I woke up in the hospital wing. Harry laid in a bed next to me and it seemed over there at the entrance Ron was just being released. It was already morning, which made me wondering if people had just needed a lot more time to get to us or if they purposely wanted to restrain me to keep me from fleeing the hospital wing. I couldn't imagine that waking up stupefied people took so long. Then again maybe they weren't sure what was the cause of my blackout and wanted to run all kinds of diagnostic spells on me. I certainly wouldn't put it past Pomfrey.

Said nurse had just noticed me waking up and came scurrying towards me.

"Well, well, well, how are we feeling Mr Potter?", she asked in a kind but strict voice,

I felt perfectly fine but I suppose after fighting Quirrellmort most people didn't so I faked a groan and sank back into the pillows.

"Do you want an honest answer for that?"
"Of course", she bristled.

"I feel like I was chased around by a crazy werewolf for at least half a day, drained of happy memories and possibly body fluids by a dementor before being subjected to a mind rape that felt like being crucified using Tsukoyomi. By the way, you don't happen to have a nice sharp kitchen knife laying around somewhere? I'm feeling kind of suicidal today. Or maybe homicidal, I'm not sure yet."

She stared at me.

"What is it? You said honest."

Behind her back I saw a familiar figure wearing robes with horrifying clashing colors approach.

"Well, at least he hasn't lost his humor", Albus Dumbledore said smiling. "Thank you Poppy, that will be all for now."

"I want him to stay for another night, regardless of what you say", she said.

Dumbledore nodded and she went to take care of Harry again.

Now he was turning to me again. "At least I hope that was a joke, Mr Potter. Although you should probably be careful using such language around Poppy."
I sneered. "If you haven't noticed, Professor, I just killed my defense teacher. I should be allowed to cope with it however the hell I want to. And if I'm choosing to be sarcastic about it and piss people off then you should damn well encourage me to do so! Lest it won't stay a joke forever."

The twinkling vanished from his eyes and once again I had managed to make the old coot go from merry sunshine to sad old man. Maybe I should call it a hobby.

"I want you to know, Charles, that I am eternally sorry for what you had to go through. Never should it have been possible for your brother and you to get into so much danger. However you dealed with it showing great courage and honor, saving the life of your brother and possibly hundreds more by preventing Voldemorts return."

"Yes", I hissed, "Voldemorts return was prevented and it was most certainly not thanks to you! Where were you when the school needed you most? Where were you when Voldemort attacked Hogwarts students? Where were you when Harry was being tortured and I, an eleven year old kid, had to stain his soul with the sin of murder in order to get out of that hell? Where were you?"

Hot fury was burning in my eyes as I stared down the headmaster, making him look at least 200 years old and as if he regretted living every single one of them.

It was not all a lie. I was upset about having killed another human being, certainly more so then I would have thought when I made the plan. I thought it would be like shooting a skeleton in a computer game or maybe gutting a rabbit for dinner. Quirrell was not real, after all. Not to mention he was the bad guy and he had been trying to kill me. Not even Harry had showed any sign of concern for being a killer after his first year, so why should I?

The answer was simple. It was my mental maturity, normally the one thing that made me superior to all my peers, that got in my way now. I was technically an adult and even if my body had the hormones of a child I was still fully capable of understanding what killing a person meant. I did not know if Quirrell had any family. Hell, maybe he had a wife and children before he met Voldemort. Come to think of it, why wouldn't he still have them?

But even if you left that aside that night had been a life changing experience for me simply because I had now kind of chosen a path. I had not thought about it in such depth but now I knew that there had always only been two paths for me. To be the good guy or the bad guy. It was not possible to stay neutral if I wanted to change the story. Now while some people might consider me saving the day a good thing I knew otherwise. I hadn't gone down there to save Harry or prevent Voldemorts return or some such nonsense. I had gone down there in order to see if I could. In order to see how much I could manipulate people and how well I was dealing with real danger. I had gone there because it was the annual Battle of Good versus Evil and I couldn't just not be there. Well, and I wanted the stone, obviously. Also I had fully planned on killing Quirrell months before I entered the corridor. That meant that it wasn't just self-defense or protecting Harry. It was cold-blooded murder. And that was what made me the bad guy of the story.

