Ripper26
 Author has written 5 stories for Hetalia - Axis Powers. First of all, I would like to thank everyone who has read and supported Ripper26, he needed it; second of all, I would like to apologise to everyone who was waiting for a new story/chapter as it will no longer become possible. Ripper26 has fallen off a cliff, he is in a hospital in severe condition however he will recover in the future. Apart from the fatal fall, his DID has considerably worsened the past few months and because of the fall, his condition worsened. It is very highly unlikely that he will be able to return to Fanfiction or Fictionpress, however we will leave his profile as it is in the slim chance that he may return. Good evening/morning/afternoon to the people who are reading my boring profile. I am Ripper26 but I guess you all know that now. You may call me Ripper or Kirisaki or Kiri or Saki but I'd like it if you call me Aster. I deleted my boring profile as suggested. I really shouldn't bother you all with my unimportant backstory... Oh, and you'll probably be seeing a lot of '...'s in both my stories and A/Ns so please bear with me... It's a habit I'm trying to remove... but I've made little progress it seems... I don't cuss in real life nor in (most of) my A/Ns but if I did, it would most likely be censored. You can expect an overdose of F-bombs in my fics though... So... I love yaoi and anime. I'm a male by the way, in case you confuse me for a girl... I am absolutely addicted to Hetalia and I just can't bear to have a day pass without reading something Hetalia related. Aside from APH, I'm also a fan of numerous anime like I said before but it'd be too much of a hassle to type it all so... I also love different pairings. My favourite would be USUK but I'm also fine with non-USUK pairings like Fruk or Amecan. I'm not into BDSM much but... I read it sometimes... just sometimes though... I also have a tendency of making my characters suffer... though they're not mine, I still love making them suffer but I feel pain from it as well... I'm getting weirder I think... A close friend suggested I make a list of what parings I like and dislike to inform the readers so... I guess I'll just do it. I'll also do requests as long as they're in the 'likes' or 'neutral' section. If I forgot a pairing or if you have a pairing not listed here, which is highly likely due to the loads and loads of characters, just PM me. Oh, the order of the parings are important. I like Amecan but I don't read Caname. I don't hate a pairing though, hate is such a strong word. Plus, we all have our own tastes... This is listed in no particular order by the way... Most of the pairings are listed in likes though... There might be some errors since I'm mostly writing at ungodly hours in the morning (3:00, 2:000) so please excuse me if you do happen to see one or three. LIKES: USUK UKUS PruCan RoChu SpaMano Fruk Amecan ScotEng (Scotland x England) PruAus AusHun PruHun AusSwiss Netherlands x Canada IceHong Giripan Turkey x Greece China x Japan GerIta FraNada DenNor NorIce DenIce UKUK (this exists as well) USUS (this too)DISLIKES: Germany x Spain (yes, this exists) Spain x Germany RusGer GerRus France x Germany EngMano PruMano RusMano (this exists too) Turkey x Japan FrUS EngCanNEUTRAL RusCan Itacest Germancest RusBela Sweden x FinlandEverything about my fics will be updated here. Published, unpublished, soon-to-be-published etc. - Portal Fandom: Hetalia - Another Fandom: Hetalia - Valentine's Day Specials Fandom: Hetalia - Down to Earth Fandom: Hetalia Here Comes The Weird Copy and Paste Crap Your One and Only Wish Do it one by one, don't look ahead! Write down: 1. The name of a person of the opposite sex. 2. What your favorite colour is out of red, black, blue, green and yellow. 3. Your first initial? 4. Your month of birth? 5. What colour you like more out of black and white. 6. The name of a person of the same sex as yours. 7. Your favorite number? 8. If you like California or Florida more? 9. Do you like the lake or ocean more? 10. Write down a wish (a realistic one.) Are you done? If so, scroll down (Don't cheat--) The Answers 1. You are completely in love with this person. 2. If you choose: Red: You are alert and you life is full of love. Black: You are conservative and aggressive. Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back. Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and open affection from the one you love. Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down. 3. If you're initial is: A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life. L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and you love life is soon to blossom S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good. 4. If You were born in: Jan-Mar: The year will favour very well for you and you will discover the you fall in love with someone totally unexpected. Apr-June: you will have a strong love relationship that will no long but the memories will last forever July-Sept: You will have a great year and will experience a major life changing experience for the good. Oct-Dec: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soul mate. 5. If you choose... Black: your life will take on a different direction; it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you and you will be glad for the change. White: you will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, even though you may not realize it. 6. This person is your best friend. 7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime. 8. If you choose... California: You like adventure. Florida: You are a laid back person. 9. If you choose... Lake: You are loyal to you friends and your love, but you are very reserved. Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people. 10. This wish will come true only if you re-post this bulletin in one hour, and it will come true before your next birthday! 1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? - a large scar from my left shoulder to my right hip, graciously given to me by my brother when we got into an argument a few years ago 2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?- paintings and posters of anime 3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?- I talk in my sleep. Mostly about mundane things like chores and the like. If I'm drunk, I'll either talk about my brother or USUK... yeah I've traumatized enough people to last three lifetimes 4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?- anything really, as long as it catches my interest, I'll listen 7. WHO/WHAT DO YOU MISS?-my mother, the time when my life was perfect and when everything made sense 8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)?- a small, crudely hand-sewn doll that was sewn by my brother for me for my eleventh birthday 9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?- about 5"1 I know I'm short 10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?- yes, quite often 11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?- sometimes... it depends 17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?- cheese 18. IF YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?- beef and vegetable meat pie 23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?- I don't think so 24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?- that would be John Brian, don't judge me 28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?- depends on who it is 29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?- umm... I'm not really sure 30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED: 16 31. BLONDS OR BRUNETTES?- Brunettes 36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?- a Japanese seiyuu whose name I forgot 37. FIRST JOB?- at a tailorshop, it didn't end well 38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?- yes and got sent to the hospital for it 41.WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE FILLING THIS OUT?- sewing 40. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY? - no 43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?- no 45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?- I would say none 46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?- yes, and I don't like it 47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?- yes 49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?- anything that keeps my hair smooth, I know I'm vain 50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?- yes 52. ANY BAD HABITS?- yes, quite a few 54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?- yes, I think 56. DO LOOKS MATTER?- a little not a lot but I like to keep myself as presentable as possible 57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? - cutting myself 62. WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A KID? - no, didn't have time for anything as a child 63. DO YOU USE SARCASM? - often 64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE? - macaroni and cheese 68. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW? - Dr. Who 69. WHAT WAS YOUR ACT/SAT SCORE? - 35, I think, I have a short memory 70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? - chocolate with strawberry 71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES? - yes 75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? - if they have time 81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE? - fire and haters 82. FAVORITE MONTH OF THE YEAR? - December 89. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT? - I don't like fast food in general 90. YOU LIKE SUSHI? - yes 91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED?- Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance 92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?