A/N: This fic is a Secret Santa gift for RodneyisGodney.

Enjoy, my friend!

Stargate Atlantis

No Fear

Crouched in the bottom of a culvert with his wife, Rodney McKay thought, how could Atlantis have screwed up again? Where are the well-armed Neanderthals who preferred to shoot first and ask questions later? What made them think "Sheppard, Ronon and Teyla have been captured" meant "I've fallen and I can't get up"?

Not that he wasn't happy to see Jennifer, but she wasn't his first choice to help mount a rescue operation. He had managed to pull their asses out of the fire with less and he would again.

Motioning for her to follow, the couple left the relative safety of the culvert and headed for the village.

~~O~~

"Tell me again how you ended up alone?" Jennifer Keller cradled a P-90 in both arms like a baby, the way she'd seen Sheppard, Teyla, Rodney and all the military staff doing. It made her feel empowered, like she could do anything.

Rodney huffed as he paced back and forth, his eyes on the forest, expecting trouble. "It was a long walk to the village, and I had to, uh…and as you know, I have a shy bladder, so I went down the hill and behind some bushes. I was just zipping up when I heard weapons fire. By the time I got to the top of the hill, they were gone."

"And you thought I could help how? I'm a doctor, not a soldier."

"Oh, thanks for the McCoy quote, Jennifer. As if this isn't difficult enough."

Immediately sorry, Jennifer gave Rodney's hand a squeeze. "Let's go back to the Stargate and call for reinforcements."

"Yeah. That's not gonna happen. After you came through, the villagers put guards on the 'gate."

"So?"

Again he huffed at her in annoyance. She knew he was scared and so didn't call him on it. "Their weapons may be primitive, but I assure you they are quite deadly. Our people wouldn't stand a chance. They'd all be shot the second they stepped through, and we have no way of warning them."

"Then it's up to us." Sitting on a boulder, Jennifer took out a bottle of water and a bubble pack, handing both to Rodney. "Here. Take your allergy meds then we'll get to work on a plan."

The physicist took the pill, swallowing it with a sip of water. "The first thing we should do is…"

"Find out where they're being kept?"

"Yeah. Come on."

Rodney made her very proud by showing no fear. He led the way and Jennifer fell in behind him. When they got close and they could hear the sounds of the villagers going about their daily business, he took out his LSD, using it to pinpoint the location of their friends. She crouched behind him looking over his shoulder. He pointed to three red blips. Beside each one was a numerical designation for the sub-q transmitters every member of the Atlantis expedition had implanted. Teyla was next to Sheppard with Ronon across from them.

Leaning close, Rodney whispered, "They're on the far side of the village. And it looks like they're well-guarded." He tapped a few commands into the LSD and a moment later, a map of the area was displayed with buildings and people.

"So what's your brilliant plan for their rescue, Rodney?"

A smirk appeared as Rodney raised a finger in his patented "ah-ha!" pose. It faded just as quickly when he said, "I got nothin'."

~~O~~

When Rodney realized that he'd been left alone on a hostile planet, the only member of his team who hadn't been captured, his first instinct was to return to Atlantis and let Lorne look for them. But he'd heard some of the scientists talking, saying that he was useless in a combat situation, so he opted for Plan B: Call for back up. Lead them to victory.

Atlantis, whether deliberately or in a twist of cosmic bad luck, had misconstrued the request for backup as a request for medical help. Instead of a squad or two of well-armed Neanderthals led by Lorne, they'd sent his wife. Just his wife. No one else. Not long after Jennifer came through the 'gate, the villagers set up several primitive yet very effective projectile weapons that would decimate anyone coming to their rescue.

Facing away from him to watch their backs, Jennifer asked, "What about C-4?"

"What about it?"

Jennifer smiled indulgently. She always did that when she was trying not to slap him stupid. "Do you have any and do you know how to use it?"

Patting his pockets, Rodney found one brick. Brandishing it, he said, "Yes and yes."

"There you go. A plan. Or part of one."

His expression turned awkward. "Sheppard and Lorne like to supervise when I handle explosives."

"Rodney!"

He shrugged. "You blow up one solar system and they never let you forget it. Sheppard may not be here, but I do have my superior brain and it has an idea." Gesturing for Jennifer to follow and stay low, he led the way through the forest to the building he'd decided was the village arsenal.

Jennifer smiled, quietly murmuring, "My hero."

"Yeah, well, let's see if my plan works…which it probably won't." Taking a fortifying breath, he headed for the armory with his wife close behind.

~~O~~

The jail was like most of the ones Sheppard had been imprisoned in since being posted to Atlantis. Made of thick stone and metal bars, the beds were uncomfortable and there were no real facilities. Just a hole in the floor and nowhere to wash their hands. Pacing to the window, he looked out, but like the twenty other times he'd done it, he saw nothing that would help get them out of this mess. Their only hope, God help them, was Rodney.

