Chapter the Fifth: "You Shall Know Great Sorrow"

Laelia's relief was short lived. The teams of gladiators emerged from their entrances into the coliseum proper. Two teams on chariots, two dozen or more on foot and some on horses. One side wore armor painted red and the opposing side wore tunics and armor painted blue. Laelia had only to guess which team would be winning, as red was the colour of the gods.

It took only a moment more for her to spot Maximus, thanks to Lucius' excited cry: "The Spaniard! Look, there he is! Will he be champion today, Uncle?"

His excitement made her smile, even though she worried. Lucius was a precious, innocent thing, a rare sun beam in the darkness that was their family and the world of Rome.

An orator in a chariot entered the arena after the teams had assembled, to address the crowd. The air was still and stifling. It was too warm; sweat trickled down her back and brow. Futilely, she fanned herself. She ignored the orator as he regaled them with a history tale which the day's games were based upon. Instead, she watched Maximus' every move. She prayed he would look her way. He didn't, though and was swinging his sword before she even realized it.

The games seemed to stretch on for an excruciating amount of time. Bodies fell in sheer numbers, the arena sand soaked with their blood. The blood of so many innocents. It was nearly unbearable to watch the match, to watch Maximus and hope he wasn't injured while providing this sick entertainment for her brother and the crowd. She hated them both in that moment. Hated the games and all they stood for.

Rome's sun was high as the match wound down. Maximus was soaked in sweat, his partner's as well. They were chained together, but one wouldn't know it. They moved fluidly together, trusting in each other completely. Laelia marveled, absurdly and with a certain amount of guilt, at the wonder that was before her eyes. Maximus and his friend were a sight to behold, a team with skill unmatched. It was no wonder they were the crowd's favourite. They watched each other's back, used their strength to overwhelm opponents and kept each other safe.

Finally, only Maximus and his partner were left, against a single rider. The horse's body was covered with a coat of sweat, the dapple gray hair dampened to a much darker colour. The horse's mouth foamed, its nostrils flared. The rider, a beast of a man, flung off his helmet. His head was completely bald, sunken in, sickeningly on one side, likely from some injury or another. He had a spear and a sword. Shouting at his steed, he paced around the two gladiators on foot. Fear gripped Laelia and suddenly; even with all the heat, she was icy cold.

The rider kicked his heels and started towards the duo. He threw his spear when he was still well away; but he threw it well. It caught Maximus' friend in the leg and a lone scream erupted from the arena. The crowd was on its feet, hissing and booing and some cheering. Maximus had just enough time to move them both out of safety. The rider drove past them, bringing his sword down against Maximus' shield. The bald man whirled his horse for another charge. Maximus was struggling to help his partner up. The man was wounded badly and couldn't stand on his opened leg. Blood was gushing out; he was collapsing and pulling Maximus with him. The chain connecting the men got tangled locked somehow. Maximus was watching the rider and desperately trying to release himself.

The horseman thundered towards them, his sword held aloft and a malicious sneer on his face. All Laelia could hear was the pounding of her heart and the horse's hoof beats. As if in slow motion, she watched, terrified, as the great beast drew towards the gladiators. A small sound escaped her parched, parted lips. Commodus looked over at her curiously for a moment but she didn't notice. Lucius was crying. Lucilla fanned herself, bored. All this, Laelia ignored. Please, Maximus, find a way. You must survive!

It seemed as if it would all end, then and there, in the hot arena. With one gladiator felled, the other caught and tangled, there was not much hope left. The rider reached Maximus and brought his sword down heavily. Laelia wanted to close her eyes, to block out what she was certain would be Maximus' death. But no, it would not be today! Maximus, at the very last moment, when all seemed lost and over, brought his shield up, twisting his body sideways and throwing all of his weight at the horse's front legs. The man's sword came down onto the shield heavily, only adding to the weight of the force hitting his own steed's legs. The already tired horse came down heavily onto its front legs with a sickening crack as they broke. The poor beast screamed in pain, thrashing its head about as it hit the sand. Foam flew from its mouth, spattering Maximus and the rider.

The swordsman tried to leap from the horse as it went down but miscalculated. He ended up under it, crushed. As the heavy animal thrashed around in excruciating pain, it crushed the man to death. The wait for the miserable thing to stop wailing around in pain was overly long. Lucius had long since turned away but Laelia forced herself to watch, with tears streaming down her face. But you are safe, now, my love.

xxxxx

Afterwards, Laelia retreated to her apartments to nap. The sheer amount of emotional stress and turmoil she'd faced had taken its toll. She barred her door, and then snuggled deep into the covers and pillows of her bed, allowing her body to drift to sleep. She was comforted by the heady scent of Maximus; as she had neatly tucked his pillow from his home into her own. She knew it wouldn't last forever but for a few nights, at least, she would sleep well.

