One world would describe what Mikan Sakura is in my life: Pandemonium.

As she rested her head on my chest after a perfect night, I would do what I do best. Watch her as fell asleep to her dream land. And I would never give away this proposition I have to stay within her side.

Her father was our family's head of security, and he passed away saving me. The day she lost her dad was the day I had continued mine, not that Mikan would ever see it that way. She never failed to see the happiness in every dark moment. She's my personal jester in my personal pessimism, and yet I can't bring myself to make her mine, no title to hold her back in my arms.

As she drift into sleep, her sweet mumblings and short sighs come in, her personal sound, a little too much for me to take but a lot of nerve for me to keep my hand of her, not when her auburn locks is sprawled all around me. It's like breathing her in, not just marking her skin.

She was full of gratitude, thinking it was her who owe us everything, when I would say it was me who is in great debt of her every single day, for I created the reason for her well concealed grief. If I was just mature enough back then, then maybe, just maybe, I would have the courage to finally ask her to be mine. All mine.

Tomorrow, it would be worse. When both of us are sober, just like every perfect night we lay together like this , she would start to think of reasons why she couldn't have me. Of how she doesn't deserve me, a foolish conclusion to an absurd weighing of contentment, as if I'm out of her league when it is exactly the opposite. She's too Mikan, too innocent, too naïve, too sweet and too simple to feel undeserving of someone as boring and monotonous as Natsume. And as selfish as I am, tomorrow, I would make her stay. In my arms, every single night.

I've got enough of the past nights that she would crawl out of the bed to get rid of me, as if everything is a mistake, but even though I doubt that she would agree to be with me, I am certain on how I feel. I love Mikan Sakura, and no amount of criticism from anyone regarding her disposition in our family would ever matter.

I came to her life intending to act less interested, less inclined, less unaffected by her smiles, her laugh, her sweet mouth, but the longer this act continues, the faster I came running back to her feet silently begging for her to take me. And she never said no, not once as I swore my loyalty in her hands, and I am drowning from my crude greed of having her all for myself as jealousy eats me every time I see her with another man, harmless or not.

The only thing keeping me alive at work is that at sometimes she would make way and pay me a visit in my office. She wouldn't exactly be visiting me, she would visit everyone, and may I just make it clear that I am the insignificant part of everyone, the nothing special Natsume Hyuuga. She would go around passing the boardroom door oblivious of me, she would visit my secretary Anna, drop a sweet card for my assistant associate Hotaru, chat a little with Koko and Yuu, and maybe, for a very little but significant time, she would sneak a peek and smile at my direction. As if it would be very wrong for her to even speak of me infront of everyone, as if being with her would bring us a whole pack of mess. As if, I hadn't known I would never be good enough for her. Not that I would not try.

The first night we've been in this situation came from a not so perfect predicament, we were bantering of why she would not work under me, I could give her an easier job, at my grip, where I can see her, and I could give her every perks a Hyuuga employee would enjoy, but she insisted on teaching students, and it felt as if she chose the young ones over me, me who's been dying to hold her for years. Not that she had ever paid attention and notice it. And I just lose control. That time, I let myself believe that it was my lustful side that took over me, but then I was wrong, cause the next thing I knew, we were doing it more often, and admit it or not, it became an aloof representation of my frustrated feelings for her. Like, the more we do it, the more it made me crave for her. Were not friends to be friends with benefits, but Ruka said that only a fool would say that there's nothing going on between us. Mikan and Natsume, just like the old times, unsure of where they stand just like the time that I would not breath the same air she breaths for the guilt I would always bear for taking her father's life in place of mine.

I traced the curve of her back with my fingers, and being a light sleeper as she is, she slowly opened her eyes and whispered "sleep, it's late. You've got work tomorrow." Before she draw her fingers to my lips and smile.

She would be the death of me.

And I am kissing her senselessly. And I would never grow tired of it. "Natsume." She said, barely a whisper as she placed her hands on the sides of my face,. And I stopped, trying to see her eyes with the dim light coming from our—my bedside lamps. The true voice an angel, sent to take my sanity away.

I reached for her left hand and I entwined my fingers with hers and said, "yours." But she was asleep before I even placed our hands across my beating heart, before she could even fully comprehend what I meant, she was back to her dream land, where I hope she would find me walking with her together with the unicorns and rainbow she adores.

As I swore my love for her would always be "forever".

It wasn't supposed to be a twoshot, but I was baking and I thought of the word forever and I ended up writing this, again I do not own GA. Happy new year folks. ;)