has died

WEHFBYGV86RV8YEW
has stopped working

You have a brilliant and intriguing piece here so far. Yes, it feels like a lot but that's not necessarily a bad thing. You have Scar''s backstory that keeps getting released pieces at a time (a method I'm particularly fond of), you have the hosts reactions to the kids and vice versa (good for the hosts in my opinion, they need to see how damaged a person can be and learn just how privileged they really are), and you have this whole princess scenario which still hasn't been explained. If it's yakuza we're dealing with, is Ritsu Kasanoda going to play a role at all? You know he'd do anything for Haruhi. What would happen if Haruhi decided her father would be safest if she pulled the plug while he's in a coma? They can't threaten her with killing Ranka if he's already dead. Also the host boys really need to buck up and realize Haruhi is in some serious danger. How is it Tamaki, Hikaru, Kaoru, or Honey have asked about her father yet or how she got injured in the first place? Not one of them have realized anything. You've got a great beginning and I would love to see you take it further.

I want to read this. But if it's an INDEFINITE HIATUS, I'm not sure I want to... If I really like it I'll be really sad to not have an ending. But I'm not one to talk since I can't seem to update my own stories regularly.

If this ever goes off Indefinite Hiatus, I'll come back and read. :)

*the summary makes me wonder... but ah! I can't... I'll be too sad*

No but seriously, thank you for this AMAZING story and journey. My emotions went on such a thrill and rollercoaster... I just CANT THANK YOU A GLIB DANG ENOUGH!

*nods headcoughsExcuse me for a momentwalks outsideNOOOOO! WHY DANG FLIPPIN FLAPPIN JACKING MCFLURMP!turns around and walks back insideI totally understand and respect your decision."

I have read many Ouran stories and so far this has to be one of the best... Completely different, interesting and creative. I look forward t your future endeavours!

Whoops, just realized I wasn't logged in. That last comment was from me! Love this story!

Started this fanfic last night and only got 3 hours sleep because I could not stop reading! I LOVE Scar and really wish he was in the anime and manga! I don't know why but I'm really hoping see Haruhi have a brake down and Scar be the one to help/comfort her. Really hope you update soon!

While I agree with some of what "heather is feather" has mentioned, I believe your story can still be saved and be continued as long as you dial back on adding too many layers of complications to the story without any answers. I think you're at the point where the Host Club does need to be involved more and become more useful. Up until now all they've mostly been is a nuisance and your OCs have become too much of a main focus. Just start pulling Haruhi and the guys a bit more into the spotlight and start letting your audience know more of what is really going on and who Haruhi is supposed to really be.

Also, Scar is just way too covered in secrets. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I caught on a few chapters back that Scar is really a girl. At least that's what it seems like to me. If played right the set up for a Haruhi/Mori pairing is right around the corner and a possible Kyoya/Scar pairing is sounding more promising.

I still really like this story and hope you continue it and soon. It's a bit different and has the possibility of becoming a story that can be continued and made into a lengthy one which is something I would love to see. There are entirely too many short stories here and not many longer ones. I, for one, am entirely ready to see a story that lasts more than 15, 25 or even 30 chapters. I've been desperately looking for a good lengthy story that can span upwards of 40 chapters. I know that's asking a lot from someone, but this story seems like one that can accomplish that.

Like I mentioned before, start making the Host Club a bit more useful as they do come from powerful and resourceful families- that has to count for something. Start allowing some trust creep into the mix and secrets to be divulged that are necessary for story development. Don't let minor situations drag on too long. Decide on what is really important and try not to bring unnecessary OCs into the mix, too many will kill the story. A good start from here on in may be to allow the Host Club start acting a bit more mature, realizing that they should be more mindful of their words and actions and learn how to be more helpful. That would help Scar be more comfortable with them and make the situation somewhat more manageable.

please keep updating this is a wonderful story

Honest words here:
There is a lot of unnecessary stuff in this fic. OCs are fine, but adding them into a story, and then bunching in Nth many chapters of back story to explain the OCs can work, but not after you already have stated the primary complication of the narrative.
The best way I can explain this is, that reading this fic gives the same sort of feeling that you get when a book series gets condensed into a single series.
Its too full on, characters keep getting added and forgotten promptly as the reader is trying to remember the other new characters and contexts and plot lines.

I feel like you're story had the potential to be good, but you let your imagination get the best of you.

Now specific points:
1) You repeat a lot of text. Explaining situations of multiple perspectives or in smaller amounts all the time makes your audience skim read you work and scroll to the next chapter. Make things clear, simple and understandable.

2) weak plot lines, where complication is layered onto complication without a single hint of resolution is distracting and leads to skimming, readers abandoning the fic, and audiences dissatisfaction. TV soap operas can do it, because the story is both visually and auditory explained. You cannot expect people to fully comprehend the amount of complications you are presenting, remember new characters names/relationships/context/trivia, story setting and figure out the tone of the chapter.

3) too many cliff hangers becomes a boring and or frustrating trope after a while.

4) an OC or two is a cool way go extend the story, but not fifteen, and then their pets, and tangent stories, and "off-screen" preformed relationships

Advice for the future: write out a general story plan, cut out unnecessary people/setting changes/back story/ dramatic twists.

Lastly, I could to make it to chapter 12 (I think) before giving up on putting in the large amount of effort needed to read this fic. I'm sorry, but its true. It was too wishy washy. Also this story could be written with all original characters as the story has moatly nothing to do with the OHSHC characters. You could try a rewrite with your own characters and then you're story would progress ans flow better as it wouldnt be constricted to the predetermined characters/character development that is the foundation for the expectations of the target audience.

Best of luck with your future endeavours.

I loved this chapter! Makes me feel a mysterious vibe and my oh MY! Kaoru HIT Hikaru? Scandalous! I LOVE it! I really hope that I can read the next chapter soon!

HEY HEY HEY HEY SOMEONE NEEDS TO STEAL THE ALL KNOWING KYOUYA'S BLACK BOOK TO SEE WHAT HE RIGHTS FOR ALL I KNOW HE COULD BE A KIRA USER -anime show ninja secret arts-

This was a good chapter! I'm curious to know who Haruhi really is in this story :)