Aaaaaaand still stuck on my main story. I'm actually getting into this one a lot. So, here is another chapter for you guys. This is not normally something I would write. I usually need humor in my writing but alas there is none here to be found! Oh woe is me! I'm sorry if it gets bad, let's see if I can keep this up and write serious stuff. R&R please! Also I only got one vote on the focus point of this chapter and so you Style1234 get much kudos! No cookies for the rest of you! I feel like the soup Nazi now. NO SOUP FOR YOU! Lol.

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I took a deep breath as I began to break free of the fog surrounding me. I weakly tossed my head back and forth and flexed my fingers as I licked my dry lips and struggled to open my eyes. I tried to sit up and found that I could not. I finally pried my eyes open and found myself tied to a bed in our medical room which was right next to Don's lab. A brief moment of panic seized me at being restrained and I took another deep breath.

Trapped. My mind screamed.

"You're awake." Donnie's voice made me jump and I turned my confusion to him.

"What happened?" I asked.

"What's the last thing you remember?" He asked me as he pulled up a chair next to the bed.

"Not in the mood for games Don." I growled.

"So, that would be nothing of the incident. That's fairly common. It'll come back to you shortly. You had a very violent flashback Raph." Don told me using his doctor voice that not even Splinter argued with and I stared disbelievingly at him for a while. "Mikey confronted you about everything that's gone on the past couple of days. It apparently started when he leaned over you with both arms on either side of you."

Trapped.

"We need to know what that was about." He said gently and my stomach did flips.

"Let me go." I said numbly after breaking eye contact.

"Raph I want you to listen to me very closely." He said and I felt like I was going to vomit. "I don't want to let you go until you tell me or Splinter what happened. You are not trapped, you are not in danger. I want to keep you there while you talk in case you slide back in."

"I'm fine." I deadpanned.

"No you aren't."

"Yes, I am."

"Raph, look at your arms." He growled and I stared forward. "Now." His voice demanded no arguments and I looked.

I blinked, once, twice but the scene didn't change. There were long, deep gashes along my arms. None were deep enough for stitches but it was still a startling sight.

"Your face is the same way." I looked at him wide eyed. "Mikey said you started clawing at your arms and face, what were you trying to get off of you?"

Bugs. Trapped. Wailing. Decay.

"Don't try and tell me you're okay because everyone knows that is not true. It took everything we had to hold you down. You're strong Raph and you almost took out Mikey's eyes."

All I could do was lay there and stare wide eyed at the ceiling as memories of what happened last night came flooding back in a mangled mess of flashback and reality. I remembered seeing that body above me in perfect clarity, but I could also see that it was my brothers now as I looked back. I could see two different versions of it all, what happened in my head and what happened in reality. I remembered the sheer terror I felt at everything and I felt like a fool for letting that happen. I just needed time to push everything back again and I would be fine.

"I just need some time Donnie. I can deal with this."

"You haven't been." He responded. "Raph you don't just numb an open wound. You stitch it, bandage it and disinfect it otherwise it's going to get infected and fester. Please Raph, I am begging you. Tell me what's wrong. You don't have to be so strong all the time." He choked for a moment as tears began to roll down his cheeks and I felt horrible. "We're family Raph. You aren't a burden and you don't have to prove yourself to anyone. Please tell me. I know Mikey was there too when it happened but he doesn't remember. What did you do for him?"

It creeped me out how smart Don really was and just how much he understood me. I knew I was a hot headed pain in the ass and I caused enough trouble in the family already. So many fights and arguments all because of me and I didn't want to add to everyone else's stress levels with my problems. They were my problems and I shouldn't be ferrying them off to somebody else, I should be dealing with them myself.

"Mikey is tearing himself apart out there. He knows he was involved now. Don't you think at least he deserves an explanation? This is his problem too Raph. We're family, we're all we have and we share each other's burdens. So, let us be family Raph and let us help you please."

"It's nothing I can't handle Don. It was a long time ago. It doesn't matter now okay?"

"I can go and get Splinter if that would be easier for you." Donnie suggested and my gut wrenched.

"No!" I shouted in desperation and yanked at my restraints as Don started to get up.

This startled Don and his expression grew confused and his mouth hung open as he stared at me and sat back down. I winced and sighed loudly.

"No, not Splinter okay. I don't know how to tell him I've lying to his face for so long." I whispered.

"Okay." Don responded quietly. "Um…how long ago was it?"

"We were really little. Mikey still had his lisp. About five years old? Yeah, five." I began and paused for a deep breath. "You remember that night I snuck out and dragged Mikey along with me? He got bit by a spider, I did too and we were sick for a while?"

Donnie nodded and a frightened look developed on his face.

"I lied. About everything." I swallowed hard and Don offered me a glass of water with a straw which I gratefully accepted before continuing. "I wasn't sneaking out it was Mikey. I caught him and wanted to go along. We walked around for a bit with the flashlight. I turned my back on him for just a few seconds. I was looking at a toy truck, it was in good condition and I was kinda excited about finding it. It was only a few seconds but…..I heard him scream." I took another deep breath and moved my eyes to the ceiling.

Donnie was quiet and just waited for me to continue.

"I turned back around and there was the flashlight lying on the ground. I picked it up and looked around for Mikey. He had fallen in a hole. He was crying and scared so I tossed the flashlight down to him. I wanted to go get Splinter but he was so scared. He was starting to panic and the moment I mentioned leaving he lost it and started screaming. I jumped down with him and decided that if we couldn't get out together I would wait down there with him until Splinter found us."