- if it's a day, that would be Saturday. If it's a date, that would be December 16 98. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU HAVE?- I'm not familiar with cars but I think ours is a black Honda... I think 99. DO YOU LIKE YOUR NAME?- it's fine and very, very unique but I hate that I'm named after her 100. REACH YOUR RIGHT ARM OUT AS FAR AS YOU CAN. WHAT IS THERE?- my bag, lamp, notebooks, and all sorts of writing materials Fun Names, READ MINE THEN COPY AND PASTE! YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle): Astizzle YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (color and animal): Blue Viper YOUR STAR WARS NAME:(the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name): Rolasrid YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (color, drink): Blue Apple Cider YOUR ARAB NAME:(2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name): Sluacjd, yeah I don't get it either YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mothers middle name): Madrid YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets): Black Shadow... yeah, my brother named the cat YOUR ROCK STAR NAME:(fruit, and something that can go wrong): Starfruit Syndrome? My brain isn't working right... YOUR NOBODY NAME:(take all the letters of your first name, mix them around and put an 'x' where you think it should go): Skaestrix , I know it doesn't make sense YOUR PIRATE NAME:(color, pirate accessory): Blue Hook I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool! Difelintly. I you could read this copy and paste it to your profile Name twelve of your favourite Axis Powers Hetalia characters in no particular order. 1) England 2) America 3) Prussia 4) Hungary 5) Greece 6) Scotland 7) Russia 8) Canada 9) France (I dislike him but like him at the same time. Weird I know) 10) China 11) Japan 12) Spain 1) Have you read a five/ten fic before? Five is: Greece Ten is : China No... I can't imagine it either... but it might be interesting 2) Do you think three is hot? How hot? Three is: Prussia Well... he is hot in a way. Pretty hot too 3) What would happen if six got one pregnant? Six is: Scotland One is: England Well this sh*t is hilarious. So... England would act tsundere type A and Scotland would show the world how much of a bad A- he is. Then America, England and Scotland would have a threesome. Yeah I know I'm sick 4) Do you recall any good fics about nine? Nine is: France I don't generally read France fics but... yeah I read quite a few. Most are Franada though... 5) Would seven and two make a good couple? Seven is: Russia Two is: America I guess it would to others. I don't particularly like RusAme but a good number of others do so... they might 6) Four/eight or four/nine? Four is: Hungary Eight is: Canada Nine is: France I think Hungary would look cute with France more than she would with Canada. I dunno 7) What would happen if seven discovered three and eight in a secret relationship? Seven is: Russia Three is: Prussia Eight is: Canada Russia would inform the Baltics. Lithuania would tell Belarus (and in doing so, he would be informing Ukraine) and America who would no doubt tell England who would accidentally reveal it to France who would tell it to Spain who would tell it to Italy who would tell Japan and Germany then Japan would tell Greece who would tell the Mediterranean nations who would tell some other nations and the info would eventually reach the Nordics and soon would reach Korea who would undoubtedly broadcast it to the world so... their relationship is no longer a secret 8) Make a summary of at least twenty words for a two/six fic. Two is: America Six is: Scotland They both love him. They love him so much it hurt them. They love him so much it hurt him as well. It's twenty-two words but hey, nothing's perfect. Kudos if you know who 'him' is. 9). Is there such a thing as a four/ten romantic fluff story? Four is: Hungary Ten is: China I don't know but I'm sure some of my friends could make this happen 10) Suggest a title for a one/five Hurt/Comfort fic. One is: England Five is: Greece So... My Lover's Friend. Just 'cause it said one/five doesn't mean the pairing should be one/five no? 11. What kind of plot would you use for a three/eleven fic? Three is: Prussia Eleven is: Japan Japan helps Prussia with his love troubles with Canada. I can't think of anything else 12. Does anyone on your friends list read number seven het? What about nine slash? Nine is: France All but my internet best friend, Rei. She has a... an unexplained hatred towards France both character and country and anything French or anything related to them... 13. If you wrote a songfic about number nine, what song would you chose? Nine is: France Somebody I Used to Know. Just what the tin says. France reflects on his relationship with Jeanne d'Arc 14. If you wrote a two/three/six fic, what would the warning be? Two is: America Three is: Prussia Six is: Scotland Warning: Contains extreme violence, language, three awesome but drunk nations, confessions about England, and a Prussian that catches it all on video... I might use this... 15. What pick-up line might eight use on five? Eight is: Canada Five is: Greece "You're as sweet as maple" I couldn't think of anything else (I know this is completely unrelated to that pathetic excuse for I line I used but for more retarded anime pick up lines go here: http:///anime.html ) 16. Challenge: Write a drabblefic for ten/eight. Ten is: China Eight is: Canada "I'm Canada!" Canada yelled. Though to the Asian man, it sounded like a softer voice from a person talking calmly. They had been stuck in the fairly large closet for the past hour. Courtesy of the other nations. Particularly Prussia and America. What's worse is, all of them are drunk. Not drunk as in wasted drunk but more like a tipsy drunk. At first, it was hilarious watching England confess to America in broad daylight but now it didn't seem as amusing anymore. If the others forgot to open the closet, they were stuck there. Canada had been in there with a drunk Chinese man. At first the two of them spent the time they were locked up in comfortable silence. Then Canada remembered that the Chinese drunk way more than he did. China was starting to spout gibberish. Canada paled as he remembered that France slipped something in China's drink. When China stumbled toward's Canada with the same look one find's on France, Canada screamed in a girlish way that did not help with his situation at all. By a freak chance, he saw a hockey stick lying innocently beside the door. His eyes lit with hope then glared at the Chinese. He was saved! America had been sobering up when he heard banging on the closet door. He remembered that Canada was there and panicked when the banging grew more desperate. "Shit! Russia open the door!" Russia was the closest one and narrowed his eyes at the American but opened the door nonetheless. At this China came tumbling out and clung to Russia desperately. All the nations were visibly shocked. Canada came walking out in his normal shy self and the incident was never spoken of again. But everyone knew that one question was in their minds 'What Happened in the Closet?' Wow that took longer than I expected. I may or may not write this. If you want to take it, feel free to do so however I would like you to message me first or give me some mention 17) What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex? Seven is: Russia Two is: America Twelve is: Spain Same as number seven, the whole world would find out. 18) What kind of plot would you use if you wanted Four to de-flower One? Four is: Hungary One is: England Hungary would enlist the help of Japan and dress England in a kitty outfit. Then they'd lock him in a room with America who would proceed to de-flower one. What? One was de-flowered because of Four it's the same thing! *huff* 19) Does anyone on your friends list read Seven slash? Seven is: Russia Yes, all of them do. 20) Does anyone on your friends list read Three het? Three is: Prussia Uhh... a few. Could be counted on one hand though... 21) Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven? Eleven is: Japan Yes. One of them draws Japan insanely well we mistake it as a printed webcomic. He's just that good... (he can't draw anything other than anime though) 22) Would you write Two/Four/Five? Two is: America Four is: Hungary Five is: Greece Umm... I don't know how to make this work but if I did, I just might write one if I have time... maybe 23) What might Ten scream at a moment of great passion? Ten is: China "Aahh- AAAHHHHHHHH!!!! R-Russia- F-faster!!!" Umm... I don't know what came over me... 24) When was the last time you read a fic about Five? Five is: Greece Half a year ago. I have a schedule what to search for okay? 25) What is Six's super-secret kink? Six is: Scotland Umm... I dunno... whips and handcuffs and maybe stepping on his uke's balls or scorching their face with his cigar, I'm not sure... 26) Would Eleven shag Nine? Drunk or sober? Eleven is: Japan Nine is: France It's the other way around dear. Drunk and sober 27) If Three and Seven get together, who tops? Three is: Prussia Seven is: Russia Good lord, it's obvious Russia will... 28) "One and Nine are in a happy relationship until Nine suddenly runs off with Four. One, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Eleven and a brief unhappy affair with Twelve, then follows the wise advice of Five and finds true love with Two." What title would you give this fic? One is: England Nine is: France Four is: Hungary Eleven is: Japan Twelve is: Spain Five is: Greece Two is: America So England is in a happy relationship with France who runs off with Hungary. England is broken-hearted and had a one-night stand with Japan and an affair with Spain. He then follows Greece's advice and finds true love with America. Holy f*ck I am so writing this! With modifications but hey, what can I do? So I think the title 'How to Heal a Broken Heart' would be nice. One day... I'll write this one day... 29) How would you feel if Seven/Eight was canon? Seven is: Russia Eight is: Canada I'd be a little disappointed. I'm not too fond of the pairing but I don't diss it. So... sulk around then continue with my normal pairings as if this wasn't canon You know you're addicted to Hetalia when: 1. You start laughing hysterically at maps 2. You go "Aww" when you see two or more flags together 3. You've learned more history (Austria-Hungary Compromise, WWII) from it than from an actual history class 4. You debate about details like whether the number on America's back is supposed to be 50 or 96...with supporting screenshots 5. You watch APH MADs (Music videos/parodies) 6. You got a Nico Nico Douga account despite not knowing a single word of Japanese so you could watch even more APH MADs. 7. You dress up in a scarf and party hat and sit behind a receptionist's desk for Halloween. 