Title: Memories, Magic and Miracles (1/?)

Author: RebelByrdie

Fandom: OUAT

Pairing: SwanQueen

Rating: T

Summary: Emma Swan may not remember her, but Regina can never forget her or what they've made together.

Memories, Magic and Miracles

Part I

She doesn't realize it at first, she's so caught up in her sorrow, her grief and the Henry shaped hole in her heart that she misses all the earliest signs. She is so distracted by the phantom pressure of Emma's hand in her own that she ignores the increasingly obvious changes to rest of her body. She had been the Queen of Nothing, then the Evil Queen, and now she had unintentionally become the Queen of Denial.

All of the Enchanted Forest, even her own castle, had been devastated by the first casting of the Dark Curse. So they camp, like peasants, in the ruins of Leopold's Summer Palace. Regina could not even begin to explain how much she loathed the Summer Palace, so she clenched her jaw until it ached and remained silent. When she starts to be ill every morning, she easily explained it away. There were simply too many portraits of Leopold, the man she would resurrect just to kill again, and Eva, the ghost queen she could never be, and far too many bad memories for her to not be nauseated. She had spent too many nights in these opulent rooms contemplating murder and suicide. She just needed, she reassured herself time and time again, to get away from the dreadful castle and she would be perfectly fine again. It wasn't until she had to run away from the midday meal, the smell of cooking chimera too much for her jumpy stomach, that Belle and Granny started to give her odd and knowing looks.

Three excruciatingly long weeks later she was no better physically and mentally she was rapidly hurtling towards complete insanity. They had mostly moved indoors, but Regina could not tolerate it. The walls closed in around her and she couldn't breathe. She found herself running to the courtyards or balconies every few moments, unable to handle being inside a moment longer. Her memories tugged at her, weighing her down like iron chains. Her emotions constantly crackled on the surface of her skin, constantly and unpredictably changing. Her precious control has abandoned her. Tinker Bell, a frequent visitor, pulled her aside one gloomy afternoon and demanded to know what was wrong. The perky blonde, who looked too much like Emma for comfort, looked at her with such concern that it had literally made her cry. Despite the crippling nausea, daily vomiting, and fatigue nothing was wrong. No, something amazing had happened to her, something inexplicably wonderful but simultaneously terrifying.

She was pregnant, something she had been told over and over again that would never ever happen, and there was only one explanation. Emma Swan, the woman who had driven away with their son, new memories and a large chunk of her heart, had done more than comfort her in Neverland.

It had only happened once, and they had never spoken of it, not even to each other. It had been late and everyone else had been asleep. She hadn't been able to sleep. Every attempt had ended with horrifying nightmares, her mind conjuring every possible horror that she knew of, about Henry. She hadn't realized that anyone had been awake to hear her sobs.

Emma came to her, climbed in her bedroll and offered comfort and warmth and when Regina had turned towards her, their lips brushed. The simple, almost accidental, touch had changed everything. It had destroyed their tenuous status quo, decimated their emotional floodgates and let the passion they'd denied for months loose. There, on the hard ground, with The Charmings only a few feet away, she and Emma had found comfort and momentary happiness in each other's arms. She still was not sure how to describe it. She had sex before, she'd had a thirty year affair with Graham and he had been no slouch in the bedroom, but Emma had been different. So very wonderfully and completely different than she had ever imagined. In Neverland, by the light of a dying fire, with their son lost to them, she and Emma had made love to one another, never speaking or making any sounds louder than sharp inhales and muffled exhales until dawn started to peek through the thick jungle canopy. She had laid there, in that last minute before Emma had left the warmth of her bedroll to start another torturous day in Neverland, and had found peace and love snuggled into Emma's arms, head buried in her neck and thick mane of blonde hair.

It had been over so fast. They had never talked about it, and now they never would. Emma did not remember Neverland, their night together or her at all. Regina could not forget. Her hand strayed down to her still flat stomach, there was no way she could ever forget. She did not want to forget. She clung to that memory with the same ferocity and love as she did her memories of Henry.

