So I know that this scene has been written time and time again, and, honestly, I don't think my version lives up to half the other ones, but I did what I can.
What would've happened had Peeta not been hijacked, in my mind (I guess). lol. AU (you know, because in the actual story Peeta was hijacked and hated Katniss) and probably sorta OCC.
"Peeta's awake already, sitting on the side of the bed, looking bewildered as a trio of doctors reassure him, flash lights in his eyes, check his pulse. I'm disappointed that mine was not the first face he saw when he woke, but he sees it now. His features register disbelief and something more intense that I can't quite place. Desire? Desperation? Surely both, for he sweeps the doctors aside, leaps to his feet, and moves toward me. I run to meet him, my arms extended to embrace him. His hands are reaching for me, too, to caress my face, I think" - Katniss Everdeen (Mockingjay, Suzanne Collins)
He reaches me, disbelief and desire shining through his blue eyes. The same blue eyes that I thought I'd never see again, more than once. The same blue eyes the comforted me after I woke from a horrid nightmare. The same blue eyes that mirrored my fear as we shook hands at the reaping of our first games. The same blue eyes that shone with love whenever he talked about me. The same blue eyes that convinced me people needed me. The same blue eyes that my grey ones locked with so many times. The same blue eyes that would cause my lips to instinctively press to his. The blue eyes that now, and always, made me feel safer than anything else ever had.
It was all like a dream as his hand cupped my cheek, my arms wrapped around his waist, my hands met at his lower back, my lips met his. The kiss was a mixture of many things, most I didn't even know you could mix into one perfect kiss. Well, perfect besides the doctors watching and the hospital room that was so sterile it smelled of cleanliness. Besides that, the love and kindness of the kiss mixed with the desire and desperation made the lip lock none other than perfect. So perfect that the few imperfections faded from my mind as soon as his warm, soft, damp lips made contact with mine. My hands tightened around his waist and his hand that wasn't on my cheek went to my waist, pulling my lower body flush against him.
As my lips caressed his again, I felt a estranged yet oddly familiar feeling arise within me. Instinctively, my hands made their way out from around his back and circled his shoulders instead, allowing my fingers to thread through his ash-blond hair. Doing that, I pressed his face harder against mine, pressing our lips harder against each other. His hand moved from my cheek to join the other of my waist, pressing my entire body to his. My whole body felt like it was on fire.
I suddenly realized what that oddly familiar yet new feeling was. It was a feeling I had only gotten twice, both with Peeta. It was that feeling that made my stomach knot. It made every nerve in my body come alive, all wanting to feel Peeta. It was a mixture of tingling and burning travelling from my core throughout every part of my body, my arms my legs, all the way to the tips of my being. As if that realization changed something in me, I pressed my entire body against his, hard. My boobs were pressed against his chest. My hips were pressed to his. Our mouths still joined us. I hadn't felt this alive since that day on the beach with him, and even then this feeling of heat engulfing my body wasn't this overwhelming.
I wouldn't have pulled away, had the need for oxygen not gotten in the way. I pulled away slowly, gently releasing his lips from mine and loosening my grip on his hair. I smiled at him, biting my lower lip to keep from letting out a choked sob - I had only then realized I was crying - and he smiled back at me. Next thing I knew, my chin was resting against his shoulder as his arms wrapped around my back and held me in a tight hug. I didn't fight against it. Actually, I released his hair completely and circled his neck with my arms, holding his head tightly against my own shoulder. My body felt like it molded to his, fitting with his like he was the second piece to my puzzle. Usually, I'd find a hug this long awkward. But this time, it just felt... right. Perfect... almost.
The things that made it imperfect - the doctors watching - decided that they had enough of our joyful reunion. One of the three cleared his throat. Another clicked his pen a few times. And another tapped his pen against his clipboard of medical documents impatiently. I pulled away from Peeta, not wanting to but knowing it necessary. I desperately hoped the doctors didn't notice the blush I knew was creeping across my face. Peeta's arm was still around my waist, holding me loosely but comforting me at the same time. I needed to feel him, physically, to know this was real, that this wasn't another dream about us being reunited. I never realized how much I needed Peeta until I was separated from him.
I had completely missed a conversation between Peeta and the doctors, I guess, because when I finally acknowledged my surroundings, besides Peeta, the doctors were walking past me. I only snapped out of my own mind when a pen brushed against my upper arm. Next thing I knew, the door behind us was closed and, for the first time in what felt like forever, I was alone with Peeta. Part of me wanted to talk about... everything, while the other wanted him to kiss and pull me against him again. Instead, though, I just smiled shyly and waited for him to do something. He simply led me to the bed, where I sat next to him.
