A/N: I have been trying to get out my next chapter of Revelations when this kept rolling through my head. I didn't send it to my Beta since Christmas is two days away and she is busy with the lovely last minute things that happen. I wanted to give you something for Christmas. I hope everyone enjoys and as always reviews are welcomed.
Olivia groaned when she heard the distinct click of heels heading down the hallway. On most days she would be overjoyed to hear that familiar sound but today wasn't most days. Today she was currently in trauma bay one, the same room she was in just over a month ago that had landed her on light duty for almost three months. For the first time in as far back as she could remember she was actually following doctors orders and staying chained to her desk. That was until Captain Cragen stepped out of his office and instructed her to go and meet Elliot at Halal Gyro Platter at 53rd and 6th, where a suspect was holding a rape victim hostage and demanding to only talk to her. Olivia was grateful for the chance to leave her desk and was out the door before Cragen had a chance to change his mind.
That led her to a four hour standoff with a mentally ill man who was becoming more agitated as time moved on. When the man began to wave his gun around and talk to someone on his left that wasn't there Olivia un holstered her weapon and began to slowly make her way toward the restaurant with her hands in the air. Finally after some tense moments and constant reassurance that Olivia would be the best hostage for him he had released the woman and jerked her into the building. It wasn't until she was in the building that she realized how many weapons the man had and how bad of a situation she had just put herself in. The only thing she could do was send a silent prayer that Alex would understand why she did what she did when the captain went to talk to her.
"What we're you thinking?" Alex asked as she stepped into the room finally exhaling the breath she was sure she had been holding since Cragen had showed up at court and pulled her out of it, informing her that Olivia had been injured yet again.
"My job." Olivia answered cringing internally when Alex made no move to enter the room and her eyes appeared to have a distant look in them. She had often wondered how long it would take Alex to leave her not because of her past but because of the risks her job held.
"What has the doctor said?" Alex asked crossing her arms still not making a move into the room.
"It was just a flesh wound and took five stitches." Olivia informed her as she averted her eyes from the blonde. "Elliot has gone to get my meds and discharge papers from the nurse."
"I'll ride back to the apartment with you two." Alex stated her tone as formal as if she was addressing a witness.
Olivia took a deep breath and willed herself to hold it together. In the five years they had been together and the three they have lived together neither had once referred to their apartment as the apartment. She knew that Alex would never make a slip like that and knew what it meant.
"Your chariot awaits also known as the squad car." Elliot stated as he busted through the door and smiled at his partner before noticing Alex standing to the side and not any where near her.
"Would you mind if I caught a ride back to the apartment with you?" Alex asked standing up straight.
"Not at all." Elliot almost mumbled as he looked between his partner and what was truly the love of her life.
"Thank you." Alex said as she turned and walked out the door without giving either of them a second look.
"Liv?"
"I would have to say that she is pissed." Olivia stated as she struggled to straighten herself up and reach for her shirt, crying out in pain.
"Here let me help you." Elliot stated as he stepped forward and helped her out of her hospital gown and into her shirt without thinking once. "Are you ready?"
"To go home? No." Olivia stated as she wiped the stray tear that fell from her eyes despite her best attempts to keep them at bay. "Something tells me that its not going to be good."
"Don't jump to conclusions." Elliot said as he pushed her down the hallway and out of the hospital "She is probably just trying to process everything that just happened. You have to remember that she was under the assumption that for three months she wouldn't have to worry about getting a call that you were injured and today, with her thinking you were at a desk safe, she was told you were shot."
"It's different." Olivia mumbled as she started to step out of the wheelchair and slide into the back seat of the squad car.
"Sit upfront." Alex ordered as she stepped forward from the side of the building where she was on the phone "I will sit in the back."
Olivia looked up and started to argue with the blonde but thought best not to and just moved to the front of the car. She couldn't help but wonder if this was the beginning of the end.
"Do either of you ladies need anything?" Elliot asked as he opened the doors for Olivia and Alex to both get out of the car. He was torn between what to do. He wanted to stay and make sure that everything was ok but on the other hand the tension and anger that seemed to fill the car on the ride over was enough of an indicator for him not to stay.
"We'll be fine" Alex said as she motioned for Olivia to walk ahead of her.
"Well call if you need anything." Elliot said more to Olivia than Alex.
Olivia nodded, understanding the underlining meaning and walked into the apartment building almost wishing she could turn around and go home with Elliot and deal with his sick two year old than whatever battle laid before her.
Alex paced back and forth in front of Olivia. She had a million thoughts and feelings running through her and she wasn't sure which one she wanted to face first if any. Although she would have to say the most prominent was fear. Fear that one day when Cragen arrive to take her to Olivia it would be to identify the body of her lover and that was something that Alex wasn't going to have happen.
