Hi, so this fanfic/story is graphic it evolves self harm, attempted suicide, fighting, drinking, drugs, and of course bad language. So if that's not your thing than go away and for those of you who have read my other fanfics/stories the language is ten times worse. One character is from The Outsiders (it's Dally, S.E. Hinton owns him) Suzanne Collins owns everything (except Dally) I only own my ideas. And for those of you who haven't read my other fanfics/stories I always put quotes at the beginning of every chapter and if I thought of the quote I use my initials (LD).

"Someone else is happy with less than you have, so just stop fucking complaining"

-LD

(Stuff I'm not sure how to fit in story but YOU MUST READ)

{Katniss fights a lot (like street fighting), but she won't fight without a reason, but when she gets bored she fights with her friends (Finnick, Peeta, Gale, and Dallas (Dally from The Outsiders, I needed another character and that is what I thought of, S.E. Hinton owns him not me(I wish I did though)) and somethings happened to Katniss that only Peeta knows (and me) that makes her like this but she is good at school and has a dream of going to Juilliard (a college for performing arts like dancing, drama, and playing instruments) and she drinks alot and her mom abuses her and Prim tries to get Katniss to stop acting like she does and her dad is still dead}

Katniss's POV

(Katniss's Dream)

I'm walking to meet my boyfriend at the park, when I see him kissing another girl, I think her name is Glimmer. Why would he do this to me? Did I do something wrong?

"What are you doing?" I ask him

"Nothing, I never loved you, I just felt sorry for you. Now go away you piece of worthless trash." he says

(End Dream)

I groan when I hear my alarm clock ring, I hate that dream, it happened when I was thirteen, but I still didn't want to get up. I try to get up but fail. I end up on the floor, what a great way to start the day. I hear the window open, that's Gale and Dally.

"Hey Catnip." Gale says

"What are you doing on the floor, forget how to walk?" Dally says with a smirk

"No jackass, I fell." I say

"Nice PJ's." Dally says and Gale grins

I look down I'm wearing my black lacy bra and fuzzy shorts.

"Fuck you." I say

"Please." Dally says

"You can fuck later, hurry up and get dressed, we have to get to school." Gale says

"Yeah, yeah." I say

I get up off the floor and go to my closet and grab a black tank top and black skinny jeans, I walk into the bathroom put on my clothes, and a little bit of mascara, than brush my hair (in this story Kaniss has scene hair, if you are wondering what that is just google it (but if you're lazy like me it is just hair with lots of layers at the top and the bottom layer really long, I'm not good with explaining so it would be better if you just google it)) and put my hair into a side braid. I walk out of the bathroom and put on my converse and a black knited beanie hat and grab my guitar, I play flute and oboe too but I only need my guitar today, if it weren't for instruments and Peeta I probably would be dead by now.

Flashback

I've had enough I can't take it anymore, I just have to make it stop. I hate my life, I can't live any longer, I just want to die. After my dad died my mom hates me, she blames me,she hits me, she slaps me, and she yells at me for every little thing I do wrong. She doesn't even acknowledge that I'm there unless she is doing that. And at school people bully me they hate me too. I can't take it anymore.

I slowly raise the knife to my neck untill I feel the cold metal touch my throat, When suddenly the door flies open and I see a shocked Peeta.

"Katniss, what are you doing, put the knife down please." he begs me

I slowly lower the knife untill it's resting in my lap. He slowly walks over to me and takes the knife and sets it on the floor away from me. Then comes over to me and hugs me.

End Flashback

That was when I was twelve. I try to forget about that day but I can't. I own Peeta my life. There is no way to repay him. I try to be nicer to him then other people, but sometime I just snap at him, he knows that I usually don't mean what I say. I stopped trying to kill myself when I started playing instruments, because then I had something to live for, I realised that I could be someone, and I'm going to try to get into Juilliard (a college for performing arts like dancing, drama, and playing instruments) when I'm older. I made Peeta promise not to tell anybody about that day. I stopped being that pathetic, shy, little girl when I was fourteen, I like who I am today.

I walk into the kitchen and go to the refrigerator, there's no food I'll have to go hunting with Gale when I get back from school. The only reason I go hunting is because my mom doesn't let me eat dinner with her and Prim, she says that I'm a disgrace to this family and that I killed my dad, I don't know why she blames me for killing my dad, he died in a mining accident when I was eleven, I was at school no where nere him, I really miss him, I loved him so much. I really need to stop thinking about him, before I get all depressed and shit, won't let that happen again.

"You want something to drink?" I ask pulling out two beers

"Yay, free beer, give me one." Gale says and I toss him one

"You want one too?" I ask Dally

"Sure, why not." he says

I toss him one, then grab two out for me, I have to at least be buzzed by the time I get to school. Beer is like my coffee, I have one or two almost every morning, but I'm not an alcoholic, I only get completely drunk when it's my birthday or a holiday or I go to a party. I pay for my own beer using the money I get from my job at Greasy Sae's, It's a diner owned by Greasy Sae, I'm a waitress there, it doesn't pay that good but enough to buy beer. Oh and if you're wondering how I get the beer with me being only 16, I get it from Ripper, a woman that sells alcohol in an ally by Greasy Sae's.

