Hi guys, I know I haven't been on at all, I'm so sorry. I'm dealing with boatloads of shit and just ugh. but I'm back now! Missed y'all!

This little plot bunny happened when I was thinking about Christmas letters and all that. Cute little oneshot.

"I've got an idea."

Tony looked up, annoyed.

"Can't you see I'm busy sulking, Probie?" Tony grumbled. Which wasn't false- he was particularly surly today. McGee forgot to get him his coffee this morning and it was downhill from there. Of course, it was the first Christmas without...

No, he scolded himself. Shut up. You're only making it worse for yourself.

Bishop cocked her head and frowned. "McGee, help me out here. Tony is moping again."

"No can do, Bishop." McGee said, without even glancing upward. "When Tony sulks, it's like he's in a pit of quicksand- no one can pull him out and he's staying there for a while."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Oh please, McTweeny, I've seen you in funks, and I didn't give you crap."

"Just saying."

"Shut up."

"You shut up."

"McGee, I'm gonna-"

"Gonna what? Finish that threat, Tony. I dare you."

Tony waved a #2 pencil. "I'm gonna take this pencil and shove it right up your-"

"Guys!" Bishop stared at the both of them. "What are you, five?"

Tony sat back and folded his arms.

"He started it." Tony grumbled.

"And I'll finish it." A third voice growled.

"Sorry, boss." McGee quickly apologized. Tony cast him a nasty look.

"As I was saying," Bishop started again, "I think we should get out. There's a little Christmas thing going on at the mall, we should go!"

Tony laughed. "That'd sound like fun, Probette, except we're grown men. We don't need to visit Santa."

Bishop rolled her eyes. "I just meant you boys need to pick up. Have a little fun. Come on."

"Bishop-" McGee started. Gibbs came walking in with his coat.

"I think it's a great idea. Grab your coats, boys, we're going out to the mall."

"But boss-"

Gibbs turned. "Did I say this was open for discussion, DiNozzo?"

Tony fell silent. "No, sir."

"Now come on. Get some damn Christmas spirit."

McGee snickered.

"Shut up, McGee."

The mall was covered in tinsel. Baskets of poinsettias were everywhere, and every shop had fake snow and Christmas decorations up. There were families everywhere. Tony spotted a couple kissing under mistletoe. He scowled.

"Get a room. There are children." He barked. The couple shot him a nasty look before walking away, hand in hand.

"Tony, lighten up." McGee said, shaking his head. Tony suddenly felt a little guilty.

They stopped at a little booth. The sign above read "Write a letter to Santa!" Bishop and McGee had already started, grabbing pieces and sitting down.

"Come on Tony, write one!" Bishop said, smiling. Tony leaned over and started reading Tim's.

"Hey, no reading mine!" He cried, covering it.

"What do you want from Santa, little Tim?" Tony laughed.

Tim narrowed his eyes. "How about nicer coworkers?" He muttered under his breath.

Gibbs grabbed two pieces of paper and two red pens. He handed one of each to Tony.

"Write." He said simply.

"Boss," He looked at him, laughing. "You've got to be joking."

"Well, I'm not. At all."

Bishop looked at him across the table.

"Come on, Tony. There's not anything you want for Christmas?" She stared at him.

"Well, n-"

He stopped. He looked down, and began to write.

Dear Santa;

I am a grown goddamn man. Why the hell I am writing you this letter is beyond me. But it's my last shot. My last desperate attempt at this. I guess I'm really losing my mind, huh? What I really want for Christmas...I want her back. I want the chance to be back on that tarmac and chase her. I want my Ziva back. Please. I think I'm losing my mind without her. I don't sleep, I just lay awake thinking...thinking what could have been. If I had the balls to ask her sooner, would she have left? Would I be writing this? I don't know. I don't know anymore. But her desk is empty and that makes me sadder than anything. Please, Santa. I want nothing more than to have her on my doorstep, for her to walk through those elevator doors. I need her. I ned her and it took me six years and her leaving for me to figure it out.

Oh well. Merry Christmas, I guess.

-Tony DiNozzo Jr.

He put down the pen. He gave it one last look-over before sealing it in an envelope and putting it in the little slot. The mothers standing beside it cast him funny looks, but he didn't care. He was smiling. He was truly smiling, for the first time in what felt like forever. it felt like a little of the heavy weight on his chest had been lifted. McGee clapped him on the back.

"You know," Tony said suddenly. 'Let's get some cocoa and gingerbread cookies. I'm buying."

Christmas day...

"Amen." The people at the table murmured. They got their knives out and began to dig at the turkey in front of them.

"Looks delicious, Dr. Mallard." Bishop said shyly.

"Ducky makes the best turkey." Abby beamed.

"Please, none of this would have been possibly without Anthony and Abigail." Ducky waved off her compliment.

Tony smiled. "No problem, Duck. I was more than happy that you honored me with being host this year."

Gibbs raised his glass. "Merry Christmas, guys."

"Merry Christmas." The table said in unison, raising their glasses. McGee dug into the food on his plate.

"Chew with your mouth closed, Tim, you sound like a retarded horse." Tony rolled his eyes.

"I'm not the one with multiple stains on his shirt already."

"That's from cooking!"

The two suddenly burst out laughing.

"We're a family again!" Abby cried.

"Except for..." McGee started. He didn't have to finish to make clear whose spot was empty.

There were a few knocks on the door.

Palmer stood up. "I got it-"

"Ah, it's okay, Jimmy. I can get it." Tony stood up. "It's probably my dad."

He walked out into the living room and opened the door.

"Ziva?"

"Hi, Tony..." She said awkwardly.

"Ziva...oh my god, I missed you." He hugged her tightly. It took her a moment before she hugged him back.

"I missed you, too." She said quietly.

He broke the hug. "Why-how-"

"Well...a few days ago...I found this on my doorstep." She held up an unmarked envelope that looked familiar. "And...and this letter..."

She took out the letter Tony had written. His eyes widened. How...?

"How the hell...?"

"I don't know if it was a prank or...or something else...or what..."

"I wrote that- I just- how the f-"

"It was...beautiful." She said. "And kinda heartbreaking. And I don't care how it came, I needed it. I realized that I wanted to be home for the holidays. I wanted to be home all the time. With my family." She put her hand on Tony's cheek. "And with the man I loved."

It was so natural he didn't even have to think. He leaned in and met her lips softly. His heart was pounding out of his chest and he smiled into the kiss. They broke apart after some time.

"Come on. There are people who wanna see you." He smiled.

"Hey Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"Merry Christmas."

He paused. "It's merry now." He intertwined his fingers with hers, and together they walked in.

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry i just I just I just -FEELS-

It's so cheesy but whatever shut up.

I needed this.

Love you all, read and review!

-Vi