Disclaimer: Blah..blah..I don't own Buffy or Spike or any of the other characters of any other show. Though I'm sure thats sorta obvious.
Authors Note: This is my very first fan fic ever, so if your going to review...which I wouldn't mind, be gentle. Any grammar mistakes I blame on the fact that its late, though I did proof read this quite a bit. Anyways, this takes place right after Beneath You ended....so there are a few spoilers I guess.
".....Can we rest?"
Though Buffy heard those last few words clearly the whole world seemed a blur. Everything was blended together, her tears; those four simple words that were running through her mind, Spike has a soul; and the smell of scorching flesh.
Out of all those things combined it was the smell that dragged her out of the stupor she was in. As quickly as she could, Buffy crossed the space between her and Spike and pulled him off the cross in one swift movement. Now that she was facing him she saw the pain clearly showing in his eyes. Those once beautiful blue eyes seemed now more of a dull gray.
The stench of burnt flesh was still heavy in the air around them, and Buffy glanced down at the burns covering him. She let out a small sigh of relief to see that the smell was worse then the wound really was, and she knew that the burns would quickly heal. Buffy wished she could say the same for the emotional wounds, but she knew that they would take years to heal...if they ever would.
Buffy was silent for a few moments, trying to figure out what to say when Spike started speaking incoherently again. "Pain...so much....voices..trying to...I'm trying...."
Buffy squeezed her eyes shut and silently let the tears flow as Spike continued speaking. She didn't know what to think of this situation. Spike had his soul back, and Buffy always thought that would be a good thing. She never imagined that it would affect him in this way, and briefly wondered if Angel was anything like this what he first got cursed with his soul. The difference here is though that Spike wasn't cursed, it was apparently willingly. He did it because of her; for her.
"NO! I WONT LET YOU!" Buffy jumped slightly as Spike's yelling brought her out of her thoughts. He looked like a wild animal trapped in a cage, his eyes darting back and forth. He seemed to be trembling uncontrollably now, saying over and over again, "I won't let you hurt her...I won't...I won't"
Buffy felt so useless just standing there watching him in pain, but she didn't know what to do. "Spike.." She started saying softly, and immediately gained his attention.
"Buffy, luv...I won't let him hurt you, I promise...I won't...." Spike said and tears started to run down his face.
"You won't let who hurt me, Spike?"
"The evil...the one from beneath you." Buffy tried to stop herself from sighing in frustration...she already knew this! She took a few deep breathes trying to calm herself down, knowing she wouldn't be getting any useful information out of Spike tonight.
"I know Spike, I know you wont let them hurt me. I believe you now." Buffy very slowly raised her hand up to Spike's face and ran it down his cheek. He closed his eyes and seemed to lean into her touch, before letting out a soft sigh.
"I'm sorry," he said so quietly she could hardly hear him. She was about to ask why when he continued, speaking even more softly. "I know it hurt you when I touched you...the flashlight. Sorry...I know, sorry isn't going to make anything better. I could say sorry to every single person who's haunting me, and it still wouldn't be better. I just want you know Buffy, that I am..."
Buffy smiled ever so slightly at his sincerity. "I know you are. In my own way I've already forgiven you. You just have to understand that it'll take me awhile...probably a long time to trust you. I'm still trying to understand what's happening, with this new evil and your soul."
"I know, luv. I'll help you fight this." He said before letting out a bitter laugh. "Look at me, I've gotten as bad as the poof."
Buffy decided to ignore that last comment and thought how weird it was that she and Spike were having a half decent conversation, without them trying to kill each other. "When's the last time you slept?" She asked, suddenly realizing that he looked completely exhausted.
"Huh?" Spike looked confused. "I'm actually not sure...haven't been sleeping well...the voices...they won't allow me to."
Buffy sighed at knew she would regret this in the morning, or maybe even in the middle of the night, but she decided to do it anyway. "You want to stay at my house tonight? There's a cot in the basement...maybe you'll actually get some sleep."
"I don't know..." He trailed off, and he really didn't. Dawn certainly didn't seem very happy to see him, not that he could blame her and he knew that Buffy would most likely not like this decision later.
"Just for tonight, tomorrow we'll find you someplace else to stay." She said, trying to convince him. Buffy had no idea why she was even inviting him to stay. Then again she never knew or could decide anything when it came to Spike. She saw Spike nod slowly, and she knew he was reluctant to agree. He too knew she would never be able to decide, and she suddenly found herself wondering if she would ever get a parade with trombones....
A/N: For anyone who didn't undersatnd the last line...remember OMWF when Spike said that when she does figure out what she wants there would be a parade...with trombones. Remember again...this is my first attemp at writing fan fiction, so review...but be gentle.
