Chapter 1

'the tree'

Don't you cry, tonight

There's a heaven above you, baby.

Don't you cry tonight.

I lay, unmoving, watching the little blossom in the breeze.  It was so tiny and frail, the gentle wind pushed it almost flat down against the ground.  But the roots held, and when the breeze subsided it sprung upwards, up to the bright blue sky.

"That's not how it happens," I murmured.  That's not how it goes in real life.

I was lying on my back on the grass, my face turned slightly to the side so I could watch the upstart flower's struggles.  It was the first warm flush of spring weather all year, and the sunlight felt nice on my face. 

Once again the little pink bent over in the breeze, once again it straightened in the calm.  Unable to take it anymore, I reached out and plucked it from the ground.

"Don't you know," I informed it, "that you're supposed to die?  Something like you can never survive in this world.  Stop teasing me."

I crushed the flower in my hand, then tossed the remnants to the side.  After a moment, the breeze picked up the petals and scattered them.  Just like the ash from that day.

That's how it's supposed to go.

I nodded with satisfaction and turned up the volume on my walkman.  My favorite part was coming up, the guitar solo.  But my enjoyment was interrupted by clanging bells.  They disrupted the melody, high and discordant, and I scowled.  Stupid bells.  Did they do that every hour in this town?

Wearily I sat up and scanned the surroundings.  Just peeking over the rooftops, I could see the source of my annoyance.  A tall, pointed clock tower busily clanging the hour.

One…two…three…

Absentmindedly I counted the chimes.

Four…five…

Five!

I jumped up, my meditative mood shattered.  Five o'clock already.  He was going to throw an absolute fit.

- - - - - - - - -

I got a little mixed up about the streets, and it was another twenty minutes before I managed to make it home, despite how fast I was running.  I was panting before I finally managed to get through the door. 

"O-nii-chan's in trouble," somebody sang, bouncing up and down on the couch gleefully.  She flashed a smug grin in my direction as I pulled off my headphones.  "O-nii-chan's in - "

"Knock it off," I ordered, but somebody else had heard her, and he appeared in the doorway to the room with a frown.

"I'm sorry, okay?" I snapped, before he could even speak.  "I got lost."

"Touya-kun, I was supposed to be at the school thirty minutes ago to meet with the head of the department.  What am I supposed to say to him?"

"I said I was sorry.  I'm here now, don't let me stop you from going."  I started to storm up the stairs, but Dad wasn't through yet.

"Touya-kun, I don't ask for much - "

"Right."

"- but your sister is too young to be left alone.  I'm about to start a new job, and I need your help to take care of her."

"Don't I know it.  I spend more time with her than I do alone!"

Dad sucked in his breath and waited a second before replying.  I could see he was trying to control his annoyance, and felt a slight twinge of guilt, but didn't change my sulky expression.  I had every right to be just as annoyed.

"Touya-kun, this is a hard time for all of us.  I'm asking for you to be supportive, and to help me out when I need it.  Can you at least try?"

Did he have to try and be so nice about it all the time?  I heaved a sigh and shrugged.

"Guess so," I muttered.

"Arigatou."  He smiled and straightened his tie, then retreated to the front door where his briefcase and coat were waiting.  "Daddy has to go out for a little while, Sakura-san.  I'll be back for dinner.  Touya-kun will make it.  Bye now."

He gave her a little wave, and she returned it happily, waiting until he'd left before resuming her trampoline act.

"Not at all, Dad," I said aloud, glaring at the front door.  "I don't mind another unpaid baby-sitting session tonight.  I don't mind making dinner for her.  Thanks for asking."

"Play with me, Onii-chan!"

"No way," I grunted, and continued stomping up the stairs.  After a moment, I could hear her skipping up behind me.  "Go away!"

"Let's play," she begged.

"We're not playing a game, squirt.  I've still got stuff to unpack."  I entered my new room and stared gloomily at the boxes piled in the corner.  The only thing I'd bothered to break out of its packaging was my stereo and music, late the night before.

A new job, I could still hear him saying in my head.  Associate professor at the Towa University, in Tomoeda.  It's a nice town, good place to raise a child.  We'll be able to make a fresh start.  A new beginning.

"Yeah right," I mumbled under my breath.

"What?"  She was crawling onto my bed now, watching me.

"Nothing.  Go away.  I have to unpack."