From the next cell, Teyla, ever the optimist, said, "I'm certain Rodney has already called Atlantis for assistance, John. It might be best if you conserve your energy for when rescue comes."

Going back to the cell's door, John leaned on it, his face peering between two bars. Teyla was right. "I'm not liking the probable outcome of this mission, especially with McKay out there alone."

Ronon's deep voice rumbled in the confined space. "Death?"

Snorting, Sheppard returned to his bed. "Worse. He might try to rescue us himself."

"And why would that be bad?" Teyla asked. "Rodney has shown himself to be quite resourceful when the situation requires it."

"Only if I'm there to inspire him."

"Inspire?"

The sound of Ronon pacing like a caged tiger annoyed Sheppard, but he ignored it for now. "Yes, by presenting a scenario where, because of his massive ego…"

Teyla leapt to Rodney's defense, "Which is justly deserved."

The military officer ignored her interjection, "…Rodney must succeed or admit that he doesn't know everything. And we all know that's not gonna happen."

"He does work well under pressure," the Athosian pointed out.

"Exactly."

Ronon grabbed the bars of his prison and again attempted to wrestle them free without success. "Then where is he?"

"Right here, Conan." Rodney's face appeared in Sheppard's barred window, looking at his friends with a smirk. Sheppard wore nothing but boxers and a T-shirt. Teyla even less. Panties and her midriff top that laced up the back. Ronon wore only a strip of leather that barely covered his lower half. Eyes glinting with humor, Rodney gave them a second once-over, pointing at Ronon and Teyla, "Oh, look, Jennifer. Tarzan, Jane…" he pointed at Sheppard, "…and Cheetah."

The Satedan's eyebrows met over his nose. "Who?"

Rodney started to explain then waved it away. "Ready to get out of there?"

Suppressing a growl, Sheppard leveled a glare at the scientist. "No, Rodney. We'd like to stay for dinner. We're having lukewarm gruel and I don't wanna miss it." He tried reaching through the bars, but couldn't quite stretch far enough to slap Rodney on the back of the head. "Yes, we want out! And before they decide the best way to fold, spindle and mutilate our bodies."

"Ah, yes. Sarcasm. How quaint." Rodney swept his gaze over their surroundings, eventually turning back to Sheppard. "We have a plan. You'll be out of there soon."

"Now you're talking! So who's here? Lorne? Teldy? Wolfe?"

Again, Rodney seemed uneasy. "No, no and, uh, who?"

Confused, Sheppard thought for a moment. "Everyone else is offworld, on leave or in the Infirmary."

Another face appeared beside the physicist. This one was attractive and smiling. "Hi, John."

"Hey, doc."

Jennifer gave him a sheepish grin. "It's just us. I know it doesn't seem like much…"

"Damn right it doesn't! What the hell are you thinking, McKay? Go contact Atlantis. Now!"

Huffing, Rodney scowled, Sheppard seeing that his friend was getting angry with him. "I was thinking that we'd save the day and that would be that."

Jennifer had been smiling, obviously stoked to be included in such a daring rescue, but Sheppard's irritation changed it to hurt, like a child chastised when they expected praise. "No offense, doc, but you and your husband aren't the first names to come to mind when I think 'jail break'."

The hurt morphed into anger. "Well, we're all you got, Colonel. So deal with it!" Turning to Rodney, she said, "Let's go, McKay. Give 'em the stuff so we can get this over with. Daylight's burning."

Jennifer slipped into the underbrush, Sheppard losing sight of her slender form almost immediately, inwardly wincing because she'd made his rank sound like an insult. "She's not kidding. Our plan requires the cover of darkness for it to succeed." Rodney passed three white-ish gray globs though the bars along with detonators and the mini timers he'd built. "When you hear the signal, blow the locks and run for the hills. And relax, Sheppard. This is gonna work."

~~O~~

I hope, Rodney thought as he slunk through the underbrush on his way back to the rendezvous point. Jennifer was waiting, still a little miffed at Sheppard. He stopped in his tracks when he heard the unmistakable sound of a round being chambered. "Jennifer? It's me."

"Thank goodness. I thought I was being followed."

Stepping out into the open, his expression deadpan, Rodney lay his P90 aside and sat down next to her. "You were being followed. By me."

She huffed at him. "By someone else, silly. When is sundown?"

"Another two hours, give or take. We'll put the plan into action when it's full dark." Giving his wife a smile, he said, "No fear?"

Jennifer returned the smile. "No fear."

~~O~~

Doing a quick mental calculation, Jennifer realized it had been a while since Rodney had eaten. Taking out a bottle of water and a power bar, she put both in his hands, watching with amusement as he ate without even seeming to realize he was doing it. She opened the remaining power bar for herself, savoring each bite in case they were here longer than estimated.

A sound off to their left had all her senses on alert. "Rodney?" she whispered.

