"You owe me one."

"I'll make it up to you."

All I could do was nod as Jax leaned over, placed a quick kiss on my lips, and put on his helmet. He was smirking, something I had found myself secretly hating, as the engine roared to life and SAMCRO was out. I stood in the parking lot, watching them go, before seeing Phil by the van, his hand in the air, as he waved me over. I sighed, heavily, before dragging myself towards him.

"What's up, Phil?"

"Nothing much, how are you today, Lincoln?"

"I could be better." But what did I expect? SAMCRO was always on the move, this and that, another meeting, another life saved, another death. I knew all of that. But it still hurt, when Jax made promises he couldn't keep. Especially ones when it came to Abel. It wasn't so much that I was upset that Jax had to do something for the club, it was all a part of the package deal, but it was more or less his easy attitude towards it all, his promise (that he most likely wouldn't keep) about stopping by later, and leaving me, once again, to be with his son all by myself. Of course I adored Abel, a love brewing between us that I never thought could surface, but I needed Jax there. I needed someone there for me, to tell me that I was doing well, that I could be a mother for Abel as that was surely what I was going to be. My confidence was lacking, sorely, and I was scared. Scared beyond what I could admit.

"Jax said he is planning to meet you at St. Thomas a little bit later. Is that where you would like to go?" Phil asked me, as he reached across me, opening the passenger side door.

"Yeah, I would like to go there."

And so an hour or two, turned into a few more than that, which turned into Phil knocking on the hospital door at ten to five suggesting that we grab a bite to eat. So we did, down at the cafeteria at my request, where I had some soup and tea while Phil picked up a sandwich. We ate in silence, mostly because I was fuming, and I was nervous myself about what I would say to Phil if he said anything to me. I hadn't planned to spend my entire Saturday with Abel, just a nice visit, a few Dr. Seuss books, a quick update for my sanity. All of it my routine…But now it was all I wanted. Abel had me like no one else. And every day I spent with him just proved how much deeper and deeper I was getting in with Jax. My Jax, who had been MIA since this afternoon, who didn't keep his promises, who didn't call, and who already put me in my place as an old lady.

"Lincoln, can I ask you something?"

I leaned back in the chair, studying Phil. "It better be good."

"Why did you decide to come back to the club…After everything that happened to you." I hadn't been expecting his question and Phil must have noticed because he immediately blushed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. Forgive me."

I shrugged. "It's fine. I mean, I guess I came back for Jax. For what we had, for what we have. Believe me, I feel nuts more times than I can count but at the end of the day there really is no other place that I belong more than I do here. The same can go for you, right? You join the club because it's a family."

"I think it's always been so much bigger than that."

I smiled before I patted his hand. "I think you're right."

A little while later, after it was obvious that Jax wasn't going to show up, I had Phil drive me home. He dropped me off, promised he would be outside until Jax arrived or he heard from him, and with a quick wave I was walking up the stairs to the front door. The apartment was empty, as always, and in the silence I could feel all the worry, and pain, and fear swelling up inside me, taking over, as I leaned against the door, sliding down to the floor and cried.

I had to have been crying for quite some time because eventually I felt someone pushing against the door, hard, and I moved just as Teddy came stumbling in.

"Jesus, Lincoln." She looked down at me, her eyes widening before she pointed at me. "I fucking knew it too. That twin telepathy shit is real as all hell. What happened to you?"

"You believe in twin telepathy?" I asked as I wiped my face with the back of my hand. Teddy smiled before she slumped down to the ground next to me.

"I had this feeling to stop by, I wasn't going to but then something pulled me back. Are you okay? Did something happen with Jax?"

"No, not really…I just feel so overwhelmed by everything. With what happened to you, and Hayley running away, and my attack, and getting back with Jax, and filling Wendy's shoes."

"Hold up," Teddy said, "If anything Wendy would one day have to fill your shoes. Wendy never had any shoes to fill in the first place. What she did to Abel…It's horrible and Jax will never forgive her for that. But I also understand where you are coming from and I also can see where Jax would come from if you brought this up with him. You signed up for it, Linc. No one forced you."

"I know that, and that's not what's bothering me. I just don't want Jax to take me for granted or to use me as someone who could be a mother to Abel. I want to know that I mean something to him…You saw the way Ronnie and Ima acted. How do I not know he isn't fucking Cara Cara girls left and right?"

"You don't…And you might never know. I just, I, I know Jax isn't stupid. And you know that too. He has always known what he's had with you. Hell all of SAMCRO would want you if you weren't already with Jax. You're just that good, Lincoln. The whole damn package and this little fucking pity party you are having for yourself is so lame and so not your style. You're strong, you're Jax's old lady, and you're the girl everyone should watch out for. You know it, I know it, and Jax knows it." Teddy grabbed my hand. "So wipe those damn tears, stand up, and be you."

"I love you."

"And I love you. Come on, let's get a bath started, you can read a little, maybe grade some papers, and just relax."

"Not sure how grading papers is relaxing," I said as I stood up, Teddy throwing her arm around me, as we headed towards my bedroom.

