DISCLAIMER: If you recognize it, I don't own it.

Let's go on the grand tour, he said. It'll be fun, he said. Well, perhaps not fun, but climbing up that vine seemed deceivingly simple when Finch did it. "How the devil are you managing this?" the captain said as he slid down several inches. The moss on the vine was making it slip through his hands, leaving dark green smears on his palms. When he tried to grab further up, he couldn't get his hand to stay still. "Er, a little help would be appreciated…"

Finch looked down, saw what was happening and rolled his eyes. "Just stay there, if you can."

The Pirate Captain wrapped his arms and legs around the vine, curling himself into the closest approximation of a ball, and watched Finch shimmy up the rest of the way. "How exactly is this going to AAAAGGGGHHHH!" He nearly fell off the vine as Finch began to pull it up with him on it. A few harrowing seconds later, he flopped onto the branch in a trembling mess. Slowly unfurling himself, he staggered to his feet. "I suppose that's one way to take care of these things."

"Please tell me you know how to climb branches," Finch said.

"Of course! Just need to get my bearings...how many branches are we talking about, exactly?"

Their path went up and around the side of the tree, towards the top of the trunk. At one point, the captain knocked on the bark and heard a faint echo. "Is this thing hollow?"

"To a point. A rare phenomenon."

The top of the trunk dipped down, forming a crevice, and at the center was a large hole with a rope ladder attached. The captain's gaze followed its descent, down into the cavernous, candlelit interior of the tree. "Well, that's...that's quite a thing."

Finch stepped onto the ladder and began to climb down. "That's just the beginning."

Inside, there was enough room to stand up and several feet more. Lanterns holding candlesticks lined the walls. A hammock was strung up between two poles. A large square table held stacks of scrolls and books, another held baskets of food and a third held many swords and guns. A small box of woodcarving tools had been kicked off into the shadows. The captain saw them and said nothing.

Finch immediately went to the first table. "I've analyzed the abilities of each contestant and arranged them by threat level," he explained as he brushed away the scrolls, picked up one and unrolled it on the table surface. "1 is least credible, 12 is most credible."

"Out of curiosity, where am I?"

Finch didn't even look up. "Removing ourselves from the list leaves ten. You handle the bottom five, and I'll handle the top five. How does that sound, captain?"

"Makes sense, I suppose."

"Correct." Finch handed him a smaller scroll. "I would start with Nancy. She's set up camp half a mile east of here."

"...Oh, joybiscuits."

"Did yeh ever see where that twat scurried off to, Mack?" Ugly Mug Nancy asked, more than a hint of venom in her tone.

Mackerel Moll was pulling off her boots, and several of the bushes around her rustled as the smell of her feet made the surrounding animals flee in terror. "Gone wi'out a trace, that one. Sneaky little blighter."

Moll's back was turned to Nancy, who picked up a branch and started to creep towards her. "Ah, we'll find 'im 'fore long. He'll be the second-easiest."

Moll paused, then began to reach for the knife on her belt. "An' who's the easiest, then?"

"You."

Moll jumped up and whirled around, pulling the knife from its sheath. She was fast, but Nancy was faster. The branch came down upon her head with a crack, and she sank to the ground unconscious. Nancy plucked the bottle from her belt and held it up next to her own, watching them glow in the firelight. "Not too bad, Nan…"

"My thoughts exactly. You missed a part, though. She was the second-easiest - "

"Just grab the bottles!"

"Alright, alright!"

A dark shape with a vine tied around its waist came falling out of the trees. Nan stepped backwards and watched the captain crash to the ground in front of her. "I thought I'd tied that," the captain muttered, rolling over. He blanched as he looked up at Nancy. "Oh, hello. Suppose you'd be against a do-over, I suppose."

Nan answered with a kick to the face and ran off. "I'll take care of her," Finch said as he dropped down from the tree, landing on the captain in the process. "You head back to the base and stay there."

He was gone without another word, and the captain could feel blood trickling from his nose. Sensational.

It took him half an hour to make his way back to the hideout and half an hour more for Finch to return. "I tried to warn you," he said through a nose full of bloody rags. "Do I get a second chance or shall you just toss me out right now?"

"Neither." Finch put the two bottles away, then tossed the captain a satchel. "I've a new plan for you."

Opening the satchel, the captain found a telescope and a rudimentary map of the island. "What am I supposed to do with these?"

"You'll be my scout and my bait."

"I beg your pardon?"

"They're all after you, captain. They think you'll be the quickest to take down. That's why it'll be easy for you to find them, why they'll follow you right into my traps. Do you understand?"

"Yes…"

"So you'll do it."

"I...I need a moment. Or three."

The captain knew he was probably carving out a moat around the tree, but he couldn't bring himself to care. It's too dangerous, he thought as he continued to pace. He's only using you, and he's going to get you killed. What will your lads do after that? He kicked at the dirt and hit a rock by mistake. "Ow!"

"Yeah, you gotta watch out for those."

He froze. "Bellamy?"

"Good to see you, too." He was sitting on one of the lower branches of the tree, smiling down at his rival. "How's the fisherman treating the worm?"

"You heard about that?"

"I hear everything." He dropped next to the captain, making him flinch. "Or I just happened to be passing by."

"I won't do it, Bellamy. I don't trust him."

"And right you are. Guy's gonna drop you like a sack of moldy hardtack, just you wait."

"I'm not going to wait."

"So you're gonna drop him first."

"I'll have nothing to do with him whatsoever!"

"Shame. I like my idea better." He pulled a flask from his coat and took a swig. "I'm assuming he thinks you're stupid. Or stupider, let's put it that way."

"You're not off to a very good start."

"Point is, he's not expecting you to do something he doesn't tell you to. Like, say, leading the other guys away from him so we can take the pieces for ourselves."

The captain raised an eyebrow. "We?"

"No one said you only had to form one alliance."

"So now you want to form an alliance with me?"

Bellamy put a hand on his shoulder. "Look, captain: I know that you didn't sign up for this. You'd rather be off sailing around trying to get yourself killed or whatever it is you do. Well, that makes two of us. You stick with Finch, he's gonna turn on you. You stick with only Finch, you won't have anyone to help you when he does."

"I know."

Bellamy pressed something into his hand. "Then do something about it," he said before vanishing into the forest.

When the captain opened his hand, he found Bellamy's bottle. He's surely got plenty of his own by now. He looked up at the tree, then down at his hand, then slipped the bottle into his beard. You're right, Bellamy. He is going to turn on me, and so will you. Which is why I'll be ready for you both.