Addicted 2 daydreaming
 Author has written 6 stories for Night World series, Twilight, Song of the Lioness, and Peter Pan. I'VE UPDATED THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2010 BTW, THINGS MAY HAVE CHANGED XXX Hello. if your reading this then you probably have read one of my fanfics and want more. if not read them and want more. simple as. I'm not that good at talking about myself but here goes I love writing and people have SAID I'm good (I'll leave it to the readers to decide if I'm good) I love adding major suspense to my chapter endings because it takes me forever to write the next chapter :P I have a great group of mates and peeps who I hang out with and such. People are forgiven for thinking I'm on drugs when they meet me, I don't do drugs or smoking or anything because it ruins your life and (word) you up in the head (I'm naturally (word) up so it's all good) I'm not good with people who betray me. One person betrayed me a few years back and it's a wonder someone hasn't killed him for what he did to me and my mates. I would have but then I'd get detention again :P I also hate manipulators, the get into your brain and scare the (word) out of you... So stuff about me... Anyone reading my fanfics atm: NEWS!!!!!!!!!! Okay previously the news was stuff isn't coming and I'm on a break. Well, I recently re-read Sir, My Lady and the new news is new chapters are coming. I am having 15 chapters and then I've finished this fic. I dont know what I'll do next but I'd like to start by getting this finished. CHAPTER 9 COMING IN SOON BUT IM HAVING WRITERS BLOCK WITH IT SO BEAR ITH ME!!!!! Also, just re-read Would I lie to you and wanna re-write it, not necessarily the story (maybe, see how it goes) so if you've already read it, re-read it later XD Happy reading, Addicted2Daydreaming xxx Fave books: North child, Fallen, Percy Jackson, Vampire dairies! (Can't wait for series!!), Cat royal, Maximum ride, date with death, uglies quartet, night world series, hush hush, Song of the lioness quartet, inkworld trilogy, kissed by an angel, troll king series, edge chronicles, evermore, generation dead, the declaration, damage, the unfortunate series of events, harry potter, the inheritance cycle, I coriander, if you're reading this it's too late, the eyeball collector, vampire academy, shadow web, Succubus series, Secret circle, Dark secrets, Vampirates, and alot more Fave music: Flyleaf, Mcr, panic @ the disco, Atl, fob, All american rejects, paramore, biffy clyro, billy talent, automatic loveletter, go audio, fireflight, daisy dares you, chairlift, elliot minor, hey monday, nightwish, you me at six, porcelain and the tramps, dresdon dolls, white stripes, hadouken, kill hannah, crossfade, boys like girls, linkin park, blink 182', Miss li, cartel, braking benjamin, mindless self indulgence, Placebo, the rasmus, system of a down, evanescence, greenday, lostprophets, p!nk, shiny toy guns, slow moving millie, dead by sunrise, foo fighter, snow patrol, anberlin, the darkness, hurricane bells, Kirsty MacColl, Caitlin Crosby, Demi Lovato, The veronicas, Kids in glass houses, the veer union, Matt kearney, Metric, 30H!3, Avril lavigne, Between the trees, evanescence, AFI, The Blackout, Aiden, Hale storm, Olly murs, Clash at Demonhead, The pretty Reckless and loads more Best ever quotes: "We are in glee club the bottom of the social heap", "we must take the ring to mordor", "am i not a man and a brother", "You're not animals you don't eat out of a trough", "Edward cullen, STAKE!", "edward cullen is not a fairy he should be banned from sparklyness", "I've been in here five years and the (word) burns", "He doesnt have a square route, he's round", "how many cats does it take for mr o'connor to get to school?", "My sister is an oreo", "well she's a really (word censored for reasons not to be mentioned) boy then", "BURN ACHE!", "Henry, what?, Give me a letter?, 12, thats a number, 3 7 5 i don't care", I'm silly and i repent things", "Does the spanish trip go to spain?", "Hovering penguins", "adam and stieve", "do you have to Lick them to see if they're clean?", " 'ere Marcus you're a coyche", "On a monge du hamburgers", "huit heur y car", "oh my god it's the (word) who stole my pads!", "I swoon", "(word) on you you son of a (word)! I'm going back to italia!", "Meat i'm a vegetarian, you eat aluminium cans and cheese enchiladas, they're vegetables", "Z dick has entered z beeulding", "I love you jhonathan, i know, i just wanted to be sure you knew", "I vill now destroy de Snichuhs bahrs!", "Sven slami sven who is so totally not from Sveeden and doesn't eat Sveede or salami and definately never wears svede", "When's your birthday? pauses", "So, where d'you live?, I dont know", "I hadda de helium", "I fail at getting fail cake,FAILCAKE!", "Emily's as stupid as asperges", "who's she, oh she's a german", "Haha boobies","I'm an ex post office", "ere marcus you're an australian coyche", "I've fallen out with Ellie Massey", "Lemur brothers of the tree's blad!", "Not the bees", "THE GAME", "I'm not pregnant i'm on my ding dong a time time.", "You can brush it's hair and feed it a merangue", "What's a Usane Bolt" "Dead...Man found in graveyard!!!", "Failcake", "Man presumed dead for 30 years found dead in graveyard...in his own grave!!!", "hello small child, would you like to creep inside my cupboard", Ash? Get bent and die.", "those arent noodles, thats a lump of (word)", "what are you cheering for, there's nothing happening?", "Serious serious business", "Morgasm", "If you're fat you're going to have to use alot more