When she finally woke, it was dark. She felt disoriented, her head heavy and tilting about of its own accord. It took her some time to fully come to and waken properly. Slipping from her bed, she padded barefoot to the window, overlooking Rome. The moon, heavy and prideful, gleamed over the city with a magnificent hue. The stars seemed bleak in its wake. Sighing softly, she rested her head against the doorframe, wondering if Maximus was looking at the same moon...

xxxxxx

Laelia felt a small, cool breeze drift through the window, as she gazed at the moon. She wanted nothing more than to don a hooded cloak and find her way to Maximus and make sure he was safe. She fretted over him, picking at the silken curtain hanging over the window.

She wanted another hot bath. She still felt dirty. Seeing Falco meet his end in the arena had eased her mind but she couldn't dismiss the horrible memory he had inflicted upon her.

Unsettled, but too scared to venture out alone at this late hour, she retreated to her bed to read. She found she could not focus on that, either. Exasperated, she flung the book away from her. At the same moment as the book went sailing across the bed, a soft knock came at her balcony window. Terrified, she searched for the blade that Grandrin had given her and backed up on her bed. She drew her knees to her chest, shivering and frozen in fear. She waited, watching her window.

Timidly, a dark head popped in through the curtains, followed by a soft voice: "My Lady Laelia?"

Shocked, she untangled her limbs and stood. "Who's there?"

The woman stepped from behind the curtains and into the moonlight. It was the slave from Proximo's.

"My master bids you attend him in secret. It is urgent." The young girl spoke softly and wrung her hands.

She bade the girl enter the room further and took her calloused hands into her own, soft ones.

"You are either very brave or very foolish to come here. My brother constantly watches me," Laelia whispered in a fevered pitch.

"Both, my lady, I fear. Master Proximo sent me with urgency. You must come with me, quickly. Please."

Laelia immediately went in search of a dark cloak. How odd that the very thing which I wished to be doing is now my task at hand. She wanted to ask more questions, but she knew it was too dangerous to do so here.

As they crept from her room to the balcony, she stopped short, grabbing the girl's arm. "Your name?"

Her escort turned dark, emerald eyes to her curiously.

"Why do you want to know my name? What does it matter?" The girl's voice was soft, surprised...and a little sad.

"Your name always matters. It is a whisper on the wind to the gods, telling them of our story. It is something no man can ever take from you, something you carry with you, always."

Laelia thought perhaps the girl would cry but instead, she smiled wistfully and squeezed her hand.

"Allteah. My name is Allteah."

With that, they slipped into the darkness, hand in hand, clutching to the shadows for safety and each other for comfort.

xxxxxxx

Laelia promptly threw herself into Calinius' arms. She sobbed as he patted her hair and made soothing noises. She had not been so relieved in days.

After making the precarious journey to Proximo's home, Allteah had showed them to a library, where Grandrin, Proximo, Senator Gracchus and Calinius stood around a table, conversing. Before Allteah could even finish announcing her, Laelia had hurtled across the room and thrown herself at her protector.

Calinius laughed, patting her head once more and extracting himself from her grip.

"My lady, I am fine. I swear. After the game, Commodus put me up for bid as a gladiator. It was what Proximo and I had counted on."

Proximo's gravelly voice interrupted Calinius'. "I purchased your man at a ridiculous price. Commodus doesn't seem to suspect a thing but I would be amiss not to be cautious. He will be watched, as he is a former member of the Emperor's household. I will be watched. Calinius will be treated as a regular gladiator at all times so as not to arouse suspicion."

Laelia's brow knotted in fear once again. She stood properly, remembering herself. She had been overwhelmed at seeing Calinius safe, but she was the daughter of a Caesar and a sister to the new one. She must act accordingly, however much she wished not to.

"But what if he falls in the arena?" she queried.

The men merely looked at her in uncomfortable silence. She had her answer.

"That is the risk I am willing to take; to protect Proximo, you and this plan to fix the injustices thrust into Rome's back," Calinius said softly.

Senator Gracchus cleared his throat, ending the painful lapse in conversation. "Lady Laelia, we brought you here to ensure, to make certain that you are with us. That you shall stand with us as we avenge your father and restore Rome to a Republic. In all things, to all extremes..." The older man trailed off, fumbling with his wine goblet.

