HEy my little readers,

One of my readers ask me to do a story that Bella pass away and PAul had to take care of a child. SO I hope she and rest like it too.

I woke up, thinking it was already morning but it was still dark outside.

I ran my hands over my face in attempt to wake me up. I looked at the clock at my bedside table. It was ten past four. I lay on my back, trying to get up. I closed my eyes, knowing that in any minute, he'll wake up.

Soon enough, I heard him wail so I lazily stood up looking at the emptiness of my bed. It wasn't the same without her. Groaning, I made my way to his bedroom. I looked at the crib, where my son was there crying. I walked over to him and picked him up as he continued to cry loudly.

"Hey, little man, need food again?" I asked, carrying him out of the room. He was so small, abnormally small. He weighed around ten pounds. I expected him to be a little bigger because Bella looked like she was about to pop when she reached the six month mark.

I made my way into the kitchen and he was still crying. I kissed his forehead and sighed. "Owen, calm down, I'll make it as fast as I can."

Using only one hand, I grabbed a clean baby bottle and a jar of baby formula. I put some in the bottle, filled it up with water and stuck it in the microwave for a couple dozen seconds before pulling it back out and testing its heat on my forearm. I put the bottle into his mouth and he started sucking on it right away. For only being two weeks old, this kid has a huge appetite.

After Owen finished his bottle, I took him into the bathroom to change his diaper and then I brought him back to his crib. I stood over his crib, waiting for him to fall asleep.

Everyone said that Owen looked like me, but I still see a lot of Bella in him. He's got her big brown eyes and I can tell he'll have her wavy hair.

When he fell asleep, I went back to my room. I sat on the bed and stared at the pictures that hung all over the walls. Most of them were of her and I. A picture of our first date together brought back memories. It was dark out when I had brought her out on that first date. We sat together outside, staring at the stars and the moon. I remembered how she got cold and moved closer to me to stay warm.

Just thinking about her makes me want to throw everything away, but I have Owen now and keeping him in mind just makes me realize how hard it is to live without her. She was always pushing me to be a better man. Now she's gone.

When I woke up, I heard someone in my house talking to Owen in a baby voice. I dragged myself to his room and Saw Sue in the rocking chair, holding Owen in her arms.

"You beautiful baby boy," She cooed. "you look just like your dad."

"No." I disagreed and she looked up at me, a little startled. "He looks like his mother."

I walked into the room. I hated being in this room during the daylight. I could see every little detail that Bella put into the room. Everything in this house draws memories I have with her. It's like living in a nightmare.

Sue looked at me wander around the room. "Paul, how are you?" She asked. By now, everyone knew how I felt. It's no secret.

I crossed my arms. "Is he fed and changed?" I asked, standing awkwardly in the room. Owen's eyes were droopy, and I could tell he was about to fall asleep again.

She gazed down at Owen and grinned softly. "Yes, excuse me for intruding. Seth heard him crying and he sensed you were still sleeping. Bel-"

Before Sue could finish saying the name, I cut her off. "It's fine, thanks, this won't happen again."

She stood up and walked over to the crib, gently laying Owen on his back. She tucked him in before turning back to me, sadness evident in her dark eyes.

"Paul, you don't have to do this all by yourself. You have your brothers, me and Charlie. We're here for the both of you." She reminded me.

I looked away from her, twisting my mouth. "I'm fine, I can handle this. I've been doing this since he was born. This was the first time I messed up, and it won't happen again." I said, sternly.

She looked at me sympathetically and touched my shoulder. "Paul, you need to take a break. Charlie and I could bring him-"

"No!" I hissed at her. There is no way I'm letting the only important thing in my life stay away from me. He's the only thing that connects me to Bella. Instantly, I felt a burning sensation in the center of my core. Anger. "Sue, I think you need to leave. Thanks again."

She nodded and hurried out of the room. When I heard the front door shout, I felt my legs buckle and I dropped down to the floor. As I fell to the ground, tears poured from my eyes. I haven't cried since Owen came home without her. The night started out so well...and I had no idea it was heading for disaster.

Flashback -

I was laying in bed, waiting for her to join me when she walked in, holding her stomach. Her legs were wet and was dripping with water.

"Paul, it's time. Owen's coming." She smiled widely, masking the pain of her contractions.