"I wanna watch you," she chirped. 

"I'm just unpacking my clothes."

"But I'm bored!"

"Tough."

I shrugged and turned away from her, lifting the lid of the first box.  I don't know what's wrong with my sister.  She treats everything that I do and say with some kind of worshipful attitude.  The attention is a little overwhelming at times.

"Are you excited?" she asked after a few minutes.  "We get to go to a new school tomorrow!  Do you want to make any new friends?  I do.  I want to have the most friends of anyone."

"How surprising," I remarked with a touch of sarcasm.  She was too young to pick up on it, of course, and just stared at me.  Dad could posture all he wanted about his new job and the nice town, but I knew why we really moved.  It was for me.  He actually hoped that I'd shape up in a new school with a clean record.  He wanted me to adjust.  "It's too quiet in here.  Ready for a little Metallica?"

I dropped to my knees by my new CD rack and brushed my fingertips over the cases. 

"Wait a minute…"  Everything was out of order, and I shot her a suspicious glance.  She shrunk a little under my intense gaze, but said nothing.  "Sakura, did you touch my music?"

"I was just looking at the pictures," she whimpered.  "They're so pretty - "

"You were in my room?" I asked coldly.  "Touching my CDs?  I've told you a hundred times not to do that!"

"But I just - "

"Get out.  Get out now."

"You can't make me.  Dad says you have to watch me."

"Dad isn't here, is he?"

She tried to wriggle away, but I snatched her and picked her up easily.  Unlike me, she's always been small for her age, and at seven she barely cleared my waist.

"Stop it, Onii-chan!" she shrieked.  "Put me down!  Put me down!"

"Okay."  Obediently I dumped her on the floor out in the hallway, then shut the door in her face.

"Onii-chan!  Let me in, please!  Onii-chan, open the door!"

"Not a chance."

"I'm telling Dad!"

"Good.  Maybe he won't ask me to baby-sit again."  Her little fists were banging on the wood as she continued to beg, but I popped in Reload and turned up the volume until she was drowned out.  If only I could do it for real.  Just turn up the music loud enough to block everybody out.  They could leave me alone in peace.

"Just like you," I said softly.  Pulling out a couple sweatshirts, I found the glassed-in frame.  I'd packed it with the clothes so it wouldn't be damaged, and withdrew it reverently.  She looked so alive in this one, so full of health.  It's really amazing how photos can lie.  They're even worse than people.

I scowled and placed the frame face-down on my empty desk.  I only like to look at her face on special occasions.  It's too painful to look at all the time.

- - - - - - -

I know my sister well enough to know that she probably sulked after I pushed her out, but by the time I emerged and put a pot on the stove to boil, she'd perked up again.

"Whatcha making?"

"You'll find out."

"When will Daddy be home?"

"Soon, I hope."  I wanted to go out again, now that the sun was setting.  Tomoeda didn't seem like a particularly interesting town, but outside the night seemed restless.  Like it was waiting for me.

Sakura interrupted my thoughts by trying to turn a somersault on the kitchen floor.

"Stop that."

"See how much better I'm getting?  I'm going to be the best!"

"The best monster.  Now get out of my way."  Dad had spent the day unpacking the kitchen things, but I didn't know where everything was and had to spend ten minutes opening all the drawers to find the chopsticks.  She'd moved on to cartwheels in the meantime.

"You know you shouldn't do that inside.  Stop it."

Sometimes I really hate my sister.  She is the world's worst pest.  Hyperactive and silly, she's never sat still for five minutes in her life, and she refuses to leave me alone.  What I hate most is how damn cheerful she is.  She almost never stops smiling, and she giggles at everything, whether it's funny or not. 

Ball of sunshine, Dad says.  He likes it.  He likes the way she brightens up the house, jumping onto his lap and giving him spontaneous hugs.  He never says it, but I catch him looking at me with those reproachful brown eyes, and I know what he's thinking.  He wants me to be more like her.

Yeah right.  It's easy for her; she doesn't remember a thing.  She was only three when it happened, and for her it's like Mom never existed.  She wasn't the one sitting out in the hall, listening to Mom take her last breath, helpless to do anything.

It's so unfair.

I thumped the dishes down a little harder on the table than I should have, and she looked up in surprise.

"Careful, Onii-chan," she lectured.  "If you break a plate, Dad will be mad."