I took a deep breath to calm myself. There was no point in raging around. I was now officially an antagonist and I had to act like one. And since I actually read the Evil Overlord List that meant I had to act like a professional.

"On second thought, Sir, you don't have to answer that question. I don't care where the hell you've been. Quirrell's dead, Voldemort fled and the stone is destroyed. At least I think it is, I threw it at the mirror in hope it would just get back to wherever the hell it was but the mirror shattered so I don't know what happened to it. Now since you have lost all right to pretend to care about me why don't you leave ol' miserable me alone to deal with my headache?"

Dumbledore eyed me sadly for a couple of seconds, before averting his gaze.

"You... You are right, my boy. I have failed you and your brother and I can fully understand if you won't ever be able to forgive me. Still if there is anything... anything at all that might make you feel better, do not hesitate to ask for help. Not only from me but from any of the other teachers too. Should you decide to seek for psychological help you can ask Madam Pomfrey anytime."

He was just about to go when I stopped him.

"Actually there is something you could do", I said quietly. Still Dumbledore heard it and turned around.

Slowly I raised my eyes from my blankets. Now I had full control over my emotions again. Still that didn't mean that I didn't have any, only that I was fully aware of them and decided consciously which one I allowed to surface. In this case it was raw hatred.

"Stay away from my brother", I hissed with my best Tom-Riddle-glare.

Dumbldedore actually flinched.

After the headmaster left the hospital wing I was forced to sit around doing nothing. Luckily soon my minions came along to bring me books to entertain me (and to not so subtly interrogate me). Since young people were the most impressionable and them thinking me to be almighty was generally a good thing for my reputation I answered their questions, if only vague and only where rumors already existed. Yes it was true, there was a Philosophers Stone hidden in the third corridor. Yes I knew about it all the time. Yes, I did manage to get past all the enchantments all by myself. How I was able to? Really guys, you know who I am. The question would be why the hell wouldn't I be able to? Yes I did duel Voldemort while Harry stood there doing effectively nothing but solving the one challenge to get the stone that Voldemort couldn't for him and yes, I still managed to prevent the Dark Lords return and saved my brothers ass.

The Slytherins met these claims with mixed feelings. Some where just exited because of the story, some confused or relieved. Still there lingered the question of why I had actually went down there. I may have fooled Dumbldedore simply because I took advantage of his sole weakness, the fact that he wanted to believe in my good heart. I had distracted him with accusations so he wouldn't press the matte rof where the stone was. However my minions knew that I didn't care for Harry other then how he may be of use for me. Believing I risked my life to save him was a bit far-fetched for them.

That's why when they were about to leave I said quietly:

"Now you know what happened yesterday. Spread the word around the school, tell your parents and anyone who might listen. When I get out of this bed I want everyone to know this censored version."

For a moment there was silence. Then Daphne shyly asked:
"Will you ever tell us what really happened, Charles?"

I looked at her with cold, avada-green eyes. "Greengrass, have you forgotten the Code?"

"Ask no questions", Draco murmured.

Theodore nodded gravely, continuing. "Do not doubt", until they all said together: "Tell no one."

"This is not only for my protection", I said seriously, "but also for yours. You are better off not knowing."

However the Slytherins were not the only ones who doubted my intentions. The next day when I was released Snape called me to his office.

"Never in my whole life", said the potions master fuming with anger, "have I seen a Slytherin doing something this reckless and foolish. Even if you don't consider that your brother probably deserved whatever he got, everyone with even a tiny fraction of brain would have called a teacher to deal with the problem! I had honestly thought you better then that! You acted like... like a bloody Gryffindor, just what the hell were you thinking?"