There was also no way she could stay with the Charmings and their court. She could not be here, surrounded by the royal life she had been so desperate to escape a day more. She was surrounded by the ghosts of her past, a past she had wanted to escape. This castle full of pain and hate was not a place she wanted to raise a child. Not that she could let anyone know that she carried the Savior's child. They would take the miracle babe from her as soon as they cut the cord connecting them, and even if they didn't, her-their-daughter would never be safe. A child born of the purest light magic and one of the most powerful users of dark magic in the history of the realms would be a living and breathing target. Every magic user in the known world would want to either kidnap or kill their baby. If Rumpel were with them she might stand a chance, but The Dark One was gone and she could not risk anyone (Snow) letting the secret out.

This child, the wonderful miracle that she had never dared to dream of, would, without a doubt, would look like Emma. She would have her eyes and her silly smile. Regina could all but see their daughter, she knew with every part of her being that their baby was a girl, every time she closed her eyes. She would not be able, nor would she want, to deny her daughter's true origins. In a few short months she would also not be able to hide the evidence of her pregnancy, not even with corsets and cloaks.

No, she had to go. No one would miss her, and honestly, most would be glad to see her gone. She and Snow were trying to co-exist but everyone knew it was only a matter of time. Considering that she could swing between screams and tears in the blink of an eye, it really was not a good time to test her admittedly shaky Snow White tolerance levels. The only reason she hadn't leaped across the room and strangled the other woman was the stone cold realization that she was her daughter's grandmother. She was Henry's grandmother too, for that matter. That realization had led to a viscously painful migraine. When your step-daughter is also your childrens' grandmother it put many things into perspective. There were already so many stories of hate and animosity between herself and Snow, she did not want another. Surprises abound, Regina chuckled to herself, and The Savior's children had finally mellowed the legendary wrath of The Evil Queen. With that in mind, Regina slipped out in the dead of night. She wanted no melodramatic goodbye scenes, arguments or search parties coming after her. She was going to disappear without a trace or even a note.

Tinker Bell, the only person who would worry about an Evil Queen, knew exactly where she was going and why. The blonde fairy, wings and wands restored, had coaxed the story out of her in less than an hour. Regina would have been ashamed but she simply hadn't been able to hold it inside anymore. Tinker Bell hadn't said a cross word about it. In fact she seemed a little smug.

"Yeah I got those vibes off of the two of you. My heart broke for you." She sighed, "When you stood with her at the line." Their friendship, dead for so long, had started to reform and Regina wasn't exactly sure how to deal with it. She had never allowed herself to have friends, but Tinker Bell, much like Katherine, made it too easy. Tink had promised, swore on her wings, to protect her and the tiny miracle that she already loved with all of her heart and soul. There was no greater bond of friendship than that. She barely felt worthy.

She remembered the lay out of the Summer Palace all too well and did not need a candle to light her way. She had stumbled her way through the halls, away from Leopold's bed chamber far too many times to not know all the corridors and breezeways by heart. She knew her way to the stables the same way a blind man knew his own home. The stables, her bittersweet sanctuary, were warm and dimly lit but her horse recognized her immediately and welcomed her with a quiet whinny. She was dressed in simple, homespun clothes and a plain cloak. Servant's clothes, her mother's voice sneered in her head. She wore no makeup or jewels, nothing that would make anyone suspect that the pregnant Southern wanderer was the Evil Queen Regina.

She unlatched the gate of the stall, recently rebuilt like most of the stable and blinked in shock when she saw that her mount was already saddled. Panic hit her hard and her heart rate doubled. Who could have known she was leaving and would they stop her? Worse, would they go to Snow and David? What did they know? Her hand darted to her stomach, terrified.

"Did you really think"

She turned at the voice and couldn't help but remember the last time she had tried to run away. She had been caught in the stables that time too.

"I would let you leave?"

She turned on the heel of her plain and practical boots to find Belle standing beside on of the other stalls, staring at her with her arms crossed over her chest. She, too, was dressed for travel.

"I-" She had no idea what to say to the woman that she had once kidnapped and imprisoned for thirty years. Belle, like herself, was mostly ignored by the others. Belle, like herself, had lost someone she loved dearly. Belle who was staring at her with knowledge in her eyes. Belle who saw her cradling her stomach in an unmistakable way. What was Belle, who had every reason in the world to hate her, going to do next?

