I wasn't supposed to update this but I thought, fuck it. Let's do this. It's a little thing but I hope you like it! Mistakes are mine. 1: 00am here and I have work tomorrow.. so goodnight and good morning to others! :)
There was no union.
There was supposed to be one but it didn't happened. The second curse struck just before the set of their wedding date and I had to be the one to counter it. It was also the reason that I was able to be separated with Emma. I was devastated to know that I will not be able to be with Henry and at the same time, Emma.
But I thought it was the best.
Giving her the happy ending that she deserved.
When Charming said that she can be like everyone else…. Happy. I thought I saw her eyes flicked on me or maybe I was imagining things, so I made a speech about only wanting Henry's happiness with the notion that the both of them could be happy without me.
It was like running away from all of the troubles, never looking back.
That was what I wanted when she accepted the proposal, but I guess, happy ending wasn't for me.
When I saw her talking to Neal, I can't help but feel jealousy on my veins but I never had the right to feel that way. I was kept secret.
I don't get to feel anything.
When she said that leaving us didn't felt like a happy ending, I have to admit, I couldn't agree more. This wasn't the life I envisioned when I cast the curse the first time. I was hoping for my own happiness. I was hoping for a second chance to live the life I wanted.
When Daniel told me to love again, I wasn't expecting it in the form of Emma Swan.
I guess, I have the penchant for something peculiar.
Something that would make me feel safe.
She made me feel that I could do something other than being controlled by my own dark desires, it was the same with Daniel, he made me feel invincible, that I shouldn't fear my mother because of her magic.
With the second curse, it made me think that maybe it was destined for us to part.
Maybe what we had wasn't real and it was time for me to go back to reality. It was as if even Fate didn't want us to be together.
It has been a year. It's funny how life works, I was supposed to leave the day of her union. I wasn't planning to go back to Enchanted Forest but I wanted to be away. I can't see her marrying someone when a part of me still believed that at least half of her heart belonged to me.
Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, the wedding didn't occur.
Still, I didn't get to have my happy ending.
I was separated with Henry.
And her.
As much as I wanted to push away the thought of her as my destined happiness, I know in my heart of hearts that she was the one that I wanted.
I choose her.
But she didn't choose me.
I was hurt deeply when she made her decision. It wasn't me. I gave her so many chances to do the thing that we both think were right.
To choose each other.
I did.
She didn't.
It was honestly a little bit hysterical, I thought I finally accepted the fact that no one will ever choose me. Until she came.
She made me feel that I was worth it. She made me feel safe. She saved my life a couple of times, and after the third time, the excuse of Henry not wanting to get me hurt was getting really old.
I had thought then that she was different.
But she wasn't.
It has been a year and I feel fucking pathetic for still wanting her.
She was staring at me with glossy eyes. I can see that she wanted to run to me but she can't. No one knew about us except for Henry—who at the moment didn't know anything at all.
I choose to walk away. Before I could even begin to step away using the back exit of the diner, she cornered me.
"How are you?" was her idiotic first line.
I didn't answer. I tried walking away but she didn't let me. She held my face and she leaned. She gave a chaste kiss on my lips and I wanted to curse myself for feeling butterflies on my stomach. She slowly walked forward making me walked back, until I can't anymore.
I was trapped between her and the wall. She slowly kissed my lips over and over as if she was trying to say something It has been a year and her effects on me is still the same. She slowly ran her tongue on my lower lip. I was too drunk with the kiss she was giving me that I gave her access to easily slip her tongue to my mouth. She explored her ways and lead the dance of our tongues. She pushed herself to me closing the non-existent distance between us. The other hand that was holding my face slowly ran towards my neck and to my left breast, she slowly kneaded it and I moaned.
It has been a long time.
And when she pushed her knees between my legs… I knew it had to stop.
"No." I whispered when she moved her lips onto my neck. I gently pushed her away and I was met by her dark green eyes. I knew this look. She was asking my why.
"I don't want to be your secret."
I untangled myself to her, without glancing back, I walked away.
I shouldn't let myself fall back to the trap that was Emma Swan. I knew I moved on.
Or I think I did.
And I know I have to.
Whatever happened between was will still be a vicious cycle if she continued to live in her fear of everyone knowing and hating. She was a 'sucked it all up-I don't give a damn' kind of woman but the moment she acknowledge her weakness—her wanting a family—she changed.
She didn't seemed weak, but she didn't seemed strong either. It was like she rely on what was dictated to her.
She became the savior.
I lost the love of my life.
It was a wrong thought I know but the moment she accepted her responsibility, she lost all the bravado of being no nonsense to people. And that's when I started being a secret.
I was the stress reliever, the one who soothes the pains when no one was around. I miss those days but it's over.
She chose them, and she lost all the right to claim me when she did that.
It was a week after she came back when I met him. He was gentleman but rather full of himself.
He reminded me of her.
He was Robin Hood, the thief. He has a son who undeniably captured my heart the moment she gave me a flower from a nearby plant. It was having a glimpse of a family that I was dreaming of.
Then I saw his tattoo.
My mind swirl back to the years when I met the green fairy. She told me that I could find love and that the pixie dust never get things wrong.
Maybe, just maybe I will be able to have my happy ending.
But I ran.
