"Guys, we have to find a way to deal with Umbitch."

Hermione looked up from her breakfast. "Well Harry, I've been looking through some spells in the library, and I think I might have an idea."

"What is it?" asked Harry excitedly.

Hermione pulled two books out of her bookbag. "So I was looking through this really old edition of "Hogwarts: A History", and I found mentions of a secret summoning ritual that would allow a direct descendant of one of the four founders summon the founders' presence. After all, I really don't think Godric Gryffindor would be happy with the things Umbridge has been doing."

Ron narrowed his eyes. "But Hermione, aren't summoning rituals Dark Magic? Like, "sacrifice and blood" Dark Magic?"

"Yes, but that's the clever part," said Hermione. "You see, I also found this book on powerful illusions, so I was thinking that we could have Harry pretend that he's doing a summoning ritual, then cast an illusion onto him to make him look like Gryffindor."

"That's brilliant, Hermione," said Harry happily. "What should I say for the pretend ritual?"

"Wait, you want to do it right now?" said Hermione. "I mean, these kind of things should be planned, and…"

Ron cut her off. "Hermione, none of us want to deal with Umbitch for any longer than we need to, so what better time to do it than right now?"

Hermione sighed. "Fine, but don't blame me if you get caught." She told Harry a bunch of words that would sound 'dark ritual-y", and prepared to cast the illusion spell.

Draco glared at Potter and his friends from across the room. They looked like they were planning something, and he didn't like it.

Suddenly Harry stood up from the table, and pointed at Umbridge.

"Umbridge!" he said loudly. "I call upon the Spirit of Godric Gryffindor, founder of Hogwarts, to judge you!" Harry began to chant, his voice growing deep but loud.

"Ihth'et cs'aat sst'ohc vhunnn trsh'ctu lss'tyn cfaat'naguc" spoke Harry, wisps of magical power swirling around his feet. "Nthp'tuun szu'uz vsh'nuu sakh'maat rhaa!" The power rose even further, swirling to surround Harry's entire body. "I, THE TRUE DESCENDANT OF THE NAME GRYFFINDOR, CALL UPON THE SPIRIT OF GODRIC GRYFFINDOR TO MANIFEST AND JUDGE THIS WHO I HAVE DEEMED UNWORTHY!" The power swirled into a solid mass, entirely engulfing Harry within it. The energy then burst, revealing the form of Godric Gryffindor, looking exactly like he did in all the paintings.

This pissed Draco off. You see, Draco was one of the few wizards in this school whose parents routinely practiced True Darke Arts, and furthermore, he was one of the few wizards who were descended from one of the Most Ancient Houses, the ones who still had thousand year old records of the old arts. On top of that, Draco was one of the only three people in the entire school who fit both these categories and whose parents had already taught him the words to the ancient Darke Summoning rituals. As a result, Draco knew that this summoning ritual was fake, and was in fact quite insulted that Potter and his friends would tarnish true Darke Arts like this.

In short, Draco knew that Potter was pulling a load of complete bullshit.

Draco considered simply revealing what he knew, but then a plan formed in his mind. Two could play at this game, after all. While Draco hadn't learned the actual Darke Summoning rituals yet, he'd be damned if he couldn't pull of an imitation just as good as Potter's. Draco signaled to one of the other three people who knew that this was fake, one of the Slytherin Seventh years, and shared his plan. This would be glorious.

The whole school watched as Harry Potter chanted, and the whole school watched as Godric Gryffindor emerged from a sphere of pure magical energy. Then, the whole school listened as he spoke.

"I have been summoned!" he spoke, in a voice brimming with authority, confidence, and life. "I have been summoned to lay down judgement upon one who invades this House of Learning. Who is it that I have been summoned to judge?"

The whole school turned, and as a whole pointed at Umbridge, who was sitting terrified at the Head Table.

"Ah," spoke Gryffindor. "I see. You are Dolores Umbridge, holding the position of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. A noble role, and one which I once held myself. It is of utmost importance, after all, that every generation's Witches and Wizards be instructed in Defence against those who wish them harm."