We arrived at the hospital in no time. We checked in and the nurse escorted us into an empty hospital room. It had a double bed propped up against the wall and everything was bleached white. The nurse handed me blue scrubs and had instructed me to go change into them. When I got out, the doctor was already next to her, ordering her to push.

I hurried next to her, grasping her hand and she held tightly onto mine. She looked into my eyes, happiness as well as pain showed.

"I'm guessing you're the father?" The doctor asked, and I nodded.

Bella groaned. "I really hope you don't want another one, because I won't be able to do this again!" With that, she let out a blood-curdling scream.

After what felt like hours, I heard Owen cry. I looked at him as the doctor handed him to the nurse to see if he was all right. Smiling, I gazed back at Bella. She was looking back at me, but she didn't look right. My smile faded. She was extremely pale and her eyes were glassy. Then I listened for a heartbeat, but I couldn't hear anything. I stared up at the heart monitor and before I could say anything, the nurses were rushing me out of the room.

"Bella?" I called out, my heart racing.

I felt dizzy and lost. Was this just a dream? But the pain I felt couldn't be felt in a dream. The more I felt that the pain was real, the more I realized that Bella's gone and never coming back. I didn't even get to say goodbye to her.

End of flashback -

I was jump to life when I heard someone enter the house and I hurried down to the living room to see who it was. When I made it to the living room, I saw Sam and Jared.

"What do you want?" I asked abruptly.

Jared took a step closer. "Man, you look like shit."

I stared at him a while longer. Was the whole purpose of him visiting to make fun of me?

"You seriously need to get out of the house. Locking yourself up with Owen isn't healthy." Jared continued.

Sam cleared his throat, noticing that I felt uneasy. "Paul, Sue told us what happened this morning. You either do this the easy way, or I'll go all Alpha on you."

"Like hell you won't." I threatened, preparing myself to lunge at him but he stopped me, holding me in a headlock. I tried to fight back, but without eating anything for a while and the sleep deprivation, I was really weak.

Sam glared at Jared. "Go and get Owen and his things. Immediately."

I tried to protest but Jared was already racing towards Owen's bedroom.

"Paul, I'm sorry for doing this," He took in a deep breath. "I order you to get some sleep, shower and eat. Until then, we'll take care of Owen. We'll be back tomorrow afternoon." Sam demanded in his Alpha tone.

I wanted to fight against the order, but my inner wolf whimpered. It was no use to fight. I saw Jared walking out of the hallway with a diaper bag and Owen in one arm.

"Sorry, man. You really need to get a hold of yourself. If not for Owen or us, then do it for Bella. You know she wouldn't want you to be living like this and keeping Owen from everyone." Jared interjected.

I glared at Jared. "How would you know what she would want?" I spat through my clenched teeth.

Sam stood me upright, but he still had the upper hand. "You have to know that we are not doing this to hurt you. What ever happened to the Paul who was so confident and didn't put up with anyone's shit? He'd go out of his way to prove himself."

I looked away. "That Paul died when she did."

Sam let go of me, shaking his head. I was left in the living room. Jared carried Owen out of the house. I laid on the floor, refusing to move.

After an hour of laying on the floor, I finally stood up. My inner wolf was making me move, telling me that I cannot deny an Alpha's order.

I forced myself to walk to the bathroom and turn on the shower. When the water was at a decent temperature, I stepped inside. I let the lukewarm water hit my body and it felt good. I grabbed the body wash. It wasn't my body wash, it was Bella's. I washed myself with it, remembering her scent, but it wasn't the same. It smelt sweeter on her than it did on me.

After I finished showering, I put on a pair of shorts and then jumped into bed. I laid down on my side of the bed. I took Bella's pillow. It still smells like her, but that scent won't last forever. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, wishing that she was still here.

When I woke up, it was dark out. I didn't glance at the clock. I sat up and waited to hear Owen's cry, only to remember that they took him. I don't know why they did that to me, I was taking good care of him.

I dragged myself into the kitchen to find something to eat. I went to the freezer and pulled out a couple of steaks. I put them in a pan and started to cook them. When they were done, I sat at the table. I noticed that mail was laid out neatly on the table. I guess Sue put them there for me. I scanned through them. Most of them were bills that I had to pay for soon but all the bills and bank information was stored on Bella's laptop.

After I finished eating, I made my way into her office. I remember building it for her. Her face lit up like a little kid on Christmas.

