Disclaimer: All recognizable characters and settings are property of their lawful owners. This story is written for entertainment purposes only and no profit is made. No copyright infringement intended.

A/N: Thank you for joining me on this weird ride! This is the last part of this odd little fic that was supposed to be a silly little thing but stretched out to be a real fic instead.

EPILOGUE:

"Tell me once again why we did this?" Jack groaned as he slowly lowered himself on the couch.

"I'd like to remind you that we didn't plan this," Sam said for the umpteenth time and sat down as well, just as slowly and carefully as Jack had. "But it looked like the embryo Thor put in me didn't start to grow so you offered to carry the next kid, too. Remember? Something about Loki probably making changes so that it only worked on males? Sound familiar, Einstein?" She punched him on the shoulder, surprisingly hard.

"Hey!" Jack yelped. "How was I gonna know, huh? You had yours for like four weeks and there was no change in anything. Are you seriously telling me that I should have thought you're pregnant despite the fact that all the seventeen pregnancy tests plus the Asgard scanners said you're not?"

"For the record, Asgard scanners were inconclusive. And what I'm saying is that you have no right to complain about this because it was your idea."

"Come on, Sam. Complaining is what I do!"

"You've been through this before," Sam reminded and tried to find a more comfortable position on the couch. "But I'm pregnant for the first time. I'm freaking out and you're not much of a help, Jack."

"I know," Jack sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. "I'm sorry. What do you need?"

"A foot massage would be nice," Sam admitted.

"That I can do," Jack announced with a wide grin. "C'mere."

"Actually..."

"Ah-ah! That's your genius face, Carter. It usually means trouble."

"Not in this case, I promise. Come on, let's go to bed."

"Bed? I mean, not that I don't want to, but I haven't been able to see my... manly parts for weeks now and I'm sure I've forgotten how they even work."

"No sex. Just foot massage. Come on, trust me on this one."

"Hell, I trust you on anything. You know that."

It took a while but eventually they managed to get up and make their way to bedroom. Getting settled on the bed took even longer but finally they were lying on their sides, heads pointing in opposite directions.

"Think of it as a foot massage sixty-nine," Sam explained. The angle wasn't ideal but this way they could both get a massage at the same time. She pulled off Jack's socks and started massaging the sore feet gently.

"Oh, God," Jack moaned. "I knew you were a genius."

Sam chuckled and kept going but she had to stop to moan when Jack's calloused fingers started caressing her own feet. "I have to agree on that one," she managed to sigh.

"They look cool," Jack commented when he walked in on Sam standing in front of a full body mirror in her underwear, tracing the stretch marks on her abdomen. When she heard his voice, she automatically wrapped her arms around herself, trying to cover as much skin as possible.

"You want me to leave?" Jack asked, sensing her discomfort. "Or compare scars?"

She chuckled a little but slowly let her arms fall to her sides again so Jack assumed she didn't mind his presence. Or at least was doing her best not to mind. He tossed his T-shirt on the bed before he stepped next to Sam in front of the mirror doors of their wardrobe.

"Yours look like flames," he commented, looking into the mirror. "Mine are just... plain stripes."

"Tiger," Sam offered. "You're a tiger and I'm a... I don't know. Something that burns. A log?"

"Phoenix," Jack offered. "Tiger and Phoenix."

"Mine are angry red and yours are just pale and white. It's not fair."

"These are Emily's marks," he explained. "I haven't gotten any from this fella yet. But last time it happened in the very end, too. Can I touch them?"

Sam raised here eyebrows, surprised about the question.

"Just curious," Jack said with a shrug.

"Sure. If you want to touch my scars, I won't stop you."

Jack started to slowly trace the red marks with his fingertips, caressing the sensitive skin. Sam's eyes were suddenly filled with tears and she wiped them away, cursing about pregnancy hormones under her breath. Jack pulled her into a hug or as close to a hug as they managed to reach with both of them over almost eight months pregnant. The baby bumps were pressed together and Jack could feel the kids kicking or punching each other.

"I think they're high-fiving," he whispered in Sam's ear and she burst into giggles.

"It's kinda nice going through this together," she admitted.

"What's with the shirts?"

"Cassie!" Sam yelped and raised her gaze from her book. "And Emily! Everything alright?" Her first reflex was to jump up but it simply wasn't possible anymore.

"Yeah, we're fine. Thor just... had his quota of babysitting for the day."

"Unca Tor!" Em yelled and started babbling incoherently, obviously very exited about something. Sam glanced at Cassie for translation because the girl probably had some sort of idea about what had happened.

"Did something blow up again?" Jack mumbled, sounding half asleep.

"Kinda," Cassie admitted. "Don't worry about it, guys. He's got it under control. He just needs a moment to fix... everything."

"Cass?"

"Geez, you guys look pregnant," the teenager discreetly changed the subject.

"Well we are over eight months in now, Cass," Jack reminded. In embryo development that was. They hadn't been pregnant for the same time but the kids were developing at different rates and would be born around the same time.

Jack tried to get a more comfortable position on the couch and gestured for Cassie to come closer. The girl sat down between them, holding Emily who immediately reached to plant slobbery kisses on her parents' cheeks.

"Well you were about six when I last saw you, about two hours ago."

"Right," Sam sighed, a little frown on her face. "I kinda forgot that." They had tweaked the settings in the device so that Emily wouldn't be bothered by their absence. Now the last couple of months of pregnancy, for both of them, were fitted into mere hours outside the field.

