2 – My Love Stays Undeclared

The first time Faye and Diana said 'I love you', neither one of them actually listened.

Not that they had completely ignored one another or that there was a miscommunication between them. They didn't hear it because they had declared those three words only mentally.

When thinking about Faye and Diana, it's always easy to pinpoint who was the most open, honest, sweet and emotional of them both, even without personally knowing them. Not that Faye was a cold-hearted liar to the girl she was in love with, but she had a tough personality and façade to uphold on a daily basis.

So when they finally realized their feelings for each other and had to start sharing them in order to have a relationship, Faye thought that opening up to the other girl was going to be one of the hardest things she would ever do, and she wasn't wrong.

Opening up and having heart-to-hearts was definitely not her forte. Words were never her forte. She would always leave that to Miss silver-tongued Diana.

Body language was Faye's field, though. She was a master at that. For her, it was easier to speak with her own body than with actual words. And her body had been exchanging a lot of deep and meaningful words with Diana's lately.

Ever since that kiss at Valentine's day, they couldn't keep away from each other. Every little opportunity they could get to sneak around – either on bathroom breaks at school, or at the abandoned house when nobody else was there – they simply couldn't stop making out.

It would always start with gentle kisses leading up to something more heated, more passionate, where hands roam each other's bodies desperately, reaching places that entice way too much to be seem fitting.

They were both laying on a wear out couch at the abandoned house that night after the rest of the circle had already left from their weekly meeting. The two girls had stayed behind saying that they needed to have a serious 'talk', so everyone knew better than to meddle in whatever issue they had going on and let them be. Talking was the last thing on Faye's mind to be honest. She let her body talk instead.

She teased Diana's earlobe with a light bite, her neck with a slight suck at the pulse point, and her bottom lip with the tip of her tongue barely touching, never stopping her hands from clawing at her hips, or exploring her lower back, and up her front. She teased and provoked Diana into wanting more, into going further over her uptight line, into sharing their feelings for one another without the need for words.

The song their bodies were singing was exciting and beautiful, but it wasn't enough. Not with all of their clothes on. So she tried to take care of that. Fingers sneakily started to unbutton the shorter girl's shirt, pushing it open and over her shoulders. But the girl's torso didn't stay exposed for long so she could take some advantage of it.

It wasn't the first time Faye had tried that move on her. They have been doing this for almost a week and Diana had already picked up all Faye's little sneaky tricks. There was a reason she was the leader of their circle anyway. The girl was smart.

"Faye, I really did want to talk…" Diana whispered while pushing the girl on top of her way a little, so she could do the buttons of her shirt again. With that, she was effectively putting a stop on their make out session, like she usually does every time Faye tries to push her into extending their make out into something else.

It was not like Diana didn't want that to happen — because oh god, she wants to — she was just not ready to give in to the other girl in that way just yet. It was just too… soon. The taller brunette did know that. She felt the same way about something else, though. It was just too soon for them both yet.

"Why talk when we can do this…"Faye knowingly smirked while resuming her position on top of the other girl, wrapping her arms around her waist to finally pull Diana flushed against her, so she could steal her lips for an urgent kiss.

When they parted their lips for air, Diana slightly pushed Faye's face back with both hands so she could look into her eyes. "I want to keep doing this, but we really need to talk about us, about what all of this means…"

Frustrated, Faye sighed and pulled herself away, sitting on the other edge of the couch. "Fine. You talk, I'll listen." She said crossing her arms above her chest and leaning back on the couch.

Diana sat as well, but brought herself closer to the other girl. This talk needed closeness, not the other way around. "I hate to be shutting you down every time we get to this point, but there's a reason for why I do that… I don't want it to be meaningless," she confessed staring deep into hazel eyes. She could see how they softened as the words sank in. She had found that tiny crack in Faye's walls and that single flick in her eyes already gave away the answer Diana was looking for in them.

Faye 's heart had sank at hearing what was stopping Diana. The idea never crossed her mind. Did Diana think this was just a game for her, just fooling around? Because she was wrong, and she needed to know that.

"With you, it'd never be meaningless," Faye blurted out in a sudden and rare vulnerable moment.