I walked in and stood there. This room represented who she was. All her books, pictures and items were everywhere. I walked to her desk and took a seat. I opened the laptop and was presented with a picture of her and I, her hands rested upon her enormous stomach. We were both smiling and I remember when that photo was taken. We were talking about our plans for Owen. I guess I'll be doing that on my own now.

The account wasn't password protected, so it allowed me to see the files. I searched for one that could possibly hold our bank information, but I noticed a file named Me, myself and I. I clicked on it, but it didn't do anything. A little screen popped up, asking for a password. Why in the hell would she have a password for a file on her computer? She's usually an open person.

I sat back in the chair and looked up. There was a picture of her and Jacob working on that damn truck. Then it hit me - maybe the password would be one of her dearest memories, something that was precious to Bella but nobody would have ever guessed what it could be.

I typed in the word: Rabbit.

To my luck, the password worked. There were hundreds of little documents saved in that folder, there had to be hundreds of entries. There was some dated back to when we were teenagers. I looked through them and I saw one dated on the day we met. I clicked on it.

It popped up and there was a thumbnail of her sitting in front of her computer. I clicked on the video file and let it play.

"Hey diary," Bella said. Bella had video diaries? I never knew about this. "this has got to be one of the oddest days ever. Well, you know how Jake stopped talking to me, right? Well, I got sick of that so I went to his house." She looked around and bit her lip. "Well, when I got there I found him passed out on his bed. Billy found me when I was out of the house, I saw Sam and his little followers." She looked angry. "I went up to them and started cursing. One of them was named Paul. Oh my god, he has got to be the king of assholes." I smiled as I listened to her bitch about me being an asshole towards her. "Well, when I smacked him, he started to shake and people yelled. The next thing I knew, I was on the ground with a big wolf standing in front of me." I watched her gestures as she continued on talking. She went on and on about how Jacob should have told her. When the video was nearing the end, she looked at the computer and smiled. "I guess my world has turned into an odd one. I thought having a vampire boyfriend was odd, well having a best friend who's a big dog is weirder. I guess that's all I gotta say for now. I'll talk to you tomorrow, or whenever I get back on."

I stared at the computer when the video ended. I never knew she kept all these videos. It made sense, as she was always in here before she went to bed. She had to upload them from her old computer to this one. There were so many of them. For some reason, knowing that she made all these videos, it made me feel a little better. Somehow, it felt like she was still here. I proceeded to go through them until I saw one entry from before my birthday. We had been dating for a year and a few months at that point.

She was in her room at her dad's house.

"So, um, it's Paul's birthday tomorrow. I think I'm going to give him the big gift, if you know what I mean." She smirked. "It's been over a year, and he's been good with taking things slow." If I remember correctly, 'taking it slow' consisted of me because best friends with my hand. "So, I think it's time but I don't know how to do it." Then a loud sound came from behind Bella, and I noticed it was Leah's voice. "Swan, I have the best idea on how you could get Paul all hot and..." Leah entered the frame.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Leah asked, leaning over Bella's shoulder to look at the computer screen.

"Um, this video diary..." Bella admitted. Leah looked from the computer, to Bella, then back to the computer.

"Swan, are you fucking ten? You know what, never mind. Let me get you something." Leah left and came back with a black doll dress. Bella stared at her in fear.

I laughed at Bella's reaction. She actually wore that dress that night, with a big bow on her head.

That was actually the first night I made love to her. I never told her I loved her, I think I just wanted to get some. God, I wished I told her I loved her more often. I don't think I told her enough. There was a lot I wish I could do, or redo with her, but there's no chance of redoing anything now.

I kept watching videos until the sun came up. Some were hilarious; some were of her bitching about me, the pack and school. There were videos of her crying, too. Then there was a video dated back to when she found out she was pregnant with Owen. I clicked on it.

She was on our bed, smiling at the computer. "So, I took ten tests in a row and it turns out...I'm pregnant!" Bella smiled gleefully. "I know I'm only twenty three, and it's only been a year since Paul and I got married, but I feel like this is the best timing in the world." Bella wrapped her arms around her waist. "I know Paul will be a great father. I know he puts this big act on like he doesn't care about much, but he does. He's so caring and loving. I'm so lucky to have him." She stared at belly. "And you, little one, you're going to be so lucky to have him as a dad."

I felt tears streaming down my face. I knew she loved me, but god I didn't know she thought this of me. I missed her so much.