"Oh no, anything but that."

She giggled and bounced her way to a chair.  "I like this house.  Do you like this house?"

"-t's okay."  I shrugged, then shot her a malicious grin.  "Except for the old man sitting on the couch over there."

It was classic.  She shrieked and dove under the table, curling up into a little ball. 

"Make it go away," she cried.  "Please!"

"I'll think about it."

At least she was sitting still for a minute while I set the table.  She was so easy to convince.  I used to wait until I really saw something, but I've long since stopped bothering to do that.  It wasn't as if she knew the difference.

"Onii-chan," she cried, beginning to sound truly panicked. 

"Jeez, you're such a wimp.  You are pathetic."

She said nothing, just continued to cry.  I blew my hair out of my eyes as I returned to the stove, ignoring her.  It might be a little noisy, but it was easily the quickest method of getting her out of the way. 

The door slammed.

"I'm home."

Sakura kept wailing.  I knew I was already bound to get in trouble, so I dumped some noodles on my plate and sat down.

"Hey Dad, how was the school?"

"Why is Sakura crying?"

I shrugged, innocent denial in my eyes.  He gave me a suspicious look before kneeling down on the floor.

"Sakura-san, sweetie, what's wrong?"

"Ghost," she sobbed.  "Onii-chan said a ghost is on the couch!"

He glanced sharply at me, and I just smiled.

"Sakura-san, there's no such thing as ghosts.  Touya-kun was just making it up."

"No he wasn't," she cried, and he gave an exasperated groan.

"Touya-kun, I've asked you not to say those things to your sister.  Can't you see how it scares her?"

I swallowed a mouthful of noodles.

"She deserved it.  She got into my CDs and messed everything up.  She knows she's not supposed to go into my room."

"She's only seven, Touya-kun, she's just naturally curious.  She likes to explore."

"Gee," I exclaimed, feigning surprise. "I can't believe you're actually taking her side."

"Touya-kun, I'm not taking her side.  I just wish you'd be a little more understanding.  She doesn't know any better.  Sakura-san, please come out from under the table.  Don't you want to eat dinner?"

"Unbelievable," I groaned.  "She goes into my room and you don't even care.  I didn't do anything but make dinner, and I'm the one getting yelled at."

"I'm not yelling, Touya-kun, I'm just - "

"It sounds like you're yelling to me."  I had had enough and stood up abruptly, so fast that the chair legs made a screech on the floor.  Dad winced.  "I've lost my appetite.  I'm going on a walk."

"Touya-kun, don't walk away from me when we're in the middle of a conversation."

"We're not in the middle.  We're done.  I'm out of here."  There wasn't any time to go upstairs and get my walkman, unfortunately.  I thundered out of the kitchen and slammed the front door behind me.  I knew he wouldn't try to follow.  He never did.  Sakura would keep his hands full for the rest of the evening.

- - - - - - - -

The sun had set, and I jammed my hands in my pockets as I watched the first few stars begin to twinkle.  The day had been warm, but the nights in early spring were still chilly.  I struck up a fast pace to keep warm, and was soon in another neighborhood that I hadn't seen before.  A picturesque stone bridge crossed a small creek, and a brick walkway wound its way between the water and a children's park.  A huge blue slide designed to look like a penguin glared menacingly in the dusk.  Sakura was going to love this place.

I scowled and kept walking.  Everything in this town was perfect, right down to the details.  It was disgusting.  Already I was starting to dislike Tomoeda.

"Fresh start, new beginning," I repeated to myself.  "Please, Dad.  We're never going to have those things, no matter how cute the town is and no matter how hard you try.  She's still not going to be with us.  She's still going to be gone!"

I kicked a tree in frustration and realized that I'd found another park.  No, this wasn't a park, exactly.  I took a step back and squinted to read the name on the arch.

"Tsukimine Shrine," I read aloud.  Sounded boring.  I turned away, and then hesitated.  Did I hear something?  Or was it something I saw?  There had been just the merest flicker in the corner of my eye, it seemed, and I turned back and crossed under the arch with slow steps.

"Is someone there?" I ventured, and there was no reply.  A soft breeze whisked the treetops, and a flurry of cherry blossom petals swirled in the air.  In spite of my stressful evening, I found myself beginning to relax and unwind, and took a deep breath.  There was something calming about this place.  It was quiet, private, like me. 