He was already shoving the half-eaten snack into one of his pockets while reaching for his P-90. With a few hand signals that took Jennifer a second to interpret, he gave her instructions. She eased the safety off her weapon when she saw Rodney do it, holding tight to the stock and handgrip. Fear welled up inside her, but she pushed it down. I went up against the Bola Kai and fought a Wraith hand-to-hand. This should be easy.

Rodney shoved her med kit into a clump of bushes then pointed, and together they crept through the darkening forest until he motioned for her to stop. In the quiet, she could hear his breathing increase. The small amount of light left allowed her to see sweat on his face and neck though he seemed composed. She was another matter entirely. The smell of nervous sweat wafted across her nose with the breeze.

Nudging her with his elbow, Rodney used his chin to indicate where they would go next. They took a circuitous route to the side of the village away from the jail. When they were within sight of the armory, he called a halt and they hunkered down to wait.

~~O~~

The alarm on Rodney's watch chirped just once. He tapped Jennifer on the shoulder and nodded. According to the plan, she faced away to watch their backs again while he readied a shaped charge and timer much larger than the ones he'd given his team. This planet's level of fighting technology was on a par with early handheld projectile weapons and he was about to deprive the residents of same. The building that he and Jennifer were hiding behind housed their store of gunpowder, cannon balls and so forth.

Recipe to create chaos: One brick of C-4, add in a detonator and a timer, push the button and wait for the fireworks.

Passing his P-90 to Jennifer so he had freedom of movement, Rodney inched his way around the side and up to the corner. A guard was sitting in a chair next to the door, chin on his chest and snoring. Beside him lay an empty mug that smelled suspiciously of alcohol.

Shouldn't be drinking on the job, pal.

Rodney carefully removed the man's short sword and crude handgun, tucking them under his arm just in case. Letting himself into the armory, he turned on his flashlight to locate the best place for his surprise. The stench of the gunpowder tickled his nose making him want to sneeze. He held his breath until the sensation went away.

On a table to the left he found his team's weapons, but not their clothes. He shucked his backpack, shoved the weapons inside and zipped it up. It wouldn't close all the way so he just put it back on as he checked out the rest of the room.

There in the middle sat several barrels of the black powder. Setting the timer for two minutes, he pushed the C-4 down out of sight then quickly retraced his steps around the end of the building. With a nod, he let Jennifer know the mission had been accomplished. Making a 9-0 with his hands, he let her know they had ninety seconds to get as far away as possible. When the clock reached forty-five seconds, they gave up on being quiet and just took off running. At five seconds, Rodney shouted, "Down!"

He covered Jennifer with his body, ducking his head and wincing in anticipation of the blast. The first huge explosion was followed in short order by three smaller ones. Rodney lifted his head and got to his feet, reaching down to help his wife up next to him. "Go! The Stargate."

He waited for Jennifer to pass him then followed. When they got within sight of the Stargate, they crouched behind a clump of thick bushes and were joined a few minutes later by Sheppard, Teyla and Ronon still in their underclothes. Rather than teasing his friends again, Rodney handed over his backpack. They silently reclaimed their weapons, and at Sheppard's nod, Teyla and Ronon moved off in opposite directions.

Pointing at Rodney and Jennifer, the Colonel said, "Stay!" then disappeared into the darkness.

Annoyed that they'd been relegated to the B team after their successful rescuing of the others, Rodney heard them moving stealthily through the undergrowth then Sheppard's voice ordering the villagers to leave. The village guards did as they were told with haste when Ronon fired his blaster in their direction.

When they were alone again, Sheppard shouted, "Clear!"

Jennifer headed out with Rodney behind her, emerging into the glow from the moon. Rodney waited, but no one said anything as Teyla dialed the DHD. The wormhole whooshed out of the center then she sent her authorization code.

Giving a count of ten for the shield to be deactivated, Sheppard waited until Jennifer and Rodney reached his side before saying, "Good job, you two. You should be proud of yourselves."

Sharing a grin, the couple said in unison, "We are!" and made their way through the event horizon followed by their team leader. The 'gate shut down, leaving the forest in silence once again.

~~O~~

The arrival of SGA-1 and Jennifer engendered some snickering, chuckling and outright laughter at seeing Sheppard, Ronon and Teyla return from a mission in their underclothes. A few brave souls even made comments about Ronon's loin cloth, which he elected to ignore.

Watching from the catwalk, even Woolsey couldn't help making a comment. "Welcome back, Colonel. I see your team is ready for No Pants Monday."

With his usual deadpan expression, Sheppard spread his hands out to the side. "I lead by example, Woolsey."

One eyebrow climbed up Woolsey's forehead. "I look forward to hearing and reading your reports, Colonel. 1600 in the conference room. Clothing is not optional."

The leader of Atlantis returned to his office finally letting a smile show. Life in Pegasus was never dull, that's for sure. And Richard Woolsey wouldn't have it any other way.

The End