I clenched and unclenched my fists repeatedly and strained a little bit against the restraints. I wanted out of here. It would be no use trying to get out and I knew that. I don't care what Donnie had said earlier, I was trapped and I hated it. I had always hated it and it didn't make telling this story easier. I never wanted anyone else to find out. It was my problem and I didn't want Mikey to remember. I didn't want him to feel bad. I felt that if he knew then I'd be able to get mad at him. He didn't deserve my anger over all of this. It was his fault but at the same time it wasn't, if that makes any sense.

No, no it doesn't. Ugh! This whole thing was a huge emotional roller coaster and I wanted off before I hurled!

"Please don't make me tell this story Don." I pleaded. "Just drop it. I can deal with it I promise. I don't want Mikey to know. If he knows I'll be able to get mad at him and he doesn't deserve it even though it's all his fault!"

"What's Mikey's fault?"

"Everything."

"Bugs?"

I nodded and bit my lip. I took a deep breath.

"It is. It's his fault. All of it and he just makes some big joke about it. Like it's funny and it's not. If he remembered…..but I don't want him to remember Donnie."

"But he needs to know."

I sucked in another deep breath and just tried to keep from crying in front of Donnie.

"And you need to get this off your chest Raph." He spoke softly.

I don't know what it was about Donnie's voice that was so soothing, but it had always been like that. So, I continued.

"I was looking around for a way to climb out when he screamed again." I let out a bitter laugh. "I actually got mad at his for a second. How stupid is that? He's scared to death and I'm getting pissed at him for being scared? I'm such a jerk Donnie. At least I know that." I paused for another moment to gather myself again after Don gave me a look that told me he knew I was sidetracking on purpose.

"He hugged me real tight crying about getting bit by a huge spider. I held him and calmed him down but I guess the venom caused hallucinations 'cause he went batshit insane. Screaming about monsters in the dark. I tried to hold him and get him calm, I really did but I couldn't do anything to stop what he was seeing. He freaked and started pounding on the walls. I had previously found a little crawl space under a metal hatch. Thing was pretty secure and it came in handy 'cause all of Mikey's pounding-"

I choked on my own words as the burn of tears came back. This was where things went south and everything turned into a horror movie. I tried to stop myself from crying but I couldn't.

"Bugs just started pouring out of the walls. Thousands of them. Mikey was already so scared so I locked him in the crawl space and laid on top of the lid. There was only enough room for one. They were everywhere. In my mouth, in my eyes, my nose, my shell. Everywhere." I sucked in a deep shaky breath as I began to feel those legs all over me again.

"I got bit all over and I guess I got bit by the same thing that bit Mike 'cause what happened next can't be all real."

"What makes you think it wasn't all real?" Don asked.

"Because corpses don't move and they don't scream."

"What?" Don sounded horrified and I could hear that he was crying now but I didn't look over.

"I guess that's why all the bugs were there. The wall gave way and a mangled, decaying corpse tumbled out. She was mutilated, there were big black beetles crawling out of her eyes and mouth. Her jaw hung by a half severed tendon. She had broken bones, her skin was swollen and green and puffy. I could see her organs, or what was left of them. She was branded all over and her breasts were carved up like a thanksgiving turkey."

"Oh god." Don whispered and I don't think I was supposed to hear that.

"Corpses don't scream but she did. It was a horrible wail that is still the most terrifying noise I have ever heard. She reached for me, clawed for me and bits of her hair fell off in chunks." I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and I struggled to breathe and stop the suffocating feeling arising in my chest.

"I don't know how long I was there. Eventually the bugs crawled back and I carried Mikey home."

"Why did you lie?" Don asked as if he couldn't fathom the answer.

"I didn't want Mikey to get in trouble for instigating everything. He'd been through enough. You should have seen him. He was so scared Donnie." I struggled to speak through the tears. "I've never seen him that scared since. I just wanted to protect him. I guess the spider bite affected his memory. I didn't want to make him remember all that, even if I did at the same time. If that makes any sense."

"I can't believe you held onto this for so long." Don gasped as he reached to undo the restraints.

"It wasn't important." I responded.

"Raph." He caught my eyes and held my gaze. "This is the exact opposite of unimportant."

"It didn't seem that way to me." I shrugged as I sat up. "What good would it do to bring it up?"

"For starters you wouldn't have had a flashback the other day. That seems like a pretty good tradeoff to me. Second, Mikey wouldn't have been tormenting you with bugs all these years. He is going to feel horrible about that."

"Do you have to tell them? Can't this just stay between us?"

"Yes Raph I have to tell them." I glared at my feet and he rested a hand on my shoulder. "I'll see if I can get you something for anxiety okay? Trust me it'll help make this a lot easier."

He turned around and stopped just in front of the door. He turned back to look at me with a sad smile on his face.

"You should never think twice about asking us for help bro, ever. We're more than happy to help you when you need it. Don't you remember when Leo botched a flip and pinched a nerve? He was paralyzed from the neck down for two weeks? No one griped about it and no one's going to gripe about this no matter how hard this gets." With that said he left.

I continued to stare at my feet and wonder if I would ever have the courage to leave this room and go out and face my family after they knew the truth.

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Okay! There you go! Note to self; never EVER FUCKING EVER listen to katy perry's teenage dream while reading/writing this fanfic. It gives everything a weird cracky turtlecest twist and it should be avoided at all costs! Oh god! Help! With that in mind….DO IT!