Ok, you’re here. Welcome to my profile page. Let’s get down to brass tacks.

For starters, I’ll be posting Hey Arnold! fan fiction here. Actually, it’s really just the one story. If I decide to write another, I’ll post it straight away, but for the moment I’ve only thought of the one. Now, on to the subject that may make some people a bit upset.

My favorite pairing is Arnold/Lila.

Now I know that 99.9% of the people who post HA! fan fiction support the Arnold/Helga pairing, and frankly, I don’t think that number is an exaggeration (As I write this, I believe there are about six Arnold/Lila fanfics on the site, three of which are in Spanish, and at least one of which isn’t actually Arnold/Lila). That’s fine with me. If you choose to support the canon pairing, more power to you. I would ask, though, that you respect my right to think outside the box drawn up by Mr. Bartlett. What does this mean to you, the reader? Well-

When the time comes to review one of my stories, I ask that you refrain from posting anything along the lines of “Well, I really hate Lila, but…” or “I dislike the pairing, but I think it’s a good story.” Not even as a joke. This means you, clever Internet person, and no, putting j/k at the end will not stave off my unending wrath. I know you probably don’t like the pairing. I really don’t need (or want) to hear it, nor do I want to read essays on why the pairing doesn’t work according to Professor Fanwank, Ph.D. Please understand that (almost) every time I read through the reviews of a story featuring Lila, I have to read through a bunch of reviews that dump on her. It’s not very pleasant for me, and I’m sure you wouldn’t appreciate it if everyone decided to dump on Helga, so let’s leave it at that. I don’t mind people who want to let me know that they DO like the pairing, though. Yes, I’m aware of the hypocrisy at play here. I am a blatant hypocrite. Also please feel free to criticize the story for legitimate reasons, obviously.

I’d also ask that you give my story/stories a chance before you dismiss it/them, even if/though you don’t like the pairing. I understand that Lila and Helga are usually pitted as rivals, but I also understand that just because they’re on opposing sides doesn’t mean that they can’t both be portrayed as sympathetic characters. What I mean by that is that if I were to write a story about Arnold and Helga getting together, with Lila as a foil to Helga and competition for Arnold’s affections, I probably wouldn’t write Lila as a villainous character whose only goal is to make life miserable for Helga so that she can cheat on Arnold and do heroin in the back room of a seedy movie theater or something. It’s not in her character. The same holds true for the opposite scenario. Note that this doesn’t mean that I won’t have one or both of them doing morally dubious things. It’s just that I want it to make sense in the context of the story and jive with their character. I personally find that it’s more interesting to have a sympathetic antagonist than an outright villain.

I also try to give everyone a little something. Arnold/Helga fans will get something to be happy about in my story, as will Gerald/Phoebe shippers. Unfortunately Gerald, Phoebe, Arnold, Lila and Helga are the only characters I feel I can write well (and I’m sure you’ll be the judge of that when the time comes), so I can’t really offer any Harold/Rhonda or Curly/Victoria’s Secret Mannequin scenes. I wish I could, but I can’t. Besides, too many pairings would probably clutter up the story too much. One or two ships in one fic is a nice range for me.

I hate OC’s. I won’t be writing any of them in unless absolutely necessary, and even then at an absolute minimum. If you want to read a story about characters that aren’t in the show, why not pick up a book instead? I will, however, occasionally write characters that are in the background of the show, but never seen, such as Fuzzy Slippers, Lila’s mother, etc. While we’re on the subject, no crossovers, either. They’re dumb. Also, no self-insertion. If you seriously want to read a story about how I strode into Hillwood one day and made out with every girl in town in the span of six hours, it’s time to go outside for awhile.

So what else is there… well, I guess I can tell you a little about myself. I’m a dude, I pretty much hate everything anime-related, and I’m probably about 5-10 years older than you. There you go, sport. Enjoy my story and please review.