Disclaimer - i do not own Homeland. That pleasure belongs to Showtime. No copyright infringement or money making scheme intended. This is purely for reading enjoyment.

A/N Big Homeland fan, big Carrie/Brody fan who is missing them on the show. This is going to be a look at various letters/notes (length will vary) Brody writes whilst on the run to try and clear his muddled mind. I am thinking about doing a separate lot from Carrie. We'll see. Reviews and constructive criticism are welcome. I struggle to translate my ideas into writing. I have tried before, however, Homeland has inspired me to give it another go, so help is appreciated. Flaming will not be.

They will be in no particular order. This is deliberate. Brody's thoughts are all over the place.

Carrie,

I want to wish you a happy Christmas, but it's not is it? You are probably blaming yourself and I need you to not do that, but I know you will. I really just need to be with you.

The tears won't stop. I'm thinking about the kids...and Jess and what this will do to them. I did this to them - this is what I would have done to them if you and Dana hadn't stopped me. Maybe I am a monster. I didn't set that bomb off at Langley and I hope you know that. It's poetic justice thought isn't it? For me, I mean. The tape used to frame me for a bombing I had nothing to do with.

I have no idea where I am or where I am going. Does it matter when I am struggling with who I am? You think there's a good man in here and I want that to be true, I need that to be true. It's hard though because you're not here and all I have are my own thoughts.