A/N: I can't believe I'm doing this. I would say this is a self-insert but it really isn't. All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. No pairings so far. I'm signing my own death warrant lmao. oh god just what am i doing

In-Between

"… I died?"

I sat across Ghost who continued to sip his tea. I had one as well but I didn't really feel like drinking.

"Yes, you did." His voice sounded muffled from the cup but it was audible enough.

The escalators around us groaned, shifting different souls to different destinations. Ghost and I sat at the very middle. None of the glowing corporeal bodies riding the flight of steps paid us much mind as we continued our discussion. "What's going to happen to me?" I asked out of curiosity. It was weird… I was bleeding by the neck and stomach but I don't feel a thing. Maybe it was because it was so cold in here. I felt very numb.

Ghost peered at me through his messy black locks before setting his cup down. "… It's been a while since we've had a conscious soul. Most people are unaware of this stage." It took me a while to notice that neither of our cups of tea had steam billowing out. For some reason, it made me feel uneasy.

"So… What does that mean…?"

"It means you get a chance to live twice," He murmured, "Or so it goes. You won't be able to rest until you find what you've been missing in your past life. You'll be repeating the process of life and death until you understand."

"W-What? Did I do something wrong?" I whipped my head up in alarm,

It was small, but I could see a smile on his face. "No. You didn't. And that's why…"

Moving Forward

Present Life

I held a firm belief that there was nothing after death.

Thoughts of such seemed silly back then since I was not the religious type. My priority was always my family. After high school, my friends went off to college while I had to work for money. Three minimum wage jobs to help my mother with the rent, plus I had to pay the tuition for my little brother's school. I used my free days to work extra hours, and then afterwards I'd spend my time in the bookstore to read the unwrapped books at the back shelves. I'd stay there until five in the evening before I go back home to cook for the family. All in all, I could say I had a good life. I was more or less content if my life stopped there.

But as the saying goes, life went on. I thought to myself as I stared at the vast blackness before me. I couldn't feel my hands or feet but I knew I was still there. It was a little frightening. At some point I wondered, why am I still thinking when I'm already dead?

That's when it started. The pull, the unfathomable feeling of constriction—

I breathed, I gasped, I struggled against some unfamiliar grip.

There were screams, sounding shrill and cracked. It took me a moment to realize that the screaming was coming from me. All at once, my senses came back. I choked down the horrible stench that invaded my nostrils. I squirmed, feeling sticky and disgusted; all covered insomething I couldn't recognize. I gagged from the taste that entered my mouth. I felt filthy.

I couldn't open my eyes (not yet). All I could see were orange, red, and partly blue—bleary veins, bleary colours. My tongue licked over my palate and touched nothing but gums (oh no—no nonono please no). Someone began to tuck me in a soft blanket after wiping away the muck that was pasted on my skin. I was then moved elsewhere, the light hitting harshly against my closed eyes.

"Félicitations," A low, amused voice spoke, "Vous avez une petite fille en parfaite santé. Comment s'appelle-t-elle?"

"Rei," A soft voice rumbled against me; a woman's voice. "Elle s'appelle Rei."

The roaring in my ears did nothing to help calm my nerves. All I wanted to do was cry, and cry was what I did. I didn't know if it's because I was a baby, or because of the situation itself. I was probably crying for both reasons. Someone murmured hushes in my ear but I ignored it. Too many thoughts were crashing through my mind in great haste. Questions of belief, an abundant amount of confusion—No, was what I kept repeating to myself, this can't be real.

I knew I died, I knew how I died. I remembered it all too clearly. The pain that shot through my system the minute that knife entered my throat (I choked, I recalled choking on my own blood and I couldn't ask for help) and slashed through my stomach (three times, I barely registered anything after that). Yeah, it was gruesome but the memories were still fresh.

Nevertheless I was now a newly-born infant. Reincarnated.

I don't know much about religion but I'm fairly sure reincarnation usually wiped out all your memories (clean slate, tabula rasa) before you were shoved back into your new life. And yet I knew who I was before I died; what my likes and dislikes were, how much money I earned after a tired week of work, when my original birthday was, who my family was, what I bought at the convenience store before I was assaulted (two cups of instant noodles, an energy drink, and a box of cheese crackers for my little brother).

Of course, I don't really have any right to question or complain the process of rebirth. How the cycle works is something that would probably be an enigma to me until I receive my second death. Or have I been reincarnated many times before? This is becoming confusing.

But enough of that. Being a philosopher won't change the situation I landed in. It was safe to say I was in the country of France, given their nasal accent and their flowing words. Their language is very distinguishable just like the endearing roughness of Italian, and the sharp intonations of German. Sometimes I would catch my caretakers speaking English as well so it gave me a bit of comfort.

