Welcome to my Profile where i talk and write anything i wanna and do what i wanna

HeHEHE

I obviously love to write and read,

So I have something I should have told you a long time ago. I'm a vampire! I love drinking blood and I always hunt humans. don't worry not you or really? anyway i just wanted to get that out in the open god i feel so much better now. wow so empowered! so if you are a fellow vamp hit me up we could totally talk. this is so great a place where i can be myself. OH man i wish beyond hope that Damon is real. I'll settle for Ian though.

The Vampire Diaries rock I can't go without thinking of Damon for a day luv him. i really

don't know what it is about his character he's just someone you have to love if you don't you will be murdered by a die hard fan or something. Not me I'm not about that prison life

anyways I also cant stand to be without Vampire Kisses. raven is awesome i wrote a story where i basically take her personality and

make her a vamp only its a diff character with the same name but i got my inspiration from her

next is twilight. who doesn't love twilight. Jasper is awesome he and Alice are my fav couple then Emmett and rose they are so

awesome together

i saw new moon recently and i loved it. Kristen Stewart isn't my fav but I'll deal with her

Jackson rathbone, just say the word honey and i am there. i love him he has an amazing voice and is a great actor. oh and taylor lautner...yummy is all I have to say about that boy. I'm going to see valentines day just because he's in it. and Taylor swift. she's awesome I can't wait to see what kind of actress she is...

which brings us to musica

i love rock, pop, a little hip hop and r&b.

Pink, SoMo, Demi lovato, Daughtry, Kerli, We The Kings, The Cab, Marianas Trench

Linkin park, Katie perry and more. u get it peeps

well there u have it peeps that's me and no one else. here we go with the rest hope you enjoy the stories and stuff late!

(oh this is just something I made up Idk what I was thinking but it worked so...)

Me: can u keep a secret

Aeesha: probably not wat is it

Me: no you have to promise

Aeesha: fine i promise

Me: say it

Aeesha: ugh cross my heart, you can trust, if i tell i'll turn to dust

Me: great! (silence)...

Aeesha: uhh wat is it?

Me: oh! i forgot but thanx for promising!

Aeesha: ... (picks up a baseball bat and beats me senseless)

-- tehe

FRIENDS VERSUS BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Go right ahead and make your family dinner

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Sir.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "DARN! We messed up!"

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds butt that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: Look at you strange when you say something completely random

BEST FRIENDS: Continue the conversation like you said nothing strange at all.

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will prank call him saying, "You have 24 hours to live".

FRIENDS: Help you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keep on walking saying, "Walk much?"

FRIENDS: Give you their umbrella in the rain

BEST FRIENDS: Take yours and say, "Run - beep - run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

(this one totally implies my mother. she always says some of these sayings...well most of them...okay okay all of them jeez stop the pressure)

25 Reasons Why I Owe My Mother

1. My mother taught me: TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me: RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me: TIME TRAVEL .
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me: LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me: MORE LOGIC .
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me."

6. My mother taught me: FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident ."

7. My mother taught me: IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me:CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me: WEATHER
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me:HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me: THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me: ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me: RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me: ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me: HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22.My Mother taught me: Genetics
"I swear you're just like your father."

23. My Mother taught me about my Roots.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My Mother taught me: Wisdom
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about Justice
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

thnx mom now do u think u culd teeach me how to be just as sarcastict as you.

bonus.-my mother taught me sarcasim.

" were going to hell in a ham basket now sit down and buckle your seatbelt."

hahaha repost if you owe your mom.

Okay so i think this is kinda cool here it is

repost plz:This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her in the ground when she was still alive. The murderer chanted,"Toma sota balcu" as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this in your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.

there were 3girls

They were looking through peoples
MySpaces.

The girl slowly came upon this one
myspace.

It had creatures in the background and the man
looked like a psycho.

She started laughing with her friend commenting on how ugly he was.

Right then, an instant message came up.

It said:

SatanStalker: So how do u like my
MySpace??

XxLoVemExX: What??