Gryffindor began to walk towards the Head Table. "And yet, I see no such Defence being taught in that class. After all, you cannot teach Defence against yourself."

Umbridge gasped as Gryffindor reached the Head Table, and looked Umbridge directly in the eye. "You are a worthless, no, a more than worthless teacher. You seek only to inflict harm upon these students, purely for your Ministry 'mandates' and 'regulations'. Well I judge you. I judge you to be unworthy to be a teacher, here or anywhere. I judge you to be unworthy to teach, unworthy to lead, even unworthy to live. I JUDGE YOU…"

"HOLD IT!" Gryffindor was cut off by a certain platinum haired student at the Slytherin table. Draco Malfoy stood, glaring right at Gryffindor. "I will not allow you to pass judgement on Umbridge. You are not the only voice of Hogwarts."

Gryffindor laughed a hearty laugh, throwing his head back. "And who are you to stop me? You, a mere Slytherin Fifth year? Who are you to believe that you can stop my judgement?"

Draco smiled. "The true descendant of Slytherin." He pointed a hand at Gryffindor, his voice suddenly hard. "Gryffindor! I call upon the Spirit of Salazar Slytherin, founder of Hogwarts, to judge you!"

He chanted dark words similar to Harry's, his voice strong and deep. Magic power pooled around his feet, swirled, and engulfed him entirely. "I, THE TRUE DESCENDANT OF THE NAME SLYTHERIN, CALL UPON THE SPIRIT OF SALAZAR SLYTHERIN TO MANIFEST AND JUDGE THIS WHO I HAVE DEEMED UNWORTHY!" The magical energy burst, and out of it stepped the terrifying form of Salazar Slytherin.

Harry, from within the illusion of Godric Gryffindor, frowned. This wasn't supposed to happen.

"Slytherin" he said, his voice immediately being transformed into that of Gryffindor.

Malfoy-disguised-as-Slytherin smirked. "Gryffindor, how nice to see you again. What has it been, ten, eleven centuries? It feels like only yesterday that you kicked me out of the castle that I helped build."

Harry winced, as he knew Gryffindor would. "Salazar, you were out of control. You know as well as I do that if we took only students from existing magical families, we would have almost no students."

Slytherin scoffed. "Better a small class of actual wizards than a large class of useless louts. Of course, you always did value quantity over quality. I wonder if your wife agrees? Or your wife? Or your wife? Or your other five wives, not one of them even remotely good looking?"

Harry didn't know if this was true, but knew that Malfoy couldn't know either. Well, two could play at that game. "I admit I had many wives, but I loved each of them with all my heart and soul, not for their looks, but for their hearts, which made them all beautiful to me. You, on the other hand, I could not say the same for. I never once saw anything resembling love between you and your wife, though based on the number of times I caught you staring at my buttocks, I would say I have my suspicions as to why."

Draco-as-Slytherin's face contorted into a look of rage. "Perhaps it was your own inflated ego which gave you that idea, that everyone would be admiring everything you do. What was it that you used to say, that you are 'too much man for any one woman to handle'? Please, it is because of your own narcissism that it took eight wives for you to even acknowledge them, whereas my one wife was quite sufficient for me."

"At least I am a man! Did you know that until you left, your wife would frequently talk to me, to complain about your 'little problem'? I bet that the only thing your wife ever said to you in bed was 'is it in yet?'"

Slytherin seemed about to say something, when they were both interrupted by a cry from the Ravenclaw table. "Gryffindor and Slytherin!" called a distinctly dotty voice from the Ravenclaw table, "I call upon the Spirit of Rowena Ravenclaw, founder of Hogwarts, to judge you!"

The whole school sat and watched in awe as two of the most famous figures in Wizarding history argued in front of the entire great hall.

"Eight wives?" whispered Professor McGonagall.

"I have heard rumors of such things, but I always attributed them to mere embellishments," whispered Dumbledore.

"Lucky man," whispered Professor Flitwick.

Snape, on the other hand, kept glaring at Gryffindor, as if the intensity of his gaze would somehow unsummon the Spirit.

