Ignus and Elsa respond to the Ships
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Ignus
Elsa
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Hello, everyone!
Hello.
We're here today at the request of the dear author to talk about a very popular topic in the world of Frozen, The ships.
The…what?
Ships.
…
Wait, you don't know what those are?
I assume not large vessels meant to traverse water?
That'd be correct. They're actually…well, pairings. Wishing that two people in a fictional story or show or movie were together in a relationship.
…Really? That's an odd name…
No idea where it came from, it's just there.
Well, why are we discussing it? Why is it 'popular'?
Because you, Elsa, have quite a lot of ships.
Me?
Yup.
Wh-I mean…why me?
Well, mostly because you were available. You didn't have any canon love interest, so people started filling in the blanks. Plus, people love you and think you deserved someone special.
I have you!
I'm not canon.
What does that even mean?!
You know what…it doesn't matter. Just for the sake of appeasing the readers, bear with me as we do this.
Wh-but…ugh, fine…what kind of people did they pair me with?
One of the biggest is with a guy named Jack Frost.
Jack Frost? You mean like the children's tale?
Exactly. Well, a certain version of him. A young, handsome, playfully charming version of him.
I see…
The thing is, though, he has ice powers, same as you. He can make ice, create snow days, and even fly.
He can fly?! How unfair!
(Chuckles)
So people put me with him because he has powers?
Well-
Oh, god, listen to me. I feel so weird asking that. This whole topic is weird!
I agree, but it's pretty interesting to talk about, don't you think?
No. So, why him? Aside from the whole ice powers thing…
Aside from? You say it like it's nothing!
There's a lot more to love than just both members having powers.
…
Oh, stop, you know I love you for you.
Do I? I might need a reminder.
If you wanted me to kiss you, you shouldn't have asked me to do this 'shipping' thing. No smooches until we're done.
Fine, fine.
Now, what else? Why this Jack Frost person?
Well, his whole deal is that he's a mythical being. And the way those work is that children have to believe in you for you to gain strength and stay healthy. Make sense?
Of course not!
You know how everyone believes in Santa Claus?
Yes.
Well, no one believed in Jack Frost like they did him. This caused him to be invisible to others. He was on his own for, literally, centuries.
Oh…oh my.
Yeah. But eventually he caught his break, and now he watches over children and makes sure they live fun lives.
I'm happy to hear that.
So, whattaya think? He has a sort of parallel with you in terms of isolation, don't you think?
Ugh, this is stupid…yes, perhaps he has some major parallels with me, but…that's also a bit of a turn-off. It's like he's a male version of myself!
Well, that's not entirely fair-
EXACTLY! None of this is fair! I've never met him! Why do you insist on me making judgement calls on people I've never met?!
What if you did know them?
I-well, that'd be different.
Okay, so let's try that. Sound good?
…Very well.
Okay…how about Kristoff?
Wh-WHAT?! Is Anna reading this?!
No, and hopefully she never will.
I…what?! People paired me with him?! He's Anna's HUSBAND!
Exactly. You stealing him away…forbidden love between those who cannot be together…the drama, the heartbreak! Doesn't it just tug at those heartstrings?
You cannot be serious.
Or maybe an alternate tale, where Kristoff found himself irresistibly attracted to your ice...it makes for quite a story, I'll bet.
Unbelievable…
Ah, c'mon! Kristoff's a strapping guy!
I'm not criticizing Kristoff. He's a very honest man, and yes, he's certainly strapping. But I can't see him with anyone other than Anna. They're wonderful together. Besides, he's a bit…crude for my utter affection.
(Belches loudly)
You are an immature child sometimes.
And you love me for it.
Kristoff and I are not meant to be. Perhaps…in some different life we may have been together briefly, but not for long. Not like with you.
Aaand, I'm blushing.
(Giggles) Any others?
Yeah…you may not like this one…
Who?
…Hans.
…No.
I know, I know, but-
NO!
Whoa, easy! It's just a-
I can't even stand the thought! He is a sick, vile, twisted, megalomaniacal, power-hungry monster! I will NEVER see him any other way! Understand?!
…Funnily enough, that's pretty much what you say in every fic that ships you two…
What was that?!
Practically every story centers around you and Hans hating each other at first, then slowly learning about the hardships and tribulations of the other. You slowly sympathize...and sympathy turns to something mo-GAH!
If you want to keep both eyebrows, you will move on.
Okay, okay! What about...oh yeah! The other princes of the Southern Isles!
Hans' brothers!?
Exactly. This is a big one, too...
*Sigh*...I don't even know what they're like, how can I be expected to-
It's more about them trying to apologize for Hans' behavior. A seemingly insurmountable grudge...conquered only by the power of love and forgiveness-
Do you hear yourself?! You and Anna should write a book together, you're both so sappy.
I am. It's an affliction Elsa. Help me...must help me...
Get-get off-no! No tickling! Stop-pfft-hee-stop it!
Alright, let's move on…you know, a lot of people actually ship you with original characters, like myself.