8. World War II starts sounding romantic. 9. Your teacher asks why you put "Alfred F. Jones" as the answer instead of America, and why you drew a small heart and the name "Arthur" beside it. 10. You yell "Yeah, he's the hero!" whenever someone says America. 11. You misread UK as UKE every single time, and have started mispronouncing it in actual conversation. 12. You know every country's flag and location, and people think you must be a huge history nerd, and really, you've become one. 13. You shudder every time you hear the name "Russia" or "Ivan" and quickly glance over your shoulder...just in case. 14.Whenever you see a fellow Hetalia fan, you shout, "Pastaaaaaaaaa!!" down the hallway. 15. You write down your favorite pairings all over your history lecture notes, leaving others to wonder what "FRxUK" means. 16. You end every sentence with "aru". 17. You scream 'paaaaaaaaaastaaaaaaaaaaa' every time you happen to have some. 18. You can't imagine a functioning Italian mafia. (Never could XD) 19. You want Prussia back on the map. 20. You can no longer say "international affairs" with a straight face. 21. No one can mention a country without you thinking about what they look like in Hetalia. 22. You read a historical book and think it would make a good fanfic. 23. Other people don't get it when you say your country's cute. 24. You've listened to Romano's Delicious Tomato Song like...80 billion times. 25. You're a duke/duchess of Sealand. 26. You've become a thousand times more patriotic. 27. You remember Canada Day BEFORE the 4th of July, as in, you completely forget about America's birthday. (and you're American) 28. You want to learn every single language in the world. Even the weird ones. 29. You recognize which flag belongs to which country, while everyone just looks at you funny. 30. Everyone who's named Alfred, Arthur, Peter, Matthew, and Francis is forever linked to Hetalia. COPY AND PASTE AND BOLD THE ONES THAT YOU ARE I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. (or just have fast metabolism) How to know if you are obsessed with the Hunger Games!!! (bold the ones that you are) 1. Whenever you are having any kind of competition, you state the rules, and then say "And may the odds be ever in your favor!" Your Godly Parent is...(bold what you are) ZEUS -You like being in charge. 4/10 POSEIDON -You feel at home in the water. 4/10 HADES -You’re not that much of a people person. 10/10 DEMETER -You own a garden. 8/10 ARES -You often start fights. 1/10 ATHENA -You have an insatiable thirst for knowledge. 7/10 APOLLO -You’re very creative and artistic. 4/10 HUNTER OF ARTEMIS -You dislike boys in general. 4/10 HEPHAESTUS -You have a way with tools. 1/10 APHRODITE -Every guy/girl swoons for you. 4/10 HERMES -You like pick pocketing your friends. 5/10 DIONYSUS -You’re the life of the party. 4/10 What's your element? Fire ( )You have a short temper 1/10 Water (x)You have a calm, laid-back personality 9/10 Earth ( )You are physically strong. 3/10 Air (x)You have a free spirit. You hate rules. 5/10 100 STUPID THINGS (BOLD THE ONES YOU HAVE DONE) 1. Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out 1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 81, and find line 4. "Are you crazy!?" Max exclaimed as Ernie continued to snore 2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch? Books, notebooks, my phone, pens, pencils, the remote, pillows, my comb, a piece of paper and my earphones 3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? The Walking Dead 4. Without looking, guess what time it is: 10:48 pm 5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 11:15 pm 6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? The AC and the tv 7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? This morning when my brother threw me out for half an hour 8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at? Someone's profile. Where do you think I copied this thing from? 9. What are you wearing? A shirt, shorts and my dog tag necklace 10. Did you dream last night? USUK period 11. When did you last laugh? A while ago reading this survey on another person 12. What is on the walls of the room you are in? Paintings and posters 13. Seen anything weird lately? There are a lot of weird things in the world but the oddest would be when I saw a cat driving a child's scooter with the child is crying and chasing after it while carrying the cat's kitten 14. What do you think of this survey? Uh... a survey? 15. What is the last film you saw? So Undercover. I had no choice... 16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? Lots of anime and manga and some vases and glass figurines 17. Tell me something about you that I don't know: I like flowers, vases, figurines (especially glass ones) and antique objects 18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? I'd make it so that my brother wouldn't hate me 19. George W. Bush... Is the 43rd U.S president I think 20. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? It's not gonna happen but I guess... Alice? 21. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Again, not gonna happen but maybe... Arthur? I know I've watched too much Hetalia 22. Would you ever consider living abroad? We already are but we're planning on moving to D.C soon 23. Where's #1 on your top 8? I didn't quite understand this... 24. What is your favourite possession? The doll that my brother had sewn for me 25. Do you own a gun? Three revolvers actually... 26. If you could tell your last ex something what would you say? I don't have one 27. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? No 28. What's your favourite Christmas song? I don't exactly have a favourite 29. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? A glass of fresh fruit juice would be nice 30. Can you do a push up? No. 31. Is your bathroom clean? I just cleaned it so yes 32. What's your favourite piece of jewellery? My dog tag necklace with the flag of the UK 33. Do you take painkillers? Whenever I need to 34. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex? I don't really try anything but if it's necessary, start with the eyes 35. Do you have A.D.D.? (Attention Deficit Disorder) I don't think so 36. What's your name? You may call me Aster 37. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment 1 America 2 Ocean 3 England Yeah... I don't know how that happened 38. Name the last 3 things you have bought 1 Hetalia figurines 2 Groceries 3 A bracelet for my sister's birthday 39. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink 1 Water 2 Beer 3 Juice 40. Current worry? The front door that my brother smashed to pieces (someone could get right in -_-) 41. Current hate? That bastard that broke my sister's heart 42. Favourite place(s) to be? 1 The beach 2 On somewhere windy with a view of a) endless grass with flowers (think the place England met America in) b) vast and open sea with clear cloudless skies 3 London. I miss home but hey, I don't have a reason to return 43. How did you bring in the New Year? Beer. Lots and lots of beer and karaoke with someone taking pictures of our embarrassment then posting it on Facebook or the like 44. Where would you like to go? I'd love to return to London or go see the Eiffel Tower and all other famous landmarks around the world 45. Do you own slippers? We all do 46. What shirt are you wearing? It's black with the Union Jack printed on the front 47. Favorite color(s)? 1 Blue 2 Red 3 White 48. Are you gay? I would say no 49. Do you sing in the shower? Sometimes 50. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? My father. He beats me up all the time when he had a bad day/he's drunk 51. Best bed sheets as a child? We left it back in London but we used to have one with the Union Jack on it. There was one for each of us... 52. Worst injury you've ever had? When my brother pushed me down the stairs, I had a lot of broken bones and I don't know how the skin from my leg got peeled off but it happened and it was horrible. I had to clean the stains the moment I got home from the hospital since no one would 53. Who is your loudest friend? That would be Rei Q. 54. Who is your most silent friend? Drew. As long as he's not drunk. 