Then Luna Lovegood, at the Ravenclaw table, decided to add her own founder to the mix.

As soon as Luna began chanting, Draco-disguised-as-Slytherin went pale. Oh my fucking god, she's chanting the actual fucking words to the summoning ritual.

Draco could only watch in horror as the sphere of magical energy engulfed Luna Lovegood, and the fateful words were spoken. "I, THE TRUE DESCENDANT OF THE NAME RAVENCLAW, CALL UPON THE SPIRIT OF ROWENA RAVENCLAW TO MANIFEST AND JUDGE THESE WHO I HAVE DEEMED UNWORTHY!" The sphere popped, and out stepped the actual fucking True Manifestation of Rowena Ravenclaw, in all her glory and splendor.

"Oh! Godric, Salazar, how are you both? No, you need not bother answering that, I can see that you are both still quite angry at each other. I'll just have a look around while you two sort out your differences, shall I?" She looked around the room, taking in the other students.

"Oh my, Hogwarts certainly has grown!" said Rowena, "The first seven years of students would have fit on just one of these tables, and probably not even filled it up all the way. We sure have come a long way since we began, am I right, boys?"

Slytherin just grumbled, while Gryffindor managed a quiet "I suppose."

Rowena turned to them, her face dark. "I said, AM I RIGHT, BOYS?"

Gryffindor and Slytherin both scrambled to salute. "Yes, ma'am! You are right, ma'am!" they barked out.

"Good," said Rowena, turning back to looking around.

"Those two are so whipped," whispered Flitwick, a twinkle in his eye.

"I am inclined to agree with you," said Dumbledore. "At least now we know why Ravenclaw was known to be such an efficient instructor."

"And who wore the pants in the Founder Four," whispered McGonagall, smiling.

"Professor McGonagall is smiling," said Hannah Abbott, "and it's scaring me."

"You know, I'm pretty sure I have some Hufflepuff blood," said Susan Bones, completely ignoring her friend's concerns, "Do you think I should go for it?"

"Go for wha- Whoa, you're not thinking of summoning Hufflepuff, are you? I mean, that's a really dark ritual, and it probably takes some kind of sacrifice, so I really don't think I should say yes to…"

"You said yes, I'm doing it," said Susan, once again displaying her talent for ignoring everything she didn't want to hear. She stepped up, and pointed at all three founders. "Gryffindor! Slytherin! Ravenclaw! I'm sure you're all awesome people, but I'm gonna have to call upon the Spirit of Helga Hufflepuff, founder of Hogwarts, to judge you!"

She chanted the words that Luna had said, those being freshest in her mind, and watched as the waves of magical energy rose and consumed her. "I, THE TRUE DESCENDANT OF THE NAME HUFFLEPUFF, CALL UPON THE SPIRIT OF HELGA HUFFLEPUFF TO MANIFEST AND JUDGE THESE WHO I HAVE DEEMED UNWORTHY! I MEAN, THEY'RE STILL PRETTY AWESOME PEOPLE, BUT I THINK I HAVE TO SAY THIS IN ORDER TO-"

The sphere burst, releasing the True Manifestation of Helga Hufflepuff.

"Oh, hello everyone," said Helga, smiling. "Are we having some sort of gathering of the Founders?"

Rowena looked over happily. "Helga! It's been so long!" She rushed over and engulfed Helga in a hug, then planted a deep kiss on Hufflepuff's lips.

"Whoa," whispered Flitwick, "Founding lesbos. Who'd have thought it?"

"Based on the amount of fictional stories and accounts of the Founders I've heard, quite a lot of people," whispered Dumbledore, his eyes twinkling.

"Well I think it's wonderful," whispered McGonagall, "They were proving that women don't need men even as far back as the tenth century."

"I just think it's hot," whispered Flitwick, who was holding his wand near his temple. "I'm going to save this memory for later, maybe even copy it and sell it on the market."

Snape was silent, but all three of them could see the glowing wand that he was holding next to his temple as well.

"Yeah, kiss her hard you dirty Founder, kiss her where everyone can see you." Professor Charity Burbage was watching intensely, with a strange muggle device held in front of one eye.