XxLoVemExX: Who is this anyway??

SatanStalker: Well, you should know;
youre looking at my MySpace right now.

XxLoVemExX: How do you know that im looking at ur pro??

SatanStalker:I know when people look at my MySpace.

XxLoVemExX: What? That doesnt make
any sense, how?

SatanStalker: I just do.

Satanstalker: Especially to pretty girls like you.

Satanstalker: With very nice legs I might say.

At the time the girl was wearing high
shorts.

She started to pull them down a little bit to cover what
ever she could. Her and her friend started to get
worried now.

XxLoVemExX: Ok whatever man youre starting to scare the living sht out of me.

SatanStalker: You should be afraid.

SatanStalker: You wouldnt want an ugly guy like me touching your legs huh? I mean thats what you
just said about me with your friend like a
minute ago.

They were in shock.

Her friend: Holy crap man just block him
hes a fcking psycho!

The girl: Ok holy crap, you think hes
watching us?

SatanStalker: I am.

SatanStalker: Well it wouldnt really
matter if you blocked me anyway; it wouldnt stop me
from coming to your house.

XxLoVemExX: What? My house?

SatanStalker: Yeah, youre alone so its
not a problem.

XxLoVemExX: Ok I think Im going to leave now because youre freaking me out.

SatanStalker: Your screen name says
love me, trust me that wont be a problem.

SatanStalker has just signed off.

The girl and her friend were really
scared. Girls

friend: Whatever lets just go upstairs trust me I doubt hes really coming. Its just a joke from someone.

They went upstairs and were having a pillow fight.

All of a sudden the girls friend said she had to go to the bathroom. The girl said ok.

Ten minutes later the girl noticed that her friend was
still in the bathroom and was wondering what was up.

She goes and knocks but no one said
anything

she opens it and finds her friend there on
the ground dead. She started to scream but when she
turned around he was there. News the next morning said that there was one girl dead in the bathroom;

her neck sliced with blood all over the ground. with her head nailed to the wall. Just her head.

If you do not repost this in the next two
minutes here will be three men, one in your
bathroom,

one in your room, and one killing your parents at that
very moment.

Tonight at 1:30am. Well what are you waiting for?

Repost or you are going to die.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! I AM SOOOOO WEIRD

If you get really good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be one of the 8 percent that would be laughing your butt off.

If you are in lala land most of the time copy this onto your profile.

If you ever fell off a chair backwards copy this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever done homework, were reading a story on fanfiction, were writing a story for fanfiction, were talking to a friend, or were watching TV at the same time, copy and paste this into your profile

If you randomly check your email every five minutes while on the computer, copy this into your profile.

Girls are like apples

on trees. The best ones

are at the top of the tree.

The boys don't want to reach

for the good ones because they

are afraid of falling and getting hurt.

Instead, they just get the rotten apples

from the ground that aren't as good,

but easy. So the apples at the top think

something is wrong with them, when in

reality, they're amazing. They just

have to wait for the right boy to

come along, the one who's

brave enough to

climb all

the way

to the top

of the tree

all girls copy and paste this to your page

'Never Argue With A Woman'

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.

She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am.What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?').

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.

For all I know you could startat any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.

"A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking."

"At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote."

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

"To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target."

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit! (OMC! Carlisle!)

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and she got away.

I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.

Isn't it funny that the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?

When you get caught looking at him, just remember he was looking back.

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.

Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them so much.

Of course it's in the last place you look for it. Why in heck would you keep looking for it if you already found it.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."

The problem with political jokes is that very often they get elected.

Before you critisize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

I'm right 90 percent of the time, so why worry about the other 3?

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

-Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS

"Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."

- Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

- The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

- When there's a will, I want to be in it.

"It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt-then it's hilarious!"

Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "where to begin?"

Can you raed tihs? Olny srmat poelpe can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. If you can raed tihs cpoy and ptsae tihs on yuor porfiel

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE that it's weird. If you agree but you've done this, too, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you kinda think mosquitoes are a little bit cooler now because they suck blood (which makes them kinda like a vampire) copy this into your profile

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.

