Things In The Dark Will Come To The Light

"Before May, 23, 2013, Olivia Benson lead a dangerous yet secured life. She protects women, children, and men. She isn't afraid to take down the most repulsive criminals in the city. She's a bad ass. She's been called bitch and other names along the way. She's been stabbed, stalked, sexually assaulted, punched, and poisoned. From the day she was conceived to the day she was born, Olivia had known no such love.

As an adult, she's never been able to maintain a normal romantic relationship. It is as if she had been born with a curse to never be happy. But she is strong. Her strength got her through the bullshit life threw her way. Her strength got her over being stabbed, stalked, sexually assaulted, poisoned, framed, abandoned, her own mother's death, and her inability to adopt children. Her strength was all she had left and William Lewis did everything he could to take Olivia's strength. Did he succeed? Well, that's up to Olivia herself to answer...

Bare with me." -E.M.R

What I'm afraid of is, walking back into my squad room and having everyone look at me, and wonder if I'm ok.

Today is the day. The day she has been both dreading and looking forward to is today. Before leaving the apartment, Benson must have changed her outfit hundreds of times. She didn't get any sleep last night. She even woke Brian up at five a.m to ensure that he wouldn't be late for his job. The butterflies are swirling inside of her stomach.

Every so often, she gets the 'sinking lump in her tummy' feeling. Her heart races second by second. She's inside of a cab. Traffic is bad and it will make her a little late. She isn't sure how she feels about being late. She just wants this day to be over. As the traffic grows worse, the cab driver gets antsy.

The sixty-something year old Italian hunks his horn which startles Liv. That loud noise did not help Liv's anxiety. More minutes passes and Liv looks out the car window. She wants to walk to the station, that would be faster. Suddenly, an older black woman opens the cab door. "Can I ride in with y'all. These ole' feet can't bout take it much more.."

"Sure that's up to her lady." The Italian cabbie answers.

Liv scoots over and invites the woman inside. "Of course."

"I'm Irma Clifton. Visiting my boy from Carolina." The old lady is out of breath, sweating. "I lived here when I was a youngin', raised him here. Guess that's why he chooses to be out here in this sin city." She laughs while closely eyeing Benson. She's reading the younger woman's demeanor. "You must be a cop?"

Liv smirks. She turns her head to look directly into the older's woman's eyes. "What gave it away?" Liv's eyes fall immediately on her badge and gun.

The older woman began to talk with Liv as the cabbie continues to annoy only himself with his impatient rants. They discuss the city. The perks of New York City. The sites to see. The fact that most residence never take in the severity of the city's true essence. Lady Liberty. The violence. Religion. Southern cooking. President Obama and the deaths of both Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston.

Irma is a talker. Liv is usually annoyed by strangers who talk a 'mile-a-minute' but not Irma. The older woman is quite entertaining. In fact, Irma is able to not only pass the traffic time with her chatting, but also able to take Liv's mind briefly off of her worries. Temporarily anyway.

It isn't until the traffic picks up that Irma becomes somewhat peculiar. Their conversation begins to turn a little strange. At a red light, Irma begins to mute her mouth and stare intently at Liv. Liv blinks her eyes, uneasy by the older woman's sudden and stone cold expression.

"You let them know what they need to know. It's the only way ya can get out this. Let them know what they need to know, ya hear chil'?" Irma says without breaking her gaze.

Liv is speechless at Irma's unsolicited advice. She feels as if the woman knows her beyond the headlines that read 'SVU Dectecive kidnapped by serial rapist William Lewis.'

"The man did you in. He took ya soul, took ya spirit. Took every part of you and he still got it all. You'll see him again so soon. You'll win that battle. In the meantime chil', you let them know what they need to know because what they don't know won't hurt you." Irma concludes, her old southern soul food exterior returns.

Benson is stunned. She's speechless. Who was this woman? Maybe she's a psychic but Liv is far from superstitious.

Before Liv gets a chance to address the older woman, the cab stops and Irma gets out. Liv sits there staring. Confused.

The Precinct.

It's gonna be a long long journey. It's gonna be an uphill climb. It's gonna be a tough fight. There's gonna be some lonely nights. But I'm ready to carry on.

Liv enters the door. The familiar scent of her second home (arguably her only home) adds more comfort to her heart. The heart that started to beat again, after Irma Clipton exited the cab.

She's greeted by the only family she knows. Cops. Black and blue uniforms. They all notice her and show her nothing but love. This feels right. This feels fair.

I'm so glad the worst is over, because it almost took me down. I could start living now. My best days are right in front of me and I'm almost ready because now I'm free.

Turning the corner to get to that hallway brings the butterflies back into Liv's stomach. It was nice greeting the people downstairs but now she has to greet the people she worked with day in, day out. Of course Cragen, Nick, Fin, Amanda, and even Munch visited her while she was out but it has been a few weeks since then. Seeing them again was really the kicker. She feels she has to prove herself the moment she turns that corner.

Every step Liv takes, she remembers everything she's accomplished in therapy. She remembers how wonderful Brian has been and is still being. She remembers that she is needed. She remembers that she is loved.

Anything you say to me. And everything you do. You can't deny the truth. Cos I'm the living proof. So many don't survive. They just don't make it through. But look at me, I'm the living proof.

Finally, she makes it around that corner. She can see her team through the glass windows. The closer she gets, the faster she walks. She remembers her conversation with Elliot earlier in the week. Feel the fear and do it anyway, Elliot's words always help to set her free.

