Hi everyone! For once I have kept my promise and have written another chapter within a reasonable amount of time! Amazing what you can do when you're avoiding studying. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's a bit different than some of the others but I thought it was time to develop Julia's individual relationships with the Marauders a bit more. Guess we'll have to wait for the next chapter for everyone else to show up, I'm sorry.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Chapter 21:

Julia couldn't sleep. She felt as if she were imploding. It was too hard to be here, in this home full of love—full of people she might love if she knew how.

She was frustrated with her earlier need for Harry, annoyed she had made a move that left her so vulnerable and open. Her hand itching where it had held his but at least the feeling distracting her from the rest of the turmoil in her mind.

The love of this house was suffocating, the feeling of home too strong and foreign. She didn't understand this kind of place, didn't have an experience to match it or a life to compare it to.

Julia had always stayed at Hogwarts over the holidays, as a few of the students were known to; those whose homes were too far or too troublesome or not-at-all. She knew she was different than they were though, knew there was still a time they would have to leave Hogwarts, knew that they must have some place to go to when summer finally rolled around.

Julia never left.

Her skin was itching, the emotions both in and around her becoming overwhelming. She threw off the sheets, frustrated with herself. She hated this lack of control, this ridiculous want and need and hope and-. She stopped herself from thinking further.

Hope for what? A family? That was ridiculous and always would be. Any notion of love in any form had died in her with Cedric. Her heart ached at the thought of him and she pushed it from her mind, even more frustrated with herself.

Now was not the time to grieve. It was never the time to grieve. There were things that needed doing, a mission that needed completing. Just like always.

The familiar thought calmed her slightly. She had a purpose and that purpose had nothing to do with love or friendship or grief or a home. That purpose had to do with defeating evil and protecting those near her, as it always had.

She took a few deep breaths, annoyed with herself for getting so worked up but relieved it had passed slightly.

Still, her hand itched.

Perhaps she needed some salve or something of the sort. If not that, then maybe a sleeping potion, at the very least. Julia considered the thought for a moment before deciding it was a good idea. She rarely took sleeping aids, afraid they would disorient her or put her into a slumber that would leave her defenseless but as much as she feared it, this place seemed…safe. Besides what better place to find a sleeping potion than a potioneer's house?

The time traveller listened for a moment, unfamiliar with the groans of this house but more or less sure that no others were awake, before leaving bed carefully. She moved silently, almost a ghost amongst the living. Her movements were well-practised, easily avoiding the creaks of the home by instinct alone, padding down the stairs so quietly it was as if her feet hadn't even touched the ground.

It was only when she was searching the bathroom, fingers moving expertly, that she sensed another presence behind her. Her reflexes reacted instantly, spinning quickly without warning, wand already at the throat of the potential attacker.

"Hey-!" Sirius exclaimed, eyes wide.

Julia froze, unsure of what to do. Had she revealed herself? They stared at each other for a moment, both in their own forms of surprise and uncertain of how to defuse the situation.

Sirius moved first, an unusual concern in his gaze as he placed a hand on Julia's wand and lowered it for her. She swallowed, having felt almost locked in her position until he acted for the both of them.

"I- sorry-" her voice was soft and sheepish and for once she even felt like it.

"It's- it's alright…" Sirius studied her face, staring at her with more intensity than he usually did, as if he were attempting to see her, not simply look. She hated it.

Julia liked to be invisible. She liked to avoid people's gazes and to be forgotten. She knew that was no longer a possibility in this era but until this moment, she had done well enough avoid looks such as these.

Looks like these were dangerous.

"Can't sleep?" Sirius asked, watching as the blonde tucked her wand into her waistband, as opposed to her sleeve where it was normally stored when she was concealing it. Sirius couldn't know all her secrets.

She nodded, attempting to look smaller than she was. Perhaps a story of a nightmare might deter him.

"I- bad dream-" Her voice was soft, and she was glad she could convey the type of somewhat concealed upset she wanted.

Sirius softened, confusing her slightly. She knew he wasn't all womanizer and prankster but had nearly forgotten in these past months what kind of person she knew Sirius would become.

"Here-" He moved past her, chest pressing against her back lightly in the small space. She tried not to tense at the contact. Maybe it would've been nice had she been used to affection between friends, but alas this was something she had often studied but rarely felt. She had, of course, touched the Marauders and Lily on a variety of occasions, as people who got along did, but seldom had she felt so naked when doing so—rarely was it so…private.

Sirius searched the cabinet, leaning over her shoulder, and producing a small purple vial. He moved out from against her then, to her relief, but then his hand was on her shoulder, attempting comfort she supposed, as he passed her it.

"Thanks," Julia managed another sheepish smile, downing the potion in one go.

"It'll take a little to hit but once it does, you'll get the best night's rest you've ever had," Sirius assured her. The blonde tilted her head at him.

"Since when do you know so much about potions?" she teased, trying to remove the look of concern still lingering in his eyes and the hand from her shoulder.

"Since I lived with a potioneer," the pure-blood smiled, his gentleness, annoyingly, still present.