I looked over him quickly, taking in his appearance. I hadn't seen him in a while and, though his face looked pretty much the same, if you looked closely you could see the effects his time in the Capitol had had on him. In general, he was skinnier. It was most obvious in his arms and abdomen. I silently wondered how much they had fed him. His hair was long, scruffy and matted. His face looked like he hadn't shaved in a while and I came to the possible conclusion that they had only shaved him for his TV appearances. His blue eyes, normally kind and loving and somewhat innocent - yes, still to a certain extent after our first Games - were filled with pain, but still love. I realized that the love in his eyes was directed at me, and only me. I wondered if mine showed what I was feeling too.
As I took in his appearance, realizing just how battered and abused he truly looked, he reached over and took my hand out of my lap, intertwining our fingers. I looked up at him, locking our eyes, and smiled shyly. That time, he didn't smile back. The love was still in his eyes, but the blue orbs were overwhelmed with one emotion. Pain. I felt horrible, wondering if my actions had triggered a bad memory, or made him feel bad about himself or self-conscious. If anything, he definitely didn't need to feel self-conscious. Battered or not, Peeta Mellark was... good looking. Something told me, though, that he wasn't fond of the way his cheek bones showed just a tad more, or the way the bones in his wrists were prominent. I'm pretty sure he liked the muscles years of helping his dad at the bakery had allowed him to build up.
I decided to stop taking in his appearance, since it was clearly upsetting him or making him uncomfortable, or both. Not sure of what to say, I just looked at him. Words had never been my thing, they had always been Peeta's. But he wasn't talking, so I wasn't either. I didn't want to say something that would upset him and, at this point, I really wasn't sure what, if anything, was safe territory.
"Katniss" he suddenly whispered. "I... I don't know what to say" I realized that, as much as I had no idea what had happened to him, he probably knew very little about what was going on with me. He didn't know what was safe territory with me either.
"Anything, Peeta. I just need to... hear you, so I know it's really you" I told him, opening myself up to him.
"Same" he murmured. After that, another silence fell upon us.
I wanted to say something, to let him hear me like he needed, but I still didn't know what to say. I didn't want to get right into what the Capitol did to him. I sorta wondered if I even wanted to know at all. So, I needed to find something else to talk about. So, I start with one sentence I knew wouldn't upset the Peeta I knew.
"I missed you" I said softly, barely above a whisper. His eyes softened and the pain that had been there earlier faded back to pure love and... awe? "A lot"
"Me too" he said softly. I could feel his thumb rubbing mine softly. "A lot" I smiled, a bit.
"It was... horrible here without you" I admitted. It was true. There were days where I was so upset that not Gale, nor my mom, not even Prim could snap me out of my funk. I had only needed one thing. Peeta. Now, he was right beside me and that feeling of pure need for his eyes, gazing into mine, his arms, holding me tight, him, being... him, was fading fast. "I... I needed you. No one... understood... like you do" I admitted softly.
"I know" he said, speaking just as softly as I was. "I needed you more... more than ever before" he admitted. This was a moment of true vulnerability. I moment I would cherish, forever.
"Me too" I whispered.
Once again, a silence fell over up, this one more comfortable than the past two. His thumb kept tracing circles against my thumb, calming me. I knew he was there, this was real, he wouldn't leave me again. That knowledge made tears well up in my eyes, to the point where I couldn't hold them back. A few slowly rolled down my cheeks and his thumb reached up to wipe them. Just that simple action on his part made me break down in sobs. His hand, that was still on my face, moved to cup the back of my head and pull me down to I was crying into the crook of his neck. I just leaned against him, crying. I think I even felt a few tears hit the back of my neck, which I knew were his. I reached up with one hand and held his head in place, rubbing the back of it softly in what I hoped was a comforting motion. This is real. Not a dream, Real, was all that was running through my head - those same words on repeat.
"This is real" he mumbled and I realized he was thinking the same thing I was.
"It is... Peeta. It is" I whispered against his neck.
I had no idea how long we stayed like that - holding onto each other like our lives depended on it while crying, and even after the tears stopped - but it must've been a while because we only pulled away when there was a knock on the door. I slowly pulled away, wiping off my damp cheeks and turned towards the door. Prim was standing there, her chin just reaching the bottom of the window. I turned to Peeta, who nodded, before motioning for her to come in. Her blond hair, in two braids, flowed behind her as she took bouncy, excited steps into the room.
"Sorry, for interrupting" she said. I saw her eyes briefly drop down to our joined hands, resting in his lap. "Peeta's doctor sent me to make sure everything was okay and ask if you wanted any food" she explained.