When it finally seemed as if he'd allow me to answer I said calmly:
"I'm sorry if I worried you, Professor. But the whole thing was not actually as reckless as it seems. I knew beforehand what all the enchantments were and how to get past them. Regardless of what the whole school thinks, I did not fight Moldyshorts. I fought Quirrell, who was only a slightly above average wizard. Count to that that he couldn't touch me without being fatally burned and the fact that I drank a vial of Felix Felicis before that the Malfoys gave me as a Christmas present my chances to survive were rather good. Also I did make sure we would be found by teachers, just not too early."

"Oh and exactly how would you know about the enchantments?", he spat.

"Didn't I already tell you that?"

"Don't give me that seer story again! I know it can't be true. There hasn't been a seer in your family for centuries and even if there were, you act nothing like one!"

I scowled hard at him. Seems I had to come up with a more plausible lie for Snape. Shit, I had to be careful that I didn't lose counts on them all.

"The answer to that question is kind of delicate. That's not to say I did anything illegal but I don't know you well enough yet to trust you with it."

"You will tell me right now or I will not only take points from you for your stupidity but also I will cancel our potion lessons since you're obviously not fit for them!"

I considered that for a moment. It was not as if I liked the private lessons I had with Snape. But unlike the normal lessons in these Snape actually taught me. That's to mean he didn't just write down instructions at the blackboard and left me to my own devises, he told me all sorts of tips and tricks not unlike the ones to be found in the half blood prince book. Since I didn't ever underestimate the power of potions I wanted to continue the lessons.

But then what kind of lie should I tell him? It had to be closer to the truth then anything else I've invented so far. Something like what I had told Voldemort would work, I decided.

"I will tell you, Professor", I said finally, "but if I do I ask you to tell no one about it. This will stay between you and me."

"Very well", he sneered.

But I shook my head. "I'm sorry but I have to ask for a magical oath."

A magical oath, as I had read about in the library, was a lot like an Unbreakable Vow with the exception that one, it didn't need a witness an two, upon breaking the oath you didn't die. Instead you lost all your magic, making you a squib. (It was widely discussed if that wasn't actually worse then the Unbreakable Vow.)

Snape looked as if he bit a lemon. "What kind of secret could possibly require such extremes?"

I shrugged. "You will never know if you don't agree. And just for clarification means, I want you to swear that you won't ever leak any information about what I'm about to tell you through any means to anyone. Also you will not try to learn more by administering me potion, delving into my mind or ask others to do so." The last one was in order to make sure I wouldn't be forced to take occlumency lessons with him in fifth year (or before that). With the vow in place he wouldn't be able to teach me, not even if I agreed to it.

Snape of course argued against it but after some time I just turned him out and asked if that was all, then was I allowed to leave?

Finally he made the oath.

"I know what you think but I'm not paranoid. It's just that there are people out there to get me. Lot's of people", I said with a wry smile. "And I'm not just talking about Moldyshorts."

"Who else could you mean?", he asked, ignoring my choice of words.

"That's what this whole thing is about, Professor. I'm afraid the headmaster himself could be a danger to me."

Snape snorted. "Ridiculous."

I sighed. "I'm the first Potter in Slytherin in the last five generations. I'm the best student in my year – Ravenclaws aside. I managed to climb to the top of my years hierarchy in Slytherin in mere weeks in spite of my reputation and halfblood status, I was able to get past all the enchantments on the way to the stone and fight off Moldyshorts. And last but not least I am a parselmouth, Professor, who does that description remind you of?"

Snape paled visibly.

I nodded coldly. "Dumbldedore is bound to draw the same conclusion sooner or later, if he hasn't already." I sat down on one of the tables leisurely. "When we first met I told you what kind of dangers would await me here. I knew of the Cerberus and the troll because I was receiving short flashes of memory, thoughts and plans of the Dark Lord. For a long time now bits and pieces of memory have been leaking through. I knew that Quirrell was possessed from the very beginning. But since Dumbldedore did so well to fight off Moldyshorts in the past I figured he would know too and that the enchantments were really just a trap for him."

"But you didn't warn him", Snape stated dully.

"Who should I have warned? Should I have told Moldyshorts that it was a trap? He's already pissed at me that my brother and I destroyed his body. If he knew how much I know about him, all his weaknesses and strengths, let's say he would consider me a far greater threat then I already am. I have no desire to help him in any way.