If you think Fred should just let Barney have the darn Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, copy this into your profile!

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile.

"I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your pro!

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. If they are right... copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.

My best friend is insane, if you agree or if you have an insane friend then copy this to your profile.

If you're one of those people who gets excited when you see just two reviews, copy and paste this into your profile.

What I really need is minions...

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

A person who smiles in crisis has found someone to blame.

7/5 of all people do not understand fractions.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

It's not MY fault I never learned to accept responsibility!

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Don't worry too much about what people think, because they seldom do.

Solutions are NOT the answer.

Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? (Or if a vampire really sucks for that matter?)

Electrons are very, very small, but they can gang up and hurt you.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back.

Change is good, but dollars are better.

Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.

I know you think you understand what I said, but what you heard was not what I meant.

If this saying did not exist, somebody would have invented it.

Why get even when you can get odd?

What goes around usually gets dizzy and falls over.

Why is it called "after dark" when it's really "after light"?

The day without the sun, is like, you know, night.

I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.

Any system that depends on human reliability is unreliable.

It was all so different before everything changed.

If time is on your side, what's on the other?

How is it that "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

Those of you who think you know everything are very annoying to those of us who actually do.

Gravity always gets me down.

I'm lost. I've gone to look for myself. If I should return before I get back, please ask me to wait for me to return.

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take the chance?

ThInGs To PoNdEr:

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? "What happens if you get scared half to death twice?" Can fat people go skinny-dipping? If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak? So what's the speed of dark? A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station... If quitters never win and winners never quit- what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"? Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans? How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there? After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water? Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food? If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in? Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? Why is round pizza in a square box? Why do people say that they slept like a baby when babies sleep for only two hours? What disease did cured ham actually have? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice? Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? When you eat you have to chew and swallow... does inhaling count?

The Crazy Chain

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen or Jasper Hale is hot on your homework insted of doing it. Crazy is when someone tries to steal Twilight or New Moon and you smack them over the head with it when you get it back. Crazy is when you memorize almost the whole book of Twilight or New Moon or Eclipse and can start rattling it off at any moment. Crazy is when your crazy friend is obsessed with twilight, and even though you know what you are getting yourself into you let her brainwash you anyway!!Crazy is when you are your own radio when you are bored and you get annoyied when the same song keeps playing!! If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd with no life
I have A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS so I MUST be dating them al

I'm a BRUNETTE, so I MUST hate all blondes

I'm PUNK, so I MUST smoke pot

I'm MOODY, so I MUST be depressed and cut my wrists
I’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life

I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian

I HAVE A CRUSH, so I MUST write his name all over my stuff and want to marry him someday
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant
I'm LOYAL, so I MUST be easy to walk all over

I'm SINGLE, so I MUST be hideous, rude, and/or incapable of getting a boyfriend

I READ A LOT, so I MUST spend most of my time alone
I HAVE A GOOD VOCABULARY, so I MUST be some kind of genius
I HELP PEOPLE, so I MUST be a pushover

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be obnoxious and annoying

I’m a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude
I STAND UP FOR MYSELF, so I MUST be unreasonable and pushy
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a Goth.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naïve

I trip up stairs, run into poles, and can't spell have the time, so I MUST be stupid.

Sterotypes are false, unecessary, and stupid.If you believe this, post this on your profile. If you hate those obnoxious snobby people who came up with sterotypes, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen, Owl of the Night, WhatWouldRonandHermioneDo, American Dreamer Girl, Crystalized Chaos, Silver Chaos-Light, Nekoearlover, Randompanda940, Emmett's evil vampire bunnies, Pentacle Witch 13, XxXSilverShadowXxX, Only if you wish it,

If you would take a bullet for your best friend, put this in your profile.

