Hello Hello! I am fully aware that I should be working on my other fic,
Kitty's diary, but I have to admit that I'm feeling too hyper to do write
the Rogue/Remy chapter. *nods gravely* Kd reviewers please don't kill me!
I've already spent ages planning it, and it should be up soon (I hope).
In this fic, I added Jean and Xavier bashing (fun! fun!), no surprise there. I'm open to reviews on any thoughts or suggestions you might have - oh, and bets on who's going to be the ultimate survivor! :):):) Important note: the tribe names were a last minute decision! I'm not crazy yet!
Hosts: Magneto and Prof. X
Cameramen/ Extras: Logan, Storm
Props people: None. The show is short on cash and manpower, obviously.
Planners: See above.
Director: See above.
Disclaimer: I don't own X men evolution. Surprise, surprise. :) Oh, and I don't own Survivor.
Scene opens in one of Hawaii's many beaches. Two lone figures in the distance (that bear an uncanny resemblance to Ororo and a mortified Logan) start doing the hula in their grass skirts. Exotic tribal music resounds in the background. Suddenly, a volcano erupts behind them, and they run into the bushes screaming their heads off
SURVIVOR: HAWAII
MAGNETO: Welcome to Survivor: Hawaii. As we all know, Hawaii is known for its clear waters and sa -
XAVIER: (cuts in helpfully) sandy beaches.
MAGNETO: Will you stop interrupting? I'm talking here!
XAVIER: (pouts) I'm a host, too! I wanna say something! (stamps foot)
MAGNETO: (sighing resignedly) Fine.
XAVIER: (toothy grin) I just wanna let all you guys out there know that I RAWKK!!! ALL RIGHT!!!
MAGNETO: (rubs temples) That's nice. Right, as I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted -
XAVIER: What are you talking about? I never interrupt!
MAGNETO: That -
XAVIER: I have a right to! I'm a host, too! I wanna say something! (stamps foot)
MAGNETO: (Now sounding thoroughly irritated) Oh, go ahead.
XAVIER: I just wanna -
MAGNETO: You said that already.
XAVIER: o_0 I did? What did I say?
MAGNETO: (dismissively) Oh, the usual. The fact that you - uh . . . RAWK! and all.
XAVIER: True, true. But I have a right to! I'm a host, too! I wanna say something! (stamps foot)
MAGNETO: Is it just me, or are you starting to sound like some broken gramophone? We have a show to host here! Shoo! Shoo! (pushes Xavier facefirst into sand)
XAVIER: (eyes widening) Whoa! Seashells!
MAGNETO: o_0
XAVIER: (eyes going glassy) I remember last time my mommy used to collect them with me. . . I was a wee tot just then. . .
MAGNETO: Ri-ight. (moves closer to camera, effectively screening the psychotic Xavier from view) As I said, we're here today to witness a game of wits and strategy, a game based on sheer willpower. . . without further ado. . . I give you. . . the participants!
Enter the twelve participants: (x men) Scott, Jean, Rogue, Kurt, Kitty, Evan, (brotherhood) Lance, Todd, Fred, Pietro, Tabitha, and Wanda.]
MAGNETO: Now why don't we all introduce ourselves -
LOGAN: (behind the camera, grumpily) We're ten minutes behind, bub. I suggest we move on.
MAGNETO: Oh, come on. It's never fun when you skip introductions! threatening sound of claws heard Uh - never mind. Let's move on, shall we?
JEAN: But I want to introduce myself! (stamps foot) I have a right to! I wanna say something!
MAGNETO: Not you, too! (grumbles) You're turning into a Xavier clone!
JEAN: WHO?!? Magneto jabs a finger at a blissfully ignorant Xavier, who has begun stringing seashells around his neck. Jean, shocked that such a comparison could be made to her perfect self, faints away in distress.
SCOTT: (rushes forward in a heroic manner) I'll save you, Jean! . . . Whoopsie. Loud thump is heard as Jean falls a meter away from where Scott is standing
ROGUE: Tsk. Such horrible aim, ain't it?
SCOTT: (indignantly) The sun's rays were in my eyes! I couldn't see!
ROGUE: Ya wearin' sunglasses, ya ninny. (sighs impatiently) Can Ah go back now?
MAGNETO: (shocked expression) Of course not! You're supposed to stay here until you get voted out by your tribe mates. That is, if you get voted out. . .
