Twoshot based off of Kate Nash's cover of the song "I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance (With You)" HAHAHAHAHA LONG TITLE.

You are the girl, that I've been dreaming of,

Ever since I was a little girl

Isabel had loved Lovina pretty much since she was born…

Okay, well, not that early on. Their mothers, though, had been work friends, so she had loved Lovina ever since she was two and her Auntie had gotten pregnant.

At first, it had been sisterly, especially back when Lovina was just a lump in Auntie's stomach, but… after a while, it had grown to be a bit more than that.

It had started right around when she hit puberty. At first, there had been that awkward stage where she was embarrassed about liking boys, and then… she had realized that she didn't like boys at all. In fact, she liked girls, but mostly she liked Lovina…

Lovina, at the time, had been a pink raincoat-wearing eleven-year-old that Isabel walked to and from elementary school and then stayed at home with while their moms were at work. They played video games and made peanut butter sandwiches and watched stupid Disney movies, and they were best friends.

One!

I'm biting my tongue

This had all changed when Isabel, in tenth grade, had met Alice, who had long blonde hair, green eyes, glasses, and a pouty expression on her face, quite reminiscent of Lovina. This might have been a lot of the reason that Isabel was into her in the first place, because Alice was pretty weird (she was convinced she was a witch and talked to her "magical friends") and she also totally and completely hated Isabel, which was something that usually deterred her.

But, because she was young and wanted to impress Lovina- and possibly make her jealous -she told her that she and Alice were dating.

Almost as if Isabel had given her permission, Lovina immediately went out and got herself an eighth-grade boyfriend, a stereotypical American boy with basketball shorts and a t-shirt of a matching color. She then proceeded to tell Isabel all about her love life, and how much they kissed and hugged- which was basically all the time, apparently.

Two!

He's kissin' on you

This was, of course, incredibly annoying for Isabel, but she managed to hold in her annoyance, even as Lovina went from preteen boyfriend to preteen boyfriend, nearly sending her over the edge.

As soon as Lovina entered high school, though, Isabel decided that it was fair game, and did her best to pursue her best friend.

Three!

Can't you see?

One! Two! Three! Four!

It… didn't really work. Lovina was dense about feelings- surprisingly enough, considering how romantically inclined she was -and her mother was very, very Catholic. Lovina didn't really know anything about lesbians, and Isabel hadn't actually told her that the "person she was dating"- aka Alice -was a girl. In fact, she had said she was a college-aged guy who she would never meet. Basically, Isabel had lied, lied, lied, just to make Lovina jealous, and it hadn't even worked.

All through high school, Isabel did her very, very best, but it was never enough to attract Lovina's attention. The most she got was a kiss on the cheek after inviting Lovina to go to prom with her- before being turned down because she had been asked by someone else.

After that, it was a downward spiral. Lovina had gotten a boyfriend, a job, and a life, and Isabel was left inviting her out every once in a while and having her bring her stupid, rhythmless boyfriend out with her. Isabel, being nice, had managed not to point out that the idiot had not been invited, but it was hard.

Word's on the streets and it's all out too

I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you

Isabel leaned against the bar, grumbling into her shot glass of vodka.

"He's graceless!" she said, kind-of to the bartender.

"Sweetie, I know," he said, leaning toward her. "Like, that boy can't dance worth shit!"

"I can dance," Isabel said, miffed. "I can dance really well!"

"I'm sure you can, hon," said the man, tapping his long, pink-painted nails against the hard counter she was leaning on. "Now, how about some Caribbean rum to get your spirits up so you can steal away your girl?"

Isabel grumbled, then downed the rest of her vodka and stood up straight. She made as if to confront Lovina, then turned back to the man. "Okay… gimme the rum."

"'Course, love," he said with a grin. Quick as a flash, the rum was set before her, and she drank it down as fast as she had drunk the vodka.

She set the glass down on the counter in a very slow, gentle movement, so as not to break it. Her head felt… fuzzy… and… and… she wanted to lie down… but more than that, she wanted to dance with Lovina, and that's what she would do.

He's got two left feet and he bangs my mood

I'm not gonna teach him how to dance! dance! dance! dance!