For good reason!
Thanks. But, yeah, there are tons of them. Some are normal people, like guards, civilians, wandering men like myself. Others have powers. Most of them are fire, again, like me.
A lot of people seem to be emulating you.
Well, I certainly wasn't the first fiery flame for you.
You are the best, however.
Oh, would-stop it! I'm just lucky, is all.
If you say so.
I'm serious! There are a ton of great characters out there. Some of them have fire powers, some even have earth powers. Some have harsh pasts, too.
Hmm.
You don't sound impressed.
Again, never met any of these people.
Use your imagination!
Can we just finish this up, please?
Okay, okay. Let's see, last one is…
Yes?
You know what, that's actually it! There aren't anymore.
…Really?
Yup, let's go. Got some smoochin' to do.
Ignus.
Yes?
It doesn't sound like that was the last one.
…
Oh, come on, just say it.
W-Well…um…
Is it really that bad?
Let's just keep an open mind as I say this.
Fine…
It's uh…it's Anna.
…
Elsa?
Elsa wait come back! We need to talk about this now that I said it!
Elsa!
Hold on…
Elevator Music
-all the ridiculous, obscene, crazy-
Hey, hey, no need to be rude.
SHE. IS. MY. SISTER.
Just listen, alright? Most of the stories I've read-
YOU'VE READ SOME OF THESE?!
No! Yes! Maybe…uhh…yes.
Okay, the death stare is not helping my composure.
Good.
…alrighty then. Listen, the stories that pair you two almost always set you up in different timelines and universes where you AREN'T related. And then it plays out from there.
…I suppose you want me to say that's better?!
Well, isn't it?
No!
But some of them are so touching!
I don't even want to picture it. I think I will be physically ill.
Whoa, whoa, okay. You actually look a little green.
I'm not even a-I mean I don't even...I mean i don't think I-GAH!
...you alright?
I'm fine. Just…I won't ever be able to see Anna as anything other than my sister and my best friend. Ever. Saying things like that is so…off to me.
Well, I always think that it's the writing that should be judged. Not the topic. And some of these stories, hoo-wee. They will make you cry.
Well, fine. Wonderful. Just don't come running to me about it.
I'm not, I'm not. I realize it's not exactly appealing to you. If anything, just take away that people think you and your sister are awesome people.
That is dumming it down quite a bit.
Well, even when it's nauseatingly against your own beliefs, it shouldn't be hated because of it.
Are you here to teach me a morality lesson?
I'm just sayin'…
I know. And I agree with you entirely. That being said, I wish more people 'shipped' you and I.
Well, we have quite a few who do.
Really?
Yeah, one person even named themselves after us as a pair.
Okay…a bit much, but I'll take it.
Some people even drew art of you and I!
Truly? How nice of them.
Yeah, I look good in some of them.
And how do I look?
…
*ahem*
'No art or picture could ever capture the beauty that I see in you every day of-'
Okay, okay, you can skip the disclaimer, Ignus.
You look stunning in the art.
Yay.
You know...some people actually say you shouldn't have a love at all. Some say you're an independent woman, and proof that women don't need a man to be happy.
Truly?
Yeah.
Well...I don't know about that. I mean, yes, I'm sure I would be happy with just Anna and Kristoff, and I certainly believe that women can be happy without a ...that's probably because I myself never thought I'd find someone to love. Now that I have...I can't imagine life without it. Without you.
If you make me blush any more, I think my face will literally catch fire.
Love you, Ignus.
(Embarrassed sigh) Love you too, Els.
So, while I'm definitely not the most popular person to be paired with you, I think I'm lucky to have the support that I do.
You're cute when you're sentimental.
…
And you're simply adorable when you blush.
Okay, before you can drag me any further into the depths of humiliation, let's wrap this up. The author had a few things he wanted me to mention.
Wait, the who?
First off, make sure to check out his deviantart page (StanfordExperiment) to see all the cool fanart in one place! He really wanted me to emphasize this too…so uh…yeah! EMPHASIS! Go look at the art! And say nice things about it to the creators!
What on earth are you talking about?
Second, be sure to check out his new story Endless Horizon, now updated with Chapter 6!
…what?
On behalf of myself and Elsa and the dear author, thank you all for reading this story and keep on shipping whoever and whatever you want!
You are making NO sense.
Don't worry about it. I think we're done here.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Maybe there's another you'd like me to discuss.
Well, there are tons, but I thought we'd stick to the most popular ones.
Hmm. I'm not sure…
You're just teasing me.
I am, a bit.
You're words were "No smooches until we're done". Well, we're done.
I don't know, Ignus…I don't think I can anymore. I'm starting to see Kristoff in a different light.
(Horrified Silence)
Hahahaha! Oh god, your face! You look mortified!
Are you serious?! Don't ever do that again!
Make me!
Don't think I won't! Get back here!
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Thanks again for reading. Be sure to check out my deviantart page for some awesome fanart (including some new stuff by bell7295! Amazing pics!)
-TheStanfordExperiment