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile. (of course I have a myspace too :)

Quotes

"If I make no sense, and what I say makes no sense, then that makes total sense." -Nathanael Huddleson

"I have way too much free time, but I'm too busy to use it." -Author Unknown

"If a person asks you where you are going tell them 'follow me, and you'll know when we get there.'" -Unknown

"Running in place gets you nowhere fast." -Nathanael Huddleson

"Today is tomorrow from yesterday's perspective." -Stephanie Huddleson

"Some people suffer from insanity, others just enjoy it." -Unknown

“Strange is our Situation Here Upon Earth.” -Albert Einstein

"I don't really look at myself as the kind of person who craves attention, but I've never been to therapy so there's probably a lot of stuff about myself that I don't know." - Weird Al

"I don't ask why patients lie, I just assume they all do."-House

"Patients sometimes get better. You have no idea why, but unless you give a reason they won't pay you. Anybody notice if there's a full moon? ... let's rule out the lunar god and go from there." - House

"Idiopathic, from the Latin meaning we're idiots cause we can't figure out what's causing it."- House

"You want to make things right? Too bad. Nothing's ever right." -House

You know you live in 2009 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.
2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have AIM/LiveJournal/MySpace.
4. You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.
6. Your evening activity is sitting at the computer.
you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.
8. You read this list, and keep nodding and smiling.
9. You think about how stupid you are for reading this.
10. You were too busy to notice that number five was missing.
11. You just scrolled up to check if there was a number five.
12. And now you're laughing at your stupidity.
13. Put this in your pro if you fell for it. You know you did.

I thougt this was really sweet!

If i dont call you
Its because i'm waiting for you to call me

When i walk away from you mad
Follow me

When i stare at your mouth
Kiss me

When i push you or hit you
Grab me and dont let go

When i start cussing at you
Kiss me and tell me you love me

When im quiet
Ask me whats wrong

When i ignore you
Give me your attention

When i pull away
Pull me back

When you see me at my worst
Tell me i'm beautiful

When you see me start crying
Hold me and tell me everything will be alright

When you see me walking
Sneak up and hug my waist from behind

When i'm scared
Protect me

When i lay my head on your shoulder
Tilt my head up and kiss me

When i grab at your hands
Hold mine and play with my fingers

When i tease you
Tease me back and make me laugh

When i dont answer for a long time
reassure me that everything is okay

When i look at you with doubt
Back yourself up

When i say that i like you
I really do more than you could understand

When i bump into you
bump into me back and make me laugh

When i tell you a secret
keep it safe and untold

When i look at you in your eyes
dont look away until i do

When i miss you
i'm hurting inside

When you break my heart
the pain never really goes away

When i say its over
i still want you to be mine

LADIES don't start fights,we FINISH them.

"Do you remember when Pluto was a planet, yeah, those were the days."

Who doesn't love comebacks that make the other person sound stupid?

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me, either.
Just leave me the heck alone.

This is funny!

Man "Haven't we met before?"
Woman "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man "Is this seat empty?"
Woman "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man "Your place or mine?"
Woman "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman "It's in the phone book."

Man "But I don't know your name."
Woman "That's in the phone book too."

Man "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman "I'm a female impersonator."

Man "What sign were you born under?"
Woman "No Parking."

Man "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman "Do not Enter"

Man "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman "Unfertilized"

Man "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"

Man "I know how to please a woman."
Woman "Then please leave me alone."

Man "I want to give myself to you."
Woman "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man "I can tell that you want me."
Woman "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave."

Man "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy
Woman "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."

Man "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman "Sorry, I don't date outside my species.."

Man "Your body is like a temple."
Woman "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman "Yes, but would you stay there?

If you are a serial killer, GET THE HECK AWAY FROM ME. If you are a cereal killer, GET THE HECK AWAY FROM MY FRUIT LOOPS.

"Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the heck is drinking my dang soda"

Reasons why girls are the best

1.We got off the Titanic first

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look effin gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

Girls don't realize these things;

I'm sorry
that I bought you roses
to tell you that I like you

I'm sorry
That I was raised with respect
not to sleep with you when you were drunk

I'm sorry
That my body's not ripped enough
to "satisfy" your wants

I'm sorry
that I open your car door,
and pull out your chair like I was raised

I'm sorry
That I'm not cute enough
to be "your guy"

I'm sorry
That I am actually nice;
not a jerk

I'm sorry
I don't have a huge bank account
to buy you expensive things

I'm sorry
I like to spend quality nights at home
cuddling with you, instead of at a club

I'm sorry
I would rather make love to you then just screw you
like some random guy.

