Note:
I imagine this takes place some time after ~209. What didn't happen is that the police found Kate and Betty. What did happen is that Kate and Ivan are engaged and are going to be married soon. More you'll find out once you read the story ;)

Further Note:
This is not how I necessarily see the show play out or how I think it should have gone. It's not even how I would like it to have gone. It's just one of many possibilities. Originally part of the dialogue was written for a kind of sweet scene that was meant to go without much background, but instead was only supposed to show Betty+Kate finally having come together in peace after walking their own ways, but apparently I can't write fluff and my typing-fingers too easily become possessed by angsty matters ... so, sorry for that! lol This doesn't mean this story is filled with angst, but it has a darker, more ambivalent tone to it than I originally intended. This long blabla also tells you that I'm not 100% satisfied with this, but I rarely am ;D

Anyway, hope you enjoy this and leave me some feedback. 3 or 4 parts lay ahead of us :)

At last:
Thank you to my Beta, who I deeply appreciate!

Creating more Scars - Part 1

Slowing hot breaths meeting nipping eager air - the room was scarcely lit and cold, but under the blanket, with two bodies no less, it was warm. Only that, with the time passing, the second body was seemingly lying further and further away, when just a few minutes ago it had been thriving right beneath her – so close, stifled moans caressing her ear. Now it wasn't and she was getting cold. But then again, when the rush ebbed and the blush subsided, it always felt colder than before.

It had been gentler this time. It didn't feel like the other woman needed to prove something to herself, to desperately explore something for her sanity. And, as a plus, this time she had gotten to touch her, too. Having her be unsure but determined had been exciting and surprising, but having her be open, attentive and patient felt more comfortable for the long run - while still being very exciting. This time it had felt more like something for the long run - and that made Betty think.

It was the second time. Betty still was not sure exactly how it had happened, but here she was, lying in bed with Kate Andrews - again. This couldn't be called a one-off anymore, nor fluctuation. No. This was pretty much real. And if this continued, she would have to send a search party for her sanity, because this was really not the type of gal she wanted to be. Betty didn't want to be the gal someone cheated on with. Ivan was a good man, and she was kind of good - and pretty honest, leaving out the few major things in her life that she simply could not be honest about, too.

But how could she have stopped herself? Teresa was gone and once Kate knew what she wanted, she always was a fire not to be stopped – if she wanted to be a singer, she was going to be a singer, and if she wanted to kiss a girl, then … well. If Betty had said no, Kate might have never spoken to her about this or acted on it again. It was their secret … and it felt like this was going to be their biggest secret yet.

Lying in bed with the cool air caressing her skin, a certain waiting silence surrounding them, Betty was left wondering once more what they were, how to define this, what had gotten Kate into her bed this time and how to handle the situation.

Should she let Kate do this with her? Just waltzing in whenever it pleased her? Betty felt powerless. When they were close, when there was no outside world, everything seemed so clear and unmistakable. Kate always had these pure, emotion-filled eyes which sliced right through her and seemed to mutely lecture her on how she could ever doubt that Kate really wanted her. Every particle of herself told her that this was it when they were alone, but now - when the flood ebbed, would they go back to being friends again? To the smiling and being polite? To the feeling of her throat tightening when Kate smiled … at her fiancée and when she took his hand like nothing was wrong with their world, while just a few nights before, those exact lips, that smiled that innocent, shy smile, had completely robbed Betty's mind by curiously, if not almost wickedly, kissing down her chest?

Betty wouldn't be able to handle it. She barely had been able to handle the newfound silent distance between them after the first time - creating a new castle of boundaries in between the torn walls of their old, worn ones - and making do to live with them. No, she wouldn't be able to handle yet a new set, nor would she be able to handle any more of Gladys' looks that were telling her that she was looking at Kate in all kinds of wrong ways. Gladys' looks that made Betty fear that the mind-reading brunette had an easy access to the deepest parts of her soul and was silently judging her for being hung up on someone who ... who one could debate if she was really good for her.

A frown took over Betty's face – was Kate good for her?

Being left with no explanations about anything, the leftovers of the comforting warmth of Kate's skin slowly vanishing from her own, Betty felt lost. And that was all Kate's doing. A certain frostiness seeped into Betty's veins and grabbed at her thoughts by having Kate be so close and still being so far, making Betty harden and open to walk easy roads, her heart starting to race to a different kind of beat. She wanted Kate to go and never speak of this again. The insides of her chest boiled in rage about the unfairness of having her and not having her at all and she wanted to hate Kate and make Kate leave for doing this with her. Her voice, burnt, stuck in her throat. She wanted to scream, but couldn't. She wanted to throw Kate out of her bed. But most of all she wanted to stop being friends with her.

