two idiots with a computer. Let's leave it at that for now.

Apocalypse's Free Advice

For people who have bad hearing: Get a hearing aid.

For people who have a bad memory: Eat more blueberries.

For people who have bad eyesight: Eat more carrots, and get glasses/contact lenses.

For people with siblings who look like you: Remind people you're not twins.

For people who are injury-prone (like me): Don't let it stop you from living. Also, learn first-aid.

For people who perform fake exorcisms for laughs: Never forget your Bible. I know from experience your partner won't be happy.

For people who stink at math: Get a calculator, and always make sure it's working correctly.

For people who have crazy friends: Take a deep breath, and accept the fact that you are probably crazy as well.

For people who don't want to be flamed: Never write "Plz don't flame", or anything like that on your story.

For people who want flames: Don't write "Please Flame" on the story, unless it's flame-worthy.

For people who are too lazy for socks and/or tying shoes: Just wear water shoes

For people overwhelmed with extracurriculars: Get a day planner, write everything down. Also, drop the pointless activities (i.e., watch old movie I have)

For people who have not yet realized we are morons CoughFLAMEYCough: See the top of the profile, first sentence.

For people caught in heat waves: store your pillow in the freezer, shower with cold water, and if you don't have air conditioning, keep the windows open and the fan on.

Cerulean's long list of reasons why Harry Potter is Better Than Twilight

1. Jacob Black is a lame copy of Sirius Black. Proof: They both have motorcycles, they have the same last name, they can both turn into canine creatures.

2. Bella Swan is a Mary Sue, and Edward Cullen is a Gary Stu. There are no Mary Sues or Gary Stus in Harry Potter

3. Sparkly vampires are just sad and pathetic.

4. None of the Harry Potter characters stare at peole while they sleep.

5. A Twilight vampire may have special powers, but they can only have one each. Wizards can have all of the abilities vampires have, like: Legilimency, Occlumency, Divination, and more: Metamorphmagus, Parseltongue, Animagus, etc.

6. For the Twilight series, five minutes after you meet someone, you are so in love with them that you can't live without them. Harry Potter characters do fall in love, but in much more realistic ways. And they don't lie around obsessing over it, they have more important things on their minds.

7. Voldemort is way cooler than the Volturi. (Who, for those of you who don't know, are a group of really old vamps who prevent other vamps from telling humans about their existence. No vampire would ever do this anyway, so the Volturi are useless)

8. The Twilight books have no humor.

9. Twilight only has sequels because Stephanie Meyer realized how popular it was. J.K. Rowling had always planned to write a series, even if it wasn't popular.

10. Did anyone offer to make Twilight a musical? No? Didn't think so.

11. No one dies in Twilight, except for a few people they didn't know. Every good series includes a death that has a great impact on the main character. Several beloved characters died in Harry Potter, and this helped the plot to develop.

12. Twilight does not include any exciting villains. Harry Potter has many.

13. Twilight is sexist. Bella's ideas never work, she cannot do anything for herself and is constantly being saved by men. Now think of the girls in Harry Potter. Are Hermione, Ginny, and Luna constantly playing clueless damsels in distress? No.

14. None of the characters in Harry Potter needs to be unnaturally attractive in order to be loved by their significant other. But do you think Bella would have looked twice at Edward if he was ugly?

15. Harry Potter has all kinds of fans: old, young, male, female, etc. But Twlight's only fans are preteen and teenage girls, and a few middle-aged women. And many members of these groups (including myself) don't even like Twilight.

16. The Twilight movies have bad special effects.

Favorite Quotes

- "I do not agree with a word you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it" Voltaire

- "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that," Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone by J.K. Rowling

- "Ladies! Will you please shut it? Yes, I lied to you. No, I don't love you. Of course it makes you look fat. I've never actually been to Brussells. It is pronounced 'egregious'. And by the way, no I've never actually met Pizarro but I love his pies. And all of this pales to utter insignificance in light of the fact that my ship is, once again, gone." (Cue slapping) Jack Sparrow,Pirates of the Caribbean, At World's End

- "I never eat December snowflakes. I always wait till January." Lucy, A Charlie Brown Christmas

- Klaus: You'll have to adjust your perception of time, now that you're a vampire.Celebrate the fact that you're no longer bound by trivial human conventions. You're free.

Caroline: No. I'm dying.

Klaus: And I could let you. Die… if that's what you want. If you truly believe your existence has no meaning. I've thought about it myself… once or twice over the centuries, truth be told. But I'll let you in on a little secret. There is a whole world out there waiting for you. Great cities and art and music. Genuine beauty…and you could have all of it. All you have to do is ask. The Vampire Diaries season 3, episode 12

- Clark: I'm Clark Kent.

Davis: Davis Bloome. I met your fiancè Clark, congratulations. She's a real catch.

Clark: I'm getting married?

Davis: Well I thought that-- 'cause I thought you and Chloe were together, and you seemed pretty close. When she said she was engaged...

Clark: Chloe's engaged?

Davis: oh, man, okay, my brain's completely gone completely D.O.A. Clark, she said she hadn't told anyone me a favor. Don't tell her I said anything.

Clark: I won't reveal my source. Smallville season 8 episode 2

"Dear diary. A chipmunk asked me my name today. I told him it was Joe. The lie will haunt me forever." The Vampire Diaries season 3

Damon: Are you drunk?

Stefan: I don't know, Mom. Am I? The Vampire Diaries, season 4 finale

-"I'M BATMAN!" Batman, Batman Begins

- "Business as usual." Nightwing, Young Justice: Invasion episode: Endgame