"What on earth is that, Charity?" asked McGonagall.

"It's a video recorder," responded Burbage, never taking her eyes off of the action. "A muggle invention, it lets you record anything, and you can copy it or play it back as many times as you want."

"Could I have a copy, Charity?" asked Flitwick, "I'd like to have as many different viewpoints of this as I can."

"I'll get it to you later, Filius," said Charity, grinning.

"Erm," Dumbledore looked quite sheepish, "could I have a copy as well? For purely historical purposes, I assure you."

Burbage chuckled. "Sure, Headmaster. I'll even give you one of my old VHS devices, so that you can watch it. For purely historical purposes, naturally."

"Thank you very much, Charity," said Dumbledore, his eyes once again twinkling.

"You know, this has all gotten quite out of hand," said Hermione, still holding the illusion in place. "I mean, I'm sure Malfoy's 'summon' is an illusion as well, but I'm beginning to think that the other two are actual true manifestations."

"Yeah, it's all gone a bit mental," said Ron, who had his eyes pinned on the two kissing Founders. "Getting to be a bit of a clusterfuck, innit?"

"I know right? I never thought the girls would turn up as well," said Godric, who was staring appreciatively at the two female Founders. "Not that I'm complaining, mind you, but I agree that it's a bit of a clusterfuck."

"Yeah, I'd say- Wait, Godric?" Hermione turned sharply to see what appeared to be a teenage Godric Gryffindor sitting in Harry's seat.

Godric waved. "The one and only. I have to say, Harry's doing a wonderful job of acting my part. He's acted pretty much exactly the way I'd act every time. Although I can't understand how that Malfoy fellow knew about my eight wives. I was pretty sure that all records about that disappeared long ago."

Ron managed to tear his eyes away from the increasingly inappropriate "kissing" to gawk at Godric. "You mean the whole business about eight wives is true? Nice going, mate."

"Thanks," said Godric, "although some days it's hard to tell if I have eight wives, or eight masters."

"So how are you even here?" asked Hermione, "Don't you have to be summoned or something?"

"Only if I were dead, dear," said Godric, "and as you can see, I'm still very much alive."

"Ah," said Hermione. "Immortality?"

"Got it in one!" said Godric, grinning. "You would probably do very well in Rowena's house. Oh look, they're finally breaking it apart."

Indeed, Rowena was finally ending their kiss, to the disappointment of many.

"Oh Helga, I've missed you so much," said Ravenclaw, refusing to release her hug on Hufflepuff, who was quite content to let her continue the hug.

"It is alright, Rowena," said Hufflepuff lovingly, "We are together again, which is all that matters. Besides, we seem to be giving all these students a free show."

Ravenclaw shook her head. "But Helga, we are merely summons. We are inhabiting the bodies of these two children, and I could not bear to keep them from their own lives, even if it meant that we would have to be apart again." She was almost in tears now, with her face pressed against Hufflepuff's chest.

"Oh Rowena," said Hufflepuff, gently stroking the back of Ravenclaw's head, "that is not the only answer. I believe that we could coinhabit these bodies, alongside their original owners, if the original hosts are willing."

Ravenclaw lifted her head, a light of hope in her eyes. "Helga, that is absolutely brilliant, on a level of brilliance that not even I could hope to reach."

"You are too kind, Rowena," said Hufflepuff, looking Ravenclaw in the eye, "I just happen to sometimes stumble upon an answer. It is you who is the brilliant one, you are the one who is smarter than the rest of us combined, and never let anyone tell you otherwise, especially not yourself."

"Oh Helga," said Ravenclaw, and she pulled Helga back into yet another deep kiss.

"And there they go again," said McGonagall, "though it is nice that they found a way to still be together, transcending even death."

"Romance and drama, this is the best thing ever," said Burbage, still filming, "this tape is going to sell millions."

"Well, I'm quite glad that we get Luna and Susan back," said Flitwick. "Charms class certainly wouldn't be the same without them."

"Oh, does Luna do that thing with the parakeets in your class as well, Filius?" said McGonagall.