Or should I have warned Dumbldedore, so he would find out that I have a mental connection to the Dark Lord? He would demand that I shut it off and failing that, try to examine it. If he found that it was too dangerous he would find a way to get me killed, I'm sure of it. I happen to be perfectly able to shut it off, I'm just leaving it open a little bit so that I can get information. As long as he doesn't catch up on it, which is unlikely as long as he's in spirit form, it should be alright. I know of what kind the connection is too and I assure you it would get me killed if the 'light side' had its way. Which is also why I won't tell you what it is, regardless of what you say. You'd all be afraid I turned into a second Voldemort. Which I won't, of course, he's kind of a deterrent example. I'm just making the best use out of the resources I have, like a true Slytherin should."

Snape exhaled deeply, seemingly thinking over my words.

"I do understand why you'd want to keep this secret", he finally said, "and I will keep my oath. However that does not explain why you went down there."

"For two reasons", I said calmly. "First I know what Moldyshorts has in store for me and since the day I entered Hogwarts, maybe even before, I have been training, searching for a way to stand up to him. I knew that he would be there that day and that he would be weakened. If, after everything I did, I still wasn't powerful enough to beat Quirrell then there was no way I would ever be able to survive meeting the real thing. I do not plan to play hide and seek for my whole life. I had to know that there was hope for me getting out of it alive. Now I know there is. Now I know if I'm just clever enough, if I just train more I will eventually reach his level and be able to fight him on even ground."

That was something Snape could understand. It was the Slytherin way of thinking. The snakes never fought a battle they had no chance of winning. The potions master still remembered how I was determined not to go to Hogwarts at all in the beginning. The chance of me dying had been small but if I had been unable to defeat Quirrellmort before the teachers came to save the day there would have been a possibility to go back to the muggle world again.

"What's the second reason?", Snape wanted to know eventually.

"Simple, it's my brother. I could've engaged Quirrellmort in combat anytime and eventually I would have but I would've preferred to do so at the last day of the year so people wouldn't have time to question me like you do now. I would have preferred to wait until he was further weakened by whatever trap was set up for him. However I had to do it earlier because my brother almost messed up my plans. The one obstacle Voldemort couldn't solve, how to get the stone out of the mirror, he did for him. That was incredible stupid of him. I had to stop him before things could get out of hand."

"I see. And there is Dumbldedore thinking about awarding you points for heroically saving your brother."

"Well, I did save him... Just not very heroically", I said with a wry smile.

Two days later Harry was released from the hospital wing. The first time we met on a corridor he looked at me with a expression I couldn't decipher, murmured a quick "Thank you for saving me" and walked away as fast as he could without running. For the rest of the school year neither made any attempts to speak to the other again.

At the feast Dumbldedore gave out his last minute points. Neville, Ron and Harry got their 160. However since I got 60 too and I had prevented Draco from losing 50 in the dragon disaster this meant that Slytherin still won by 110 points, putting Gryffindor in second place.

Soon the exam results came around. Since I already knew what was to be tested on most of the subjects I had passed with flying colors. In fact, the only student who got better marks was Hermione.

Now all the trunks were packed and we marched back to the lake to be shipped over by Hagrid. After receiving lots of invitations to visit over the summer from my minions during the train ride I met up with Harry again to be picked up by the Dursleys. Harry wasn't looking too sad. I knew he planned on scaring Dudley, who didn't know he was not supposed to do magic outside of Hogwarts. My plans for the summer of course were far more complex. I had absolutely no desire to be pushed around by anyone. This year I'd have the summer of my live and no one, not ministry regulations nor house elves nor the muggles would get in my way.

OoOoO

And there it is... the last chapter of my fanfic. I hope you enjoyed it and we'll see each other at the sequel. I haven't decided on a name yet but I'll post it here when it's up.

Special thanks to all my reviewers. I always like to hear from you.

Haxong

The sequel is up ow. Its name is "Do not question".

s/10052990/1/Do-not-question