55. Does someone have a crush on you? Normally when others have crushes on people, they don't tell them unless they're ready to be rejected or convinced that they have a chance so... I have no bloody idea! 56. Do you wish on shooting stars? Yes. I know magic is real so... 57. What is your favourite candy? I don't like candy in general but if I had to choose that would be skittles 58. What song(s) do/did you want played at your wedding? I don't expect to have one but... if I would that would be... Misery Business. What? It's my wedding I play what I want to play 59. What song(s) do you want played at your funeral? First I'd want 'When it Rains' by Paramore as a background when they talk about me if that's possible then play 'Gravity' by whose name I forgot from the anime Wolf's Rain. Then after that play 'Brick by Boring Brick' for the heck of it just 'cause... 60. What were you doing @ 12 AM last night? Waiting for my brother to return home since he didn't! Oh and watching Hetalia MADs while waiting. 61. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Please may someone else do the chores... Which Hetalia character are you? The Axis Powers North Italy (Feliciano Vargas) [ ]You were bullied a lot in your childhood. [ ]You adore pasta, pizza, cheese, and fruit. [x]You're very happy-go-lucky. [x]You constantly have a dozy look on your face as if you're always away with the fairies. [ ]You have a long curly strand of hair that always tends to stick up. [ ]You're a good artist. [x]You can be clumsy at times. [ ]You have a friend you always depend upon if you mess up something. [ ]If your life was in danger, you would do the typical Italian thing and say: "PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I HAVE RELATIVES IN YOUR COUNTRY!" [ ]You would surrender in a war situation. (3/10) Germany (Ludwig Beilschmidt) [ ]You're very stoic and serious. [ ]Sausages are your favourite foods. [ ]You like to walk your dog. [x]Your boss/principal/tutor/home-room teacher is a nut-case. [ ]You love rules and think they should always be followed. [x]You think the world would be better if everyone played by the rules. [x]You work very hard. (sometimes...) [x]Your alone time is your 'happy time'. [ ]You can appear tough but be very considerate towards people. [x]You've had issues with money once or twice . (5/10) Japan (Kiku Honda) [x]You're very mature [x]You think everything over before saying it. [x]You believe in ghosts but aren't phased by the experience when you see one. (I did see one. She was my mother...) [ ]You isolated yourself during childhood. [ ]You became very successful in a short amount of time. [x]You are somewhat inexperienced when it comes to the outside world. [x]You can seem cold/aloof to other people. [x ]You're good at practical tasks. [x] You need time to adjust to new people . (7/10) The Allied Forces The United States of America (Alfred F. Jones) [ ]You love hamburgers. [ ]You think you're awesome. [ ]You love to invent things. [x]You love going to the cinema/watching films/making films. [ ]You can seem to be very brash to other people. [x]You have a tendency to stick your nose into other peoples' business. [ ]You're terrified of ghosts. [ ]You know aliens exist. (they don't) [ ]You tend to wear a bomber jacket all the time. [x]You wear glasses. (3/10) England (Arthur Kirkland) [x]You like tea. (Love it) [x]You were quite tough as a kid. (note: as a kid) [x]You're very sarcastic and cynical. [x]Your cooking is awful. (I can't cook even if my life depended on it) [x]You love spiritual magical stuff, such as fairies, ghosts... [x]...But you refuse to believe in aliens. (because they don't exist) [x]You have tried doing black magic before. [x]You get drunk quite easily. (I do and spout some gibberish after...) [x]When you are drunk, you tend to be very unhappy. (I scream profanities at everyone. I'm not a happy drunk) [x]You're good at embroidery. (10/10) (what the f- it's an effing 10. Guess this is why I like Iggy so much...) France (Francis Bonnefoy) [/]You're very affectionate. (towards people I know) [ ]You think you have a great fashion sense. [x]You like wine. [ ]You're the master of whispering romantic things into peoples' ears. [x]You love red roses. [ ]When it comes to l'amour, you don't mind men or women. [ ]You're very proud of yourself. [x]You love culture and the arts. [ ]You're very flamboyant. [ ]You say you're a gourmet. (3.5/10) Russia (Ivan Braginski) [x]You had a very sad childhood. [ ]You're very tall. [x]You have a tendency to switch between personalities. [ ]You wear a scarf all the time. [x]You love sunflowers. [x]You love vodka. [ ]You can seem intimidating to other people. [ ]You're very strong. [ ]You have a big nose [x]You have a strange laugh that can scare people. (5/10) China (Wang Yao) [x]You're very mature. [x]You're very superstitious. [ ]You're very religious. [x]You love pandas. [ ]You love cooking so much that you nag if food has a certain pattern of tastes. [ ]You love Hello Kitty. [x]You try to be a role-model for your brothers/sisters/whatever, but are never taken seriously. (Why does this describe me so well xD) [x]You work hard. [ ]You're good at drawing. [/]You like sweets. (sometimes...) (4.5/10) And now for some other country people!! Austria (Roderich Edelstein) [x]You are very well-raised. (I have no idea how this happened to me...) [x]You're polite. [x]You love classical music. [ ]You like cake. [ ]You have a mole on your face. [x]You dedicate your time to your hobbies rather than what needs to be done right away. [x]You are a virtuoso/play very well on at least one instrument. [x]You've composed music before. [x]You tend to call people 'morons'. [x]You wear glasses . (8/10) Canada (Matthew Williams) [x]You're often ignored by people. [x]You look younger than you actually are. [ ]You love hockey. [x]You love polar bears. [x]You hate fighting. (I'd rather avoid it but if it needs to be done, then so be it. But I still hate it) [ ]You have one strand of curly hair, like Italy. [x]You often get mistaken for someone else. [x]You feel under-appreciated [x]You're bilingual. [ ]You always carry a bear with you. (7/10) Hungary (Elizaveta Hédeváry) [x]You have a potty-mouth. (when drunk mind you) [ ]You like to wear flowers in your hair. [x]You used to be a very tough kid. (note: used to and kid) [x]You're very reliable. [x]It's better to have you as a friend rather than an enemy. (not when in terms of brute strength but if it's not strength...) [x]You're very faithful. [x]Your speech and mannerisms can be considered very unladylike. (because I'm not a lady) [x]You and your best friend go together like chalk and cheese. [x]You are graceful one moment and grinning like a maniac the next. [x]If someone yells that yaoi is going on somewhere, you will drop everything to run off to go and see it. (9/10) Lithuania (Toris Lorinaitis) [x]You're very loyal. [x]You feel like your best friend drags you around a lot, but you both have a great time together. [x]You're very serious. [x]You have a lot of patience. [x]You think too much about philosophical stuff. [x]You get depressed when questioning the point of existing/the universe, etc... [x]You're not very confident. [x]You were quite rebellious as a child. (note: child) [x]People tend to walk all over you. [x]You're a born worrier. (10/10) (Holy s- another 10) Poland (Feliks Lucasiewocz) [ ]You're very flamboyant. [x]You're quite hyperactive. (when drunk) [ ]You can be quite goofy. [ ]When you're depressed, you tend to rise out of it like a phoenix. [/]You're very wary of strangers. [x]It takes you ages to come out of your shell. [x]However, when you're used to someone, you're very chatty. [ ]You're very forceful and stand at one end of the argument when it comes to your opinions. [x]You love pansies and corn-poppies. [x]You get up to lots of crazy antics . (5.5/10) Prussia (Gilbert Beildschmidt) [x]You're quite mean-spirited. [x]You're a bit of a hooligan. [x]You're very loyal. [x]You're very good at tactics. [ ]You hate Russia. [ ]You love to fight people. [x]You can avoid marriages quite well. (yeah and I'm proud of it or I'd be chained right now) [x]You're not always taken seriously. [x]You like drinking. [x]You want to become stronger. (8/10) Spain (Antonio Fernandez Carriedo) [ ]You are clueless about things around you. [x]You favour the taste of fresh tomatoes. (anything fresh is good) [x]You're very responsible. [ ]You tend to dramatize over things a lot. [ ]You love churros. [x]You help people in crisis. [x]You are quite random. [/]Somehow, you like bananas. [x]You often offer food to people. [x]You have a sort of unhealthy obsession over a couple of brothers. (6.5/10) South Italy (Lovino Vargas) [ ]You tend to overreact a lot. [ ]You like to order people around. [ ]You're a scaredy-cat. [x]You curse a lot. (when drunk) [ ]You go drama depressed when people ignore you. [x]You tend to blush easily. [ ]You are lazy like hell. [ ]You love tomatoes a lot. [ ]You fix yourself on stupid matters. [x]You get defensive at the slightest comment. (3/10) Korea (Im Yong-Soo) [x]You care a lot about your family [x]You love watching movies, and creating things [ ]You're stronger than you seem [ ]You're a Going-My-Way person [ ]You love kimchi [x]You're mysterious, and people can't tell what you're thinking [ ]You tend to piss off your elders [ ]You like to claim things as yours [x]You love games and Internet [x]You're slightly perverted (5/10) Finland (Tino Väinämöinen) [x]You love Christmas and Santa [x]You're honest and quiet [ ]You are good at high-tech machinery [x]You like coming up with weird things [x]You sense of taste is bad, as people say [ ]You tend to fight against people who are stronger than you [x]You let people poke you around for a while, but then you get them back ten times worse (not physically of course) [x]You love saunas [x]You're generous, but you also have a scary side as well [x]For some reason, you have weird naming skills (8/10) Sweden (Berwald Oxenstierna) [x]You don't talk much, and you tend to stay quiet [x]You're honest, serious, and love debates [x]You're actually passionate, but you just don't show it [ ]People think you're scary [x]You're clever with your hands (not in that way) [x]You make weapons with things that people don't imagine (yeah, who'd use a candle and tape it to an empty cabinet drawer?) [x]You're clumsy with human relationships (human relationships make it sound like I communicate with bears or something...) [ ]You tend to go against stronger people [ ]You give up pretty quick [ ]In the inside, you're smiling. On the outside, you're glaring (6/10) Hetalia meme challenge! 