powder", "Wahay, sombody's going to a party tonight, Fuck off man, this is how much I eat!" and lots more legend sayings Yes this is the best profile message I have ever read: For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.) lol this next bit is kinda true The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... If you have ever seen a movie (or tv show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, and you do so at random moments, copy and paste this in you're profile (Harry potter, LOTR, Repo, doctor who, torchwood...) If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile. If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile. If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile. If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile. If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile. (not going 2 name them 2 many!!) If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile. If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile. (tis vezy emarassing!) If you actually take the time to read copy and pastes, copy this onto your profile. If you should be doing homework right now, copy this into your profile. (Art homework) If you've ever copied and pasted something into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile. If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile. (That's me :O) If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile. If you probably need a life but have no intentions of getting one, put it on your profile. If you hear the voices of characters in your head, put this onto your profile. If you get way to excited for books, movies, ect. to come out, copy this into your profile. If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile. If there are characters on a certain show that you HATE BEYOND ALL REASON... copy and paste this into your profile. If you think Writer's Block is evil, put this in your profile. (Tis worse than the Deviland the only cure is watching hours of movies you have seen 1000 times before) If you have ever had a crush on a book character, copy this to your profile If you have ever ran into a stone column head first, post this on your profile. If you have ever ran into a sliding glass door, post this on your profile. If you have been caught dancing to the Rocky Horror Picture Show's Time Warp or any other sort of dancing in the living room late at night when you should be in bed, post this on your profile. If you have fallen asleep at your computer only to wake to see an untold number of pages of one lone letter on a word docment because your head was on the keyboard, post this to your profile. If you have ever ran into the house or even a tree with your bike, post this on your profile. If you have ever awaken your father or mother at 3 in the morning to kill a spider in your room, post this on your profile. If you have a family member who still treats you like a 3-year-old when you're actually old enough to drive or even drink, post this on your profile. To maintain a healthy level of insanity 1. At lunch time, sit in your car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars and see if they slow down 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 3. Everytime someone asks you to do something ask if they want fries with that. 4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping and you are woken up shout "AMEN!" 5. Put decaf in the cofee maker for three weeks once everyone has gotten over their caffine addictions switch to Expresso. 6. Skip down the hall instead of walk and see how many looks you get. 7. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat with a serious face. 8. sing along at the opera. 9. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache. 10. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the car park, yelling "Run for your life! Their loose!" 11. Put milk in the kettle and ask people if they want water in their teabag and milk 12. Go wild in a combine harvester then say "I blame the aliens" 13. Walk up to a person and ask how many udders they have 14. The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds" 15. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy." 16. Ask someone to enter your bathroom cupboard three times in the same conversation, if asked why, say "Narnia needs you son/daughter of Adam!!!" 79 Things to do in an Elevator 1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?" 25 things my mother taught me 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. 2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. 4. My mother taught me LOGIC. 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. 7. My mother taught t me IRONY. 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. 13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. 19. My mother taught me ESP. 20. My mother taught me HUMOR. 21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. 22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. 24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 25. And my favourite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE. List twelve of your favorite characters from your fandom, in no particular order. 1. Max (Maximum ride) 2. Dorian Grey (A Picture of Dorian Grey) 3. Cat Royal (Cat royal adventures) 4. Jon (Song of the lioness quartet) 5. Jhonathan Mayfield (Secrets) 6. Alanna (Song of the lioness quartet) 7. Beppe Fellows (Secrets) 8. Ezio Auditore de Firenze (Assassin's creed 2) 9. George Cooper (Song of the lioness quartet) 10 Shay (Uglies Quartet) 11. PHANTOM!!! (Phantom of the opera) 12. Shane Collins (Morganvilles) 1. Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to? Nope, but it would be verr interesting 2. Do you think Four is hot? How hot? YES VERY! 3. What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex? Be like *blink blink* "Time to go find Autumn me thinks" 4. Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic. Cat walks into the new technical world of the pretties, what happens when she gets taken into the cutters and shown the new ways? (OOOH NEW FIC COMING!) 5. Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff? OMG MAXIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 6. Does anyone on your friends list read Three yet? Nope, CAT IS ALL MINE!!!!! 7. Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven? OH HELL YEAH! Beth and Jenny LOVE Phantom!!!! As do I!!! 8. Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five? Nope XD 9. "(1) and (7) are in a happy relationship until (9) runs off with (4). (1), brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with (11) and a brief unhappy affair with (12), then follows the wise advice of (5) and finds true love with (3).” Max and Beppe are in a happy relationship until George runs off with Jon. Max, brokenhearted, has a hot one-night stand with Phantom and a brief unhappy affair with Shane, then follows the wise advice of Jhonathan and finds true love with Cat.” Okay... WTF cant she just stay with FANG!!??? 10) 9 tries to get 5 to go to a yoga class. What happens? Jhonathan pulls out a sword and says (Looking smexy at the time) If you kill me in a duel, i will go to your yoga class XD 11) You need to stay at a friend’s house for the night. Do you choose 1 or 6? MAX!!!! So I can have Iggy :D 12) 3 falls in love with 6. 8 is jealous. What happens? Ezio knows there are plenty more women he can have XD 13) 4 jumps you in a dark alleyway. Who comes to your rescue? 10, 2 or 7? OH! GOTTA Be Beppe! If that dude were real, he'd be mine! 14) 1 decides to start a cooking show. 15 minutes later what is happening? We all know how rubbish Max is at cooking. Before the first minute is up, she'll have called Iggy and he'll be doing the cooking while she attempts to explain. Once the 15 minutes is up, she'll have stormed out and kiled 26 erasers in her anger :D 15) 7 kidnaps 2 and demands something from 5 for 2's release. What is it? That he gives up Autumn and leaves them alone for the rest of his life. (Jhonathan's reaction "NEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 16) 10 challenges 4 to a chariot race. Why? Jon wins because Shay tries to use her hoverboard to cheat but as they're in the smoke, there isnt enough metal so she falls off the board and as the crash bracelets kick in, her arms are pulled out their sockets and Jon beats her. 17) Everyone gangs up on 3. What happens? Syd walks in with the guys and punches them all out and tells them not to mess with his Cat 18) 10 gathers everyone around to tell them a fairy tale. How does it go? "Once upon a time there was a girl called Tally Youngblood who everyone thought was a hero, but she wasn't she wrecked my whole *BEEP* life *smiles sweetly* so I killed her, the end!" 19) 1 arrives late for 2 and 10's wedding. What happens? And why are they late? She runs in Covered in blood and dirt (From fighting erasers and flyboys) and slips in the back, then remembers she's a bridesmaid so has to go up the front and tell the bride why she's late. 20) 5 and 9 get roaring drunk and end up at your house. What happens? ... uh ... not telling? *cough* lots of things that are m rated *cough* 21) Everyone gets together and starts protesting something outside of your house. What are they protesting? What do you do? They are protesting for me to get off my ass and write my fanfics already. I go to my computer and get writing for fear of my life! 22) 9 murders 2’s best friend. What does 2 do to get back at them? Uhhhhhhhhh I dunno, Dorian throws the portrait at him? 23) 5 is trapped in a cave. 10 comes to rescue them. What happens? Jhonathan drops Autumn and goes for Shay and stops her being a nutjob!!!!!!!!! 24) 4,6, and 7 are doing the Hokey-kokey. 8 walks in. What happens? JOINS IN AND LOVES IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 25) 8 and 3 go camping. For some reason they forget to bring any food. What do they do? Ezio soooooooooooooooo tries it on and Cat is like LOL NO 26) While they are camping, they run into James (from Night World). What will they do? James is like, Hi guys is it true that you tried it on with Cat? Ezio mardily says "Nothing is true Everything is permitted" (OMG WOOOOOOOOOOOOW) Songs 'n' questions WHAT TO DO: IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY? HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF? WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO? WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? WHAT IS 2 2? WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU GROW UP? WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW? WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? WHAT WILL YOU NAME YOUR FIRST CHILD? IF YOU COULD LIVE ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD IT BE? WHAT SHOULD YOU HAVE BEEN CALLED? WHAT IS YOU'RE THEME SONG? WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN YOUR NEXT RELATIONSHIP? Hey read this guys!! Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Cool huh ?? If yuo can raed tihs tehn put it on yuor porifle !! The Difference Between a Friend and a Best Friend Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions Friend: Will help me learn to drive Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away Best Friend: Won't let me go away Friend: Will help me up when I fall down Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me Friend: Will bail me out of jail Best Friend: Will be sitting beside me saying "Dang, we screwed up" Friend: Will go to a concert with me Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs." Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad" Friend: Asks me for my number Best friend: Asks me for her number Friend: Hides me from the cops Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too. Friend: Gives you their umbrella in the rain Best friend: Takes your and says, "RUN, LOSER, RUN!" Friend: Wipes your tears when your rejected Best friend: Goes up to him and says, "It's because your gay isn't it?" Friends: Fade Best Friends: Are 4 Ever Things to Do in an Exam you Already Know That You are Going to Fail: 1.Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!" 2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is. 3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level. 4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative. 5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off. 6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min. 7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else. 8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible. 9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you. 10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it. 12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was. 13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly. 15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy). 16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day. 17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away. 18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story. 19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave. 20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice. 22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave. 23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary. 25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?" 26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! 27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out. 28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!" 30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her. 31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her. 32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit." 33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..." 35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect. 38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby. 40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour. 41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it. 44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam. 45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras. Reason the human race has evolved thus far. On Sears hairdryer: On a bag of Fritos: On a bar of Dial soap: On some Swann frozen dinners: On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: On packaging for a Rowenta iron: On Boot's Children's cough medicine: On Nytol sleep aid: On a Korean kitchen knife: On a string of Christmas lights: On a food processor: On Sainsbury's peanuts: On an American Airlines packet of nuts: On a Swedish chainsaw: On a child's Superman costume: If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit? Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them? if you blow in a dogs face he'll get mad at you, but take him for a car ride, and the first thing he does is stick his head out the window! if two wrongs dont make a right, try three whoever said nothings's impossible, they never tryed slamming a revoling door! apparently 1 in 5 people are chinese, there are five people in my familly so it must be one of them. it's ether my mum or dad. or my older brother colin. or my younger brother ho-chan-chu. but i think it's colin. borrow money from pessimists- they dont expect to get it back! there are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that cant. if olive oil comes from olive's then where does baby oil come from? if quitters never win, and winners never quit, how can it be good to 'quit while your ahead?' whose cruel idea was it for the words 'lisp' to have an 's' in it? how is it possible to have a civil war? if a fork were made of gold would it still be called silver ware? Can you make a candle out of your earwax? "Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute? Some people are scared of buttons! Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time? Are marbles made of marble? Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup? If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get you money back? (Granted you lived Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni? How does a feather look like cheese covered pasta Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"? Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"? Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup? Can you get cornered in a round room? Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there? Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends? If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible? Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet? In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she? How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone? Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat? Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse? Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate? Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable? "Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?" Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’? Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear?? Why is it that when you get out of a swimming pool, your urine is hotter when you use the restroom Can mute people burp? What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn? Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with? How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play? If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold? Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside? Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars? Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue? Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin? Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back? Why does shaped macaroni taste better than the normal kind? Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown? Why can't you get a tan on your palms? If your sick for one week and on one of those days they had to cancel school because of snow, do you have to make up that day in June? Why do dogs sniff other dog’s bottoms to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something? Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it? You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit? Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down? Why is a square meal served on round plates? Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1? Which way does a compass point in space? Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can't we run outside naked? Why do all superheroes wear spandex? If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes? Why did Mary own a little lamb? If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money? If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man? If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do? Why are Pringles curved? What happens if your snot freezes in your nose? Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are? If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops? Why is it that its good to score under par in golf but its bad to be “under par” in any thing else? If you've ever forgotten how old you are when someone asked you, copy and paste this onto your profile. If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile. Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wright's did make an airplane I like pigs, dogs look up to us, cats look down on us, pigs treat us as equals If elephants are really clever, why do we have dumbo? Top 10 Things you don’t say to a vampire 1. I'm a virgin 2. Bite me! 3. Want something to drink? 4. I just ordered Italian! 5. What to watch Buffy? 6. I’m sure a dentist can fix those! 7. I know a good tanning salon! 8. What to come to sunrise mass with me on Sunday? 9. Can you polish my old silverware for me? 10. Want a steak? (could easy be misinterpreted) You know you live in 2008 when: 1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave. 2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have a screen name or myspace. 4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV. 6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job. 7.) You read this list, & keep nodding and smiling. 8.) As you read this list, you think about sending it to all your friends. 9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5. 10.) You actually scrolled back up to check that there was a number 5. 11.) & now you're laughing at your stupidity. 12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for it. And you know you did. Girls Now you have 2 choices, 1) Pass this on, and show people you care, repost as My name is Sarah I am but three, My eyes are swollen I cannot see, I must be stupid I must be bad, What else could have made My daddy so mad? I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly, Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me. I can't speak at all I can't do a wrong Or else I'm locked up All the day long When I awake I'm all alone The house is dark My folks aren't home. When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice, So maybe I'll get just One whipping tonight Don't make a sound! I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charlie's Bar. I hear him curse My name he calls I press myself Against the wall. I try and hide From his evil eyes I'm so afraid now I'm sradishing to cry. He finds me weeping He shouts ugly words, He says its my fault That he suffers at work. He slaps me and hits me And yells at me more, I finally get free And I run for the door. He's already locked it And I sradish to bawl, He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall. I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken, And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken. "I'm sorry!", I scream But its now much too late His face has been twisted Into unimaginable hate. The hurt and the pain Again and again Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end! And he finally stops And heads for the door, While I lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor. My name is Sarah And I am but three, Tonight my daddy, Murdered me. This could be any little child Fight against child abuse! the (word) is a long story, the moral of which, is (sentence censored) I hope this has given you a preview into my madness, bye |
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