Yes, I said caretakers. It took a few days before I got to open my eyes and unclench my little fists but I caught fleeting images of maids ushered to and fro. Maids. I've never had maids before. It was only mom and I who took care of my brother. I could count at least five over the past few days, and not a sign of my new mother. At one point I mistook the head maid as my new mother since she was always present by my cot. I entertained the idea that she had died during childbirth, but then it became clearer and clearer that she wasn't dead. She just didn't have the time to come by the west wing to meet her new baby girl.

I heard gossips from the maids, "Milady is off somewhere, always so busy." I figured it was work, just like my new father. I have yet to see any of them during my time here and it was a little upsetting. I haven't even seen what I looked like in front of the mirror. The maids were the ones who dressed, changed my diapers, fed me, and provided me milk. As much as I was grateful for not getting any breastfed milk (I'd rather not think about it, period), I was worried about the consequences. I remembered Health class in high school and the importance of milk from mothers that fought off infection and illnesses.

Still, the maids didn't seem too iffy about it so I only hoped they knew what they were doing. One thing I did learn from all of this was my name. It didn't sound French or English—it sounded Japanese. My new name was Tanaka Rei. It couldn't get any more common than that. The surname Tanaka is best described as the Mr Smith of the Japanese folk.

The commonness of the name was a huge contrast to the family I was born into. I wasn't sure if I've hit the jackpot in the reincarnation cycle. I mean most people would think that way. But I assure you, it isn't as perfect as it seems. Let me explain in better detail. There is a big difference from my first life to my new life. First is the money. I am not joking when I say the Tanaka family is filthy rich. I know it's stupid of me to feel wrong about it, but I just wasn't used to the wealth and extravagance behind the family name. Everything felt off, wrong. It was like I stole someone's life away. I felt like an imposter.

Second was the fact that I am an only-child. I have no younger or older siblings to interact with in this ridiculously enormous house. I haven't even seen my mother and father and it took roughly around a month or two before I actually had a glimpse of them. Tanaka Hideo was what every entrepreneur strived to be: rich, powerful, and filled with grandeur. He knew his business like the back of his hand, and how to please potential partners in the corporate world. In short, he was an ideal businessman but not an ideal father.

The only days I've seen Hideo was when I was brought to parties hosted in our very own mansion and shown off like a prized trophy. Tanaka Rei, the future heiress of the Tanaka family. Dressed in a ridiculously frilly dress for babies, I was introduced to his clients and partners. "And this is my daughter Rei," He would always tell them. There would be cooing, and silly faces. I didn't respond since I didn't have teeth yet. That was something I'm not excited about… teething.

My mother wasn't Japanese, but part-French. That explains the living in France part—her name was Marie Dufaure. Contrary to my earlier belief, she didn't go off to work. No, she spent most of her time attending luxurious fashion shows and dinner parties. She was the Daisy Buchanan of the family: young, beautiful, and so full of life. But she was inexperienced. She married Hideo out of a summer fling, thinking it was true love. She wasn't ready for commitment. Marie didn't know how to be a mother, and so she left the job to the maids.

That's pretty much it about the Tanaka family. I didn't think of it too much of it since I never pictured them to be 'my parents'. I had my own family back in my first life, and they are irreplaceable. Most of my days consisted of being doted on by the maids. It was something I wasn't used to. I didn't appreciate being babied—after all, I was a grown woman on the inside.

So unlike the rest of the entire infant population, I rarely giggled and gargled over my own spit. I was quiet, a lot more restrained than the usual baby. I don't cry like them, but I did move around uncomfortably when I'm sitting on my own dump. That's one of the bad things about being young again. You can't control your bladder. When you want to tinkle, it just comes. When you want to take a dump—you get the point.

Skipping all that aside, I'd rather not bore you about my younger infant days but get on to the real story. Now you know who I am, who my family was, what sort of economic background I now hail from. I tried to make a good summary of my situation and I hope it helped clear things up.

Let's talk about what was wrong with this world I now lived in.

I didn't really pay attention to my surroundings until later on when I could see much clearer. Probably around a year since I've arrived in this life, past all those blurry memories of eating, drinking milk, doing my business, bathing, and moving around in my crib. The mansion for one was impossibly big. I'm not bragging or anything, but I'm pretty sure even billionaires don't have this kind of house. Second was the fine, thick lines that covered every person I've seen so far. It's almost as if they were distinguished like drawn characters. Imagine my surprise when I finally found out what exactly was wrong about my new life. A shoujo anime, who would have guessed? (Hint: not me.)