1. Your favorite character: England 2. Your least favorite character: Sweden, I don't know why... 3. Character you'd date: Uhh... I don't know maybe... America hahaha... 4. Character you'd like to go shopping with: I guess... England? 5. Character you'd like as your child: Hahaha... no 6. Character who would probably be your rival: As ironic as it sounds, England. America bears too much a resemblance to someone I know 7. Character you have most in common with: England, I guess. With some points altered but otherwise the same 8. Character you look like the most: Japan with slightly longer hair 9. Character you'd bring home to your parents/siblings: Austria. We could use a change from hearing my older sister's horrible piano skills 10. Character you'd never bring home to your parents/siblings: France 11. Character you'd become best friends with: England, would be a fantastic friend 12. Character with your favorite voice/seiyuu: Sub: Japan, Italy N. and S., America and Prussia. Dub: England, America, Japan, Russia and Prussia 13. Character you'd go camping with: England. He'd be really nice to go outdoors with 14. Character you wouldn't mind being roommates with: Lithuania. He would be easy to live with. 15. Character you'd want to cook for you: England. What? I miss British food 16. Character you wouldn't mind prancing naked for you: Uh... no just no... 17. Your OTP: UKUS and USUK yes, there's a difference 18. Character you wouldn't mind having as a parent: England 19. Character you'd like to go karaoke with: I'd go in a group with America, Prussia, Scotland and Drunk!England. 20. Character you wouldn't mind having as your butler/maid: England in his butler costume 21. Five characters you'd invite to a party: America, England, Hungary Japan, and Prussia. 22. Another OTP of yours: PruCan 23. Your favorite character of the opposite gender: Fem!England 24. Character with your favorite uniform/outfit: America's American Revolution Uniform 25. Character who would be your band-mate if you were in a band: England. 26. Character you wouldn't mind having as your boss: America, I could slack around 27. Character you wouldn't want to run into in a dark alley: France. Just him 28. Character you'd want personified into a dog: Maybe America 29. Character you'd want personified into a cat: England, he'd be so cute 30. Character you'd want to cosplay as: England in his American Revolution Uniform Things You Do NOT Wanna Hear On An Airplane Intercom: 1. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore 2. We're cruising at an altitude of... Ah hell I don't know 3. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does? 4. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Just kidding. 5. Would the fight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em comin' 6. This is... uh... This is... uh... your... Hmm, I seem to have lost my memory... 7. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you? 8. Good God Steve! We’re going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on? 9. We'll be on the ground in ten minutes. One way or another... 10. This is your captain speaking: I'm depressed, suicidal, and I'm taking you all with me. By the way, I've already killed the co-captain. To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!" 5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana 7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'. 9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get. 10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'. 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache. 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream'I Won! I Won!' 18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.' 20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity . Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile. Things to do on an Elevator 1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?" 2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off. 3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves. 4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral. 5) MEOW occasionally. 6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly 7) SAY -DING at each floor. 8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons. 9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on." 11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?" 12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone. 13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space." 14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you. 15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. 16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones. 17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?" 18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!" 19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift. 20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers. 21) SWAT at flies that don't exist. 22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it. if you are planning to do all or one of these things then copy and paste it! Things to ponder... Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? W hy is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? So what's the speed of dark? How come abbreviated is such a long word? A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.. How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there? Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food? Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate? Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable? Coloured A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him. The white man said, "Coloured people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "When I was born I was black," "When I grew up I was black," "When I'm sick I'm black," "When I go in the sun I'm black," "When I'm cold I'm black," "When I die I'll be black." "But you sir..." "When you're born you're pink," "When you grow up you're white," "When you're sick, you're green," "When you go in the sun you turn red," "When you're cold you turn blue," "And when you die you turn purple. And yet you have the nerve to call me coloured" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Copy and past if you are against Racism Labels On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (Of course, how could I be so ignorant?) On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!) On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (and that would be how?) On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's just a suggestion!) On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! you lose!) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.) On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5-year-olds off the fork lifts.) On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. (One would hope!) On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation...) On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.) On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.) On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (Why does it say peanuts?) On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (You forgot step three: throw the trash when done eating) On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands. (Raise your hand if you've tried this.) On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief!) A - AVAILABLE – Yes, but I'm waiting for someone already B- Birthday- September 26 C - CRUSHING ON: ... no freaking comment D- DRINK YOU LAST HAD: Beer. Yeah, I think I'm getting slightly drunk. E- EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: People on Omegle. Yes I go there. Oh, and my younger sister F - Favorite Song – Not official but the closest would be 'Brick by Boring Brick' G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS – Gummy bears. I don't fancy eating something that looks akin to a worm H - HOMETOWN – I forgot a long time ago and my siblings didn't give a care to tell me until they've forgotten as well I - IN LOVE WITH – Hetalia, period. J - JUGGLE – I used to. Now, I'll most likely break something K - KILLED SOMEONE – Fictionally not in real life L - LONGEST CAR RIDE – Three days. Three freaking days, courtesy of my older sister M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR – Strawberry with chocolate N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS – 3 O - ONE WISH – to go back in time and fix that mistake P - PERSON YOU LAST CALLED – my brother Q- yeah I really don't know what happened to Q... R - REASON TO SMILE – It's a way to mask my inner pain S - SONG YOU LAST SANG – Ignorance. Karaoke at home, don't ask T - TIME YOU WOKE UP – 4:00 am, it's always 4 U - UNDERWEAR COLOR – black bit intrusive aren't you? V - VEGETABLE(S) – I like them fine, but they're not my favourite. I need them to remain healthy though so I eat them W - WORST HABIT – I space out a lot and usually say what goes on in my head so yeah... X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD – for my broken bones when I was pushed down the stairs Y - YOYOS