"Yes. Time dilation field is a funny thing. Now, what's with the shirts?"

"You like?" Jack asked and straightened the black T-shirt that was tightly stretched around his bump.

BUN IN THE OVEN, it announced with big, bold letters. Sam was wearing an identical one.

"God, I wish I could take a picture of you two," Cassie chuckled.

"Sure you can," Sam said. "We can always claim Jack has a pillow inside his shirt. I don't think one picture will reveal to the world that we're splitting the baby carrying duty in this family."

"I do not understand the purpose of this," Thor stated once again as Sam gritted her teeth and grimaced her way through the contraction. She didn't scream but she was red and sweaty and obviously in pain.

"This is how it's usually done," Jack said and flexed his fingers, checking that Sam hadn't broken any of them with her fierce grip.

"It appears to be a painful and exhausting process."

"It is," Doctor Lam agreed. "But Sam chose to do this the natural way."

"I am willing to assist should you change your mind, Colonel Carter."

"Thanks, Thor," she sighed.

The reason why the gray alien was even present at the time was that he would be delivering Jack's baby as soon as Sam had managed to push hers out. The babies had developed at different rate, apparently because of Loki's built-in safety mechanisms. Sam's body was more prepared for pregnancy and therefore the baby grew up at a slower pace and ended up bigger whereas Jack got the fastforwarded option again. But both kids were ready to be born now and would be introduced to most of the world as twins.

"You're fully dilated," doctor Lam announced. "You can start pushing on next contraction."

"Oh, great," Sam groaned and reached for Jack's hand. With a little wince he offered it to her, mentally preparing to be wearing a cast at the end of the day.

"Half a hockey team," Jack mumbled as he watched the kids nurse for the first time. Jake, the one Jack had carried to term, was tiny compared to his sister, Grace, but he appeared more energetic. Probably because he got the easy way out of the uterus, just like Emily had.

"I think I'll let you carry the next three to term," Sam mumbled, still exhausted from the birth.

"If you agree to give me foot massages and bring ice cream, I might even agree to that."

"Mama?" a soft voice came from the doorway and the adults turned to look at Emily who had pushed the door open a couple of inches and was now trying to find her parents with her gaze.

"In here, honey," Sam replied.

"Mama!"

Em pushed the door open and ran to the bed.

"Hey," Jack yelped and grabbed a hold of the girl when she tried to climb on the bed, using the side table as a ladder. "Easy, there. Mom is right here, see?"

"Unca Dee Mama boom!" The girl made a gesture that probably meant explosion and Jack raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah," Daniel said from the doorway. "I kinda said Sam popped."

"Boom!" Em repeated.

"Bad choice of words," Daniel apologized with a little grimace. Jack gestured for him and Teal'c to come inside but focused his attention on Emily. They were all used to Sam breastfeeding during team nights back when Emily had been a baby so it was no reason to turn them away.

"Dada boom?" Em asked and poked at her father's stomach that was still trying to adjust to the lack of a kid inside it.

"No boom, Emily," Jack explained and kissed the girl's forehead. "But the baby is out now, they both are. See?" He nodded towards the twins that Sam was nursing. "Meet your baby brother Jacob and your little sister Grace."

The girl tried to repeat the names but failed, then turned to look at her father with a deep frown, obviously upset that they had picked names she couldn't say.

"I'm sure we can come up with nicknames for them, Em. Just like all your aunts and uncles."

The girl nodded, pleased with the plan.

"Pitty," Em sighed and reached out to stroke Grace's head.

"Yes, she's pretty," Jack agreed. "They both are."

"Congratulations, FamilyO'Neill," Teal'c said.

"Someone's been gossiping," Jack said and raised his eyebrows.

"CassandraFraiser was too excited to keep your secret, O'Neill."

"Of course she was," Jack said with a little eye roll. They had gotten married in Vegas, a week before Thor put them inside the time dilation field, when they were visiting Cassie on the west coast. It had been a spur of a moment kind of thing and he felt a bit bad that they hadn't involved their friends in the ceremony.

"We're planning to have a reception later on," Sam commented from the bed.

"Don't worry about it," Daniel said and waved away their worry. "I'm happy for you. Congratulations, on the kids and the marriage."

"I am afraid we have no gifts for you, O'Neills."

"Oh, taking care of Em is more than enough," Jack reassured them. "She can be quite a handful." The men had promised to look after Emily for the next night so that Jack could stay at the infirmary with Sam and the babies.

Emily frowned and looked at her hands, confused about the adults talking about her.

"She is not a trouble, O'Neill," Teal'c said.

"Am!" Emily yelped, disagreeing with his words. "Dada big 'rouble, Em little 'rouble."

"Ah," Sam sighed. "I might have said that a time or two," she admitted and Emily grinned.

"Me 'rouble unca T!"

The big man raised his eyebrow and tilted his head to the side a little, considering his next action. "Perhaps you are, EmilyO'Neill. But only a little one."

The girl was literally beaming and all the adults chuckled at her excitement.

Their family was pretty awesome, Jack admitted.

A/N: Thank you for reading! That's it with this story. I'm glad so many of you joined me on this ride and thank you for all the encouraging words.

I'm hoping to drag you out of your comfort zones in the future as well. (I actually have a list of fics you think you don't want to read and I'm planning to write them all sooner or later.)

One more time, THANK YOU! You guys are awesome.