"What time is it?" I asked. I had no idea what time it was when I was reunited with Peeta, nor how long it had been since then.
"5:30" she answered. That was halfway through dinner time, only half an hour before the six o'clock reflection. "It's okay, though, Katniss. Peeta's doctor said you don't have to follow your schedule, for now"
"Please tell me I'm not 'mentally disoriented' again" I sighed, not realizing that I had just said the in front of Peeta until his thumb's constant movements stopped. I turned to meet his confused gaze and mouthed a 'later'. He just nodded at me.
"No. He said that having you around could help Peeta's recovery, somehow" she explained with a smile. The corners of my mouth curved into a slight smile too and, I somehow knew his had as well.
"Maybe it will, somehow" I agreed, turning to Peeta. He leaned over and kissed my cheek and it suddenly didn't seem like we had just been reunited after the Capitol had kidnapped him.
"I think it will" he whispered to me and I let out a giggle. I never giggled.
"Know what? I'll bring you your food and let the doctor know everything's okay" said Prim. I was only vaguely aware of her leaving.
The light moment only lasted a few seconds after Prim left before Peeta spoke. I wasn't surprised though.
"Mentally disoriented?" he asked seriously. I nodded.
"I told you it was horrible. After the Quell, I just... I don't know. My mom said it was called PTSD. Post... Traumatic Stress Disorder" I had to think for a second to remember the name, since nobody asked about it until now. "She said it was mild though, and something about it being caused by the stress of the Quell, the feeling of being betrayed by Haymitch, Finnick, Beetee and Johanna and... missing you" I explained softly. "It was all so overwhelming. But, I got out of it and I'm fine now" I smiled, trying to wipe the serious and sad look off his face.
"I know what you mean" he said, whispering so lowly I barely heard him. "I was told I had it too" I was shocked, to say the least. "Only at first, because they told me you were dead" I had to clench my jaw shut to keep it from hitting the ground.
"They... They did?" I asked. He nodded solemnly.
"They would've continued had I not seen you on TV. You should've seen how happy I was to know you were alive, Katniss" I could only imagine. But, then again, I didn't know how Peeta was doing until he got here, or if he was alive - since I saw him lifeless on my TV screen.
"I didn't know if you were alive until earlier" I admitted. "The last broadcast you were on, when you warned us about the bombing, it tuned out with us only able to see your motionless legs. I thought you were dead and went... back into a funk" I elaborated. "But, clearly we're both alive" He nodded, his face still serious and tears glistening in his eyes. Alive but barely living, I silently added.
It was true. My heart was beating. My lungs taking in air. My mind processing what was going on around me. My soul... hanging onto life by a thread. A thread that was only maintained by the hope of helping my country and the possibility of seeing Peeta again. And Prim. Being the Mockingjay was hard, but it was the only time I felt alive, and that was only when they let me actually do something. Prim was busy at the District 13 hospital. At times, the only thing keeping me from shutting the whole world out until I died was the slim chance of being reunited with Peeta. During those times, no one mattered, only him and getting him home, or well... here, safely and alive.
Since I was reunited with him, I had smiled genuinely for the first time since the beach at the Quell, giggled for the first time since... I don't really know when the last time I giggled was. My heart was beating faster. My lungs taking in hair at a faster pace. My brain running on overdrive. My soul... felt alive, for the first time in forever. I felt alive for the first time since that they, that kiss, that moment on the beach. My whole world seemed to have lit up a bit the moment I saw his face. My whole world was engulfed in flames the moment his lips touched mine. Since, everything seemed better than it had been since... since I don't when I last felt like this either.
He broke my thoughts with a kiss on the forehead. I wondered how long I had been lost in my mind, and what was going through his when I was. Something had caused him to kiss my head like that. It didn't really matter though. I looked up at him to see a smile crawl across his face, again. His blue eyes no longer glistened with sadness but shone with love.
"You're still so beautiful" he said softly and my heart just about burst at the sweetness of his statement. I couldn't keep a smile from spreading across my face.
"Thanks" I whispered. My eyes were locked with his, a smile still on his face and his blue eyes still shining brightly. I couldn't help it and leaned over to kiss him, again. Like the first kiss since I joined him in his room, the passion took over almost immediately. Our hands released each other, mine making it's way up to his chest, where my fingers fisted a handful of his plain grey t-shirt and his making it's way to my hip. My other hand somehow found it's way to thread through his hair, again as his cupped my cheek, gently despite the hunger of the kiss. My right hip was pressed to his left and my upper body twisted in a sort of uncomfortable way. As the pure passion of the kiss overtook my entire being, I prepared to move to straddle waist.