ARE – weird Z - ZODIAC SIGN – Libra Dear girl talking about how "that stupid deaf retard will never get a girlfriend", He may not be able to hear you, but I can. Sincerely, his girlfriend- who's about to punch your face in. Dear cat, Please tell me how when we were both locked out you were still able to get back in the house. Sincerely, we don't even have a cat door Dear people giving me judging stares, Yes I am 14 with 1 year old twins, I support myself by whoring around on street corners and make all of my purchases at dollar stores and walmart Sincerely, just kidding I'm babysitting Dear purple crayon, Why must you look EXACTLY like the blue crayon? Sincerely, my ocean is now purple Dear girl in my biology class, Yes, I'm pale. Yes, I have above average grades. Yes, I occasionally miss school. Yes, I rarely speak. No, I am not a damn vampire! Sincerely, I hate this generation. Dear parents, So Santa has the same wrapping paper as us, the same handwriting as you, and an elf named China that makes most of the toys? Sincerely, seems legit... Dear world , Why do you only blame girls? Sincerely, it takes two to get pregnant Dear parent giving me a dirty look because their six year old saw me making out with my boyfriend in the movie theater, Well, maybe you shouldn't have brought them to an R-rated movie in the first place... Sincerely, I cannot have possibly scarred him as much as Paranormal Activity 3. Dear one-year-old brother, You are staring right at me. I can see you taking that chocolate chip cookie. Yes, even though you are slowly backing away, I can still see you. No, putting it into your mouth and chewing as slowly as you can does not help. Ah ha! Finally noticed I caught you, didn't you? Wait, what are you...? Oh, this cookie is for me? Is this our agreement not to tell mom? Sincerely, you fit right into the family! Dear Moms Everywhere, When you say we will leave in a minute, we think we are going to leave soon, and not in a half-hour. Sincerely, Teenagers Everywhere Dear son, Girls are red, guys are blue if you make purple I will kill you. Sincerely, your loving father. Dear Homophobics, Gay also was originally used to refer to feelings of being "carefree" or "happy". Sincerely, Are you against happiness too? Dear 4,153,237 people that got married in the past year, Sorry, but shouldn't that be an even number? Sincerely, who kept count?! Dear Mother, Please stop saying that bisexuals don't know what they want. It's a real orientation, and you saying otherwise hurts. Sincerely, secretly bisexual Dear guy who took down the sign about my lost puppy, Really? Sincerely, is a wet t-shirt contest really more important? Dear English Teacher that just gave me a D on my exam, Why did you have to assign me to the seat next to your pet salamander AND your giant coffee mug? Sincerely, Attention Deficit ...IS THAT A LAVA LAMP I SEE? Dear Boys who wish they could understand girls, So do we. Sincerely, Girls Dear boyfriends, Only we are supposed to hook up behind your girlfriend's back. Sincerely, Bras Dear Fairy Godmother, So where were you when both my parents died, the only family I had left enslaved me, abused me and hid me away from the world for years? But hey - thanks for the pretty dress! Sincerely, Cinderella Dear Period, Oh my god you're late! What if I'm pregnant? What will my parents say? I'll have to drop out of college! I'll have to tell my boyfriend!! Oh wait... Sincerely, virgin Dear chemistry teacher, Why is the class amused? I believe it's quite self-explanatory... Sincerely, "Rutherford concluded that his balls could be tiny or massive." Dear United States of America, The only argument against gay marriage is that it is religiously incorrect, however, our laws clearly demonstrate a seperation between Church and State, thus, it is unconstitutional to ban gay marriage. Sincerely, logic Dear Nutrition Facts, Please stop lying about serving sizes. Sincerely, this is definitely a one-person box of mac and cheese. Dear sisters's boyfriend, Please keep in mind before you cheat on her, that I am one of the only people in the world who could kill you and get away with it. Sincerely, her forensic scientist older brother Dear parents who forgot my birthday, Please explain to me how you remembered my brothers, and not mine. Sincerely, born on the same day. Dear Movie Makers, Please stop changing important thing when you make a book into a movie. Sincerely, we like the book for a reason Dear "drink plenty of fluids", OK, I'll try not to drink too many solids or gasses. Sincerely, what else would I drink? Dear students, So... all your printers break the night before you have to hand in your assignment? Sincerely, amused teacher. Dear Jocks, Being a single guy who likes musical theater doesn't make me gay. Sincerely, you strip in front of 20 guys while I'm backstage with 30 girls. Dear windshield-wiper making companies, You seriously can't figure out how to get that one little triangle? Sincerely, annoyed Dear world, Ten years ago we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have no Jobs, no Cash and no Hope. What are you going to do when I die?! Sincerely, Kevin Bacon. Dear Dad, If I answer the home phone it's a pretty clear indication that I am, in fact, at home. Sincerely, Why did you ask? Dear Dryer, Please don't steal my partner... Sincerely, lonely single sock\ Dear online website that asked if I was human, What do you think I am? Sincerely, a tiger with thumbs Dear teenagers buying condoms, Trust me, I am not judging you. I am, however, judging the 22 year old mother who buys three bottles of vodka and two bottles of baby formula. Sincerely, your cashier Dear band teachers, Please don't look at us weird when we laugh after you say, "Use more tongue and blow harder". Sincerely, students cracking up Dear God, Please send some clothes to the poor ladies on my dad's computer. Sincerely, 6-year-old daughter Dear Optimist Pessimist and Realist, While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it! Sincerely, the Opportunist Dear people I don't like, Please stop having good names. Sincerely, I wanted to name my kid that Dear girl with only one hand, Thank you so much for holding the door for me. Sincerely, you are the nicest person at our school. Dear dad, Did you really just ask me if I wanted to go spin donuts in the local grocery store parking lot at 9 at night? Sincerely, I like when mom is on vacation. Dear Judgemental Shop Assistant, Yes I am buying a pregnancy test because I think I might be pregnant. Sincerely, I'm 23 ... and married Dear Embarrassed Boy buying tampons, Relax...I know they're not for you. Sincerely, I think it's cute Dear health teacher, Please don't take off points because my oral presentation didn't include any images. Sincerely, my topic was pornography Dear older brother singing loudly in the shower when he thought he was home alone, I was going to complain, until I caught the lyrics,. Sincerely, your Timone is wonderful but your Pumba needs work. Keep it up. Dear little girl, Thank you so much for grinning and saying, "You've got a robot's leg!" when you saw my boyfriend's prosthetic leg. It's the first time his laugh and smile have been genuine since he came back from Afghanistan. Sincerely, his girlfriend who's eternally grateful. Dear ignorant person that told me that clarinets are gay, Elton John is gay, a clarinet is a clarinet. Sincerely, I'm a band student, and you're an idiot. Dear girls that are afraid of blood, What do you do during your period? Sincerely, curious... Dear Selena Gomez, Somebody told me that you had a boyfriend that looked like a girlfriend. Sincerely, The Killers. Dear iPod, I named you, Titanic. Sincerely, syncing you now... Dear Facebook, Congratulations on becoming a verb! Sincerely, Google. Dear guy who accidentally dialed my number, Just because a young female answered the phone does NOT mean you have permission to text me back to ask if I'm single. Sincerely, "you have the wrong number" is not a flirtatious statement whatsoever! Dear cat, Please explain to me why you are so happy and purring one second and the next your claws are in my skin and your hissing uncontrollably. Sincerely, someone has mood swings. Dear Disney Channel Original Movie "My Babysitter's a Vampire", Original, huh? Sincerely, Disney Channel Original Movie "Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire". Dear Edward Cullen, You stay young forever and sneak into the rooms of young girls? How original. Sincerely, Peter Pan. Dear Adele, Writing whole albums about boys who break hearts is kinda my thing... Sincerely, Taylor Swift. Dear Stephanie Meyer, No, it is not okay to make your characters fall in love with infants and toddlers and say "But it's alright, because he's a mythical creature and it's true love". Sincerely, human pedophiles claim it's love, too... Dear Ke$ha, I sparkle too! Sincerely, Edward Cullen. Dear underage partiers, Do you really think that when you post a picture of you at a party holding a beer can and blur out just the beer can that that suddenly makes a difference? Do you think we are all going "oh theres a little blurred out spot on the picture that just happens to be placed over everyones hand in every picture, well that couldn't possibly be a beer can. Nah, it was probably soda and they just didn't want people to know what kind." Sincerely, laughing at your pathetic attempts. Dear mom, Dear parents who name their kids "Christian", I'd like to introduce you to my son Muslim, my daughter Jew and my cousin Athiest. Sincerely, it is the same thing... Dear Facebook, Please add a "nobody cares" button. Sincerely, I don't care what you ate for breakfast. Dear teacher who says "I don't know CAN you?" after