Authors Note: This is my very first fan fic ever, so if your going to review...which I wouldn't mind, be gentle. Any grammar mistakes I blame on the fact that its late, though I did proof read this quite a bit. Anyways, this takes place right after Beneath You ended....so there are a few spoilers I guess.
".....Can we rest?"
Though Buffy heard those last few words clearly the whole world seemed a blur. Everything was blended together, her tears; those four simple words that were running through her mind, Spike has a soul; and the smell of scorching flesh.
Out of all those things combined it was the smell that dragged her out of the stupor she was in. As quickly as she could, Buffy crossed the space between her and Spike and pulled him off the cross in one swift movement. Now that she was facing him she saw the pain clearly showing in his eyes. Those once beautiful blue eyes seemed now more of a dull gray.
The stench of burnt flesh was still heavy in the air around them, and Buffy glanced down at the burns covering him. She let out a small sigh of relief to see that the smell was worse then the wound really was, and she knew that the burns would quickly heal. Buffy wished she could say the same for the emotional wounds, but she knew that they would take years to heal...if they ever would.
Buffy was silent for a few moments, trying to figure out what to say when Spike started speaking incoherently again. "Pain...so much....voices..trying to...I'm trying...."
Buffy squeezed her eyes shut and silently let the tears flow as Spike continued speaking. She didn't know what to think of this situation. Spike had his soul back, and Buffy always thought that would be a good thing. She never imagined that it would affect him in this way, and briefly wondered if Angel was anything like this what he first got cursed with his soul. The difference here is though that Spike wasn't cursed, it was apparently willingly. He did it because of her; for her.
"NO! I WONT LET YOU!" Buffy jumped slightly as Spike's yelling brought her out of her thoughts. He looked like a wild animal trapped in a cage, his eyes darting back and forth. He seemed to be trembling uncontrollably now, saying over and over again, "I won't let you hurt her...I won't...I won't"
Buffy felt so useless just standing there watching him in pain, but she didn't know what to do. "Spike.." She started saying softly, and immediately gained his attention.
"Buffy, luv...I won't let him hurt you, I promise...I won't...." Spike said and tears started to run down his face.
"You won't let who hurt me, Spike?"
"The evil...the one from beneath you." Buffy tried to stop herself from sighing in frustration...she already knew this! She took a few deep breathes trying to calm herself down, knowing she wouldn't be getting any useful information out of Spike tonight.
"I know Spike, I know you wont let them hurt me. I believe you now." Buffy very slowly raised her hand up to Spike's face and ran it down his cheek. He closed his eyes and seemed to lean into her touch, before letting out a soft sigh.
"I'm sorry," he said so quietly she could hardly hear him. She was about to ask why when he continued, speaking even more softly. "I know it hurt you when I touched you...the flashlight. Sorry...I know, sorry isn't going to make anything better. I could say sorry to every single person who's haunting me, and it still wouldn't be better. I just want you know Buffy, that I am..."
Buffy smiled ever so slightly at his sincerity. "I know you are. In my own way I've already forgiven you. You just have to understand that it'll take me awhile...probably a long time to trust you. I'm still trying to understand what's happening, with this new evil and your soul."
"I know, luv. I'll help you fight this." He said before letting out a bitter laugh. "Look at me, I've gotten as bad as the poof."
Buffy decided to ignore that last comment and thought how weird it was that she and Spike were having a half decent conversation, without them trying to kill each other. "When's the last time you slept?" She asked, suddenly realizing that he looked completely exhausted.
"Huh?" Spike looked confused. "I'm actually not sure...haven't been sleeping well...the voices...they won't allow me to."
Buffy sighed at knew she would regret this in the morning, or maybe even in the middle of the night, but she decided to do it anyway. "You want to stay at my house tonight? There's a cot in the basement...maybe you'll actually get some sleep."
"I don't know..." He trailed off, and he really didn't. Dawn certainly didn't seem very happy to see him, not that he could blame her and he knew that Buffy would most likely not like this decision later.
"Just for tonight, tomorrow we'll find you someplace else to stay." She said, trying to convince him. Buffy had no idea why she was even inviting him to stay. Then again she never knew or could decide anything when it came to Spike. She saw Spike nod slowly, and she knew he was reluctant to agree. He too knew she would never be able to decide, and she suddenly found herself wondering if she would ever get a parade with trombones....
A/N: For anyone who didn't undersatnd the last line...remember OMWF when Spike said that when she does figure out what she wants there would be a parade...with trombones. Remember again...this is my first attemp at writing fan fiction, so review...but be gentle.