Twice upon a time, once again in that world that only creepy fangirls wish existed...

So, if you remember, John was pregnant with Sherlock's baby. Because Mpreg is totally a thing.

"Sherlock! Be honest, does this mustache match my belly?" John was still pregnant as ever and now he also had a mustache and it was all just no.

"No and also you have stuff in it. I want to taste it. But I have like four patches on my arm right now because there's a four patch problem and it's you."

John is now hurt. He is John Hurt. This fic is now about Doctor Who.

So John set out to go do a thing elsewhere. As he was leaving, Mrs. Hudson asked, "HEY CARE FOR A CUPPA?!"

"SHOVE YOUR CUPPA." He couldn't handle his pregnancy and slammed the door while kinda wishing he had actually taken the tea because tea sounds really nice right now wow I want some.

So he went to Mycroft's place. Wherever that shit is.

"Oh cool baby Ethel Agnes is kicking." He rubbed his tummy whilest licking his thick and creepy mustache. The whole thing was terrifying.

Mycroft answered the door with all his sass. "Hey I'm here and I'm sassy."

"This is your house?"

"Oh. Right, I knew you'd say that. Also Greg is here and we were doing stuff. Like each other. And butt things. COME IN!"

"Lestrade? ALSO DON'T SAY THOSE THINGS IN FRONT OF MY UNBORN CHILD SHE/HE MAY NOT HAVE EARS YET BUT LITTLE ETHEL AGNES HARRIET IS PROBABLY SENSITIVE YOU SASS ASS."

"Well." He just kinda shut the door in John's face.

John's pregnant self couldn't handle this sassory. "NO OPEN UP BBY I CAN CHANGE."

Lestrade opened the door a bit and put his mouth up to John's ear and whispered, "Hey lil momma lemme whisper in your ear." Because John was gonna be a momma. And he was whispering.

John noped so hard he left.

He returned to Sherlock. Who was now wearing seven patches and probably going into a coma almost or something.

"So Mycroft isn't the godmother anymore." John informed Sherlock while trying to murder the shit out of the memory of what just happened because that was really fucking weird. Like even weirder than the fact that he was pregnant. "Cuz like what just happened was worse than the time you said 'man-gina' with a straight face."

Sherlock's face was more pale than Banderquip Crumplesack's face usually is. "No sex for you tonight, mustache man."

"Your loss for not gettin' any of this sweet mustache ride, then."

Sherlock's face was the perfect combination of "what the fuck" and "I am no longer sexually attracted to you".

John sashayed away with his somewhat preggo belly and mustache. Enjoy that image.

He went to go get tea that Mrs. Hudson had probably made because that's pretty much all she does because she's not their housekeeper. Tea calms his preggo rage.

So he returned to Sherlock. "So what exactly are we gonna do about this pregnancy situation?"

"John I am seriously like five seconds away from throwing myself off a building to not have to deal with this." He was now wearing a lot of things like 13 thing.

"Sherlock bby no stop threatening to do that all the time."

"Fine. I have an idea. The first idea since you broke my brain." Has Sherlock returned to normal?!1! Haha no. "Let's stick some patches on the baby."

John looked at him with big shiny kawaii desu anime eyes. "Sherlock, you're a genius!" And kissed him passionately with his hobbit mustache face.

"Yes, if you do the thing then you can totes name our baby."

"Ethel Agnes Harriet Dorothy Rose Sophia Blache."

"...Did you just list all the Golden Girls?"

"No, that's what I'm naming our baby."

THE END.