ROGUE: (sarcastically) Great. Just what Ah wanted. Days in the wilderness, with mutant teen adolescents to rely on for mah very survival. Ah feel so assured.
KITTY: (unsuspectingly) Yeah, isn't that cool? We can have marshmallows by the campfire and everything!
LANCE: (dreamily) Campfire songs? Sharing of marshmallows? (looks at Kitty once more before dropping into a state of bliss)
FRED: The food _is_ catered for, right?
Awkward silence
MAGNETO: Well. . . uh. . . not exactly.
ALL: WHAT?!?
MAGNETO: (hurriedly) It's in the show name! "Survivor"! You're supposed to survive on your own! (mutters under breath) Damned kids.
PIETRO: The food's not a problem. What about toilets? If I don't have a mirror to admire myself in. . .
KURT: You mean "preen", right?
MAGNETO: (extremely harried now) Now, in the wilderness, you can dig holes in the ground -
ALL (except Todd): Eww. . .
TODD: Great!
MAGNETO: and you'll have to build your own shelters out of leaves and such -
ALL (except Todd): Eww. . .
TODD: Great!
MAGNETO: and you'll have to find your own way to your water source. That means: no source, no showers.
ALL (except Todd): Eww!
TODD: (cheerfully) Great!
LOGAN: (cuts in irritatedly) Bub, I'm warnin' ya. . . cut to the point!
MAGNETO: (Looking pitifully into the camera) Now, we'll start splitting you all into two groups.
ROGUE: Let me be the lone one in the third group. Ah don't mind.
MAGNETO: (severely) No! It's an even number! Six per group!
ROGUE: Darn.
MAGNETO: (cautiously stepping over Pietro and Jean's unconscious bodies) Ahem. Tribe NemX [A/n: I know . . . lame name attack! NemX is actually X men backwards. Heh. . .] will consist of: Scott, Jean, Rogue, Kurt, Kitty and Evan.
SCOTT: Don't _I_ have a say in this? I have a right to! I'm the fearless leader! I wanna say something! (stamps foot, and squishes Jean by accident) Oops.
MAGNETO: (glaring) WHAT?
SCOTT: I pick to be in tribe NemX . . . Jean, Rogue, Kurt, Kitty and Evan.
LANCE: (cuts in) And _I_ pick: Pietro, Fred, Todd, Wanda and Tabby. (triumphant look) So there!
MAGNETO: Why do I bother? WHY?!? (sobs)
TABITHA: Wait! We don't have a tribe name!
MAGNETO: (ceases crying) It's Doohb. [A/n: *dodges rotten fruit* I know! Dumb name! *points accusing finger at flitwicke*]
TABITHA: It sounds an awful lot like -
WANDA: (rolls eyes) Whatever. (kicks Pietro in the gut) Wake up, my lovely brother. You're getting sand grains in your hair. Heaven forbid.
PIETRO: (jumps up) Where? WHERE?!?!? Noooo. . . my beautiful hair . . .
XAVIER: (reappears, with seashells stuck all over his body) You know, when that happens, you should try some herbal shampoo. Worked for me. . . (Notices everyone staring at his bald head) What? I wasn't bald all my life!
MAGNETO: (arrogantly flips his hair purposefully in Xavier's face) Time to go! Fall in!
EVAN: (Excitedly) Oooh! Boot Camp!
MAGNETO: (snaps) Wrong reality show! Get your facts straight! (starts tearing at hair in frustration)
XAVIER: (kindly) I wouldn't do that if I were you. That was how I became bald, you know.
MAGNETO: (promptly stops) Really?
XAVIER: (losing his head somewhat) I used to have beautiful, silky hair. Better than that skinny kid!
PIETRO: (makes a fist) You want a piece of me, old man?
XAVIER: (cowers behind Magneto) Aaaah!
ALL: o.0
MAGNETO: So. . . uh. . . You'll be given maps to show where your respective camps are - they're on different sides of this island, actually. We couldn't afford to evacuate so many islands. (sheepish look) Off you trot!
Nobody makes any sign of moving
MAGNETO: Oh, come on! Where's your team spirit?
Silence
MAGNETO: Humph. (pauses dramatically) First team to reach their camping site will get free pizza!
A sudden rush of bodies, and the scene becomes magically empty
MAGNETO: (sniggers) Suckers!
LOGAN: (still behind the camera) Kids nowadays.
