A/N: the usual disclaimers apply- Daria and related characters are the property of MTV/Viacom or whomever has acquired ownership. This is a work of fanfiction, done entirely for fun and no profit whatsoever…no money or other valuable instruments have changed hands…nothing, nada.

Okay. Listen up.

Have you ever wondered what goes on in the mind of a cat as it sits in what appears to be extended contemplation of the nature of life? Did you think that they were sleeping?

Hah!

They were composing 'pathic letters to other cats. It's a lot of work, so it's often followed by immediate and deep sleep, particularly if they include images in their letters. They can do that, recovering images from their visual cortexes and reformatting them as attachments. I hear that they also are working on a feline version of Facebook, so think about that before doing embarrassing things in front of a cat.

I offer this set of drabbles with sincerest apologies to the late Natsume Sōseki, author of I am a Cat (and the late Isaac Asimov, for the title of this first chapter.) And of course, a salute to that pioneering website that has a similar name and also seems fixated on felines.

Enjoy, if you can. You don't have to read this, if knowing the truth frightens you.

Oh, yeah...completely forgot to mention that these two are the cats existing in the world of my other stories Sisters and Friends, and Notes 1. (Duh!)

May I Have a Cheeseburger?

Chapt. 1

I, Weevil

My Dearest Fiona,

It was quite the pleasure to meet you over the holidays. I trust that this is the start of a long and mutually beneficial relationship.

I must say I found your humans to be extremely entertaining, particularly the male elder Jake. I continue to marvel at even the possibility that he sired my mistress Daria. The matriarch Helen, on the other hand, clearly shares the same intellectual facility as my Daria. I find it quite fascinating that humans come in such a wide range of patterns and expression.

The one called Annie seems to have a great affection for you, and our kind in general. She is quite skilled at gentle grooming. It is a pity that she is not part of your immediate household.

Your younger female, the one called Quinn, seems also quite taken by you. She and Annie appear to be bonded, as my Daria and Jane are.

Are your Quinn and Annie mated as yet? They both seem to be quite desirable as humans go. I was surprised to note that they were not accompanied by males during the holidays.

My Daria and Trent are mated, as I think was quite obvious; my Jane as well, although Jane's mate does not reside here on a permanent basis. Perhaps that is just as well, as I am currently composing this message from the common room, having been summarily ejected from my favored laundry basket as my Daria and Trent engage in something that they seem quite fond of doing. Whatever it is, my normally reserved mistress seems quite vocally enthusiastic about it.

Anyway, I must rest. Letters are quite exhausting for me. Until next we 'path, I wish you warm sunshine and fine dining.

Yours,

Weevil Morgendorffer-Lane