Humming under my breath, I wandered closer to the center, where I could see one tree standing apart from the others.  A short fence was erected around it, to denote its status.  This one was special.

I squeezed my fists and concentrated as more petals scattered in the night breeze.  Yes, this one was special, more than anyone else knew.  I didn't know exactly what it was, but this one was different.  It was calling me.

"Uh, hello," I said softly, and drew closer.  "I just wanted to say hi.  We moved here today."  It didn't seem such a terrible thing anymore, and I reached out to feel the texture of the rough bark.  I could swear I felt a flicker of excitement in the tree, and smiled.  "I'll be seeing you."

"Have you come to bid the tree good night?"  I jumped and whirled around.  My privacy hadn't been as complete as I thought, and I reddened at the sight of a woman standing by the little fence.  She didn't seem to notice my discomfiture and smiled sweetly. 

"Um, I…"

"You can see something in it, can't you?"

I swallowed and did not reply.  The thin clouds over the moon were disintegrating, and I got a better look at the intruder.  Long red hair flowed down her back, moving slightly in the breeze, though it was shorter in front, framing her face.  It was impossible to see what color her eyes were in the ambiguous light, but her lips were turned up in a little smile.  I decided that she wasn't quite so old as I'd first thought, upon examining her face.  Her voice sounded much older than she looked.

"You can see," she continued, "various things, can't you?"

How could she know?  How did she know my secret?  I felt exposed, vulnerable, and took a step closer to the tree to seek support.

"It must be difficult, seeing things that no one else can."

I could not tear my eyes away from hers.  She might as well have been commenting on the weather, for all her voice was so calm.  It was more than just the way she knew.  It was the way she believed.  She understood, and she believed completely.

"I'm used to it," I finally managed, my heart starting to beat fast.  She just nodded, then glanced up into the branches as if she also could see something invisible.  Then she looked back at my face, her gaze disconcerting.  It seemed almost as if she were curious.

"What's your name?"

"Kinomoto," I said slowly.  "Touya." 

Why had I just said that?  I never talk to women!  I never give them my first name!

"Nice to meet you, Kinomoto-san.  Do you go to school here?"

Who are you?  Why are you asking all the questions?  I can think of several I'd like to ask you!

"Yes," I said instead.

"What grade?"

As if it's any of your business.  Who the hell are you?

"Eighth." 

"Mm-hmm."  She nodded and smiled, paying no attention to the confusion that must have been all over my face.  "Well, see you tomorrow."

What did she mean by that?  Before I could ask any of the questions I was dying to ask, she turned and began to walk away.  In less time than I would have thought possible, she'd disappeared completely in the darkness.  I let out my breath, unaware I'd been holding it for a while.

"Well," I said, with only the tree to hear.  "That was different."

Its branches rustled slightly in agreement, and more petals came showering down.  Pink confetti, decorating me.  These flowers had always been her favorite.  I leaned back against the trunk and watched the full moon shine softly in the sky.  Everything was so quiet, and I took another deep breath.  And in spite of everything that had happened that day, and all the buzzing questions in my mind, I suddenly felt peaceful.

- - - - - - -

I was still enveloped in that tranquility when I returned home an hour later.  Dad was just emerging from Sakura's room when I got to the top of the stairs, and he gave me a cross look.

"Well, I finally got her to bed, no thanks to you.  Touya-kun, I really wish you wouldn't say those things to her.  She's terrified of ghosts, and she's got such an imagination."

"Yes, she does," I said amiably, turning the knob to my room. 

"You should haven't done it, Touya-kun."

"You're right.  I'm sorry."  I shut the door right after glimpsing his surprised expression, and could barely contain my smile.  I really didn't know where that had come from, either.  But I simply couldn't bring myself to get into another argument.  I wasn't in the mood.

I hit the switch on my stereo and turned down the volume.  Strains of a soft guitar ballad filled the room as I pulled off my shirt and flopped down on the bed.  I couldn't be bothered to shower and change.  My experience at that shrine had left me feeling drained. 

Who was she? 

The moon was glowing softly in the sky outside my window, and for just a second, as my eyes were closing, I thought I saw a face in it.  "Goodnight, Mom." 

I closed my eyes, and I slept.

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Disclaimer:  I do not own these characters