*******CREDITS ROLL********
[A/n: Okay, so this wasn't exactly an actual episode, was it? Next ep: the first reward/immunity challenge, and tribal council. Please review!]
In this fic, I added Jean and Xavier bashing (fun! fun!), no surprise there. I'm open to reviews on any thoughts or suggestions you might have - oh, and bets on who's going to be the ultimate survivor! :):):) Important note: the tribe names were a last minute decision! I'm not crazy yet!
Hosts: Magneto and Prof. X
Cameramen/ Extras: Logan, Storm
Props people: None. The show is short on cash and manpower, obviously.
Planners: See above.
Director: See above.
Disclaimer: I don't own X men evolution. Surprise, surprise. :) Oh, and I don't own Survivor.
Scene opens in one of Hawaii's many beaches. Two lone figures in the distance (that bear an uncanny resemblance to Ororo and a mortified Logan) start doing the hula in their grass skirts. Exotic tribal music resounds in the background. Suddenly, a volcano erupts behind them, and they run into the bushes screaming their heads off
SURVIVOR: HAWAII
MAGNETO: Welcome to Survivor: Hawaii. As we all know, Hawaii is known for its clear waters and sa -
XAVIER: (cuts in helpfully) sandy beaches.
MAGNETO: Will you stop interrupting? I'm talking here!
XAVIER: (pouts) I'm a host, too! I wanna say something! (stamps foot)
MAGNETO: (sighing resignedly) Fine.
XAVIER: (toothy grin) I just wanna let all you guys out there know that I RAWKK!!! ALL RIGHT!!!
MAGNETO: (rubs temples) That's nice. Right, as I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted -
XAVIER: What are you talking about? I never interrupt!
MAGNETO: That -
XAVIER: I have a right to! I'm a host, too! I wanna say something! (stamps foot)
MAGNETO: (Now sounding thoroughly irritated) Oh, go ahead.
XAVIER: I just wanna -
MAGNETO: You said that already.
XAVIER: o_0 I did? What did I say?
MAGNETO: (dismissively) Oh, the usual. The fact that you - uh . . . RAWK! and all.
XAVIER: True, true. But I have a right to! I'm a host, too! I wanna say something! (stamps foot)
MAGNETO: Is it just me, or are you starting to sound like some broken gramophone? We have a show to host here! Shoo! Shoo! (pushes Xavier facefirst into sand)
XAVIER: (eyes widening) Whoa! Seashells!
MAGNETO: o_0
XAVIER: (eyes going glassy) I remember last time my mommy used to collect them with me. . . I was a wee tot just then. . .
MAGNETO: Ri-ight. (moves closer to camera, effectively screening the psychotic Xavier from view) As I said, we're here today to witness a game of wits and strategy, a game based on sheer willpower. . . without further ado. . . I give you. . . the participants!
Enter the twelve participants: (x men) Scott, Jean, Rogue, Kurt, Kitty, Evan, (brotherhood) Lance, Todd, Fred, Pietro, Tabitha, and Wanda.]
MAGNETO: Now why don't we all introduce ourselves -
LOGAN: (behind the camera, grumpily) We're ten minutes behind, bub. I suggest we move on.
MAGNETO: Oh, come on. It's never fun when you skip introductions! threatening sound of claws heard Uh - never mind. Let's move on, shall we?
JEAN: But I want to introduce myself! (stamps foot) I have a right to! I wanna say something!
MAGNETO: Not you, too! (grumbles) You're turning into a Xavier clone!
JEAN: WHO?!? Magneto jabs a finger at a blissfully ignorant Xavier, who has begun stringing seashells around his neck. Jean, shocked that such a comparison could be made to her perfect self, faints away in distress.
SCOTT: (rushes forward in a heroic manner) I'll save you, Jean! . . . Whoopsie. Loud thump is heard as Jean falls a meter away from where Scott is standing
ROGUE: Tsk. Such horrible aim, ain't it?
SCOTT: (indignantly) The sun's rays were in my eyes! I couldn't see!
ROGUE: Ya wearin' sunglasses, ya ninny. (sighs impatiently) Can Ah go back now?
MAGNETO: (shocked expression) Of course not! You're supposed to stay here until you get voted out by your tribe mates. That is, if you get voted out. . .
ROGUE: (sarcastically) Great. Just what Ah wanted. Days in the wilderness, with mutant teen adolescents to rely on for mah very survival. Ah feel so assured.