a I ask if I can go to the bathroom, When I was using can, I was using it's secondary modal form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought that since you were a teacher, you would know that. Sincerely, schooled. Dear parents, Are you sure hangman is a child-friendly game? Sincerely, dead man hanging from a pole. Dear Americans, Remember how you said a black guy would be president when pigs flew? You're welcome. Sincerely, swine flu. Dear "it's the thought that counts", What exactly were your thoughts when buying me this gift? Sincerely, no, you're right, I DID need a new ladle Dear mom, Yes, of course I'm pregnant. What did you expect? Sincerely, you were at the wedding... Dear teacher, When you say "Write in complete sentences", the majority of the class assumes you are saying "write incomplete sentences". Sincerely, minor formalities. Dear kitten, Yes, it is super cute how you can attack and shred a roll of toilet paper in 15 seconds. However, I am super sick and needed it. Sincerely, now I have to blow my nose on your fluffy tail Dear inspirational posters, Yeah, there's no "I" in "TEAM", but there's a "ME"... Sincerely, better rethink that one. Dear boyfriend, If you're going to act like a tool, you can sleep in the shed. Sincerely, girlfriend. Dear boy who just asked me to sit on his lap, Boy you ain't no Santa Claus, I don't wanna be yo ho ho ho! Sincerely, that might have been the cleverest thing I've ever though of on the spot! Dear GAP clothing, Do you really think someone is going to buy a shirt that says "69" all over it? Sincerely, observant customer. Dear group in California..., So, you want to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death? That's like punishing someone for being on a hunger strike by sending them to bed with no supper. Sincerely, how dumb are you? Dear NASA, Your Mom thought I was big enough. Sincerely, Pluto Dear fellow schoolmates, I was so proud when all four hundred of us left the gym when the DJ played a Justin Beiber song. Sincerely, Never been prouder Dear Microsoft Word, No, I did not spell my last name wrong! Sincerely, anonymous. Dear "family planning" isle, So you stock products to prevent getting a girl pregnant, tests that tell you the products didn't work, and drugs to stop a pregnancy... Sincerely, shouldn't you be called the "not planning on starting a family" isle? Dear person who just said that "we make a cute couple", He's my brother. Sincerely, you disgust me... Dear teens, Go to school, get married, THEN have kids. Sincerely, don't do it backwards. Dear clueless mom who just told me my scarf looks gay, Thanks! I found it when I was in the closet! Sincerely, proud homosexual son. Dear Glee, Ruining good songs was OUR idea! Sincerely, Kidz Bop Dear doctor, For the tenth time, yes I'm sure I'm not pregnant. Sincerely, lesbian. Dear mother, It doesn't matter if you have the same parts as me. Sincerely, your daughter that would like to get dressed without you walking in. Dear girls who's prom dresses look like two pieces of cloth held together by a beaded string, Are you dyslexic?? Sincerely, it's "Prom" not "Porn". Dear girl in my civics class, Did you seriously just ask the teacher why Alaska is so cold if it's next to Hawaii?! Sincerely, Trying to conceal my laughter and wondering how you made it past the 2nd grade at the same time... Dear world, Today in class the girl next to me was trimming her split ends and the two people in front of me were having a breath holding competition. Sincerely, I'm in med school... Meet your future doctors. Dear dad, Please stop criticizing my 30 minute showers when you leave the TV on all day for the dog. Sincerely, your daughter. Dear humans, You are just my oversized Sims game Sincerely, God Dear Geometry, Pi r not squared. Pi r round... Cornbread r squared. Sincerely, sarcastic Dear parent suspiciously looking over my shoulder as I browse a baby name website, Please realise that it is not what it looks like. Sincerely, aspiring author who needs names for her characters. Dear boy's everywhere, Since girl's bra's are called 'over the shoulder boulder holder'...does that mean your underwear is called an 'under the butt nut hut'? Sincerely, Just curious Dear Prince Charming, Come on...I danced with you all night and the only thing you could remember about me were my glass slippers? Sincerely, Cinderella Dear adults who tell teenagers to stop 'whining' about our lives because we 'have no real responsibilities', I go to school for 7 hours a day, then go to work for another 5 hours, then go home and do my homework for 4 more hours! I have to get good grades to get into a good college and then decide on a major, and find a way to pay for it all. Don' tell me that I have no responsibilities. Sincerely, clearly you've either forgotten the stress or were just too big of a slacker to notice it all Dear rewind button, Thank you for making Jaws the quirky comedy about a bulimic shark that barfs up so many people the town has to open a beach. Sincerely, life is nicer backwards. Dear Bella, He forbids you from seeing your best friend, he intimidates you into doing whatever he wants, and he won't give you anything in return. Sincerely, honey, that's an unhealthy relationship. Dear Mom, Next time you're lecturing me and ask, "Do I look stupid to you!?" make sure you aren't wearing that sweater with the penguins all over it. Sincerely, just being honest. Dear people who "love music so much", Listening to whatever is popular and then forgetting about it a month later, declaring it sucks because it's old, and repeating the cycle a month later shows how much you don't appreciate music. Sincerely, real music fans. Dear Pinocchio, If you said ,"My nose will grow now," and it doesn't, that would mean you were lying. But if you were lying, that would make your nose grow. Thus, making your nose grow by telling the truth. Sincerely, ultimate paradox. Dear Secret Life of the American Teenager, Having Nike sponsor your show with the slogan "Just Do It" probably isn't sending the best message... Sincerely, yet another reason to laugh at that show Dear butt, You managed to turn on my phone, decipher my screen lock code, put it on speaker, AND call Pizza Hut in the middle of class? Sincerely, I'm impressed. Dear character in movie about to be hit by a car 20 feet away, Instead of just standing there with a gaping O face, how about running? Sincerely, seriously, what are you waiting for? Dear church women, Please stop diguising gossip in your prayer circle... Sincerely, "let us pray for Tanya who is now pregnant at age 15 with no father in sight..." Dear English teacher, How can I get a question wrong that was asking for my opinion? Sincerely, fed up Dear person who invented salt, What made you decide to combine two deadly poisons and put it on your food? Sincerely, NaCl. Dear mom and dad, Please stop shouting at each other and take a look at your daughter. You can see the scars on her arms, right? Sincerely, a worried older brother. Dear world, Fortune cookies aren't from China, Swedish Fish aren't made in Sweden, Danish rolls aren't from Denmark, French bread isn't from France, German chocolate cake isn't from Germany, and French fries are actually from Belgium. Sincerely, what is wrong with this picture? Dear Egnslih tecaehr, Did you konw taht as lnog as the fsrit and lsat lteter are in the smae palce, hmauns are albe to raed the wrod? Sincerely, slpelnig is not taht ipmrontat. Dear elderly driver, Red means "stop," green means "go" and yellow means "slow down." Notice that there is not a color or a light for "please run over the teenage girl because you can't see over the dash." Sincerely, the girl that you almost ran over today. Dear father who just asked if the showers in the dorms are co-ed, Yes, they are, because this school's all about saving water and promoting rape. Sincerely, your tour guide. Dear Facebook, I do in fact know those people on the side of my page, and there is an excellent reason I have not added them as friends. Sincerely, I don't like them. Dear mom, Stop telling me to, "turn off my phone and be social!" Sincerely, I'm talking, just not to you. Dear Pythagorean Theorem, Because I can't wait for that moment in time when I will have a ruler to measure two sides of a triangle but not the third. Sincerely, oh, wait... Dear ice at the bottom of the cup, Please stop surprise attacking my face every time I try to take the last sip of my drink. Sincerely, you get me every time. Dear people who ask questions during movies, The awesome thing about movies is that they tend to make sense and answer the questions you ask if you watch for 5 more seconds. Sincerely, seriously, I just want to watch the movie in peace. Dear iTunes, $1.29? Really? What is the extra $0.30 for, shipping and handling? Sincerely, you jerks. Dear dad, There IS a difference between butt dialing and a booty call. Sincerely, just so you know. Dear parents, You scream at me when I don't answer the phone... I've called you eleven times now. Sincerely, your annoyed child. Dear mom, If I knew where I last saw it, I wouldn't have asked you where it was. Sincerely, annoyed teen. Dear PETA, People Eat Tasty Animals and they always will. Sincerely, stop making me feel guilty about it. Dear mom, So... You're a doctor, and you can't even tell when I'm faking a sickness? Sincerely, should I be worried about our healthcare system? Dear Spoon, Tell me that nursery rhyme all you want, I know the Dish isn't my real dad. Sincerely, Spork Dear Shakespeare, Poetic talent is easy to fake when thy sentence doth no freaking sense make. Sincerely, unconvinced English student. Dear douche bag, You're mean to gay boys, but think it's