She definitely feels the fear. She feels the fear until she's greeted with the most genuine smiles she's ever seen. Fin, Rollins, Amaro, and Cragen. She feels as if they all are showing up for her wedding or surprise birthday party. She needs this. "Hey guys," she says with a voice of relief.

Seeing the welcome back balloon and bear puts the icing on the cake. "What, no cake?" She surprises herself with that joke.

"We were gonna get you cupcakes." Rollins says. Liv notes the overly excited tone in her Georgia Peach co-worker's voice.

Liv shakes her head. "Rollins I was-I was joking. They're beautiful. Really, thank you, it's so nice."

Cragen's glare catches Liv's eyes as he adds, "Welcome back detective Benson."

I know where I'm going. Cos I know where I've been. Oh I kind of feel strong, stay strong keep going. That's the way that I'll win.

Lost in a smile. Lost in the stares of her coworkers, Liv remembers old Irma Clipton. In Liv's eyes, the smiles that her coworkers give are no longer genuine. No. The smiles are now sympathetic. She can't let them see her falter. She breaks her smile and heads to her desk. As she goes through her desk, she feels their eyes darting her every move.

You let them know what they need to know...

She hears Irma's voice repeating those words inside of her head. As she sits at her desk, Irma's words finally find meaning. A memory she blocked out but will never truly forget. A memory that no one will ever know.

"I wanna live. I'll do anything. I'll do anything ok." She lets out a weak and squealing cry. "I'll do anything."

Lewis is satisfied. His nature has risen. He begins to undo Liv's belt. She's sweating. She's not prepared for the pain and the torture. She looks up at him with pleading eyes. She wants to beg him not to do this but she knows it won't help. He's got her. The suddenly..

Lewis's head pops up as a knock on the door interrupts his anxious plans to ravish Detective Benson. Liv is also alert as the person continues to knock on the door. She lets out a loud scream and Lewis clocks her in the head with her gun. Surprisingly, the blow to her head isn't as bad as the others. Liv isn't out cold, but she pretends to be...

Lewis watches her for a while before he answers the door. She lies there with her head tilted to the right and her eyes close shut. Lewis smiles. "You're out cold, are you?" He leaves the room wearing a sick grin on his face. When he gets to the door, Liv struggles with the choice of breaking free or staying 'unconscious'. Not wanting to see Lewis take anyone else's life, Liv decides to stay quiet.

She hears Lewis talking to whoever it is at the door.

After a while, Lewis returns. Liv continues to act as if she's unconscious. Lewis's nature is still on the rise. Sometimes he needs what he needs.

To avoid being turned off, Lewis grabs his cell and begins recording. He pulls down his jeans. Liv hears his pants unzip. She hears his heavy breathing. He wouldn't rape her while she's out, would he? Her brain scrambles as he begins sliding down her jeans. She wonders if he can see her body trembling so violently. With warning from the boys about the maid, Lewis feels that it's now or never.

He spreads open her legs. Liv begins to protest but its too late. Lewis doesn't notice because he believes she's knocked out. Lewis begins penetrating Liv while focusing the camera on her face. She's in complete shock because this came without warning. She wishes to protest, to scream, but she's in shock. What shocks her even more is that after only three thrusts, he goes soft.

Lewis is finally inside of the woman who dominates him. As he starts to get rough with her, the battery on his cell dies. He is angry that his body is now abandoning his twisted desires. He's angry yet he still penetrates her several more times but nothing. He can't infict pain on her with a soft willy. Howver, he refuses to admit defeat. He tries for a few minutes more but nothing.

As he pulls out, Liv is headed to an almost catatonic state when she peeks open her eyes. The flooding tears fall onto her cheek as she quickly blinks then out. She needs a clear vision. Lewis is pulling up his jeans and wearing an unfamiliar facial expression. An expression Liv has never seen him make. It is almost comical. William Lewis has a look of embarrassment on his face.

Minutes later, Lewis is standing over Liv. She's disgusted. His fluids are now inside of her. She's pretending to wake up as he's zipping her pants back on. Her eyes opens in fear. She groans. Lewis pretends to be undoing her belt rather than actually redoing her belt. He thinks she doesn't remember. He doesn't want her to know what happened? That could be the only explanation...

She wants to psychologically taunt him with that information. She wants to laugh at him and his flaccid penis. She wants to tell him she pretended that she was unconscious. She wants to let him know that she knows. Yet, out of everything she wants to psychologically taunt Lewis with? She wants more to forget. To pretend, just as Lewis is, that nothing happened.

He was humiliated that he couldn't get it up. She was humiliated because there was no way of looking around what just happened. Flaccid penis of not, he raped her. A secret she will never tell...

As Liv blinks away that memory, Nick pulls up a chair next to his partner. He smiles. "It's good to have you back partner..." Nick notices the distance in Liv's eyes. "You ok?" Nicks voice lingers as Liv tells herself let them know what they need to know.

Smiling back at her partner, Liv answers, "I'm fine." Her smile wavers.

Nothing bout my life's been easy. But nothing's gonna keep me down no. Cos I know a lot more today. And I know yesterday. So I'm ready to carry on.

THE END

PS) Please follow my next story "The Nostalgic Case Of "Trohs Zil". It follows this story a little but a complete new topic. I'll be posting it very soon. And again, thank you all.