So a few days ago I decided I needed somewhere to post all of my oneshots and small AUs that weren't big emough for whole fanfictions. And here it is! If you like any of my ideas in here and wanna use them for a fanfic, you should totally tell me. That'd be cool as hell. All of these are stand-alone oneshots unless I say otherwise in the AN for whatever reason. I warn you now, these will mostly be non-proofread thoughts typed up at 2:00 from my phone. This particular oneshot was inspired by a tumblr post. "can u guys just imagine sirius running around hogwarts yelling 'parkour!' and jumping off of walls and hanging on chandeliers and crashing on top of a bunch of first years by accident"

(tumblr user lupinely, follow them))

- Of Ill-advised Stunts and Athletic Professors

Sirius Black didn't know how to feel about the new Alchemy professor. The Black heir knew he was cute, or at least thought so from a few brief glances at dinner. He looked young, too. But seeing as Sirius didn't attend his class- it required a decent Potions grade and a year of Ancient Runes- the Gryffindor only knew what he'd heard from other students about the man. Professor Elric spent every waking moment out of class in the library, never talking to anyone at all, the rumors said. Sirius was inclined to believe them as he'd only very rarely seen the man and he never set foot in the library. Elric was also very strict. Sirius had even heard some of his students call him a slave driver.

But the lonesome Alchemy professor was not on the Gryffindor's mind as he decided that now would be an excellent time to do something stupid.

"Hey James," he said slowly, grinning. "watch this."

Sirius hadn't exactly planned what he was going to do, so he had to think fast. His mind flashed back to the muggle action movies he'd watched with Remus over the summer. The Black heir decided that emulating one would be a great stupid idea and broke in to the hardest sprint he could, yelling loudly as he did.

Edward Elric, meanwhile, was having an incredibly shitty day. The eighteen year old professor scowled as he stomped down the halls, grumbling under his breath. Ed didn't need 'some fresh air'! He had studying to do, lessons to plan and a brother to return to. But he couldn't override the temporary ban from the library that the headmaster had placed on him. Really, Ed had tried. So the young alchemist marched towards what he hoped to be an exit, but was too proud to ask about.

Well, he was, until he heard a student yell and his body slid in to a defensive stance. Ed took off full-pelt down the hallway towards where the yell, prepared to break up, join or start a fight. Unfortunately (fortunately?) there was no fight. Just a student trying to flip in air as he ran. Edward's scowl deepend as he mentally confessed that Black's jump was actually not bad. For someone with zero training, anyway. The fourth-year soon crashed in to a crowd of first-years. A smile tugged at Ed's lips, looking rather out of place below his irritated eyes.

"Black!" The young professor barked, popping his knuckles and rolling his shoulders. A grin crossed his face.

Sirius had quickly decided that he was fucked when he saw who had came to investigate the yelling. The Alchemy students' complaints swam around his head. Terms like 'strict' 'a slave driver' and 'five-foot essay' particularly called out to him. And- hell, was the professor going to beat him? He certainly looked like he was ready for a fight. For the first time in his school career, Sirius' voice shook a little when he responded to te teacher.

"S-sir?" He called back, eyes trained on Elric's form. The alchemist's response couldn't have surprised him more.

"Watch and learn!" Professor Elric shouted, voice thick with an unrecognizable accent. The gold-eyed man backed up a few steps and then ran forward again, springing in to the air. Elric took brief advantage of the castle's strange architecture, grabbing on to a lower beam and using it to propel himself forward. When he let go, he managed a flip and landed clear of the firsties, still grinning.

"Five points from Gryffindor for being fuckin' awful at whatever you were trying to do."

The present Gryffindors whispered protests, but the alchemist was walking away.

"But I'll give them back for the attempt."

Sirius decided then that he liked Professor Elric, supposed slave driver or not.