In Which Harry Is The New Dark Lord(?)

Harry was humming quietly while still trapped against the gravestone statue thing, ignoring He-Who-Must-Not-Have-A-Scene-Without-A-Dramatic-Monologue's dramatic monologue to the Death Eaters and practicing wandless, silent magic on a small branch in front of him.

He had only managed to make it twitch slightly towards Voldemort before the newly arisen Dark Lord released him from the statue and told him to pick up his wand so they could duel.

Harry, having learned all he knew about dueling from Lockhart, picked up his wand with a flourish, twirled it dramatically, and finally aimed it at Snakeymort with a cry of, "Come at me, bro!" When the Death Eaters and their feared (and noseless, Harry felt the need to add) leader only reacted with blank stares, Harry's face went just as blank and he told his enemy blithely, "I bet you were a Hufflepuff."

That sure as hell got a reaction. Voldemort stalked forward with a snarl of, "Impudent little b-"

But then he tripped over the convenient little branch the Harry had moved into his path earlier.

Harry wasted no time in casting a petrificus totalus on He-Who-Got-His-Soulless-Ass-Handed-To-Him-By-A-Toddler, causing the various surrounding Death Eaters to freeze and gape in shock. The-Boy-Who-Lived-To-Make-The-Dark-Lord-His-Bitch then raised his wand into the air, casting his own version of the Dark Mark (which looked like a strange mixture of a lion and a Playboy Bunny, which shouldn't make any sort of sense but somehow did) into the sky, and declared to the minions, "I have defeated your master in a wizard battle! You are all now my bitches!"

And one by one, the Death Eaters got to their knees and swore fealty to Harry Potter. After all, he couldn't be any crazier than their old master.

Please feel free to throw things at me for the late chapter.

Good news: this is one of my favorite chapters! (I like dark lord!Harry, don't judge)

Bad news: this is also the last of my pre-written chapters, so I really need ideas from you guys!

Also, Jesus tap-dancing Christ, how did this get so many readers!? Thank you so much to anyone who favorited, followed, reviewed, and/or read this fic!