Olivia followed Alex with her eyes as she paced back and forth in front of her. There were several times that Alex would stop and stare at her as if she was trying to figure out what to say but instead of opening her mouth she would just begin to pace again. She was getting ready to stop the blonde from pacing when Alex turned to her and finally spoke.
"I can't keep doing this." Alex stated.
"What?"
"I can't keep doing this." Alex stated again but stops her train of thought when Olivia hangs her head and stands heading for the stairs.
Olivia hung her head as she heard the words she dreaded being repeated.
"Liv?" Alex whispered taking a small step toward her.
"I understand." Olivia choked out determined not to lose it in front of Alex she stood and headed for the stairs "It's never easy being with a cop and then you get someone like me. That makes it twice as hard. Give me about ten minutes and I will be out of here. If you don't mind, I need to keep my things here until I find a place to stay. If you do I will have it moved out and placed in storage until I can find a place."
Alex stood there shell shock as she watched Olivia walk up the stairs and eventually out of her life. She can truly say this wasn't the way she saw the conversation going but then again it didn't help how she had started the conversation either.
"Stop packing." Alex said in a much calmer voice than she felt. It took all she had to stay in a standing position when she walked in and saw Olivia with an open suitcase on their bed.
"Alex I'm only taking some clothes for right now." Olivia said without bothering to look at the blonde as she repeated her steps between the dresser and her suitcase. "I promise you that I'm not taking anything of yours."
"I could care less what you take or don't take." Alex stated as she walked toward Olivia on shaky legs and jerked the handful of clothes out of her hand and slung them across the room.
"Alex I'm trying to pack and get out of your apartment as quick as I can." Olivia snapped at Alex "You throwing my clothes across the bedroom isn't helping me pack."
"Then I guess this will stop you in your tracks" Alex said as she closed Olivia's suitcase and slung it out the door and into the hallway.
"What the hell?" Olivia asked finally looking at the blonde ready to yell at her until she saw the tears that was pouring from her eyes "Alex?"
"Please don't leave me." Alex begged as Olivia wrapped her arms around the now shaking blonde.
"You just told me that you can't do this anymore." Olivia whispered as she carefully wiped the tears from the blondes face "I'm not mad at you if that's what you're afraid of. I understand that its hard to be with a cop always waiting and hoping that you're prepared for when you get the call. No matter how much you prepare you're never ready for it either. I don't take unnecessary risks but I will admit I do tend to take a few more risks than I should. Alex I have to do what I can to save a victim and bring them justice."
"I know you do." Alex sniffled as she pulled back and guided them to a seated position on the bed. "That is just one of the many reasons why I love you and I have to admit I should have started that conversation a little differently. Olivia I'm sorry but I don't want you to leave and god knows I am so sorry that was how you took it. I want you with me till the day I die."
"Alex…" Olivia started to say but was stopped when the blonde placed her finger on her lips.
"Let me." Alex whispered as she smiled at the brunette who simply nodded at her to continue "Now please don't interrupt me until I finish either."
Olivia nodded again.
"I meant I can't keep running to the hospital when you're injured as your lover."
Olivia was sure that the only thing that was keeping her heart from completely shattering from hearing those words were the smile and happiness that seemed to cross Alex's face.
"Over the past few weeks that you have been on desk duty I have truly been relieved and didn't have to worry if something had happened to you when the doors swung open. When Cragen came barreling through the doors today telling everyone that you had been shot and to come with him I realized something. Actually it was something that I had come to realize the last time you were hurt. I didn't want to be rushed to the hospital as your girlfriend or lover if the time ever came for me to have to identify your body. I wanted to be rushed to the hospital as your devastated wife."
Olivia's head shot up and her eyes went wide hearing Alex say wife.
"Yes Olivia I want to marry you." Alex said smiling as she slid off the bed and down to her knee "I know what it's like to be held by you, to be made love to by you, and most importantly to be loved by you. What I don't know is what it's like to be introduced as your wife, to have someone call me Mrs. Benson in the court room, or to overhear some say how hot you are and for me to go I know that's my wife. That is not something I cannot and do not want to experience."
Alex stood and walked to their dresser opening the top drawer and reaching in the back, pulling out the blue Tiffany's box that she had bought with every intention of presenting to Olivia in two days, on Christmas day. Alex couldn't help but smile as she walked back toward Olivia, somehow she always manages to get Alex to give her a present at least two day's early and apparently this year is no different. Alex takes a deep breath and opened the box as she dropped back down to one knee.
Olivia sat there staring at the ring in the box. It was a simple white gold band with a diamond in the middle and two sapphire stones on either side of it. The size of it was perfect for her job and every bit of it screamed class and love, just like Alex.
"So" Alex said pulling Olivia from her thoughts "Olivia Benson will you please do me the honor of marrying me?"
"Yes" Olivia cried out as Alex, with shaking hands pulled the ring from the box and slipped it onto her ring finger.