I'm sorry
That I am always the one you need to talk to,
but never good enough to date

I'm sorry
That I always held your hair back when you threw up, and didn't
get mad at you for puking in my car, but when we went out you went
home with another guy

I'm sorry
That I am there to pick you up at 4am when your new man hit you and
dropped you off in the middle of nowhere,
but not good enough to listen to me when I need a friend

I'm sorry
If I start not being there because it hurts being used as a door mat, only to
be thrown to the side when the new jerk comes around

I'm sorry
If I don't answer my phone anymore when you call, to listen to you cry
for hours, instead of getting a couple hours of sleep before work

I'm sorry
that you can't realize.. I've been the one all along.

I'm sorry
If you read this and know somebody like this
but don't care

But most of all

I'm sorry
For not being sorry anymore

I'm sorry
That you can't accept me for who I am

I'm sorry
I can never do anything right, and nothing that I do is good
enough to make it in your world.

I'm sorry
I caught your boyfriend with another girl and told you about it, I thought
that was what friends were for...

I'm sorry
That I told you I loved you and actually meant it.

I'm sorry
That I talked to you for nine hours on Thanksgiving when your boyfriend was
threatening you instead of spending time with my family.

I'm Sorry
That I cared

I'm sorry
that I listen to you at night talking about how you wish you could have done something different.

Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?" Because the person you are usually searching for is right by you.

If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'

If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things' I really wish that more guys were like this, and I bet alot of girls do too.

6 truths of life: PLEASE READ!!

1. You cannot touch all of your teeth with your tongue.

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth tried it.

3. The first truth is a lie.

4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.

5. You will soon copy this and show it to another idiot.

6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.

"On the count of 3"
"why 3?"
"That's just the way it works,"
"Why not five?"
"Are you new here?"

"If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice."

"Where am I to go, now that I've gone too far?"

"Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone."

"My friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen,"

"She's the kind of friend I could call in the middle of the night and say I killed somebody and she'd ask 'where you put the body'"

"Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult."

"Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling"

"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity"

"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.

"A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking"

"A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read."

"A word to the wise isn't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice."

"I can resist everything except temptation."

"Where in the nursery rhyme does say that Humpty Dumpty is an egg?"

"I forgot to remember"

"Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you."

When people say, 'I’m so tired it's not even funny' or 'my head hurts so much it's not even funny', why would it even be funny in the first place?"

"No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you."

"As I said before I never repeat myself"

"Silence is golden but Duct tape is silver"

"I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me"

"Just a moment... I hear people wanting something... ME!"

Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

Before you take the life of your baby, really consider all your options. Would you rather be fat for a while, or kill your child?

If you're against abortion, re-post this

Ponder on this...

Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master...

He had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher...

He had no medicine, yet they called Him Healer...

He had no army, yet kings feared Him...

He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world...

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him...

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.

Feel honored to serve such a leader who loves us...

If you believe in the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit then copy and paste this in your profile.

If you ignore Him, in the Holy Bible, Jesus says...

"If you deny Me before man, I will deny you before My Father in Heaven..."

If it wasn't for God, our week would be Sinday, Mournday, Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday, Frightday, and Shatterday.

So believe in GOD!! He made everything possible.

Not Mine!!

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you,
But the roses are wilting,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty,
And so is your head.

Put this on your
page if you love
Naruto!(or characters like, ahem, Gaara. :)

Love vs. Sex

A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit
some friends one
evening
and time passed quickly as each shared
their
various experiences of the past year.

She ended up staying longer than
planned,
and
had to walk home alone. She wasn't
afraid
because it was a small town and she lived
only
a
few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm
trees,
Diane asked God to keep her safe from
harm
and
danger.

