I liked the reasoning of this point but their wanting to take him is still quite irresponsible, but I accept that because they’re young and impulsive as young people are.

I look forward to your third chapter.

Nitpicks:

Jyou arrived about (five) minutes later - remember to spell out any number less than 100.

“But Hikari-san... (space) Daisuke, he’s

He... (space) He.. (space) got me out of that horrible place but.. (lowercase) somehow... - personally, on this sentence, I would show more of Ken’s facial expression and how he looks when the shock of him still being there looks to everyone else.

but he’s still trapped there... (space) I have to save him.”

open a portal to the warped dimension (comma) but it will only remain open for (thirty) minutes.”

Of course (either a comma or exclamation point) I have to go!”

Daisuke means a lot to me (semi-colon) I can’t leave him’

You have Jyou refer to Hikari as -kun, but that’s usually used in reference to male friends, -chan or -san would’ve been more appropriate.

The part about Takeru’s landing was ultra weird wording and probably should be looked at and reworded to make it flow better.

hear a hissing noise (comma) but there was no way

the phrase “slightly shaking violently” makes no sense. Slightly would mean that he was only shaking a “little” but violently would mean “intense and greatly.” Choose one adjective but not both.. it doesn’t work.

Did Takeru notice sweat on his neck or feel sweat on his neck? He should “feel” in this situation since he’s not seeing it, himself.

This place was admittedly different (semi-colon) it made him

This one... (space) is precious to you... (space) go closer

seeing the one you love... (space) lost forever... (space)...

Good job,
Until Next Time,
Neo

It is a nice new chapter. You are doing well. And the point of view is more limited this time, but I think it might be better still to be even deeper inside the person. It is extremely difficult to do i imagine, but writing everything from the eyes of one person and this person only, that is to say no descriptions that are not actively seen by the character. No telling of things as if they are seen by a narrator, closer into the thoughts of the character like how for example leading up to "There was a body lying there covered in blood" you go on writing out Takeru's thoughts/things he sees/reasons before he concludes that that what he sees is a body. And that the liquid is blood. Little things like that. Maybe. ;)

I have to say these first two chapters did an awesome job at reeling me in to your story. You transitioned into the plot relatively easily without jumping straight into the plot and was able to explain what was happening in a way that didn't bore the reader. Usually it takes a while to get into a good story but after reading what you've got, I'm kinda upset and am stuck here thinking, "Where's the hell is the next one?"

There's not much that I can complain about when it comes to your writing style. For your first story, you've sure done a great job grammar-wise. Though there are a few silly mistakes that could've been avoided with a quick edit or beta-reader. Let's see if you can find them.

Judging on Ken's reaction with Davis being trapped in this... other world... thing... I'm guessing that maybe... just MAYBE... this is Daiken? Or Kensuke, if you prefer that one? Oh, well. Guess I'll just wait and see. You've sort of explored Ken's side of the relationship pretty well, and I can't wait to see if we get to figure out where the hell Davis is, or what's going through his little mind.

Also, I am in loooove with TK's (pardon me; I grew up with the dubbed names) character (if it's not obvious). And since he, Ken, Davis and Kari are the main focus of your fic, you can bet your ass that I'll be sticking with this story for a while.

One more thing to say: The scene you've concluded the chapter with is REALLY bugging me. I am itching for more. Like, what the hell happened to Matt?! Dude! I SERIOUSLY do NOT what to read a chapter that involves a funeral. O.O

Update sooooon... _

This is interesting!

I think that for your first fanfiction this is going very well :) Making sure that each character gets some time in the spotlight can be difficult to do at times, but for the most part you're doing a decent job of that, so keep an eye on that. Other than that, I'm enjoying this story very much :D

great chapter. I still feel like you should use the american names for the digimon but i cant force you to change the names. its your choice. anyways great chapter. I cant wait for the next chapter

First Ken, Daisuke, and now Yamato, as much as it pleases me having someone in pain or dying, I don't want them to die! Really great Chapters!

Good job! This chapter was better: barely any POV jumps, intriguing plot, and so forth. However, I'm seeing a pattern. You're too busy focusing on Takeru and Hikari, that you're ignoring most of the other characters. The digimon didn't say anything, nor did Taichi or Koushiro. Iori and Miyako are briefly mentioned, and you sometimes repeat the same thing. I want more "Ken" than "Indigo-haired boy" please. Otherwise, this is really interesting.

Matt? I wonder if that's the real him or not though. At least Takeru's considering the possibility that it may not be.

Nice dark chapter. Felt like it worked better than the last one, probably b/c there's less POV jumping. There were some parts where it felt like you were being redundant: mainly, in Ken freaking out about Daisuke, a lot of the sentences were just saying the same thing slightly differently without adding anything to the scene. Also, Ken should be asking/thinking about Wormmon too, who is his Digimon partner also trapped in that dimension.

Fussing aside, I enjoyed the chapter and look forward to more :)

getting darkest every moment.
now I want to see when you arrive in parts of the fight.

Whaaa :( Is Yama died? But great update Amna-chan