The feelings she had been carrying within her for so long were finally coming to surface, gathering up in her mouth in a form of word vomit. She could almost feel them on the roof of her mouth, almost tumbling past her lips. "I…" The girl mumbles but stopped herself, trying her best to swallow down those three words. It's too soon.

Faye thought she could say those words lumping at her throat, though. She really thought she could. She wasn't scared of rejection anymore. For real, she wasn't. In fact, she was sure Diana felt the same about her. She wouldn't keep kissing her back if she didn't feel the same way, right?

Although, there was still something nagging at the back of her head stopping her from declaring aloud. Even knowing the other girl could probably reply with 'I love you too', Faye feared that Diana, with all her neurosis and doubts to certain things, would say what Faye deep down feared to become true... What if she say those three words and Diana simply rejects her?

Okay, so she was still afriad of the rejection. Not afraid, it was more like frightened to be honest. She couldn't bear the thought of Diana not saying 'I love you' back. She thought she wouldn't be able to live with that much of rejection. But perhaps she was just over thinking.

Despite the fact they had nothing in common and are constantly butting heads, they were somehow together, though. They had shared their first kiss less than a week ago, and were obviously exclusive since neither were seeing other people. But that wasn't confirmation enough to prove Faye they were really dating and ready to take it to the next level.

It was just way too soon and too risky, a voice in the back of her head keeping saying. The voice was right. It was too soon to open up with a love declaration. At least for her that hated opening up in the first place anyway.

The point is that, Faye has never been more insecure in her whole life. And instead of talking about what has been eating her up, she always tends to keep things left unsaid to avoid unnecessary exposure.

Diana waited a few seconds for Faye to complete her sentence. When the girl didn't say anything else, and had looked away from her, she got worried. "What is it?" she asked, waiting to know what the other girl has been meaning to say but all of the sudden had shut herself down again.

Hearing Diana's voice had snapped the Faye back to reality. She slightly shook her head to clear her clouded mind at remain focused on that moment. "Uh, nothing. Carry on." She said giving the other girl an encouraging smile.

Diana got slightly disappointed when she noted the small window of opportunity for Faye to open up had closed but she knew better than to press the girl in telling what's on her mind and what she's feeling — even if she was dying to know — so she left it at that instead. She knew Faye would come around and say whatever she wanted to say when she feel it's the right time.

"Okay..." The shorter girl replied taking in a deep breathe, gathering her courage to speak up now. "What I'm trying to say is… I want us to be serious. I really want us to work out." She paused, taking both Faye's hands in her sweaty and kind of cold hands. She was nervous about this, and she knew Faye could tell, but she did 't mind. She knew Faye all too well to know that she couldn't wait around for the other girl. "I want us to be girlfriends. Do you want that?"

At hearing Diana, the taller girl gaze deep down inside a pair of apprehensive chocolate orbs. The word vomit was avoided, but Faye couldn't help but whisper to herself those three words mentally, like they were a secret she would take to her grave. "I love you..."

She just smiled down at the beautiful girl in front of her, with her heart swelling with nothing but love, those words not passing her lips. Not yet. What she said instead was, "I do, yes."

At finally hearing Faye's reply, Diana let go of the air she didn't even noticed she was holding, in a sign of relief. Suddenly four little words appeared in her mind making her heart flutter in her chest. "I love you so…"

She was tempted in voicing them aloud. Not yet, a voice in her head said making her hold it back. "Good, then. Me too." She found herself saying instead.

"Good, then." Faye echoed the girl under her leaning down to give her nose a quick peck.

As Diana scrunched her nose and pulled Faye down to a gentle kiss, she figured it was better to keep shut for now anyway. And there was no better way than with a kiss to silence lips and thoughts.

A/N: It has been god knows how long since I last wrote a Fayana fic, but since today is Faye's birthday, I got nostalgic and went check on my Fayana projects to see if I could publish something, and then I found this chapter basically finished, so here! Don't know when I'll publish another chapter of it since sadly Fayana isn't my priority anymore, but I hope you all enjoyed this nontheless! :) xox