"Almost. She uses hummingbirds in Charms," said Flitwick. "I'm still not sure how she managed to fit a full-sized Willow tree in her shoe though."

"Probably the same way she fit all those butterflies in her hat," responded McGonagall.

"I, for one, think this is a wonderful act for inter-house unity," said Dumbledore, who was watching the Founders with an almost blinding twinkle in his eyes. "This display of love between the two House Founders should do wonders for their inter-house disposition."

"If you want them to start sleeping together maybe," said Snape, and everyone jumped, having forgotten that he was there. "Besides, it's not as if the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff Houses had much of a rivalry anyways. It's mostly those Gryffindors antagonising my Slytherins that's causing the inter-house disunity."

"Gryffindors antagonising your Slytherins?" said McGonagall incredulously, "I think you've got a couple of nouns mixed up there, Severus. Why don't I-"

"Hem-Hem."

Suddenly all conversation stopped, and even Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff broke apart to glare at Umbridge.

"I must say, this entire situation is thoroughly inappropriate," said Umbridge, refusing to meet any of the students' gazes. "I mean really, summoning the Founders? Are you children really so lazy as to summon in the obviously quite busy Founders to do your work?"

"Actually we were quite-"

"And furthermore," continued Umbridge, as if she had not heard Ravenclaw speak, "All this nonsense with the Founders is wholly inappropriate. The reference to polygamy was already bad enough, but this?" she said, gesturing towards Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff, "This? I will not stand for this violation of the natural order of things, and will be sending a letter to the Minister imme-"

Harry-as-Gryffindor suddenly remembered why this whole thing had started. "I JUDGE YOU UNWORTHY, AND BANISH YOU FROM HOGWARTS FOREVER!" he said, pointing directly at Umbridge. Suddenly the bricks behind her shifted out of the way, and Umbridge was bodily flung out the hole by the floorboards. The hole just as quickly sealed itself back up, and the floorboards returned to their natural state.

Harry-as-Gryffindor looked at his hand in amazement. "Whoa, didn't know I could do that."

At the Gryffindor table, Hermione raised an eyebrow as Godric lowered his wand.

"What?" said Godric, "I figured I'd give the kid a bit of authenticity. Besides, I hated Umbitch as well."

Ron stared at Godric with something close to awe. "You're the awesomest guy I've ever met," he said reverently. "Could you take Harry's place in our team?"

"No can do, Ron," said Godric, grinning, "As much as I'd love to go adventuring again, Harry has some trials coming up that he'll have to face on his own, and he'll need you two there to support him. Impersonating me doesn't come without any consequences, after all."

"Oh," said Ron, looking a bit dejected.

"Look, how's this," said Godric. "Harry's going to need some training if he wants to be able to face the upcoming challenges, so I could totally do that for him. Train him, that is."

"You'd do that?" said Ron, "For us?"

"Sure," said Godric. "I mean, it's been a while since I last came out of hiding for any significant length of time, and as much fun as eight immortal wives is, it gets a bit tiring after the first few centuries. So yeah, I'll train Harry, and I'll even give you two some extra training on the side. Is that alright with you two?"

"That would be so amazing," said Ron, while Hermione simply said, "Sure, why not."

Meanwhile, it seemed that the Female Founders' "negotiations" were finally drawing to a close.

"She said yes," said Ravenclaw excitedly. "Luna said yes!"

Hufflepuff smiled. "Susan said yes as well. It looks like we are here to stay." She then turned to Gryffindor and Slytherin. "So how are you two doing?"

Draco-as-Slytherin mumbled something about being fine, while Harry-as-Gryffindor was still busy staring at his finger.

Hufflepuff sighed, smiling. "Same as always then. Well, since your judgments are complete, I suppose this is goodbye."

Slytherin simply nodded solemnly, and Gryffindor bowed cheerfully. "I will be taking my leave then," he said, and the image of Gryffindor dissipated into wisps of magical energy, leaving Harry Potter just standing there. Slytherin did the same, and soon both boys were left glaring at each other.

Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw too followed suit, except that their magical energy was sucked into their chests rather than dissipated. And so, the Great Hall was once again Founderless.