Teddy had left soon after, leaving me alone with my thoughts, until there was a pounding on the front door. Panicked I wrapped a towel around myself and ran to the door, looking through the peephole to only see Phil. I opened the door slightly.

"Yes?"

"Oh God, Lincoln…I'm so sorry. I just, I got a call. I have to take you to Jax, uh, whenever you're ready."

I rolled my eyes. "Give me a few."

"Yes, of course."

After towel drying my hair and throwing on a pair of jeans, a sweater, and boots I was ready to go. I grabbed my purse, which I had filled with all my overnight essentials for just in case, and I quickly locked the front door, meeting Phil at the van. I had assumed we were going to TM, as that was the only other place Jax and I tended to stay, but as we passed by, bikes lined up, the party already in full swing, I knew my assumption had been wrong. It was when Phil pulled up to Jax's house, a tiny one-story that everything started to connect.

"It's been fun."

I glanced over at Phil, nodded my head, and pushed open the door. He drove off, only a few seconds later, and I swallowed the lump in my throat before heading up the walkway. I knocked once and then let myself in. With all the new information I had so wonderfully received from Gemma I knew that Jax had shared this house with Wendy, while I had been off with my own relationships, and this had been where Gemma found an overdosed Wendy the day she gave birth to Abel. It wasn't exactly my idea of a home, and I felt out of place.

"Jax?" I called out, as I walked down the hallway peering into the dining room and kitchen before doubling back and toward the bedrooms. I could hear the shower running and not wanting to bother him, I stepped into the open the bedroom door where a crib was perched, Abel's name written across the top of it in blocked letters, a chair in the corner, books on the shelves, newborn baby diapers, clothes, and a baby blue blanket lying across the railing of the crib. I grabbed it, feeling the silk, before plopping down on the rocking chair.

I closed my eyes, telling myself to get accustomed to this. This was who I was going to be. This was what my life had led me to. Always back to this because in reality I was the only one, who truly, could handle Jax in his best and worst moments.

I rocked back and forth for a few minutes, before I heard the shower cut off, and Jax came out not long after wearing jeans and a t-shirt. His hair was dripping and he leaned against the dresser, looking at me, making me nervous.

"I want you to move in with me."

"I already have a place."

"Linc, come on," he began, standing up straight. "You and I both know the only reason you are staying there is because of Teddy but we also both know that Ted's ready to move on too. She can do her thing with Juice and you can be with me, here, where we can be together. We can focus on us."

"We have to do that here?" I was getting mouthy, I knew it, but I had a right. Wendy gets to live here and now me? Who is to say there wouldn't be someone after me?

"What's your problem with here?"

"What's my problem with here?" I asked as I stood up from the rocking chair, tossing the blanket back in the crib, and facing Jax. "My problem with here is that this used to be a home you shared with Wendy. All her negative energy, what she did to Abel, hell what she did to you…It just fucking lingers. And I don't know if I want that…If I want to know what this place held for you two."

Jax smirked, before he turned, clearly annoyed and picked up the piggy bank, placed on the dresser, and flung it across the room. It smashed against the wall, causing me to jump, my heart beating faster, as Jax came toward me anger and love combined into one hiding within his eyes.

"You are so fucking delusional," he shouted, stepping even closer. "First, you have your damn questions about Ima and Ronnie and now Wendy? What the hell happened to the Lincoln who didn't give a shit? Who knew that she had me like no one else? The fact that you would even assume that I was fucking around with the girls from Cara Cara, or that I actually saw a damn life with Wendy, is what pisses me off more than your damn mouth. It's always been fucking you, Lincoln. Every croweater after you, all of them, I just pictured as you. Everything that was supposed to happen in my life, settling down, having kids, all of it was supposed to happen with fucking you. And now I have you again and I'm not letting you get away. I did it once, it was the biggest mistake I could have ever made, and I am not letting it happen again. So you're moving in with me, whether you want to or not, because this is it. You and me; in it together because as much as I love you I know you feel exactly the same way."

I could feel my chest tighten, my jaw dropping, as Jax's shoulders relaxed, his face softening as he stepped back, took one look at the broken piggy bank and then left the room. Once he was gone I rushed forward, picking up the pieces of the piggy bank, vowing to purchase Abel a new one, before bringing it into the kitchen and to the garbage.

Jax was sitting at the table, smoking a cigarette, and after I washed my hands I slumped down in the seat across from him. I grabbed his pack, pulling out a cigarette, and giving it a quick light. We were silent, just the smoke filling the air, as I knew what didn't have to be said. Jax was mine. I was his. This was our life.

"I have one condition." Jax glanced at me, before nodding. "We re-decorate every room but Abel's."

"Okay."

"And maybe some couples counseling."

"Maybe you should just do what you're told."

"Maybe you shouldn't be so demanding, and then neither can disappoint the other."

Jax stubbed his cigarette in the ashtray. "Fair enough…Now, are you coming to bed with me or not?"

"Oh baby," I said with a smile. "You don't even have to ask."