A/N: Meant to write a Christmas fic. Wrote this instead. Oops?

Set during 3x09 (Close Encounters of the Murderous Kind).

And lets pretend for the sake of this story that the relationships with Josh and Gina ended differently than they actually did.

"Please, let's just stick it in and get this over with."

-Katherine Beckett

She awoke feeling stiff, legs longing to be stretched and neck aching from resting in one oddly angled position for too long. Her eyes fluttered open before she could move, staring out into the darkness of her Crown Victoria's window until flashes of memory came flooding back.

They'd been returning from the observatory. The car broke down. There was a bright light, a dark room, an interrogation, a sharp injection.

The warm surface she had been sleeping against began to stir, one arm extending out to fall across her lap, fingers curling around one of her knees.

Her heartbeat stuttered as she glanced down to realize her cheek was pressed to Castle's shoulder, her body tucked awkwardly into his side, and she wasn't at all sure how she got here. All she could manage to remember for certain was that Marie Subbarao's killer was still in the wind.

"Man, am I glad to see you."

Kate startled and lifted her head from Castle's chest to see him staring down at her, still groggy with sleep and a touch of concern.

"Castle, did that really happen?" she whispered, pushing herself into a sitting position beside him.

His gaze flickered over to her neck and he wordlessly brushed her hair over her shoulder.

"Pretty sure it did," he murmured, sweeping his thumb over a sensitive spot on the side of her throat. "You okay?"

She nodded, shrugging his fingers away and slipping hers up to graze along the twin mark he carried.

"Oh no," she breathed, skimming her fingertips over the smudge of purple on his skin once, twice, before withdrawing her hand and glimpsing in the rearview mirror to study her own marred flesh.

Castle leant forward suspiciously, glancing up as far as the car's windshield would allow and scanning the starless, night sky.

"I think we are free of danger for now," he announced, plopping back into the seat.

Kate sighed, running a hand through her hair, and thoughtlessly allowed her head to fall back to his shoulder. She felt his eyes drift to the top of her head, his curiosity filling the air around them while she gave herself just a second to rest. Her head was spinning, and not just because of the needle that had been plunged into the side of her neck.

"Beckett, are you sure you're alright?" Castle asked quietly, placing a tentative hand on her lower thigh, the heat of his palm penetrating through her slacks.

"Fine, I think I'm just still feeling the effects of whatever they knocked us out with," she lied easily, staring down at his hand.

"Well, no rush. We'll just relax here and if the men in black come back, don't worry, I'll protect you."

She snorted into the soft fabric of his royal blue dress shirt. "Okay, Castle."

They were quiet for a while. Her eyes stayed only half open, the somewhat peaceful silence and the smell of his aftershave lulling her into a state of calm. And then Castle started to talk.

"You know, it kinda looks like we have matching hickeys now."

She huffed and lifted away from him, reaching for the key still in the ignition. She wasn't surprised when she turned it and nothing happened. Despite the recent battery replacement, her Crown Vic had been having problems for the last couple of months and she figured the electromagnetic pulse their captors had likely used to kill the engine, their phones, and Castle's watch would indefinitely knock out her car for the night. At least her phone worked again.

They were still in New Jersey, and after talking with Esposito she learned it would take at least an hour for he and Ryan to come pick them up on the country road in Plainsboro they were stuck on.

"An hour?" Castle whined. "What are we supposed to do for an hour?"

Kate rolled her eyes and relaxed in her seat. "Maybe you could let me sleep."

"How can you sleep in the middle of this deserted road where we were kidnapped merely-" He made a show of checking his watch. "two hours ago?"

"Because I've hardly slept since we started this case and I'm tired?"

He softened a little at that, the natural concerning etching into his features, but tried to keep his voice light despite the hint of worry in his eyes.

"What if they come back? I hate to admit it, but you're more likely to be the one doing the protecting of the two of us."

"Is this supposed to surprise me?" she smirked, sitting up in her seat and shooting him a halfhearted glare.