That was until I heard the door open. Quickly pulling away from him, I turned to see none other than my little sister Prim standing there, a tray of two servings of food and a dumbfounded look on her face. I really hoped I hadn't scarred her for life and that she'd be able to look at me the same way after this.
"Ummm... I just came to bring your food" she said, a blush slowly making it's way to her cheeks, which I knew mirrored mine. "Sorry for, uh... interrupting" she mumbled. I stood up and silently took the tray from her, not trusting myself to speak. I set it behind Peeta before taking my seat next to him.
"That's okay, Prim. We were supposed to be expecting you. Besides, I think Katniss and I needed a little interrupting" I elbowed him in the rib. How dare he say that in front of my sister? She let out an embarrassed chuckle and nodded.
"I, uh... gotta go. Mom is checking on a particularly difficult patient soon and I promised I'd go to help" she told us. I knew it was a lie but who could blame her. She had just walked in on her sister making out with her... whatever Peeta was to me. She quickly scurried out of the room, shutting the door behind her. As soon as she was gone, Peeta burst out laughing. In my opinion, this was no laughing matter.
"The look on your face" he mumbled through his laughter and I couldn't help but laugh along with him, if anything at the fact that he found it so funny that my innocent little sister walked in on us. At least she did when we were still in a somewhat okay position.
Once our laughter subsided, we both ate our bowl of stew in silence. I had never seen someone eat the oiling, slimey stew they served here as fast as Peeta did and it only reminded me that he was probably fed very little back at the Capitol. I took a few more spoonfuls of mine before handing him my still half full bowl, keeping the bread roll that came with it for myself. He looked up at me with wide eyes, as if I had just given him the most precious thing in the world, and it became more evident how hungry he had been. I mentally cursed the Capitol, simply for torturing him like that. I nodded at him and he smiled before eating the rest of my bowl as quickly as he had eaten his. I slowly ate my roll, ripping of pieces as I watched him slurp down the rest of his broth. He looked up at me, looking slightly embarrassed and I just smiled at him. He smiled back, still looking embarrassed at the way he had devoured his meal. I shook my head at him, giving him the unspoken message that I understood, and handed him the last piece of my roll. He carefully ate that more slowly.
When we were finished our dinner, I reached for his hand again. I knew he was there, real and not leaving, but I still felt the need to hold him, make sure he was staying. I also wanted to make sure he was okay, since it suddenly dawned on me just how hungry he had been back there. I wanted to protect him.
"They starved you" I half-stated, half-questioned. His eyes were once again clouded with sadness.
"Not... starved. They fed me" he stated.
"Just not enough. Peeta... I can tell you lost weight" I noticed his eyes flicker. "I mean, it's not obvious, I can just tell because... You still look... great" I tried to cover. He smiled at me.
"You can tell?" he said. I nodded. "How often have you examined my body?" My jaw dropped. Here I was, trying to have a serious conversation and he's flirting?
"Peeta! I'm serious. They hurt you and..." I trailed, unsure of where I was going with this in the first place. "And that's not right" I finally settle on a way to end my sentence.
"Katniss, I know what they did to me. I just don't want to think about it... or burden you with it" he told me, sounding sad once again. I suddenly felt horrible, again.
"Peeta... I just wanted to help. And your problems are never a burden to me" I told him, running my thumb lightly over the back of his hand. When he didn't react, I brought his hand to kiss lips and kissed it softly. He looked up and his blue eyes met mine, for what seemed like the hundredth time since we reunited. "Peeta, I'm here for you if you ever want to talk about it" I told him, not breaking our eye contact.
"I know" he said back. "I just... We'll talk about it some other time. I wanna know how you're doing, Katniss"
I swallowed hard. That was one thing I didn't want to talk about, mostly because I didn't know how I was doing. When I first got here, I was miserable, mentally disoriented, depressed. Then, Coin agreed to save Peeta and I agreed to be the Mockingjay and everything got better, if only because my new role in the war was keeping me busy. Still, though, I was upset, missing home, my life before the games, my dad and the memories that were in District 12's forest, not District 13's and, most of all, Peeta. And now, Peeta was back, and, even though everything else that was wrong in my world still is, everything seems all that much better. Peeta made everything all that much better.
"I'm... okay" I told him simply.
"Katniss, do you really think that, after years of watching you, I don't know when your lying?" he asked.
"That sounded really creepy" I teased, even though I knew exactly what he meant. After that, I watched you going home everyday. Everyday, his words rang through my head. I couldn't help but smile at the memory. "But... no" I answered. "I know you know when I'm lying"
"So tell me the truth" he countered.
"The truth is, Peeta. I don't know how I'm doing. Everything's so confusing" I admitted.