The room was becoming too warm. All of the men stared at her intently, as is searching for something. Laelia was partially fearful for what was to come but also irritated that they questioned her loyalty and ability to see this through to the end. And so she gathered herself up to her full height, looked squarely at the men and spoke:

"Yes, Senator Gracchus, I am completely committed to this course of action. In all aspects. I am a woman but I am not completely naive. You intend to kill Commodus, no? He killed my father, I would see him pay for that and all his other sins."

Laelia spoke clearly and sternly. She was not overly loud, as she knew the walls had ears everywhere, but she made certain each man could hear her and understood her.

"I would presume the fine details of the murder and handling the guard will be discussed without me, so I thank you and will bid you all good night if nothing further is required of me."

xxxxxxx

Later, as Grandrin walked her out of Proximo's home, he chuckled.

"What is so funny!?" Laelia asked, shocked. She was still having dark thoughts and couldn't imagine anything being remotely funny.

"You sounded, and looked, exactly like your father just now, my lady. He would be proud."

Her eyes filled with tears, the sting of her father's absence made all the more real to her then. She couldn't find words to thank Grandrin with, so she simply placed her hand on his forearm and squeezed it gently.

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The babe had thrown up on her three times now. Laelia sighed in exasperation and began cleaning both the child and herself as Maera laughed from near the hearth. Laelia gave her a withered look and turned her attentions back to the child on her lap, who was giving her a toothless grin. Her heart soared at the sight.

Laelia had finally managed to free herself from Commodus and Lucilla's claws for a few days. The task of going about day to day life while pretending nothing was wrong had taken a very heavy toll on her. The constant fear of her siblings' wrath stalked Laelia day and night. She trusted no one. She spoke to no one. She had taken to staying in her apartments most of each day, so as not to arouse any suspicion. She was desperate to keep the assassination plot a secret, for all she truly knew of it. Unfortunately, her withdrawn demeanor caught Commodus' attention and he cornered her at breakfast one morning, demanding to know what was amiss. Laelia had stuttered a reply and fled back to her rooms, where she sobbed herself to sleep. Her nerves were in tatters.

Surprisingly, it had been Lucilla that had come to her rescue. She recommended to Commodus that Laelia go to the country for a few days, away from the city. Lucilla had stated that Rome was too packed with the games going on and that their little sister was simply too young for all the excitement. Commodus had been enthusiastic about the idea; he always was when a solution was easy. He didn't like to work things out on his own, he preferred the east way. He didn't have time to solve problems, which is why the Senate hated him.

So off Laelia had gone, with Grandrin and two other guards. She had practically fled to Maera's, without even thinking on where she was to go for her "rest". To be true, she felt as if she were going home.

Maera and Ben had been delighted to see her and relieved to see she was alive. Maximus' home had been picked clean by bandits and thieves, but the house itself was in good condition. She stayed there, with Grandrin in the other room. The last two guards made camp in the burnt fields.

Laelia had been relieved to spend her days with Maera. Grandrin became bored the first morning as the women prattled over tea and breakfast. He refused to leave Laelia unprotected. Finally, Maera had shooed him out the door with a warning. Her protector had followed Ben with his work and seemed to greatly enjoy his break as well.

Maera was caring for three young children during the day while their parents worked the fields. The two oldest children, Simon and Alexandria, were the offspring of a fieldworker whose wife had recently died. They were shy, quiet children. Red haired and fair, Laelia thought they were beautiful little creatures. The last child, Dekae, was not quite a year old. She was a sickly orphan and the young woman who had taken the babe in was a washerwoman and couldn't care for the child during the day as she worked. So the three came to Maera during the day. Simon and Alexandria were old enough to play in the garden, while Dekae tottered about on unsteady legs, holding onto Maera's skirts.

For several blissful days, Laelia helped with the children, the garden and the animals. She enjoyed being on her knees in the dirt, feeling the earth crumble through her fingers like silk. And the children were a delight. She longed so much for children of her own, though she was certain she would never be a mother. She became quite attached to little Dekae and vaguely wondered what Commodus would do if she brought the tot home to raise.

On her last day before she was due home at Rome, Laelia was sitting cross legged on the floor playing dolls with Alexandria. Dekae was napping in the bed; Maera was in the barn with the animals and Simon milking the cow. All was relatively quiet, save for her and Alexandria's quiet banter.