He feigned hurt as he retrieved his phone from his pocket and alerted his mother and Alexis that he would likely be home later than expected while she tried not to internally panic over the fact that she and Castle were stuck together in her car for an entire hour with nothing to do but talk. They weren't so good at talking outside the precinct anymore, not since the summer.

"So, how's Josh?" he asked, trying to sound conversational, but she knew he tended to ask that question out of obligational small talk. She had a feeling her boyfriend was the last thing he actually wanted to discuss.

"We broke up. A few weeks ago."

"Oh," he murmured, a rush of relief seeming to escape with the syllable as it fell from his lips. "I'm sorry."

She didn't believe him.

"It's fine. How's Gina?" she returned, but he simply shrugged one of his shoulders.

"We broke up too, right after we got back from the Hamptons. Getting back together in the first place was a waste of time."

A mirroring relief washed over her at the news and she hated herself a little for it.

Kate risked a glance at him through the corner of her eye when he remained quiet and saw he looked crestfallen yet contemplative, and she didn't think it was because of Gina.

"I'm sorry about the summer, Kate."

She could feel herself physically coiling in defense at the topic change, her entire body reflexively closing off from him as if preparing for a battle she knew she would lose.

They didn't talk about the summer; they didn't talk about anything that was too close to the reluctant line drawn between them. Discussing the things like that - like how he had sauntered out of her life for nearly five months with his ex-wife hanging on his arm while she had stood speechless with her exposed heart bleeding in her unprotected chest - would be venturing into dangerous territory that she wasn't ready to explore. She didn't think she would ever be ready, not for him.

His gaze rested on her profile, watching her, waiting for a response she didn't know how to give.

"Don't worry about it," she answered quietly, hoping he'd just leave it at that.

She had vowed to herself that very evening he'd left for the Hamptons that she was done when it came to putting herself out there for Richard Castle. No more heartache, no more regret, no more pathetic mascara stains on her pillowcase over someone who she was stupid to think ever felt the same about her.

"I wish I'd spent the summer with you."

She sighed. "Castle-"

"I know, just…hear me out?"

She curled her fingernails into the cheap leather upholstery of her seat and bit her lip as she nodded for him to go ahead.

Just get it over with.

"You were trying to tell me something that day, and I let you get cut off. I think you had more to say."

Oh… oh no. He was seriously bringing this up? Now? They had been doing so well before this. They weren't the same, their partnership was a bit more…strained, but they were okay. Unconditionally careful, but more at ease with every passing day.

"What's the point of discussing this?" she questioned tiredly, finally turning her face to look at him and wishing she hadn't.

There was longing embedded deep in the cerulean of his eyes, and she recognized it immediately. He was usually better at hiding it.

"Because I'm tired of having this like a sore spot between us, Beckett. Obviously, I'm more than grateful that you allowed me to come back to work with you at all, but you know we're different now, and that's okay, but this is the first time I've had a decent moment alone with you since I came back."

"And that's my fault?" she spat, suddenly feeling it all flare up again. "You're the one who left, you're the one who said he would call and never did, you-"

"See, you're still angry with me," he countered hotly and there was a smug undertone to his observation that made her blood boil.

Stupid, arrogant man.

"You don't know me, Castle." she snapped harshly. "You think you have me figured out because of your books and Nikki Heat, but you don't know me at all."

That seemed to cause a piece of his well-controlled temper to slip and his eyes widened incredulously before he had to purse his lips and rub his hand over his mouth.

"Bullshit," he muttered, shaking his head as if he was disappointed in her. "You just can't admit I hurt you because that would mean admitting you care enough to be hurt."

She opened her mouth to protest, but he held up a hand.

"Just forget it. I'm sorry I said anything."

Castle sighed and began to angle his body away from her, seeming to decide that there was nothing more to discuss, and something painful tripped up her racing heart.

He wasn't right about her, was he? She did care, about him.

Kate scraped a frustrated hand through her hair. She cared about him and it terrified her, it always had, but she was so tired of wanting something she'd spent so long insisting to herself she couldn't have. Enough.

She reached for the collar of his shirt and used the pull of fabric to tug him into her, nearly toppling his entire body sideways as she framed his face with her fingers and claimed his mouth.