KITTY: (unsuspectingly) Yeah, isn't that cool? We can have marshmallows by the campfire and everything!
LANCE: (dreamily) Campfire songs? Sharing of marshmallows? (looks at Kitty once more before dropping into a state of bliss)
FRED: The food _is_ catered for, right?
Awkward silence
MAGNETO: Well. . . uh. . . not exactly.
ALL: WHAT?!?
MAGNETO: (hurriedly) It's in the show name! "Survivor"! You're supposed to survive on your own! (mutters under breath) Damned kids.
PIETRO: The food's not a problem. What about toilets? If I don't have a mirror to admire myself in. . .
KURT: You mean "preen", right?
MAGNETO: (extremely harried now) Now, in the wilderness, you can dig holes in the ground -
ALL (except Todd): Eww. . .
TODD: Great!
MAGNETO: and you'll have to build your own shelters out of leaves and such -
ALL (except Todd): Eww. . .
TODD: Great!
MAGNETO: and you'll have to find your own way to your water source. That means: no source, no showers.
ALL (except Todd): Eww!
TODD: (cheerfully) Great!
LOGAN: (cuts in irritatedly) Bub, I'm warnin' ya. . . cut to the point!
MAGNETO: (Looking pitifully into the camera) Now, we'll start splitting you all into two groups.
ROGUE: Let me be the lone one in the third group. Ah don't mind.
MAGNETO: (severely) No! It's an even number! Six per group!
ROGUE: Darn.
MAGNETO: (cautiously stepping over Pietro and Jean's unconscious bodies) Ahem. Tribe NemX [A/n: I know . . . lame name attack! NemX is actually X men backwards. Heh. . .] will consist of: Scott, Jean, Rogue, Kurt, Kitty and Evan.
SCOTT: Don't _I_ have a say in this? I have a right to! I'm the fearless leader! I wanna say something! (stamps foot, and squishes Jean by accident) Oops.
MAGNETO: (glaring) WHAT?
SCOTT: I pick to be in tribe NemX . . . Jean, Rogue, Kurt, Kitty and Evan.
LANCE: (cuts in) And _I_ pick: Pietro, Fred, Todd, Wanda and Tabby. (triumphant look) So there!
MAGNETO: Why do I bother? WHY?!? (sobs)
TABITHA: Wait! We don't have a tribe name!
MAGNETO: (ceases crying) It's Doohb. [A/n: *dodges rotten fruit* I know! Dumb name! *points accusing finger at flitwicke*]
TABITHA: It sounds an awful lot like -
WANDA: (rolls eyes) Whatever. (kicks Pietro in the gut) Wake up, my lovely brother. You're getting sand grains in your hair. Heaven forbid.
PIETRO: (jumps up) Where? WHERE?!?!? Noooo. . . my beautiful hair . . .
XAVIER: (reappears, with seashells stuck all over his body) You know, when that happens, you should try some herbal shampoo. Worked for me. . . (Notices everyone staring at his bald head) What? I wasn't bald all my life!
MAGNETO: (arrogantly flips his hair purposefully in Xavier's face) Time to go! Fall in!
EVAN: (Excitedly) Oooh! Boot Camp!
MAGNETO: (snaps) Wrong reality show! Get your facts straight! (starts tearing at hair in frustration)
XAVIER: (kindly) I wouldn't do that if I were you. That was how I became bald, you know.
MAGNETO: (promptly stops) Really?
XAVIER: (losing his head somewhat) I used to have beautiful, silky hair. Better than that skinny kid!
PIETRO: (makes a fist) You want a piece of me, old man?
XAVIER: (cowers behind Magneto) Aaaah!
ALL: o.0
MAGNETO: So. . . uh. . . You'll be given maps to show where your respective camps are - they're on different sides of this island, actually. We couldn't afford to evacuate so many islands. (sheepish look) Off you trot!
Nobody makes any sign of moving
MAGNETO: Oh, come on! Where's your team spirit?
Silence
MAGNETO: Humph. (pauses dramatically) First team to reach their camping site will get free pizza!
A sudden rush of bodies, and the scene becomes magically empty
MAGNETO: (sniggers) Suckers!
LOGAN: (still behind the camera) Kids nowadays.
*******CREDITS ROLL********
[A/n: Okay, so this wasn't exactly an actual episode, was it? Next ep: the first reward/immunity challenge, and tribal council. Please review!]