The news about Neal spread when the Charmings said that Emma found him. He lived a double life—literally. He was inside his father's body and I don't really care about.
The only sad part was he died. I was sad because without him, I wouldn't have Henry. That was the only reason and maybe my heart was crying for Emma as well. I saw her heart crushed. She was the one who has to separate him from Rumple's body.
Thinking about it now, everything that was happening was all because Rumple wanted to bring back his son, only to lose him altogether.
What will happen now?
All I know is that I wanted to take Emma into my arms and comfort her but, I shouldn't. I pushed her away. I don't want to see her getting hurt but seeing her with swollen eyes for him was like a bullet shot straight to my heart. Maybe it was a good thing that the pirate was there.
He gave his ship away for her anyways.
It wasn't like I didn't sacrifice my own happy ending for her. Right?
Everything was doing fine. I am already with Robin. I took the plunge—as what they say—and dive. If Emma wanted to be happy then so be it, I should too.
Seeing her kissed him made me want to vomit. What's another guy to swoon over right? She'll always choose the straight path of Storybrooke.
Maybe I just need to accept the fact that I will never be enough for her. That she'll still look for masculinity over my glorious twins. They were engaged in a heavy make out session when we walked in. Roland was chattering loudly that made them looked at the disturbance.
What's the use of hiding the hurt when she was used to it by now.
First it was Neal, now this one hand wonder.
I know I should probably stopped because as desperate as I am to be with her, I still wouldn't allow myself to be kept hidden. I want to be free on saying who I love but I guess, it was destined for me not to be able to.
There was Daniel.
The was her.
She looked at me in the eyes as if she was conveying something akin to longing. I was longing for her too. But she still haven't prove anything to me.
I love her.
I don't know if she did love me too.
She stood and walked towards me. She said something about wanting to meet someone that still think of me as the Evil Queen.
She was about to call her but we were met by a family reuniting. A mother seeing her boys again.
A couple finally having a second chance for love.
I laughed.
Maybe I wasn't just destined to shout to the whole world who I love.
Maybe I was destined to never have a happy ending.
Again, she ruined my second chance.
"You did this?" I said. I am not sure if I'll be amused or mad at her.
Maybe Rumple was right, Villains don't get their happy ending.
I shook my head at her. She was looking at me with her pleading green eyes. She tried to held my hand but I didn't let her.
I run.
Tears were streaming down my face.
Why can't she let me be happy? Am I not allowed to have at least a little amount of happiness that would last longer than a month?
Why did she have to ruined it again?!
I collapsed at the alley just around the corner of the diner. I allowed myself to finally cry.
"R-Regina." She started. I shook my head.
I didn't want to see her.
"Regina please I didn't know."
"Of course you didn't. What's another hurt for the evil queen right?" I asked.
"Regina, you know I wouldn't hurt you."
Wrong.
"Do I? Do I really know if you wouldn't hurt me when all you did was hurt me. The moment you walked into my life, all you did was to hurt me. First, Henry. Then there was the I love you but in secret and I have to marry my so called True Love because it was needed. Then I gave my happy ending away for you to escape the curse again. And you came back barging in trying to make me your secret again and engaged yourself to a one hand wonder. Now, this. You just took away my second chance. I can't believe you anymore."
"Regina, I'm really sorry. I didn't meant to. I don't want you to be my secret but you started seeing Robin. I was ready to be with you. I was ready to love you the way you wanted to be love. I wanted the moment we came back to be the second chance we were talking about when we formally end our relationship, but you pushed me away in the diner."
"So, me hurting right now is my fault?" I asked her in disbelief. How dare she say tha?!
"No! it's mine Regina. If I wasn't too scared to what other's will say then maybe it wouldn't take us long. I love you."
"I don't know if I will ever believe you again."
"Please Regina. Please." She pleaded. She was holding me now. I wonder when she crossed our distance. She just did.
She was looking at me intensely that I had to look away. I didn't want to see her eye full of regret and longing. I don't want her pity and how could she say all of these things to me when she was engage in a tongue duel moments ago.
"You want me to believe you? Really? A while ago you were with Killian. And now you tell me you love me. Cut the crap, Emma!" I shouted.
"I love you." She whispered. She forced me to look into her eyes. Maybe to see her sincerity but I can't.
"I love you." She said again.
"I will say that forever until you believe me. Killian and I? There was never an us. I kissed him because I was caught in the moment. But I love you. I love you and I want to be with you. Regina, this could be our second chance. Please believe me." Emma pleaded.
I don't know what else to say. A part of me wanted to run and leave. A bigger part of me wanted to believe her.
"I love you and if I have to court you I will." Emma said with finality.
"I love you too." I concede. "but I don't know if will be able to trust you again."
She closed her eyes. She pulled me again to her.
"I will make you trust me again. I'll be your white knight. Your true love. Your second chance. I will do everything to have you back. Because I love you. And I will wait forever for you."
"Actions speak louder than words" I said.
With that she kissed me on the lips. It wasn't what I meant when I said those words but when she kissed me, I felt something I had never felt with Robin. Love.
Maybe, this was the start.
Maybe I could trust her again.
Maybe being with her is the Happy Ending I've been wishing for.
Fin
I know the story telling was quite rush but I just had to let it all out or else I wouldn't be able to write anymore. So, thank you for reading this! I love you all.
-ja