Dumbledore cleared his throat, and stood up. "It is a wonderful event that we have witnessed today, the brief revival of the Founders, and with them a bit of history. It is up to us, as both Wizards and Students, to remember this history, because even without us history moves on. So I bid you all to go and record what you have seen here today, to better preserve this little piece of History. Thank you." He sat down, then got back up after a moment. "On a completely unrelated note, the Defence Against the Dark Arts teaching position is once again open. If any students have any recommendations for the position, please bring them to my office."

And so ended the first strange event of the year, one which nobody would even forget. Many ancient secrets were recovered, and many people were a bit embarrassed, particularly the Slytherins. For a short time, this event was known as the Revival of the Four Founders, but soon enough, with the events that followed it, this event became known simply as The Beginning of the Year of Insanity.

A/N: The Year of Insanity. It's going to be awesome.

Bonus Scene 1:

Draco trudged back to his seat, dejected. Sure, he had gotten a few good shots at Harry, but somehow he still felt like he was the one who lost.

As Draco approached the Slytherin table, he found that his seat was being taken up by a man in a large hooded robe, with the hood up. "Excuse me?" Draco said, "You're in my seat."

The robed figure chuckled, each laugh sounding like a hiss. "You did good out there, kid."

"What are you talking about?" asked Draco.

"Do not treat me as though I am a fool," said the hooded figure, "I knew what you were doing, and I would like to say that you very well."

Draco frowned. He didn't need confirmation that he did well. "What do you want from me?" he asked bluntly.

The figure chuckled again. "Straight to the point, I see. Good. I'll get to the point as well." The hooded figure turned and threw back his hood, revealing the grinning face of Salazar Slytherin. "I'm going to train you to defeat Harry Potter."

Bonus Scene 2:

Harry sat in the common room, thinking. All the other Gryffindors were congratulating him, and while he accepted their congratulations, he wasn't sure he liked that he was receiving this congratulations for something he didn't actually do.

Suddenly, Luna was beside him. "Hey there Harry," she said, grinning. "Are you busy? Because I have something I need to discuss with you."

Harry wasn't really doing anything, so he agreed. The two of them stepped outside of the common room, and into the hallway.

"So here's the thing, Harry," said Luna. "You know how this whole summoning thing takes a sacrifice?"

"Um," Harry did know, but he also knew that he didn't actually do a sacrifice, while Luna had. "Y-yes, I knew that."

Luna grinned. "Well, when Rowena asked me what I wanted to sacrifice, she gave me some options. You know, sight, smell, hearing, speech, all kinds of stuff. Eventually… well, eventually I chose to sacrifice my virginity."

"Oh, um…" Harry wasn't sure why Luna had chosen to tell him about this, and he wasn't really sure he wanted the answer. "That's… nice I guess?"

Luna sighed. "The thing is though, since Rowena is just a spirit, she can't actually take my virginity. So as a result, I have to have it taken by one of the other Founder hosts."

Harry was pretty sure he could already see where this was going, but he decided he may as well make sure. "So what you want is…"

Luna pressed her body against Harry's. "I want you to take me, Harry. I want you to ravish me."

He knew it. "Nope," he said, backing away as quickly as he could. "Nope nope nope nope nope." By this point, his backing away had turned into running, and Luna had started chasing him. "NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE!"

"Don't run, Harry! Save your energy for the ravishings!" Harry risked a glance over his shoulder, and saw that Luna was gaining on him. "NOPE NOPE NOPE!" He cried, making a desperate attempt to get away. "NOPE NOPE NO NOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The cries of the Boy-Who-Lived, whether in pain or pleasure never known, would keep those who could hear it up all night.

Bonus Scene 3:

A hooded figure in a dark room watched a crystal ball, in which the figure of Godric Gryffindor stood. Suddenly, Gryffindor's image melted into that of Harry Potter.

"This is him," said the figure. "This is the One."

"Good. Very good," said a second figure, deep within the shadows. "We will move at dawn. We will find this "Hogwarts", and we will find this One. And nothing will be permitted to stand in our way."