And in the next second, closing her eyes to the burning hurt, she wanted none of those things anymore. Because Kate was special and made her heart burst, making her feel alive. The things Betty felt for and with Kate were something else, something special. Kate made her feel - and want to feel - all the things she had thought she could never feel. Kate, in some weird, pathetic way made her able to hope – to hope for herself. Kate had turned so many wheels in Betty, that Betty did not even know anymore who she had been before Kate came into her life. And now ... now this … They were lying in bed, naked, where she had always wanted them to be. Just that, nothing was how it was supposed to be.

"I know I'm with Ivan, but ... - at night, when everything is quiet ... - what I think about is you," Kate had confided the first night after she came to Betty in some kind of pondering, weak, but oh-so-strong, true-to-the-heart moment that came rarely to her nowadays. Grey-blue eyes, shimmering in truth, met hers and Betty had been rendered helpless, after a long time having been able to see again – see the shades of the girl that she had fallen in love with.

"Betty, before - ... I have to know. I can't go in and - ... not know," Kate had stated, looking at her most intensively before she had leaned in and kissed her, cautiously at first and then unstoppably fierce, making sure to express that it was no game.

Oh, what Kate could do to her with just a few words ... or none at all ...

Betty saw and understood now, better and worse than before, that Kate was struggling - on so many levels. Betty understood, too, that Kate was anything but safe for her. But she could not judge or blame her. Betty knew that she herself was not doing the right thing – sleeping with an engaged woman. But when Kate started to look at her like the world might stop existing without her, she would probably always just give in and melt away - let herself be burnt to ash by Kate Andrews, because it was the best feeling in the world. Or at least it was for the moments it lasted.

Betty was startled out of her thoughts when Kate rolled away, over onto her side, turning her back to her. It made some kind of alarm ring in the blonde that made her feel even more abandoned and pathetic than before, her heart aching in pain and longing, remembering that there had not been much words or cuddling after the first time around, though she had wanted and needed nothing more after that way-too-promising feeling of high that Kate had given her.

After about the same amount of time as now had passed, Kate had gotten up, thrown her robe on over her wrinkled nightgown, which she had kept on, and paced a few clumsy lines through Betty's room. Betty had watched somewhat confused, somewhat curious, somewhat worried and very much scared. But Kate had come back to where Betty had lain. Tentatively, she had kissed her forehead, had squeezed her arm and whispered a ridiculously quiet "thank you" before she then had left.

Betty had been stunned until eventually understanding. Kate might have been overwhelmed and needed time. They would clear things up later - or so she had told herself. The next day, Betty believed, Kate had just realized it was not her thing, but still was thankful for her letting her clear that up for both of them anyway … and now it was done.

In the end, either of those would have been fine with Betty. She pretty much had come to terms with it turning out to be the latter one. But what she had not expected was Kate not speaking of it ever again, acting as if nothing unusual had happened, and not paying her any attention, before then coming back today – two weeks later - with that look in her eyes that told her that actually she might be the only thing that Kate wanted - and that look, that struggling, but still so clear look, Betty had to remember to be able to understand Kate.

Betty attentively followed Kate's movement onto her side, pondering the situation with a frantic beating heart while marveling at Kate's white porcelain skin. She could lose that now without her ever doing anything to stop it. Swallowing a thick lump of apprehension, she decided she could not let it happen this time. She could not just be here and watch. This time she couldn't let herself be too scared that Kate wouldn't want her and would let her fall, because this appearance of nothingness between them hurt enough already.

Betty took a stealing breath in and braved to reach out, not being able to do otherwise as the need of getting the feeling of a connection back won over the fear of rejection. She had to be strong. She could not let Kate get away with it again, letting her slip out and into her other self, allowing it to count as a weak moment, letting her turn their life into a cruel theater play once more. She was worth more than that - and so was Kate.

Betty held her breath. Cautiously first, her fingers touched Kate's back, and before she knew it, she was tracing uneven patterns of skin, intimately following whitened lines. Betty leaned forward - being quickly overwhelmed by the fact that Kate allowed her to touch her most fragile part, and she pressed her nose and lips to the warm, uneven surface in front of her, experiencing some kind of relief as she was able to do so without being pushed away. She exhaled heavily through her nose, letting her breath run over Kate's back.

She wanted this moment to last forever, she thought, and she closed her eyes with the biggest hope coursing through her that Kate would just understand.

She could be safe.