It was one of those rare occasions where I was carted off to the east wing where my father's office was. The door that led to his room was intimidating, furbished mahogany with brass hinges. The room was as dark as its door with maroon carpets, and velvet drapes. Old books were stacked high up to the ceiling, covered in dust, and Hideo sat behind his desk. He was talking on the phone, alternating between English and Japanese.

"… To be married… yes, of course… Heir of… visiting today..."

There were wooden blocks that were piled on top of the fluffy beige carpet which I suspect must be as expensive as that vase near the bookshelves. By the way, I could walk a bit now. My legs were too stubby for me to walk all the way but I could stand for a few minutes before falling on the plush floor. But I'm a mean crawler if that makes up for it.

Out of boredom, I tried making a tower out of the numerous blocks while glancing at Hideo. He had that charming smirk on his face which meant he was either taking care of a deal or things were going the way he wanted it to be. "Of course, Suou-sama. I've arranged everything to your liking. Yes, thank you. Yuzuru and Tamaki will be arriving soon."

I paused, looking back at Hideo curiously. He stood up from his seat and strolled towards the tall window behind him. Pushing the curtains aside, he peeked through the thin slip and nodded. "Ah, they're here." What—who was here? Did I hear that right? No, no I was probably confused over his Japanese-speak. I was probably being an idiot.

I tried to focus on finishing my tower of wooden blocks but I knew something was wrong. I just don't know what.

I didn't have to wait any longer when I heard a soft knocking on the door. A butler excused himself and announced the arrival of our new guests. I didn't dare try to peak at the guests. I had a feeling, but I'd rather not jump into conclusions. Don't be stupid, they're not real. You only read the books years ago. Fiction, it's fiction. I was feeling a little hysterical as my grip on the blocks tightened.

Hideo, graceful as always, drifted towards the door to greet the guests. He spoke in rapid Japanese, "Yuzuru, it has been too long."

"Yes, how've you been? Is Marie in? I heard about your newest deal. Congratulations."

"Things have been fine. Marie is in Paris again, you know how she is." Hideo faked a chuckle. "… I trust Sophie is well?" His voice lowered as if not wanting to anger anyone. He sounded fairly sincere.

"Ah… yes. Mother's been more forgiving now that… this arrangement is in order. She hasn't bothered speaking to Sophie yet but I'm sure she'll accept her soon."The man who Hideo was talking to seemed to be in pain.

"… It's for the good of the companies, and also to your family. At least you are able to see her now. Things will go well, don't worry old friend." There was a short pause, before a shuffling of feet.

"Papa?" A small voice called out from the hall, I glanced at them before fixing my blocks. I inwardly prayed Hideo wouldn't ask for me so I can introduce myself. I just couldn't get the weird feeling off my chest. Their family butler handed the young heir to his father's arms. "My beautiful boy," I heard the father murmur, before his words drowned away from the kisses he gave to his son. I felt a short spark of jealousy before I turned to my blocks. Suddenly, I didn't feel like finishing my tower. Do all my biological fathers have to be so distant from me?

"Rei," Hideo called me from the door. "Come meet your new friend."

Damn. Maybe I should have played dumb and not walk for the maids two weeks ago. I pursed my lips and put the blocks down. I turned around, catching sight of a short blonde boy clinging to his well-dressed father. I could practically feel my fingers sweat in nervousness. It's only a coincidence. They're just here to visit. They're not who you think they are. Breathe in, breathe out, man.

I repeated it like a mantra as I marched towards them cautiously with short, wobbly steps. How Hideo could walk so gracefully was beyond me. By the time I was right in front of the guests, my own father picked me up so I could see the boy clearly. And let me just say that I was literally gobsmacked.

"Rei, this Tamaki Suou, heir of the Suou family. He's going to be your new playmate from now on."

… Arranged marriage. Heir of Suou family- Oh shit.

I could feel myself paling. "He-llo," Tamaki smiled shyly, speaking in English before switching to his native tongue. "E- Enchae!" His words dissolved into giggles before squirming against Yuzuru's grip.

His eyes glimmered in contrast to the dark walls of Hideo's office. I could feel my father urging me to say something, but I just couldn't. Yuzuru glanced at me in concern before shooting a questioning look to Hideo. And Tamaki clung to his father patiently. I opened my mouth.

"What."

So much for first impressions.

[1] Félicitations, vous avez une petite fille en parfaite santé. Comment s'appelle-t-elle? - Congratulations, you have a healthy baby girl. What is her name?

[2] Rei. Elle s'appelle Rei. - Rei. Her name is Rei.

[3] E-Enchae (Enchantée!) - Pleased to meet you.

Edit: French indefinite articles and plural/singular words corrected. If anyone spots mistakes, please notify immediately! I'll be sure to fix it!