I stared at the clock on the wall. It was around nine in the morning when I decided to go to my room and get dressed. I got on my car and stopped somewhere to get flowers. When I got them, I went to the cemetery, where she was buried. I put the flowers down next to her tombstone.

"Hey Bells," I whispered. "I know I missed the day they put you down, but if you were watching us...you would know I haven't left the house since. You know, I'm a mess without you." I ran a hand through my hair. "I'm sorry, I know I should be stronger. I saw your videos. I know that I was your rock, but I want to let you know that you were mine. You always kicked my ass when I needed you to." I stared at her name engraved on the stone. "I'm here to say that I'm going to be stronger for Owen as well as everyone else, but it's going to take time. I'm going to have good and bad days. But know that I'm going to change." I stared up at the sky, hoping she could hear me.

After I left, I pulled up in front of Sam's place. I saw Sam, Jake and Jared standing outside.

"Paul, why are you here?" Sam asked, stepping off his porch.

"If you're looking for Owen, he's not here." Jake crossed his arms.

I rubbed the back of my neck. "No, I'm not here for Owen. You guys were right."

They stared at each other in shock.

"I do need you guys, you know." I told them.

Jared came up to me and pulled me into a hug. I hugged him back and started crying like Owen before his afternoon feeding. After I stopped crying, they let me inside Sam's place. We sat there, talking about everything that I needed to do to get help. They told me I needed to get back to work and start taking Owen out. Then, for the first time since Bella died, I could talk about her without sadness. We started to talk about how she always tripped over thin air and complain about the pack, just reliving memories.

Later that night, Charlie and Sue came back with Owen. I walked to Charlie without saying anything and pulled me into a hug. He loved Bella so much. I knew that one thing we had in common was the Owen was the last connection we had to Bella. When we let go, Sue handed Owen back to me. He was asleep, sucking on his thumb. I know I need to be strong for him, but I can't do that on my own and I'm thankful that I have a family who loved the both of us. I will show Owen how great of a person Bella was, someday.

It's been ten years since I lost Bella, but ten years since I had my little man. He turned ten today and I have a gift I think he will love.

I brought him into Bella's office, which is now my office, but I didn't do much to it. I opened Bella's old laptop, which reminds me, I need to get a newer one. I looked through the folders and brought up the video that Bella had made. She had made videos for his tenth, sixteenth, eighteenth and twenty-first birthday.

When I had the video opened up, Owen's face lit up just like Bella's would.

"Daddy! It's mom!" He smiled, tapping on the computer screen. I smiled and pressed play.

Bella was seated in her office. "Hey, my little boy! If you're watching this, you're ten!" She squealed. "Ugh, you must be so sick of seeing my face all the time, but I don't care, I made this video for you!" She ran her hand over her bloated belly. "This is you in my belly, but back to your tenth birthday...I hope you're having a good day. Owen, don't eat too much cake or ice cream and if daddy and his friends eat it all, hit them for me." She smiled and winked. "I hope you get everything you wanted. I love you, my little boy."

Owen looked up at me when the video finished.

"Daddy? Why did mommy have to go away?" He asked, frowning.

"Well, Owen, I guess it was her time to go. But if she could, she would be here with you right now." I said, kissing his forehead.

"Daddy...do you miss mom?" He queried, cocking his head to the side.

He looked just like her when he did that. He was all Bella used to talk about when she slept-talked.

"Yes, I miss her every day." I told him. He smiled at me, missing some teeth. He jumped off my lap and ran to open the door, which I realize that someone was knocking on. I sat there for a while, looking at the video that just played.

It might have only been ten years, but it was a tough ten years. It's getting better and better with every passing day. After I went to talk to someone about my loss, I found myself watching her videos more often, especially when I was having a bad day.

I looked out the window, where I saw some of the pack members goofing off and laughing. I saw Owen running around with a grin on his face.

I was glad that I made sure to let him know who is mother was. Charlie was happy about that, too. Charlie took him every Sunday to spend quality time with him. I know that would have made Bella really happy.

I still haven't found anyone, but I have been on a couple of dates. Dating isn't important to me. I'm happy just being with Owen. Maybe one day, I'll find someone to call my wife again. But that won't be for a while.

As I stared out of the window, staring at all my friends, family and my son, I looked back at the laptop I grinned at her face.

"I love you, Bella," I whispered. "I always will."

I hope you like it. If so show me some love.

Beta'd by: Moriarty's Diary