A scream pierced the air, raising the hairs on Laelia's neck. She grabbed Alexandria to her and rushed to the bed to make sure Dekae was safe. The screaming continued and she realized it was Maera. She was torn between safeguarding the children and rushing to see if Maera was safe. She had finally stood, setting Alexandria on the bed and given her strict instructions to stay there when the front door was flung open and Maera stumbled in, Simon limp in her arms, crimson blood staining them both.

Laelia felt as if everything moved in slow motion then. A cry gurgled from her dry throat, she tried to run to Maera, her knees locked up and she nearly fell. Ben and Grandrin burst through the door as Maera stumbled with Simon. Simon's head lolled, his neck looked garish, his once bright green eyes wide open in silent terror. Laelia wasn't sure that she made it much further before she had fainted.

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Maera was in bed, ill with grief. Alexandria, inconsolable, refused to go home with her father, instead curling up in bed with Maera. All Laelia could do was to sit in a chair beside the bed, stunned into silence.

A rabid dog had wandered onto the farm, starving, and attacked Simon while he played just outside the barn as Maera milked the cow. He never had a chance to so much as scream for help before the wild animal had knocked him down and torn his throat open. Grandrin had sent the two guards to find Simon's father and then back to Rome to inform Commodus that Laelia would be staying a few more days.

The funeral and subsequent days were a sad blur to her, though. Everyone was quiet, somber. The occasional sob would pierce the silence, but nothing was the same. Alexandria finally went home and the washerwoman's sister took care of Dekae while Maera dealt with her grief.

Laelia was helpless. She didn't know how to comfort the old woman. She had never seen death up close, though she'd watch hundreds of gladiators brutally die. But never, never an innocent child. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Simon's head lolling about, his white eyes and the blood pouring from his neck. It would always haunt her, that vision, she feared. She slept on a pallet in front of the hearth, abandoning Maximus' home. She was loathe to leave Maera and fearful of what would happen when Commodus insisted she return to Rome.

She fed Maera broth, sang quietly to her and brushed her hair. But all Maera did was cry quietly, usually turning towards the wall, her small, bony shoulders shaking from her sobs. Laelia was terrified that she would lose her, too. She could tell Ben was fearful for his wife's health as well.

Grandrin and the guards had tirelessly hunted the woods for the dog. It had taken them three days, but they had finally caught and killed it. They returned not triumphant, but sad. Nothing could restore Simon's delightful giggle to fill the walls of the house, nor could anyone coax Maera from bed.

Finally, the guards returned from Rome and Laelia heard them arguing with Grandrin outside. When Grandrin stepped inside the hut, she knew her time with Maera was over. Please, don't let this be the last time I see her alive...

Maera pulled herself up to sit in the bed and bid Laelia farewell, though. Laelia wrung her hands, crying piteously.

"Now, now, child. You will be fine. Everything will be fine," the old woman said hollowly. Laelia hugged her with all her might. She could feel how frail and thin her beloved friend had grown; her skin was cold and clammy, the light gone from her eyes. She didn't want to leave.

As Grandrin carried the last of Laelia's things out to the waiting horses, a knock sounded on the door. A frazzled young woman entered, flushed and sweating, Dekae on her hip squalling.

"I...I'm so sorry, Maera. I know you've been ill, but the babe will not settle. My sister is gone to visit our mother and I have to finish the day's washing. Can you..." the young woman stammered and apologized. Dekae wriggled and cried in her arms. Finally, Dekae set her down and she toddled quickly over to the bed.

With chubby, dirt-encrusted fingers, the child reached out to the bed covers, tugging on Maera's blanket. She clicked her tongue and babbled at Maera, yanking on the cover. It was as if Maera finally woke up. She shivered violently, once and then blinked. She turned to the babe and leaned down, scooping her up. Laelia was afraid for a moment that she would drop her, but she settled the child into her lap easily.

Dekae calmed instantly, her little thumb went into her mouth and she nestled against Maera's chest. Maera patted her head and made soothing noises. The young woman had bobbed a quick thank you and left quickly. Ben, tears of happiness in his eyes, nodded at Laelia and returned to work. Grandrin stood waiting in the door.

Laelia stood, gathering her dress and cloak. She watched Maera with the child for a few moments and then leaned down, placing a soft kiss on the old woman's forehead. She smelled sweetly of honey, flour and flowers. She closed her eyes, inhaling that scent, wanting to hold on to it forever. As she walked out the door quietly, she could hear Maera begin to sing a soft lullaby to Dekae and her heart swelled with both relief and sorrow that she had to leave at all.