She watched as Lovina and her stupid boyfriend- Alfred F. Something-or-other, with the "f" probably standing for "fuck-witted-moron-face" -danced together, and she just felt really bad for… well, everyone who had to witness this! Alfred danced with limbs all akimbo, which would have been okay if he hadn't been over six feet tall. His arms and legs flailed around everywhere, and his enormous body loomed over Lovina like a mountain, shoving her back into a darkened corner. Isabel could see as Lovina sort of tried to dance, but with Alfred overshadowing her she had no opportunity to really let loose like she knew her friend wanted to.

Normally, Isabel would have held herself back, but the alcohol- coupled with the fact that she had invited Lovina out for the sole purpose so that they could dance together -made her ignore her usual urge to hold herself back and respect Lovina's boundaries.

She did not, at the very least, push Alfred away. She wouldn't stoop that low for a girl. Besides, it wasn't as if it was particularly hard to edge in around him.

Because it was dark and the music was loud, she had to put her mouth close to Lovina's ear and yell, so close that it made her lips tingle at the proximity.

"Want to dance?"

It wasn't much of a question, and so it didn't require an answer. Lovina was a straightforward kind of person- one of the many, many traits Isabel loved about her -and she especially didn't beat around the bush when she was pissed. Alfred might not have known it, but Lovina was pissed. Isabel could see it in the way she moved; she didn't even have to see her face.

Lovina grabbed Isabel's hand, and they moved away from Alfred's immense presence. He was so caught up in his dancing that he didn't even notice them leave.

The second I do, I know that we'll be through

I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you

They made their way deeper into the dark, crowded dancefloor. Once they had found an free patch of floor- well, a less-taken patch of floor -they began to dance.

Isabel's mind wandered and, as it usually did when it wandered, it wandered to Lovina. Specifically, in tonight's case, the way she danced. She moved freely now that she was away from Alfred, arms in the air, hair in her face. Her body swerved and contorted in ways that made Isabel breathless, and the short black dress she was wearing suddenly seemed like a bad choice of outfit. Isabel was never going to let her go back to Alfred wearing something like that.

She tried to tell herself it was in a protective, elder-sister way that she thought this, but it really wasn't…

Lovina moved closer and closer to Isabel, dancing on, winding her body around hers, and suddenly the older woman wished that they hadn't known each other for so long, because then her almost-sister would leave her out of her make-Alfred-jealous plans. After all, that was the only reason she would be dancing so close to her.

I suspect a thing that I wish I didn't do

I'm not gonna teach him how to dance! dance! dance! dance!

Isabel backed away, slowing in her movements. She was jostled by the crowd of dancers around her, but she held herself steady, crossing her arms over her chest.

Lovina looked over, confused. What's wrong? she mouthed.

"I'm not doing this!" Isabel shouted, trying to be heard over the din. "I'm not dancing with you and making him jealous!"

What? Lovina looked confused. She took a step closer, but Isabel countered by taking another step away. What is it?

"I told you, I'm not- I won't be a part of your silly little plans! Not any longer!"

Lovina frowned. Let's go outside, we'll talk out there. I can't hear you.

Isabel stamped her foot on the floor- something else that wouldn't have happened if not for all the alcohol she'd consumed. "No!" Isabel covered her ears to block out the music. "I just- fine, I guess I'll say it now, since you can't hear it!"

Famous last words, if I've ever heard any.

You are the girl that I've been dreaming of

Ever since I was a little girl

"I love you, okay? But not like sisters, like I always say, but like… like… like a lesbian, because that's what I am!"

She removed her hands from her ears to deafening silence. Everyone in the entire club was staring at her; she didn't dare look at Lovina.

"Wow," she said, and her voice sounded disconcertingly distant, as if whatever rope connecting it to her body had been severed. "If I weren't so drunk, I'd be really embarrassed."

One!

I'm biting my tongue

A/N Psst! Don't tell anyone this is a songfic! :'D

Yay for yuri! Yay for songfics! Yay for... not... updating... *sobs* I FORMALLY APOLOGIZE TO EVERYONE. I haven't been busy, I just haven't done it yet. Whichever fic you think I'm talking about. It can only ever be one of many.

Anyway! Enjoy, review, whatever the other "r" in R&R stands for (I've forgotten), and... um, eat cake I guess. I dunno.

Oh, and because I feel like someone might possibly feel I'm straight-bashing or something, I'd just like to say that I have nothing against straight people or guys, I just don't like RomErica and I don't like AMERICA. So. Yeah.