"If we leave now it's only a few days ride to Rumpel's castle."

Regina couldn't help but flinch at the mention of her late mentor. She also couldn't miss the flash of agony in Belle's eyes when she mentioned his name. It was the same sort of pain that she saw in her reflection every day.

"And there are a few things there I think we will find useful."

"We?" Regina had so rarely been a part of a "we" that the idea was almost comical.

"You can't expect to give birth and then protect her on your own. This isn't Storybrooke, you know. It's too dangerous and if the prophecies in my books are true, your and Emma's baby will need all the protection we can provide."

Regina had absolutely no reason to believe or trust Belle. Every instinct, honed by years of being a despised queen and then unhappy mayor, screamed at her to knock the other woman out and run. How had Belle figured out that she was pregnant? Even more importantly how had she come to the conclusion that Emma her baby girl's other mother? What prophecies was she talking about? Fear rushed through her and Regina resisted the urge to grab Belle, shake her and demand an explanation. She could reach into the woman's chest, take her heart and make her talk. Only, Regina's right hand shook, she could not risk performing such dark magic while she and Emma's Precious Princess grew inside of her. That was not who she was anymore. She was not evil. She was going to be the mother that her children deserved. That meant, she steeled herself, leading with trust and not suspicion. It meant trying to see the good in people and not the bad.

"Thank you."

Her emotions, driven by wild hormones, swelled up in her chest and she felt like she might cry. She had no reason to trust Belle, but she did and didn't even know why. Wouldn't Henry be proud of her?

"You don't have to do this." She had to make sure that Belle was making this choice of her own free will. Regina had been forced into decisions time and time again and she had taken Belle's choices more than once. This had to be Belle's true choice.

The woman, grief still clearly written on her face, had every reason in the world to want her dead or worse, so why. She had to know why.

Belle led her own mount, a sturdy crème colored Clydesdale, out of his stall.

"Do you think you're the only one who needs to get away from this place?" Belle shook her head, "I've been locked away for far too long and this palace is just another very pretty jail. Some people, like Granny and Tink, are kind. Others are-"The auburn haired woman tilted her head, "-not so kind. They spit on us, Regina. They sneer Evil Queen and Dark One's Whore with equal amounts of hate." Belle took the reins in her hand, "And I'm tired of it. I would rather face ogres, cold nights and whatever else the forest can throw at us then spend one more day with the flawless Prince Charming and the spotless Snow White." Her voice, suddenly full of sarcasm and disdain, fell an octave and Regina wondered exactly how much of Lacey had been curse and how much had been Belle's rarely displayed dark side.

Though there was venom in her voice, it was not pointed at her. Which was truly humorous because if anyone deserved Belle's hate, Regina knew it was her. Still, though, it was good to know that Belle had and would voice her own reasons for leaving. There was a small twinkle in Belle's blue eyes and Regina would swear that she could see a little bit of Rumpel's mischievous glint in them.

"They'll think I kidnapped you." The 'again' that belonged at the end of that statement was silent. Snow would immediately jump to the worst possible explanation for their absence.

Belle smiled at that, it was a small smile but sweet none-the-less. "Granny will take care of that. Now." She nodded her head, "We really need to go if we're going to get past the sentinels and make any progress tonight."

She sounded so sure of herself and confident, gone was the shy librarian that she had assumed Belle to be. Had she made another friend? Regina found herself smiling at that thought. She mounted her horse smoothly and wondered how many more months she had until she wouldn't be able to accomplish that feat. They made their way through the debris and tent-strewn courtyard and to one of the small side gates. They found the heavy wooden doors open and were waved through them by a lone, cross-bow wielding guard. Regina looked up and Granny nodded her head. Regina nodded back. She had always liked Granny.

She and Belle rode out side by side and a few miles away from the castle and its guards Belle finally spoke again, "Have you thought of a name yet?"

Regina sighed and tilted her head back to look at the stars, the same stars that shined over New York City. "Emily." Her heart clenched once more, "Emily Swan."

To Be Continued