He let go of my hand, worrying me at first. Turning to him, I saw that he had moved to the end of the bed, sitting with his back against the wall. He smiled at me before patting the spot next to him. I smiled back before going to take the spot he had tapped. Instantly, I reached for his hand again and rested my head on his shoulder, seeking comfort this conversation wouldn't, couldn't, bring me. He shifted to kiss my head and I smiled at the caring motion.
"Start at the beginning" he whispered to me.
"The beginning sucked. I found out District 12 was bombed, that you were at the Capitol with them doing who-knew-what to you and Johanna and Annie, and I was depressed, scarred from the Quell, horrified that Haymitch, Finnick, Beetee and Johanna had lied to us. Mentally disoriented" I explained.
"And then?" he asked.
"And then they asked me to be the Mockingjay, the face of the rebellion and I accepted. It distracted me. I would train a lot and it kept me busy. Before I accepted, I made President Coin promise to try to get Johanna, Annie, Enobaria and, of course, you, out of the Capitol safely. When I wasn't training, I was still sad, all the time. I saw the broadcast where you warned us, you looked dead but you saved a lot of us, including Prim and..." I trailed, not sure if that was a sore subject or not. It shouldn't be, I mean, Gale came in here hurt from the mission but I've been in Peeta's room, my mind on Peeta, my hand in Peeta's, my lips on Peeta's. Actually, Gale hasn't even crossed my mind since I reunited with Peeta. Is that bad?
"And Gale?" he asked. I nodded against his shoulder. "And then what?" I smiled to myself.
"You came back" I stated plainly, hoping he knew just how much that changed how I felt about life. It was no longer horrible. I had something, someone, that made me feel happy, needed, loved, cherished. I felt.. good, for the first time in forever.
We remained silent after that, his thumb rubbing against my hand, his other hand twirling the tip of my braid between his fingers. Every now and then, his lips would press into my hair. It felt so... right. Almost perfect, if only the outside world wasn't at war. The mixture of his calming actions were slowly putting me to sleep. My eyes were just drifting shut when the door opened, this time to my mother. She smiled a bit at me, sorta apologetically. I smiled back.
"Sorry. I was asked to check on you two" she explained. She turned to look at Peeta. "How you feeling?" she asked.
"I'm good, Mrs. Everdeen" he answered. "Katniss is a pretty good nurse" I had to shut my eyes to keep them from widening. Was I the only one who heard the potential for that comment to be suggestive? Why was I even thinking like that?
"I'm sure she is" agreed my mother with a smile. "I watched her heal you before" Right, the cave. His leg. The kiss. That kiss, I remembered. "Katniss?" I opened my eyes. "Should I be expecting you tonight, or...?" she trailed, knowing both Peeta and I understood. I turned to him, planning to ask what he wanted. As soon as his gaze met mine, I forgot my question. The hope and love in his eyes was undeniable. I leaned in and pecked his lips softly before turning back to my mom.
"I think I'm going to stay here" I answered. She nodded and addressed Peeta again. "You've been through a lot, so get some rest" she told him. He nodded.
My mother left the room quickly, much like Prim had earlier. I briefly wondered if she found that situation awkward or if she had a patient to get to or something. Those thoughts didn't last long though, Peeta's lips on my forehead broke them. I looked at him and met his lips in yet another sweet kiss. I felt like I'd never get enough of his soft lips. I pulled away slowly, meeting his eyes again, before crashing my lips back to his. That kiss was more urgent and hungry, as it quickly deepened. His tongue slid against mine and a moan slipped from the back of my throat. That feeling in my stomach was coming back, and I could finally place it. Need. Want, for something more than his warm lips and the movements of his tongue. The realization shook me to that core, yet made me want him all that much more. I gripped his hair tightly, holding his face against mine. He groaned softly into the kiss and I knew I had to stop before this went too far. I hesitantly pulled away, battling with the fire in my core that I was trying to extinguish.
"You should, uh... go to bed. My mom said you needed to rest" I told him.
"You'll stay?" he asked.
"Always" I answered, as the times he had told me the exact same thing ran through my head. He smiled, satisfied, and slowly moved to lay down. I layed down to, resting my head on his chest. His heart beat against my ear. We remained like that, silent, for a little while and I wondered if he had fallen asleep. Until he spoke.
"Katniss?"
"Yeah, Peeta?" I responded.
"I love you" he told me and my heart jumped. Since when do those words make me feel like that? I wondered.
"I know" I whispered, silently adding I love you too, not quite ready to hear myself say it out loud. I waited for him to drift off, which didn't take long. "Me too" I said softly, right before drifting off into nightmare-less oblivion.