"How is that fair, you get two but we only get one." Dally says

"It's my fucking house, now stop complaining before I take it back and smash it over your head" I say finishing my first beer and throwing it at the wall behind him

"Jesus Crist, can't you just throw it away." Dally says

"Nope." I say opening my second bottle of beer

"And correction, It's your mom's house not yours." he says as Gale and him throw their beer bottles away

"Fuck off." I say heading to the door

"Where is your mom at?" Gale asks as we walk out the front door

"I have no clue, probably taking Prim to school or at work." I say

Fuck I'm only wearing a tank top and for some fucked up reason we can't wear tank tops to school. I look over and see the Gale is wearing a plaid button up shirt.

"Hey Gale, give me your shirt." I say

"Why?" he asks

"Don't question, just give." I say

"Fine." he says and gives it to me

I put it on, it's huge on me

"You look sexy in that you should wear my clothes more often." Gale says

"You only like it because it looks like I just had sex with you." I say

"Whose to say you didn't." Gale says

I have an evil idea. I walk up to him and push him against a brick wall of a building and trail my pointer finger down his chest and stomach till I get to the edge of his jeans, his boxers are just above his jeans I stick my finger a little bit into his boxers a pull the elastic back a little and then let go it makes a snapping sound, then lean in and kiss from the bottom of his neck to his ear, he moans softly, then I bite his ear really hard. He screams in pain. I step back, damn I bite his ear hard it's bleeding, but he deserved it.

"You Bitch!" He screams

"Shouldn't have pissed with me." I say

Then he tries to punch me in the face, but I duck down and avoid it. When your mom does this to you everyday since you were eleven you learn to avoid them. I punch him in the face, Oh shit did I just brake his nose. Whoops.

"I'm sorry Gale, but you shouldn't have called me a bitch and tried to punch me." I say even though I'm not

"It's fine Catnip." he says

"Let me see if I broke it." I say

"I don't think it's broken, it's just bleeding, tilt your head back, it will stop after a while." I say

"Did you know there is a new kid starting today?" Dally asks

"Nope." I say not caring and take a sip of my last beer then throwing at a cat sitting in the street

"I heard he got expelled from his last school for beating the shit out of someone, his name is Cato Ludwig (I used the actor that played Cato's (Alexander Ludwig) last name), he's rich." Dally says

"That's interesting." I say, that name sounds familiar

"Very interesting." Gale adds, his nose looks like it stopped bleeding

"That's creepy Gale don't repeat me." I say

"Whatever." he says

"Anyway, why would someone rich need to fight, they have everything." I say

"I don't know." Dally says

"Hey Dally, look there's a squirrel." I say

Dally has a creepy obsession with squirrels, he says he must say squirrel every time he sees one, I think he's part dog.

"Where?" he asks

I push him into a bush me and Gale start laughing. Oh shit I think that was a thorn-bush. Oh well it's still funny.

"Mother fucking bitch." Dally shouts

Dally gets up and pushes me into the thorn-bush. Ouch, son of a bitch that hurt like hell. Dally is fucking going to get it now, I get up out of the thorn-bush and punch Dally in the face and knee him in the balls then I get down on the ground, where he is now laying and straddle his waist.

"Sorry, but you really shouldn't have pushed me." I whisper into his ear then kiss his cheek and get off of him

I don't know why I say sorry after I do that, I just do, I guess it's because I don't want to lose my only friends, I will not go back to being the girl I wants was.

Me, Gale, and Dally keep walking to school. Me and Dally continue to pick all the thorns out of are clothes and hair. We finally get to school and meet Finnick and Peeta at our usual spot under a tree.

"What happened to you Gale and Dally, Kitty get ahold of you?" Finnick asks

"Your going to be next if you ever call me that again." I warn

"You said that the last time." he says, but I ignore him

Out of the corner of my eye I see Peeta trying to pull down the sleeves of his jacket farther. God damn it not again.

"Peeta, come here." I say

He walks over and we walk away from the group because no one else knows he does this.

"What?" he asks

"What do you think, how many times did you cut yourself?" I ask

"H-How did you know?" he asks

"Just answer the question." I say

"Three times." he says

"Why this time?" I ask

"My mom." he says

"My mom abuses me too but you don't see me cutting myself." I say

"Yeah, but you aren't yourself anymore." he says

"Because, I will never be that girl who just let people do whatever they want to her or the girl who sat alone everyday or the girl who wished she was dead because it got so bad, what people would say and do to me." I say angry, he should have never brought up my past only he knows about that

"I'm sorry." he says

"It's okay, just try to stop cutting yourself, please, for me." I say

"I'll try." he says

After that we walk back to the rest of the group and talk for a little bit until we hear the bell ring then we go inside. I put my guitar in the instrument room. Then I go to my locker, get my books and start walking to my first period class but someone bumps into me. Who the hell did that, whoever did that is getting the shit beat out of them. I look up from the floor, where I'm now siting with my books lying around me, and see the person from my dream Cato Ludwig.

Hope you liked the chapter. PLEASE REVIEW. BYE. :))