When she reached the alley, which was a
short
cut to her house, she decided to take it.

However, halfway down the alley she
noticed
a
man standing at the end as though he
were
waiting
for her.

She became uneasy and began to pray,
asking
for
God's protection.

Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness
and
security wrapped round her, she felt as
though
someone was walking with her.

When she reached the end of the alley,
she
walked right past the man and arrived
home
safely.

The following day, she read in the
newspaper
that
a young girl had been raped in the same
alley
just
twenty minutes after she had been there.

Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and
the
fact
that it could have been her, she began to
weep.

Thanking the Lord for her safety and to
help
this
young woman, she decided to go to the
police
station.

She felt she could recognize the man, so
she
told
them her story.

The police asked her if she would be
willing to
look
at a lineup to see if she could identify
him.

She agreed and immediately pointed out
the
man
she had seen in the alley the night
before.

When the man was told he had been
identified,
he
immediately broke down and confessed.

The officer thanked Diane for her bravery
and
asked if there was anything they could do
for
her.

She asked if they would ask the man one
question.

Diane was curious as to why he had not
attacked
her.

When the policeman asked him, he
answered, "Because she wasn't alone.
She
had
two tall men walking on either side of
her."

Amazingly, whether you believe or not,
you're
never alone. Did you know that 98 of
teenagers
will not stand up for God?

Repost this as Love vs. Sex if you truly
believe
in
God.

I absolutely love Damon Salvatore. I literally dream of him every night. I'm so deeply in love with that man. and Ian is so lucky to be playing his character. i would love to guest star on that show even if i was one of Damon's' victims wouldn't that be cool?

If you are absolutly in love with L.J Smith's Damon Salvatore, from Vampire Diaries, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you truely believe, there is an Damon Salvatore somewhere for you (Doesn't mean his name has to be Damon Salvatore), copy this into your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with Vampire Diaries that whenever you hear screaming you think of Damon killing someone copy and paste.

If you are on Team Damon, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think that Damon Salvatore ROCKS, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If the only thing you think about is the Vampire Diaries series copy and past this to your profile.

If you are in LOVE with Damon Salvatore copy and paste this to your profile.

If your in love with a fictional character (like any of the Salvatore brothers plus Matt XD) copy and paste this to your profile

If you think that the Vampire Diaries series will rule the universe, copy this into your profile.

If you think that Elena and Damon were meant to be together, copy this into your profile!

If you belive your own Damon Salvatore is out there somewhere, copy this into your profile

If you know you have an unhealthy obsession with Damon Salvatore, but you don't really care because you don't want to heal quite frankly, post this. (Yes, I do, okay? Get over it! I don't care! ;) )

If whenever you see or hear the name 'Damon' you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much and then people stare at you and tell you to shut up and let it go, post this.

If you think Damon Salvatore is hot...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think about marrying Damon Salvatore on a daily basis

If you have punched somebody because they said damon was ugly and/or gay copy and paste this to your profile

If you have ever scared someone by saying got any blood to drink or the steak needs to be more bloody copy and paste this to your profile

If you are absoulutley positivley in love with Damon Salvatore copy and post thus to your profile

If you have ever had a paper cut, and sucked on the blood, copy and paste this onto your profile.

AV is Addicted to Vampires

WIWAVS is Wishing I Was A Vampire Syndrome

JNTDD is Jacob Needs to Die Disorder

-If you hate being called "stupid" copy this and paste it to ya profile!

-If you LOVE vampires, post this into your profiles. And I ain't talkin' 'bout Twilight, folks! :F

-If you're obsessed with Damon Salvatore copy this to yo profile(:

-If you like fried chicken put this up and represent!

well there you have it oh! I guess I can tell u a little bit more about me. I love corn bread and cookies. Dark music makes me feel happy and uppity pop music gets me hyper but candy doesn't...how that works I can tell you not

Mercenaries in Love is all new and starting to blossom in my brain. I love u all to death...or Vampirism which ever comes first :D