Julia managed a nod, biting her lip and giving him a half smile. "That'll do it"

"Sure will," Sirius agreed, another smile gracing his lips. His hand was still on her shoulder, reminding Julia of the itch in her hand.

Sirius's touch did little to her, compared to Harry's. There was a slight discomfort with contact, as there always was, with Sirius and perhaps something more, a want she ignored because that meant she was having desires that were far too dangerous to indulge. If this want did exist, however, hypothetically, it would be a longing for human connection, for friendship and affection. Harry's touch did something else, always burning or itching or causing the frustrating warmth to pool in the cavity in her chest where her heart should be. Julia didn't entertain absurd notions and still didn't equate this feeling to love of any sort but it was…different.

Perhaps Harry simply knew too much. This second chance at life that they both had was a shared experience—something she wasn't used to. It needed to involve them both, needed a specific amount of trust and that trust made it impossible for Julia to hide all she normally would. She had tried to, but the Chamber of Secrets had broken her, reminding her of her failure. The blonde often regretted the wave of emotion she had let escape during their venture into the tunnels but for the first time, standing there in the bathroom with Sirius, she understood it was necessary. At some point, Harry would've known something about her. Better these things than most, she supposed.

However, this knowledge, this insight into Julia that few had ever had, made it impossible for Harry and Julia to be the same as Julia and anyone else. It had been so long since she had touched any person who knew anything about her, and she supposed there were residual effects. She supposed the last had been Cedric.

Sirius, on the other hand, knew nothing. She could be whoever she wanted, though Julia did not entirely know how to want something anymore. Now was not the time of course, there was a situation that needed handling, as there always was.

But Julia had never thought about afterwards. If her and Harry succeeded, then what? That would be it. It was a new world with no one who knew them. She could be who she wanted, in the proper sense. She could let herself want, could bring herself to understand what that really meant outside of Cedric. She could have friends, could know Sirius and James and Lily and Remus for real.

She realized she was still standing in front of Sirius, who was still looking at her curiously and seemed to have gotten closer. It was unlike the blonde to lose track of the moment but the boy across from her didn't seem to mind. Maybe it was the sleeping potion but for once the thought didn't frighten her as much as it usually did.

Sirius held her gaze, biting his lip lightly before leaning forward and for a moment she wondered if he would kiss her, a thought that did bring about a mild sense of panic, but he simply pulled her into a hug; something much more intimate.

Julia froze for the second time that night, unsure of where to put her hands and forgetting how she usually faked this with those near her, the act catching her so off-guard her instincts didn't even kick in.

"I'm sorry you had a nightmare," Sirius said gently into her hair, pulling her even closer.

Julia remembered where to put her hands, slowly draping them around his waist and pressing her face lightly into his shirt. He had a scent, she realized. A nice one too, reminding her of fresh linen and chestnut.

These were not things Julia felt the need to consciously notice, she never had the need to. The amount of exits, the nuances of people's expressions, the location of their wands and the lilt to their words, essential to decoding their honesty in any given situation—those things were useful. The way someone smiled or their smell or their favourite fruit was not at the forefront of her list of urgent observations. She retained that information often despite herself, in case it ever came in useful, but to purposefully press her nose to someone's chest—a man, much less—was different.

Cedric was the last.

No wait. Harry had been, Julia realized. That night in the Hospital Wing—he had touched her this way then.

Julia avoided the memory.

Sirius relaxed once she gave the impression that she had as well, seeming content to hold her until her nightmares had dissipated, not knowing they never would. Still, Julia felt the discomfort of being touched—engulfed by another being—subside slightly, for once indulging in a moment that most people took for granted but Julia didn't recognize.

"Thank you," Julia smiled once she pulled back, not all real—she never was—but more than she might usually be in daylight.

Sirius nodded, a smile gracing his handsome features.

He hesitated for a moment, as if he wanted to say something more, something to show her he understood. She knew he didn't.

"Sleep well Julia," he said instead, making no move to touch her further as she nodded and replied with a soft "you too" before moving back up the stairs to her room.

Once she was back in bed she wondered at the boy's behaviour, used to his teasing and flirting but rarely his kindness. Against all odds, it comforted her to some extent, relieved a tension she didn't realize she held in her chest.

Perhaps she would have a chance here. Perhaps she could be whoever she wanted with the Marauders, her supposed friends. Perhaps one day she could be real.

But Harry was different than the others, this Julia knew. She knew it in the itch still on her palm, the heat in her fingertips. She couldn't make herself into someone he might like to have as a friend. He knew too much, had brought about too much weakness in her, had touched her, had seen her.

And that's what made her itch.

Love it? Hate it? PLEASE REVIEW! It would mean the world to me and helps me write faster, so reviews mean more chapters for you! What did you think about this scene between just Sirius and Julia? Was it out of character or did it make sense? Do you think she will open up soon or keep staying closed off? What do you make of her feelings about Harry? Please tell me what you think in a review! The next chapter will involve more characters and action, I promise.

~Liliana