What do you say to your mom after you broke your curfew and didn't tell her where you were when you broke your curfew when it's 2AM in the morning? And what do you say to the guy you broke your curfew for that discovered he was your first time after you done the deed?

I'll tell you what you're NOT supposed to say;

Don't tell him that you were going to lose it anyway. Or that it didn't matter if it was done "romantically" or "specially". Or that your virginity didn't matter anyway.

Because, despite all the bad rep my mom gave for men everywhere, this one guy was actually a super cute nerd that actually liked me for a second.

And I totally fucked it up.

Do you want to know the worst of it? Right after I spat at him for keeping me so late and protesting to stay in his warm comforting arms to go back to my raging mother, he gave me his jacket. In the soaking rain. And then he walked me home. He walked me home in the soaking rain with no jacket and no umbrella and kept giving me this weird but also nice warm look everytime I glared at him.

Have you ever met someone as stupid as that?

Oh, but it gets even worse. When I rattled the locked front door in utter frustration, he suggested to actually lift me up on his shoulders to climb into my window. And after I laughed at the obviously horrible joke, he gave me this face like he meant it. So, I did climb on his shoulders.

What was I supposed to do? Let him stand there in the pouring rain and wait for me to unlock the door magically somehow? He wasn't going to leave no matter how much I groaned at him. He told me so.

And it was incredibly annoying.

After several embarrassing attempts, I finally squeezed through my window and threw down his jacket and he swiftly caught it like it was some kind of Olympic sport. It was awkward looking down at him from my window..knowing what we did only a few hours before.

It was kind of like that really cliche children's books. What was it called? Rapunzel or something? Anyway, it was awkward. So I did the only charming and sweet and girly way a now-woman could do;

Shut the windows as hard as I could before he could say a word.

The really funny thing about it all is…that I actually thought sex was going to be this sort of passionate and God-like experience -when in fact it is the weirdest thing ever. All that really happens is that your limbs are touching in sort of ways and you turn over and you're all sweaty and making super gross sounds and faces you'd make when you wake up in the morning super groggy or hungover and it's all because things that were hard at first became super soft and then it turned a bit ticklish.

The only thing that seemed a bit "mature" or actually matched the depiction of those adult films and sex-ed class clips were at the end when I was laying on his chest and we didn't say a word and it was just all peaceful and quiet.

But then of course that was all finished when we started talking and I just…let it slip. It was a really stupid and horrible thing to say because he gave me this sort of horrified look. He looked like..like he sort of regret it.

I didn't regret it, though. It was kinda nice, actually. I don't really know how to explain it. Like..how he trailed his fingers up and down my skin or how he'd slip out a little 'sorry' when he turned me over and kept asking me if it was okay to put certain things in places and once he made this really weird moaning sound that resembled something like a whale I tried so hard not to laugh.

And there was this sort of moment where we shared this glance when he lifted my legs and he made this sort of secret smile. This sort of secret smile that either meant he was laughing at me or that he really wanted to do this with me. That he really did mean to dig me under his covers and touch me like that.

I mean, it wasn't magical romance movie-material thing. A lot of things could have been better. First, the bed stank. Like really it stunk of all kinds of horrible stuff I swear to God not even scientists have discovered them. And the bed was so horribly uncomfortable if it wasn't for his strong arms and careful movements I probably would have broken my back. Oh, and not to mention his roommate that has the most disgusting taste in music.I would have banged on the walls so hard and yelled at him, but that would've killed the mood and I was just getting the hang of it.

But, to be honest, (which I am almost never am and will from now on continue with that) when I slid into my big fluffy bed and felt for my white sheets and clean pillows, I sort of felt lonely. When I was tossing and turning, I kind of missed those awful smells for whatever insane reason. And the bed was a bit too soft for me after a while I guessed maybe I was losing my humanly functions.

And although some places on my body ached that I would rather not think about, I missed his touches. I missed his hot giggling breath on my neck and down my stomach and his firm hands on my shoulders and how he held the back of my head and the way he'd arch his elbow when he turned me over and kissed me in places I didn't know would tingle as much.

All in all, it wasn't really a bad experience. But, what with my idiotic behaviour and big fat lying mouth I'll probably never get to experience it again any time soon. Or later. Or ever.

When I reminded myself that I had a flaming raging mother to deal with the next day and I needed all the little strength I could muster, I fell on my side and knocked out a couple snores to get me started.

And even after such a dreadful and embarrassing night, what shocked me was after my mom gave me the yelling of a lifetime, I actually gave her a hug and an apology and cleaned up the dishes she bitched about for weeks. And what surprised me was instead of giving my sister utter hell for being such a little snitch, I just sat next to her, ruffled her hair and watched her lame shows while sneaking a few bits of her pancakes.

But what won it all. What gave me an utter hit in the head and a total stomach flip and skip was when the phone rang. And when I answered it, it was that guy that pluck my daisy. Entered my secret garden. Opened my treasure box. The guy that- oh whatever. It was the guy that I lost my virginity to-

Makoto Tachibana.