Apparently, 'Off-Duty' doesn't apply for the Boy-Who-Lived.
Take a holiday to New York, they said.
It will be fun, they said.
It'll be peaceful there, they said.
Well, fuck this, Harry thought, dodging yet another one of those creepy ass alien hybrids. The very second he had portkeyed into an abandoned, derelict warehouse in the middle of New York, he knew instantly that something was very, very wrong.
Although Harry had very rarely set foot in the Muggle World since he had defeated Voldemort two years ago, he definitely knew enough to realize that no, there were not supposed to be screaming throngs of people scurrying around like lost insects, and no, there were not supposed to be weird mutant alien hybrid creatures scaling the buildings like freaking ninjas.
As soon as he stepped outside and saw the giant blue portal in the sky, thoughts ran through his head in quick succession.
What in the name of Merlin is that?
Are you shitting me right now, I'm supposed to be off duty.
Ohmygod are those aliens? Seriously? Ron is going to freak out when I tell him this.
Aw shit I think that person's gonna die, I better do something.
The next second, Harry was leaping into the fray, his faithful holly and phoenix wand clutched in his hand, blasting every alien he could see into smithereens.
"What. The. Fuck." Harry grunted, casting a powerful reducto into a group of aliens that seemed to be trying to shoot a red and gold figure on the ground. His spell caused the six or so aliens to slump to the concrete with a flurry of blue sparks and the very conspicuous figure to jump back onto its feet. Harry blinked in astonishment as the man-looking figure covered in red and gold armour swung its armoured head to look at him.
"I don't mean to sound ungrateful and all for saving my life, but who the hell are you?"
Harry rolled his eyes at the man and swung around to blast yet another alien onto the ground. "I'd really like to explain, but maybe later, okay? Nice seeing you." And, leaving the man spluttering through his helmet behind him, Harry apparated to where the portal seemed to be sourced from, a giant tower with the letter A plastered on it.
Harry landed gracefully on his feet, looking in curiosity at the machine in front of him. An alien behind him leapt at him, and he batted it aside without glancing at it. "Not now, E.T, I want to know what the hell this is," he murmured, strolling around the machine. It looked very powerful, radiating a hum of electricity that Harry could feel sparking against his magic.
Harry reached out with a tendril of his magic (a cool trick he had learnt from Hermione a few months ago), and surveyed the machine. Although it seemed to have some sort of shield surrounding it, like all armour, it had to have a chink somewhere, a hidden flaw.
Just as Harry reached around with his magic, he sensed something behind him, and reacting instinctively, whipped around and pointed his wand at a slim, red-headed woman in a very skin tight outfit, who reminded him vaguely of Ginny.
"Who the hell are you?" she asked, her voice smooth and dangerous. Harry sighed (because really? He was trying to save people here) and turned his back on her. "Not a threat," he replied, and went back to studying the machine.
He could feel the woman's eyes on him, but he knew that even if she tried, she wouldn't be able to hurt him.
"Aha," Harry muttered to himself as he found the chink. "So if we put my wand there…"
Harry carefully prodded his wand near the weird-ass blue glowing cube thing, and cast a silent Sectumsempra, hoping it would do the trick. With a loud humming noise, the portal closed, and Harry breathed a sigh of relief.
When he turned around, the woman was gaping at him.
"Hi, yeah, sorry, just gotta get rid of all these creepy alien things now, so…"
Harry turned on his heel, and with a loud crack, apparated.
Within half an hour, all the rest of the aliens were dead, Harry had cleaned up the mess, and was now being stared at by the red head, a blonde man with a bow (but who used bows and arrows nowadays?), a timid looking man with no shirt on, the armoured man from before, a huge blonde with the biggest biceps he had ever seen, and a buff blonde with a spangly blue and white outfit.
"Erm…." Harry said, because they didn't look like they were going to be talking any time soon.
"I apologize for our lack of manners," Spangles said, blushing slightly. "I'm Captain America."
Harry raised an eyebrow. "Uh….. nice to meet you?"
Cap looked slightly astonished. "You don't know who I am?"
Harry, feeling slightly bemused, shook his head. "Should I?"
The rest of the group all stared at him disbelievingly, until a black car rolled in, bringing with it a black man wearing black clothes who seemed vaguely familiar.
"Excellent job, team," he said, giving brusque nods to everyone who all nodded back. His gaze eventually landed on Harry, who stared back, trying to pinpoint exactly where he had seen this person before.
"Potter?" the man spluttered. "Harry Potter?"
Harry cocked his head slightly, grinning as it finally came to him. "Nick Fury! That's who you are! I remember now!"
Red head glared at Harry. "How do you know Director Fury?"
Harry shrugged nonchalantly . "He tried to get me into this thing called the Avengers a while ago. I refused. That's about it."
That was when the jaws hit the floor.
Harry looked around. "What did I say?"