awesome when two girls make out? Sincerely, confused. Dear Kardashian family, Remind me again why you're famous? Sincerely, confused TV watcher. Dear parents, Please realize that those clothes on my floor are part of my new invention... the horizontal closet. Sincerely, your teenager. Dear Richard, Please explain why your name is shortened to Dick. Sincerely, confused. Dear Skittles manufacturer, What rainbow are you tasting that doesn't include blue? Sincerely, confused consumer. Dear unborn son, Please note that your name will be Luke purely so I can say "Luke, I am your Father" when you question my authority. Sincerely, soon to be father. Dear parents who tell your kids, "That’s why you go to college" when they see the pizza guy, I have this job so I can pay for my textbooks FOR college. Sincerely, the educated pizza guy. Dear one-eyed-one-horned-flying-purple-people-eater, Are you purple and eat people, or eat only purple people? Sincerely, confused child. Dear people judging me on the bus, Please stop. This 8 month old baby is my nephew. Sincerely, 16 and still a virgin Dear Wicked Witch of the West, So... how exactly did you shower? Sincerely, Curious Dear parents, Jasmine was in a relationship with a dirty homeless boy named Aladdin. Snow White lived alone with 7 men. Pinocchio was a liar. Robin Hood was a thief. Tarzan walked around without clothes on. A stranger kissed sleeping beauty and she married him. Cinderella lied and snuck out at night to attend a party. Sincerely, it's not our fault; it's how you raised us Dear mom, I've known 'what happens when two people love each other' since third grade. Sincerely, just let me watch my PG-13 movie Dear people who name their kids after places they were conceived, That is by far the worst idea I have ever heard... Sincerely, Back O. Car Dear math teacher, If there are 11 students in the algebra class and 9 of them are failing, how long will it take for you to realize that you suck as a teacher? Sincerely, how's that for a math question? Dear students, You can't read my handwriting on your papers because I needed an entire bottle of vodka before your paper made any sense. Sincerely, your professor Dear How, You really need a W. Sincerely, Who, What, When, Where, and Why Dear Humans, We have called off the apocalypse after realizing that there are no brains left. Sincerely, Zombies Dear dad, How can you be mad at my report card when it spells your name twice D A D D A D??!! Sincerely, your failing son Dear Sesame Street, Please go back to the way you were, when Oscar lived in a trash can not a recycling bin, Vegetable monster was Cookie monster, and Bert and Ernie were still on the show because everyone thought they were brothers. Sincerely, Sick of political correctness Dear Justin Bieber, An autobiography? Seriously? You just barely reached puberty. Let me guess, it consists of: 'I was born. The end.' Sincerely, Fed up Dear slut that goes to an all-girls school, Please put your boobs away. We know what they look like, we have them too. Sincerely, your disgusted classmates Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what's your plan? Sincerely, not very well thought out Dear George, If you're so curious, why is it you haven't figured out my real name yet? Sincerely, The Man in the Yellow hat Dear Everyone, CARROT TOPS ARE GREEN! Sincerely, Gingers Dear lady in front of me with the six screaming kids under the age of 9, You see that box of condoms that mysteriously appeared in your cart? You're welcome. Sincerely, A Good Samaritan Dear hormone-crazed teenage boys, I hope you still appreciate slutty Halloween costumes when they start showing up on your thirteen-year-old daughters. Sincerely, Karma Dear Google Image Search, That WAS NOT what I was looking for. Sincerely, Scarred for Life Dear Math Teacher, Your ceiling has 86 1/2 tiles, 9 mysterious black stains on said tiles, 4 sprinklers, and 4 lights. Oh, and I forgot to mention... 2/3 of your students aren't paying attention. They're trying to figure out what I'm staring at. Sincerely, Your Bored Student Dear Women, You tell us WE need to text first, WE need to pay for food, WE need to ask you out. But we ask you for ONE sammich and what do we get? A slap to the face. Sincerely, Men Dear DJ who played 'Love the Way You Lie', It's probably inappropriate to play a song about domestic abuse at a wedding. Just my two cents. Sincerely, a concerned cousin of the groom Dear Vegetarians, How many plants had to die to make your salad? Sincerely, An Honest Carnivore Dear Angry Parents, Please stop getting mad at us when we answer your question. Its not backtalk, its called answering your question. Sincerely, Pissed Off Grounded Teen Dear Philosophers, If actions are stronger than words, then why is the pen mightier than the sword? Sincerely, Deep thinker Dear Carmen, This isn't funny. I can't find the baby... Sincerely, Waldo Dear people who say "it's cold as hell", What part of "fire and brimstone" don't you understand? Sincerely, Satan. Dear Stephenie Meyer, Having an extra chromosome gives you Down Syndrome, not Vampirism. Sincerely, The Medical Community When life gives you lemons... When life gives you lemons, throw them back at life and say, "Give me chocolate!" When life gives you lemons, throw them back at life until life falls down. When life gives you lemons, squirt lemon juice at people you don't like. When life gives you lemons, demand to speak with life about their ripeness. I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, asshole! I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you. I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me. Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas. Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. When in doubt, push random buttons! There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train. There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves. They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people... The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’re good. The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not. We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police. If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk. Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck. Stupid people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs. Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to. Love your enemies. It gets them really confused. I wish you were here.. In my room... On my bed... The lights are off... We go under the blankets... AND I SHOW YOU MY NEW WATCH THAT GLOWS IN THE DARK!!... What on earth were you thinking?! YOU PERVERT!! X3 Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'? Who's the fool who said "nothing's impossible"? They never tried slamming a revolving door... Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to. "Are we fighting?" "No, if we were fighting, you'd be on the floor, bleeding." boys are like purses, cute, full of crap, and easy to replace. My friends are the type of people who would try to drown a fish, but I love them anyway A day without sunshine is like... night. "Go forth and set the world on fire." screw the metaphorical, literal all the way It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it? I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not. You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love. I’m not clumsy…the floor just hates me. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good either. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. If the doctor's cute, screw the fruit. Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES! I smile because I have no idea what's going on! Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin? Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. I'm not insane... i just do whatever the voices tell me to. The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. Normal is just a setting on washing machines. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode. "I didn't lie! I just created fiction with my mouth! " Quotes Stolen From Somewhere On The Net (they do not belong to me) "If I had my happy ending I'd have you. But fairytales are shit. I know I'll die alone." - Ankhasia Riddle funny Quotes: It's OK to prick your finger, just don't finger your prick. (this one is so dirty. ) I am not going back in the closet. Too cramped, and the skeletons aren't much company - even with the huge collection my family has! of all objects, batteries are the worst of all...objects can break but be fixed...batteries DIE! "I am never late...so time better slow the fuck down!" "Ow"--whats wrong--"i swear someone just snacked on my ankle" "You think he'd notice if we turned his cat pink?" "You better not pout, you better not cry, hey guess what I'm telling you why, Santa Claus is Dead." "They always say that a murderer is a loner; Well of course he is a loner! HE HAS BEEN KILLING PEOPLE!!" "Absolutely NO ONE is too refined to tell you where to shove it, pal!" "You can't fight the fangirls! - JUST LET ME KILL THE ANNOYING ONES!! Aww, you should be so happy you have any!!" I'm a compulsive liar, honest! I want a jacket that lets me hug myself. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else. Please don't interrupt me while I’m ignoring you. There is no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid people who ask questions. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." "You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them." If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? If the owner of the quote would like me to remove it, I would gladly do so. |
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